


The Lady and the Templar

by AgeOfRogues



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-06 07:31:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 169,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4213260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgeOfRogues/pseuds/AgeOfRogues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story of Tanwen Trevelyan, two-handed weapon warrior extraordinaire, and her journey through the Dragon Age Inquisition story line.  This is my attempt at a Slow Burn and there will be minor story changes and additions in later chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. So It Begins...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a forewarning: I am going through chapter by chapter and updating a few things, making sure the early chapters flow and add things I forgot to in my excitement to post this story.

“NOOO!” Tanwen shouted, gasping as she shot straight up from where she had been sleeping like the dead.  

She had the dream again - the one that never failed to scare her from the deepest levels of her slumber. She brought her knees to her chest and covered her face with her hands behind them, fighting back the tears and the shaking that always followed. Her dream was neither the past nor the present. It wasn’t even the what was to come, as far as she knew.  

It was her darkest fear manifested inside her sleeping mind, and she always let it - if only to see the star of the dream again.  It had started the first night she had left Ostwick for the Conclave as she had been traveling with the contingent of Templars sent with her. She realized now that it was because she didn’t know if she would see him again, and she didn’t fight the dreams. The dream may very well be the only way she would see him for the foreseeable future, since the waking world was turning out to be so uncertain.

Her attention was drawn from her own growing misery momentarily, when she heard the snap of a door opening and closing, then a gasp.  Tanwen watched as a small elven girl dropped a wooden box she had been carrying, bottles tinkling and breaking inside, releasing the smell of - Tanwen inhaled - elfroot.  Focusing, she looked around the room she found herself in.  This definitely wasn’t her room in Ostwick, the room given to her at the Conclave, or any room she could remember ever being in for that matter. As her eyes circled the room, they fell back on the small girl with wide eyes. She looked frightened of her and that both surprised and saddened Tanwen. Without breaking eye contact with the young woman, Tanwen slowly turned towards her - she didn't want to scare the young elf any further - until her legs were over the side of the bed and her feet were flat on the ground.

The female put her hands up as if to prove her innocence of some act. Her body was trembling so severely, it was causing her voice to shake, but she managed to get out,  “I...I didn’t know you were awake, I swear!”  

Tanwen smiled gently, making herself seem as friendly as possible, trying to distill the fear that was in the elf before her. “I only just awoke. Why are you afraid? What frightens you?  What has happened?”

“That is wrong, isn’t it? I’ve said the wrong thing!” The girl slowly began backing away, wringing her hands in front of her.  Tanwen slowly moved to stand, wanting to go to the girl to lessen her distress.

“I don’t think so… Please, tell me what ails you.” She was forced to stop as she rose from her bed when the girl closed her eyes and fell to her hands and knees on the hard stone floor, ignoring the possible pain in her knees now, touching her forehead to the flagstone beneath her.

“I beg your forgiveness and your blessing. I am but a humble servant.” Tanwen frowned at her use of ‘servant’ and started to walk to her to pull her up from the ground.  When Tanwen knelt at the elf's side, she peered  up at Tanwen with wide eyes before looking back down, as if she knew she would get into trouble should she make eye contact with the human before her.

"Perhaps you can tell me where we are?" Tanwen asked in hopes of changing the subject and calming the young lady in front of her.  It seemed to work because she stopped shaking so much and looked up at her once more with less fear and more awe.  She didn't understand the awe, but she would take it for now over the fear.

“You are back in Haven, my lady,” she explained. “They say you saved us.  The Breach stopped growing, just like the mark on your hand.  It’s all anyone has talked about for three days.”

Tanwen looked at the mark on her hand, noting its small presence, in both size and pain, in her palm.  Finally, the girl looked up and kept her head up as if seeking Tanwen’s approval for the information and to see if she would be blessed for her good work.

Tanwen forced herself to think back. What had happened to bring her here? The last thing she could remember was… The Conclave at the Temple of Sacred Ashes! She cast her gaze around the room again with new eyes, she was definitely not at the temple any more. The Temple of Sacred Ashes had been all stone, the room she was in now was made of wood.  The girl had mentioned Haven, but she didn’t think she had ever heard of Haven before. Wait, that wasn't true.  The Temple was outside a village called Haven.  Was this the same place? Something was niggling at the back of her mind, as if something was forgotten that she needed to remember. 

Frowning, she closed her eyes again to focus on finding her memories forgotten and bringing them to the fore of her mind.  She needed those memories now, but she was having issue getting past the painful images her nightmares had planted in her head.

“Haven…" she mumbled to herself, feeling pressure in her head and her chest.  It felt strangely like dread.  What would she have to dread though?  She saw a small light in her mind, eyes coming towards her quickly and it made her gasp.  That’s why!  

“Oh Maker!” She moaned as memories came forward in a rush followed quickly by pain.

She remembered walking through the Fade towards a glowing being, of feeling an urgency to move towards it.  She remembered touching the creatures outstretched hand, her own hand beginning to glow green in reaction, followed by pain that had then shot through her hand as she fell out of the Fade. A memory of waking up in a dungeon and being interrogated by two women - Cassandra and Leliana - then making their way up the hill to the valley where the Temple had once sat.  She remembered meeting Varric and Solas who later helped her realize she could close the Rifts with the mark on her hand. Revealing to her that she would be the savior of Thedas because of that ability.

She remembered meeting a Commander… what was his name?  She hadn’t been paying attention to his name when Cassandra had introduced them, her attentions drawn by his chiseled jaw and piercing honey eyes, his golden hair shining in the meager sunlight; his battle prowess as he fought demons under a Rift with his sword and shield and how she imagined his powerful body would move under his armor.  

She shook her head, pushing thoughts of Commander Whatshisname from front and center, in an attempt to sort out her memories as they clamored for her attention. She remembered going to the Temple with Cassandra, Varric and Solas. Remembered Leliana and her group meeting them at the epicenter of the blast area. Hearing echoes of what happened there that had been brought on by the Fade bleeding through the Rift before them.  They had battled with a demon of Pride as Tanwen had worked to get closer to the Rift while battling off smaller shades and wisps.  Eventually, she had closed the Rift, but that was it.  She remembered seeing white, then waking up here from her nightmare.  She thought back to what the elf had said.

“They are… pleased?  They are finally happy with me?” Tanwen was slightly confused and disconcerted by the turn of events whilst she had slept.

“I… I am only saying what I have heard, my lady. I didn’t mean anything by it!” She stammered, backing away on her hands and knees before rising to stand.  “I’m certain Lady Cassandra would want to know you’ve waken.  She said ‘At once!’”

Tanwen took a step toward her, only to have her pull away further towards the door from whence she came.  “And where is she?”

“In the Chantry, with the Lord Chancellor. ‘At once!’ she said!” Then the girl was gone with a slam of the door.

Tanwen could do nothing but stare at the door in shock before shaking her head. Turning back towards the room, Tanwen looked at the box the girl had dropped. Within the box she found a broken bottle and some elfroot leaves within.  She had brought healing supplies?  Had she been that bad off after the events at the Temple? She picked up the box and placed it on the desk where she found a note by a man named Adan about a patient, she assumed was herself, making comments on her progress. She sighed as she read them and put them down. Whoever this Adan was, he had not approved of being assigned as her caregiver.

To her right, she found a chest.  When she opened it, she found her old armor and a set of new armor that was unlike anything she had seen before.  In Ostwick, she had trained with the Templars from a young age, so she was used to practical armor and leathers.  The new gear was a specimen of beautiful craftsmanship, but it wasn’t practical in its fanciness. It’s design mirrored that of a fabled dragon’s skin in white and blue, with accents of gold. Far too flashy for her liking, though it would garner attention from her foes more so than standard armor.  

Tanwen set aside the gift and picked up her old set of armor that had been given to her to mark her as an ambassador of a noble house at the Conclave. Her heart sank as she looked at it. It was ruined.  The leather was torn to shreds by the Demon of Pride’s powerful whip. The metal cracked and dented or just missing from the claws of the shades and by the explosion created by the Rift being closed.

She knew that the armor itself could be repaired easily enough, but the symbolism it held in its destruction, saddened her. To her, wearing that armor had been a sign that she was making a difference, making a change.  Now it was destroyed, just like the Conclave - just like the lives of those who had been there. The armor made her remember those she had had the pleasure of getting to know in the short time she was there before the explosion. How had she survived when they hadn't? Why?

There had been Templars Knights and Mage Enchanters there, of course, but there had also been Templar Recruits and Enchanters-to-be who were all learning diplomacy.  She had gotten to know some of them and had enjoyed their company.  The young men and women had been so overjoyed to have been chosen for the high honor of accompanying the Knights and Enchanters, it had shown in their fresh faces as they lit with smiles. And now those smiles would live solely in her memories, being the lone survivor of the horrible event at the Temple. Tears threatened to fall as she held her armor close.  So many young lives lost to this horrible war,  it had to be stopped!

A new resolve and determination blossomed in her.  She would make it so that nothing like this would ever happened again, no new life would perish to this war. This world would be safe again.  

Tanwen quickly put her new armor on and went to the door.  It was time to take matters into her own hands.  She had people to protect, both here and in Ostwick. When she opened the door, she faltered when she saw what lay beyond.

Soldiers lined a path all the way to the Chantry, every few feet, to keep the villagers of Haven at bay.  The elf girl who had visited her had obviously alerted the masses that she had risen from her bed. Tanwen had the sudden urge to back up slowly and close the door. But what good would that do her and her goals? So she stood up straight, threw her shoulders back and walked as calmly as she could down the path created for her towards the Chantry.  As she passed, the soldiers saluted her with a fisted arm across their chest and heads bowed and she returned their bow awkwardly.  

She was somewhat used to pomp and circumstance, having experienced it since birth to a noble family, but it had rarely been aimed at her before.  It had always been directed towards her father Owain, her mother Llinos, or her eldest brother Gowain. Now she was on the receiving end, and she didn’t know how to take it. The people were another thing entirely.  

Between the soldiers, some villagers managed to reach towards her and go into fits of the vapors when they managed to gain the barest of touches against her armor or her hand; others still bowed their heads or went down on bent knee in reverence.  Awed whispers of ‘Herald of Andraste’ followed her in her journey to the holy hall at the rear of the village, and she found it unsettling.  

She was a religious woman, this was true, but she didn’t feel like the voice of the Bride of the Maker. It all smacked of heresy to her, but it also made her think. The golden form of a person who had helped deliver her from the Fade had had the shape of a woman, she remembered telling Cassandra and Leliana.  Had that been Andraste?  If it was, could the title be accurate?

She looked around at the people with hope and fear in their eyes. The children who looked on her with  curiosity and wonder.  Being a Herald of Andraste would be a symbol to those who were scared and without hope. She wanted to be that symbol, to prove that everything would get better for these people.  If they wanted to make her a Herald of Andraste herself, then couldn't hurt to let them. Andraste gave people hope, so she would do no less. She just didn't want to be worshipped - that was for the Maker alone.

Inside the Chantry, she moved towards the back where she was told Cassandra awaited her. The closer she got to the door, the louder the voices beyond became. It seemed as if Cassandra and Chancellor Roderick were having a very serious discussion.

“Have you gone completely mad? She should be taken to Val Royeaux immediately, to be tried by whomever becomes Divine!” The Chancellor shouted, slamming his fist on a wooden surface.

“I do not believe she is guilty.”

“The prisoner failed, Seeker.  The Breach is still in the sky.  For all you know, she intended it that way.” Tanwen bristled at his words, tempted to enter and show the man what she truly intended to do to him specifically.

“I do not believe that.”

“That is not for you to decide.  Your duty is to serve the Chantry.”

Tanwen heard anger infusing Cassandra’s tone. “My duty is to serve the principles on which the Chantry was founded, Chancellor.  As is yours.”

Tanwen entered then to see Cassandra leaning over a large table in the center of the room, covered in two detailed maps.  Leliana was standing next to her with her arms crossed over her chest, glaring at Chancellor Roderick as he stood rigidly to the side.

His eyes landed on her when she entered, two of his templar guards coming up behind her. “Chain her.  I want her prepared for travel to the Capital for trial.”

Cassandra straightened and faced the templars. “Disregard that and leave us.” This earned a salute from the Templars before they turned to leave.

“You walk a dangerous line, Seeker.” The Chancellor turned on the Seeker and growled.

“The Breach is stable, but it is still a threat.  I will not ignore it.” Cassandra replied, crossing her arms and looking down at the smaller man.

“I’m still a suspect then? Even after everything we did?” Tanwen asked as she turned from watching the Templars walk away and moved up to the table, looking at everyone in turn.

“You absolutely are.” The Chancellor glared at her and spat at her feet.

“No, she is not.” Cassandra said with a sense of finality.

“Someone was behind the explosion at the Conclave.  Someone Most Holy did not expect. Perhaps they died with the others - or have allies who yet live.” Leliana looked pointedly at the priest.

“I am a suspect?” He said, surprised and outraged at having his accusations turned back at him.

“You, and many others.”

“But not the prisoner.”

“I heard the voices in the temple.  The Divine called to her for help.”

Chancellor Roderick’s brows furrowed. “So her survival, that thing on her hand - all a coincidence?”

“Providence.  The Maker sent her to us in our darkest hour.” Cassandra stated matter-of-factly.

‘Though all before me is shadow, yet shall The Maker be my guide.’  Tanwen prayed silently while sighing audibly.  She was going to need all the guidance she could get for what was to come.

“We lost everything.  Then, out of nowhere, you came.” Cassandra said, turning to look at Tanwen.

“The Breach remains, and your mark is still our only hope of closing it.” Leliana moved closer to Tanwen while Cassandra moved around to the back of the table where a simple chest lay.

“This is not for you to decide.” the man all but shouted as he followed Cassandra’s movements with his eyes.  Cassandra turned from the chest and slammed a large book with the Chantry’s sun emblem with an eye on the cover on the table, similar to the emblem emblazoned on Cassandra’s breastplate and the brooch on Leliana’s shoulder. They had also been on the armor of the soldiers creating a walkway for her from the building where she had awoken. Cassandra pointed to the book and looked at Chancellor Roderick.  

“You know what this is, Chancellor.  A writ from the Divine, granting us the authority to act.  As of this moment, I declare the Inquisition reborn.” Cassandra backed from the table to move around it and faced off with the Chancellor.  “We will close the Breach.  We will find those responsible, and we will restore order.  With or without your approval.”

Chancellor Roderick left the room with a huff, and Tanwen couldn’t help but shake her head and watch as Leliana moved to stand next to the book.

“This is the Divine’s directive:  Rebuild the Inquisition of old.  Find those who will stand against the chaos. We aren’t ready.  We have no leader, no numbers, and now no Chantry support.” Leliana told the assembled group.

“But we have no choice: We must act now.” Cassandra explained as she turned back to Tanwen. “With you at our side.”

“This is rather strange.  When I woke up just now, I certainly didn’t picture this outcome.” Tanwen chuckled.

“Neither did we.”

“Help us fix this before it’s too late.”

‘As if you have to ask’ Tanwen thought to herself as she raised her hand to shake Cassandra’s.

Over next few hours, Tanwen watched as the people around her began bustling about as if preparing for war as she leaned against the wall next to the front doors of the Chantry.  She watched Leliana move off to send off two of her crows  When she asked passing scouts, they told her that one was being sent to Redcliffe and one to Therinfal Redoubt to request aid from both the Templars and the Mages.

She followed the Commander with her eyes as he placed a sign with the emblem of the Inquisition on the door of the Chantry, noting the declaration and what it meant: they needed volunteers, badly.  She saw Chancellor Roderick glare at the sign, then at her, before turning away with a shake of his head and wave of his hand. An Antivan woman, whose name she discovered was Lady Josephine Montilyet, could be seen moving around the camp, asking what was needed, making sure the people would have it.

Tanwen was eventually beckoned to stand with Leliana, Josephine and the Commander as Cassandra walked through the tents of the soldiers, monitoring their progress, earning smiles and salutes from the men and women serving in the front.

“Is everything in order?” Tanwen asked Cassandra when she came to a halt in front of the group.

“It is.  We can finally begin.”


	2. The Commander

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost: I am currently in an active edit. I am working on going back through and fixing things I've caught since posting these first seven or eight chapters.
> 
> Also, I have a headcannon for the Dragon Age Universe, in this particular story, that people from Ostwick are based on Wales

“The Herald certainly has been keeping herself busy, becoming quite popular with the people of Haven and the Inquisition.” Cullen Rutherford looked up from the report he had been reading, his gaze falling on Leliana when she spoke. She was peering out past the open flap of her tent, watching people as they passed while she, Cullen, and Josephine went over reports for the Inquisition in the fresh air of their mountain retreat. Cullen followed Leliana’s gaze and found her watching the Herald as she assisted soldiers in carrying supply boxes headed for the tavern.

“Just this morning, I saw her training with and teaching other two-handed warriors in the training grounds. She seems a very hands-on sort. It is most encouraging.” Josephine added, turning to Cullen to give him a smile that was both sweet and calculating. “Be wary, Commander, lest she try to take your position.”

Cullen tsked at the thought, but looked closer at Josephine and Leliana, noting their approval and appreciation as they watched Trevelyan put the heavy box she had been carrying down before playfully punching the upper arm of the soldier next to her. The whole group then laughed as they went back towards the barracks. He, too, had noticed how helpful Tanwen Trevelyan had been since the moment she regained consciousness after she had healed from the injuries she sustained while attempting to seal the Breach.

Other little things started coming to mind as he thought about her helpfulness: Threnn hadn’t come to him or Josephine looking for ways to get resources for requisitions made by troop units or scouts. Adan was happy again, after being forced to care for her for three days, because Trevelyan had apparently found some kind of missing research from his mentor. Even Harritt was impressed by all the materials the Herald was bringing him for weapons, shields and armor. It was nice to know that some nobles didn’t let their station go to their head and ignore the people below them.

When he and the two women in the tent with him finished their meeting an hour later, he returned to the barracks to relieve Cassandra, who was training the recruits. He was glad when Cassandra readily handed over the training to him before moving off to the training dummies on her own. He smirked and shook his head when he found Trevelyan was now training with the troops. When she wasn’t busy around the village, the Herald had taken to helping train the new recruits as a sparring partner to help build strength in the troops since many were unskilled with weapons of any kind but for spades and pitchforks.

Though few days had passed since her arrival, he could see the beginnings of improvement within the ranks. For the more advanced and seasoned warriors, seeing the Herald of Andraste training with men and women of all skill sets, inspired many of them to pick up their weapons and don their armor to join in on the training. Word had spread to the surrounding areas of Trevelyan mingling with the common folk despite her titles, which brought on a marked increase in villagers willing to join the fight as well.

Cullen watched her as she worked over the soldiers from one of the newer units. Shoulder-length Embrium colored hair with strands of gold glinting in the sun whipped about her face with her movements, sticking to her cheeks from sweat that glistened in the meager light. Her midnight blue eyes shone as bright as her smile when the young recruit with whom she was training made a particularly good attack with his sword and shield.

The Commander wasn’t sure, but he thought that she may have let the kid have her opening. But he knew it boosted self-esteem when they succeeded- as long as she didn’t do it too often. He chuckled when she got up and turned around on the kid, starting a heavy attack set with her training sword, pushing him back and eventually causing him to land on his ass. It was as if she was making sure that the boy did not to let his ego get in the way of battle, and that there would always be someone who could put you on the ground.

Trevelyan had dressed down to her linen shirt and breeches to train, so when her tunic started sticking to her skin, it hugged her breasts and created an intimate view of her stomach. Cullen felt heat rise in his cheeks at the sight. He was no stranger to being intimate with a woman, but he quickly turned his head to preserve propriety; she was a Lady of the Court in the Free Marches and the Herald of Andraste, after all. When he caught a glimpse out of the corner of his eye of her getting knocked down by a shield bash, he saw the edge of her shirt rising above her belt from the force, the soft plains of her stomach came into view. He quickly walked a distance away.

Cullen’s brows furrowed with realization and confusion when he stopped in the middle of a row of tents. He knew Trevelyan was constantly training and had the upper body musculature of a heavy weapon wielder after years of training. Shouldn’t her stomach muscles be as toned as the rest of her upper body, not the soft flesh of a court noble that he had thought he had seen? He shook his head to dislodge the thought. It was none of his business. Feeling the men were in good hands with her and the other veterans, Cullen went to the large tent he had requisitioned upon his arrival in Haven to tackle the mountain of paperwork weighing down his desk.

When he had first joined the Inquisition, Leliana and Cassandra had offered one of the vacant houses within Haven’s walls for him to use. He had been tempted to take the offer since he hadn’t had his own personal space for a majority of his tenure with the Templars. But he wanted to be near the troops that he had been placed in charge of, wanting to keep a constant watch over them. So he made a compromise by asking for a large tent to be placed just outside the rows of soldier’s tents with the opening facing his men and the gates to Haven.

As he entered his quarters, he moved to his desk with the intention of making a dent in the paperwork it had accumulated throughout the day, but he detested paperwork. He would rather be training his troops, but he needed a distraction. He sat down behind his desk and began reading reports. After a while, he realized that he wasn’t really seeing the words anymore. All he saw were piercing dark blue eyes.

Cullen growled and rose from his chair, walking over to his wash basin on the small table near the opening of his tent, to splash his face with its cooled water. Looking back at his desk, he had a feeling that he would get nothing done no matter how he tried, so he went back outside to his men. Oddly, the first thing he noticed as he scanned the sea of soldiers was that the Herald had left. He moved over to his second in command, Knight-Captain Rylen, and stood next to him as they watched over the trainees. The next few hours went relatively quiet, which was how he liked it, as he and Rylen monitored the training.

“You, there!” Cullen shouted towards a soldier in the back, taking a step forward. “That’s a shield in your hand, block with it. If this man were your enemy, you would be dead.” Shaking his head, he turned back to Rylen. “Don’t hold back. The Herald sometimes tends to go easy on them, especially the younger ones. The recruits must prepare for a real fight. Not a practice one.”

“Of course, Commander,” Cullen watched Rylen move towards the man he had yelled at and crossed his arms. 

When he felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise, he knew someone was approaching. Tilting his head slightly to the left, he raised an eyebrow when he saw Trevelyan approaching, this time with a new set of more practical armor on, not that ornate piece she wore after waking, and real sword in its sheath at her back. Her new armor suited her and Cullen felt oddly glad she had donned it once more. He cleared his throat when she came to a stop next to him, a smile gracing her full lips that seemed different from her playful smile with the soldiers earlier. But that was absurd, right?

“We are bringing in new recruits daily, many of them saying it was because they had heard you were training with the Inquisition's’ forces. A majority of them are locals from Haven, others are pilgrims. None made quite the entrance you did,” he looked at Trevelyan with a smirk, earning him a slight blush on her cheeks. The sight of the rouge below her eyes was becoming on her high cheekbones. He had seen her smile before, but it had never been aimed at him; it was pleasant and warm. Sincere. You didn’t get many sincere smiles training within the Templar Order. As he looked on, he was momentarily robbed of speech by how it changed her face – skin lightening, eyes changing to sparkling sapphire, cheeks and ears taking on a darker shade of pink.

Trevelyan was taller than many of the women he had met over the years, but he still had half a head on her, her stunning and knowledgeable dark blue eyes gave a straight line of sight to his chin. Lips of the softest pink pursed and tilted into a half smile at something that had been said between the men. As he studied her, a cloud passed over them, causing the golden strands in her hair to momentarily disappear, making her hair more of a burnt orange. The scar bisecting her right eyebrow stood in relief amongst the darker color, along with the thin, newer scar across the bridge of her nose. None of that took away from her heart shaped face or her beauty as a whole.

Cullen’s gaze drifted down whilst her attentions were elsewhere, noting how her hair just brushed her strong shoulders from the training she had gone through before going to the Conclave. He quickly passed over her breasts, not wanting to be caught staring, and admired the healthy line of her waist as it moved into flared hips. She may have been wearing armor, but there were just some things that metal and leather couldn’t cover up.

“At least I got everyone’s attention.”

“That you did.” Cullen brought his eyes back up and dropped his hands to his sides, motioning with one in invitation to walk with him as he joined her in inspecting the soldiers. She took the invitation and walked side-by-side with him, their hands almost touching. “I was recruited to the Inquisition in Kirkwall myself. I was there during the mage uprising – I saw first-hand the devastation it caused.”

Cullen stopped and turned when a scout came up from behind them, calling out to him. He continued speaking as he received the report. “Cassandra sought a solution. When she offered me a position, I left the Templars to join her cause,” Cullen saw her eyes widen when he looked up from the report again. He wondered why she found it was so surprising that someone could or would leave the Templars willingly, but he brushed it off.

“The Inquisition could act when the Chantry cannot. Our followers would be a part of that. There’s so much we can –“ Cullen caught himself. He was passionate about the Inquisition in all it’s aspects and had been told more than once that he could be a bit long-winded on that particular subject if unchecked. He bowed his head quickly. “Forgive me, Herald. I doubt you came here for a lecture.”

He felt her hand move to his forearm, making him lift his head. She was smiling softly, the same as before. “Please, Cullen. Call me Tanwen. I may not have come to you for a lecture, but if you have one prepared, I’d love to hear it.”

Cullen chuckled softly as she dropped her hand. 

“Another time perhaps.” He murmured, returning her smile with a small one of his own. Placing both of his palms on the pommel of his sword, his smile fell slightly as he continued. “I, ah… there is still a lot of work ahead of us,”

Both warriors tensed and drew back from each other when another scout arrived. When had they moved so close together? He asked himself with no answer forthcoming.

“Commander! Ser Rylen just received a report on our supply shipments and sent you a copy as requested.” Cullen released a breath, happy for the distraction, less he embarrass himself with his inexplicable reactions and words. He had no business sidling closer to a woman of her station and birth, even if by accident. When he finished reading the report and signing it before handing it back to the scout, he turned back to Tanw… Trevelyan, only to find her gone.

Cullen blinked when he noticed several soldiers had stopped training and were looking behind him to the wall around Haven. When he turned to see what they were looking at before yelling at them to get back to training, he paused. Tan…

He growled under his breath. No matter that she requested he call her by her given name, he just didn’t feel comfortable being so familiar when it came to the Herald of Andraste. The title was meant to give the person wearing it proper respect. Calling her by her first name as if having known her longer than a week or two was disrespectful in his opinion and he wouldn’t allow it, even for himself.

Trevelyan had moved to the corner of the wall closest to the tents that surrounded Haven. She was sitting in the snow and watching a family of Nugs that were playing nearby, a furrowed brow quickly replaced by serene smile that made her face glow. Cullen suddenly found himself curious – What had caused the upset look on her face? What was now going through her mind to create such a smile?

He heard her laugh from where he stood at the edge of a line of tents, albeit soft, when a small Nuglet jumped into her lap before scurrying away with something in its mouth. Trevelyan started to lean towards the larcenous creature, when a soldier caught their attention as he hurried along the stone barrier moving towards her at a clipped pace from the front gates. The man scared the family of Nugs away as he approached the Herald.

Cullen watched Trevelyan stand when she saw the soldier and swipe at the bits of snow that still clung to her seat. He cleared his throat nervously, looking around to make sure no one saw him ogling their Herald. But, Maker, it was difficult not to. The Maker had obviously taken his time in creating this woman, blessing her with such a lovely derriere; it would surely be a sin not to admire His work. Cullen ran his gloved hand down his face to remove such thoughts before moving his hand to massage the back of his neck.

She was the Herald of Andraste and someone who should be admired as a person who was kind and caring of those around her, and as a symbol of faith. He was the Commander of the Inquisition's forces; they were both professionals and nothing more. He had to remind himself that he had no time for such fantasies. The Inquisition’s army needed training and that required and deserved his full attention and focus. He watched Trevelyan and the soldier smile at each other and clap shoulders before she took off to Maker knew where.

“That is a sword in your hand, not a club. Use it right!” He shouted after he had turned back to face his troops, his chin falling to his sternum to look at his feet with a heavy sigh as he placed his hands on his hips.

“Commander Cullen! You are needed in the War Room immediately.” Cullen jumped when he heard the soldier speak. Turning to the man, he realized that while he had been yelling at his men, the soldier that had sought her out had come to him as well. 

Cullen nodded in acknowledgement and the soldier saluted as Cullen moved towards the Chantry after notifying Rylen. Inside the building’s front doors, he found Cassandra waiting in the shadows. She unfolded her arms and moved towards him when he entered.

“Were you waiting for me?” Cullen asked with an easy smirk on his lips as he turned to face her.

“Have you seen the Herald? I sent a soldier to find both of you, but so far you are the only one to arrive.”

“The soldier reached her first before coming to me. She left before I did as well. Perhaps she stopped by the tavern for something? A snack perhaps?” Cullen shrugged as if he didn’t care. Which was a lie: if they were to triumph against the breach, they needed Trevelyan, preferably alive. He turned and moved towards the War Room, hearing Cassandra huff from the doors. Cullen couldn’t help but chuckle under his breath.

“I heard that,” the Nevarran called from the front door. Cullen laughed at that as he pushed the door open to the room in the back where the leaders normally met. It was nice that they could meet in a tent outside on occasion. Fresh air was important and he gladly partook in it. In the mountains, it was bracing and fortifying, especially in Ferelden and Orlais. He would often stand in a secluded area beyond the line of trees behind his tent, just breathing in the fresh air in an attempt to assuage the pounding right behind his eyes that was caused by his lack of Lyrium flowing through his system. In Kirkwall, it was dusty and warm so he rarely left the halls of the Gallows to get some air.

Inside the room, he nodded to Josephine and Leliana before taking his place behind the table between the two women. It wasn’t long before they all heard laughter from beyond the door separating the War Room and the rest of the Chantry. Cullen exchanged looks of confusion with Leliana and Josephine. When the door opened, it was to reveal Trevelyan and Cassandra both smiling. He looked at Leliana again, but she just raised an eyebrow and shrugged a shoulder as if she was confused as well but not concerned at the anomaly. 

At the table, Cassandra’s smile fell and she cleared her throat, going into soldier mode. “You’ve met Commander Cullen, the leader of the Inquisition forces, up at the Temple.”

The Herald nodded with a smirk. “Briefly up on the mountain before we made an assault on the Breach. And I might have seen him a time or two about the camp here, but I can’t be sure.”

She was making light of their meeting earlier and Cullen chuckled. “As I am sure you know by now, I’m pleased you survived.” She nodded in reply, a small smile on her lips.

“This is Lady Josephine Montilyet, our ambassador and chief diplomat.” Cassandra continued.

“I’ve heard much. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you officially.” Trevelyan smiled at the woman and bowed her head respectfully as she had with Cullen.

Cullen watched Trevelyan as she followed Cassandra’s introductions, nodding and smiling at each in turn. 

“That’s an impressive bunch of titles,” Trevelyan smirked, her Ostwickan accent strong.

“I mentioned your mark needs more power to close the Breach for good.” Cassandra said to Trevelyan, putting the conversation back on track.

“Which means we must approach the rebel mages for help.”

Cullen exhaled and shook his head at Leliana’s suggestion. They had been over this and she knew it. “And I still disagree. The Templars could still serve just as well.”

“We need power, Commander. Enough magic poured into the mark –“

“Might destroy us all,” Cullen finished Cassandra’s sentence. “Templars could suppress the Breach, weaken it so –“

Leliana interrupted him this time with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Pure speculation.”

Cullen stood straight and tall. “I was a Templar. I know what they are capable of.”

“That’s the second time you’ve said you left the Templars and are no longer one of their Order. I wasn’t aware people could stop being a Templar,” Trevelyan said the last part almost under her breath as if in deep thought. He was about to answer her, but Josephine spoke over him.

“Unfortunately, neither group will even speak to us yet. The Chantry has denounced the Inquisition.” She turned to the Herald. “And you, specifically.”

Trevelyan smirked at the Antivan woman’s words, but Cullen could see a seed of fear and sadness in her eyes that threatened to plant itself in her head and grow. Seeing her expression after Josephine spoke made it clear that Trevelyan was a pious woman and being denounced by the Chantry must be hitting her hard. He knew it had with him.

“That was quick. They could have taken a bit longer, gotten to know me better. Or at least taken me to dinner first,” Her comment earned her a smile from everyone but Cassandra.

“Shouldn’t they be busy arguing over who’s to be the next Divine?” Cullen asked after a moment of silence, everyone’s smile falling. Josephine turned to the Herald.

“Some are calling you the Herald of Andraste, as you already know. That frightens the Chantry. The remaining Clerics have declared it blasphemy, and we heretics for harboring you.”

“Chancellor Roderick’s doing, no doubt.”

Josephine nodded to Cassandra’s comment. “It limits our options. Approaching the Mages or Templars for help is currently out of the question.”

“I have been hearing people calling me the Herald of Andraste since I woke the second time, and every day since then. I just never really realized what it meant in the terms of how it affected the Inquisition. How am I the Herald of Andraste, exactly? Just for clarification.” Trevelyan seemed concerned at the idea of having a title such as that.

“People saw what you did at the Temple. How you stopped the Breach from growing. They have also heard about the woman seen in the Rift when we first found you. They believe it was Andraste.”

Leliana eyed Cassandra. “Even if we tried to stop that from spreading – “

“Which we have not.” Cassandra finished.

Leliana glared at the woman for her interruption before looking back at Trevelyan. “The point is that everyone is talking about you.”

Cullen looked at the Herald and smirked. “That  _ is _ quite the title, isn’t it? How do you feel about it now?”

She thought about it for a moment. “I don’t know how I should feel about it, to be honest. I want to be the symbol of hope it gives, like Andraste herself. But I don’t want to incur the Maker’s wrath by self-proclamation. I received no words or visions from the Maker, but I want to do His work. So if I am to take on the title of Herald of Andraste, I will not disagree. But I will not call myself as such and I ask that the four of you call me by my given name when in private. ‘Herald’ should be for the people, because they need the most hope of all.”

“You are certainly a symbol of hope for most of the people in Haven. But for others, you are a symbol of everything that’s gone wrong.” Josephine sighed. Trevelyan’s brows dipped down at her words.

“Will the Chantry attack us?”

“With what?” Cullen almost laughed at the thought even as his mind caught when she said ‘us’ in regards to the Inquisition. “They have only words at their disposal.”

“And yet, they may bury us with them.” Josephine added, using her quill to write something down on a piece of parchment.

Leliana turned to the Herald. “There is something you can do. A Chantry Cleric by the name of Mother Giselle has asked to speak with you. She is not very deep into the Hinterlands, and knows those involved far better than I. Her assistance would be invaluable.”

Cullen watched Trevelyan scratched absently at the scar in her right eyebrow, deep in thought. That must be a common thing for her to do while she was thinking, he thought to himself.

“Why would someone from the Chantry help a declared heretic?” She finally asked, looking at Leliana.

“I understand she is a reasonable sort. Perhaps she doesn’t agree with her sisters? You will find her tending to the wounded in the Hinterlands near Redcliffe.”

A sudden thought came to him and he voiced, “Look for other opportunities to expand the Inquisition’s influence while you’re there as well.”

“We need agents to extend our reach far beyond this valley, and you are better suited than anyone to recruit them.”

“In the meantime,” Cassandra spoke up, looking around at everyone in the room before facing the Herald again. “Let’s think of other options. I won’t leave this all for the Herald.”

Trevelyan crossed her arms under her well-endowed breasts. “I’ll scout the Hinterlands for anyone and anything that will help the Inquisition. Cassandra, would you please meet me near the front gate in an hour, ready to leave. I’ll collect Varric and Solas and meet you there so we can get started.” She looked at the map of Ferelden, her eyes moving from Haven’s marker to the one designated for the Hinterlands. Her lips moved as if talking to herself, but not at a volume level of which those around her could hear. Then she faced Leliana.

“A small group with horses should do for transportation. It should only take three days to get there, correct? Four at most, weather permitting?” Leliana nodded to answer Trevelyan’s question. Trevelyan looked back at the maps, bringing her right hand to scratch her scar again. “I hope a week in the Lands will be enough, but if what I’ve heard and seen of the war between Mages and Templars is any indication, we may end up being there for two weeks or more.

“Are there Inquisition camps out there already established? Local units of soldiers? Or should I plan on taking a contingent or two of soldiers for camps around the area? If we want to make a presence in the Lands, having camps strategically placed would help. Especially with the war more than likely misplacing families caught in the crossfire. If there are a few soldiers per camp, they could offer protection for those needing a place to stay for the night while they flee elsewhere, away from the danger. It would improve the Inquisitions’ image and standing.  We want to be seen as helping the people, not occupying the place. With our… the Inquisition having a presence there and helping quell the discord and those that have been hurt, and not only with the Breach, it could also ease the social unrest throughout Thedas.”

Most of what she had said had been out loud, but there was an air of her words being more to herself than any of them. The three advisors and Cassandra were frozen in place, staring at Trevelyan in surprise. Cullen was the first to say something.

“Well said, Lady Herald!” This time, she didn’t blush at him, but she did give him a soft half smile which he almost returned. Trevelyan turned on her heel with Cassandra in tow to start her first mission for the Inquisition.


	3. The Threat Remains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost: I am currently in an active edit. I am working on going back through and fixing things I've caught since posting these first seven or eight chapters.
> 
> Also, I have a headcannon for the Dragon Age Universe, in this particular story, that people from Ostwick are based on Wales

A month.

It took a week longer than she had planned, and Tanwen was far from happy about it. Finding Mother Giselle hadn’t been the problem: the Revered Mother had been more than happy to help in any way she could, even so far as to being willing to follow them until Tanwen’s group went back to Haven. But Tanwen sent her straight to Haven, along with a couple injured soldiers, once the Inquisition had set up a couple camps around the south end of Redcliffe where Crossroads lay. Strong in her faith, she may be, but the older Mother was no warrior and Tanwen hadn’t the man power to spare to keep a close eye on her.

In between rifts that Tanwen and her companions had sealed, they helped the survivors of the Mage-Templar war. She thoroughly enjoyed being able to get supplies for the displaced people and families of the Lands, sending them to one camp or another until they were able to go on to Haven. It had taken some convincing, but they managed to convince Redcliffe’s Horse master, Dennet, to join the Inquisition. Even an elven healer and a mountain cult agreed to join their cause to help with the refugees once Tanwen pointed out the pros of joining them.

Tanwen found herself intrigued by the shards that were scattered throughout the Lands, as well as the Astrariums.  Aged spheres of bronze were scattered throughout the lowlands, dating back to Ancient Tevinter, showed pictures in the sky using constellations from Tevinter’s pantheon when you looked through an eyepiece like in a telescope.

The only downside to the excursion into the Hinterlands was that they couldn’t get into Redcliffe to resupply or talk to the Mages because they had occupied the village and weren’t letting anyone past the front gates. Tanwen had seen pictures and heard descriptions of the famous Arling. As she looked around outside the towering doors, she noted how it looked nothing like what she had seen or imagined from the tales. The people of Redcliffe had gotten hit hard when the Arl’s son had been possessed and the dead had roamed, followed by the Blight turning the town to ruins. There must have been a massive rebuild in the eleven years since Grey Wardens Amell and Theirin had defeated the Archdemon.

She was grateful the day it was decided they had done all they could to help the people of the Hinterlands, short of killing the Fereldan Frostback west of Redcliffe, and they could return to Haven. The dragon would have to wait until Tanwen and her group was better equipped for battling dragon fire.

As they began their trip back to the Frostbacks and Haven, they passed people escaping the war on the roads. It made her heart swell in happiness and pride when those people started moving towards her group and the soldiers walking behind them instead of shying away in fear of the large and well-armed company. The assistance the Inquisition had been giving and the camps protected by Inquisition soldiers had helped brighten their image from the muddy hue the Chantry had cast them in.

Even more so than that, she was glad she hadn’t scared people away with how she looked.

Bags beneath eyes that felt as though were filled with bits of sand, looked prominent and heavy against her tanned skin, and despite her smile for everyone, she was supremely exhausted. Throughout the trip, she had barely slept more than a couple hours a night and usually ended up taking over a guard shift each night so that the soldiers that were traveling with them would be well rested.

The nightmare that had been visiting her since she left Ostwick, came back to her every single night without fail. She was starting to think her companions were becoming wise of her sleep deprivation due to it when they, and the soldiers, would cast sidelong glances her way when they thought she wasn’t looking. Cassandra had even asked her if aught was amiss, but Tanwen told her she didn’t need to worry and it seemed like the Nevarran woman took her word for it.

During the nightmare one night, she thought she had sensed Solas in her dream, but she couldn’t be sure. She knew he could consciously walk around in his own dreams, but she didn’t know if he could walk around in other people’s dreams, too.

~//~

Three days later, the road leading to Haven came into view.  When Tanwen looked up at the mountain, she could see the very top of the Chantry and she breathed a sigh of relief before promptly kicking herself. Throughout the entire journey into the Hinterlands, when she wasn’t thinking of or being woken by the contents of her nightmare, a wavy blonde haired man, whose half smile made her heart race, and his voice that made her stomach break into butterflies ,constantly made an appearance.

Tanwen was tall for a woman - she had her father to thank for that. Ever since coming to Haven and Ferelden, she noticed she could look many men in the eye or even over their heads. So it was refreshing to see someone who she could, literally, look up to. Though it was hard to imagine - with all the armor he wore - Tanwen was sure that Cullen was finely built in body as well. Just watching him the first time she saw him at the Temple of Sacred Ashes caused emotions to stir she hadn’t felt in well over a year. The way he wielded his sword and shield, she knew that he would make a formidable opponent in a training ring. She felt herself blush. That was one way she could see what was under all that armor.

Tanwen sighed in both appreciation of such fine male form and exasperation at herself. She had tried flirting with him before she left for the Hinterlands, but that seemed fruitless. Cullen Rutherford was the military type, having been in the Templars for most of his life, and was somewhat distant.  She wasn’t sure how, but she could tell that he was hiding something from the world. Was it the evasive way he answered her questions?  Or perhaps it was how she would see him staring at his reports, but not actually see them.

He gave off the impression that he would put his duty first and romantic life not at all. But she had enjoyed his company for the short time they had spoken, so she wanted to try that again.

No!  She didn’t have time for boys, or in Cullen’s case, men. She had to fix what she was accused of starting so that she could go back home to Ostwick, her family and Iu…

The sound of a blowing horn and shouts drew her attention from her own thoughts as they came upon the first trebuchets and Harritt’s smithy.

“Where do you think we will get sent next?” Tanwen asked Cassandra, nodding at the newest recruit to the inner circle, Blackwall, as they pulled up to the small stalls where the horses of the inner circle and advisors were kept, along with pack animals and other horses used by what few nobles had joined them. Tanwen made a quick scan across to the tents where the Inquisition’s soldiers resided, but saw no hint of the Commander.

“I do not know, but I am sure we will be leaving within the next few days. We need to gather enough influence to sway the Templars or Mages to help us with a greater problem than their petty squabbling.” The Seeker said, rubbing her horse down in its stall with a brush as Tanwen did the same with her mare, Selina.

“Hasn’t Leliana been sending you reports? I thought I saw one of her crows near us several times as we traveled through the Lands.”

Cassandra sighed. “Yes, but she said nothing of our future destinations, and it is probably all for the best. While we are trying to make a name, we don’t want certain information, in regards to the Inquisitions movements, to leak to whatever enemies we will most likely acquire. This includes the Chantry. While they may not have much in the way of a martial force, the Chantry would find a way to knock us – knock you – down and consider it a victory. We cannot have that if we are to succeed.”

Tanwen nodded and handed her mare an apple she had saved from her rations. “Well, we should get going. I’m sure that the advisors will want a rundown of what went on in the Hinterlands. Better to just get it over with, because I promised a couple of the soldiers I would join them for a drink at the tavern when I returned. You four are more than welcome to join if you want.” Tanwen said, turning to Varric, Blackwall and Solas to include them in the invitation. Varric patted his horse's nose before turning to her.

“I’m up for a drink or five. Those armored bandits were a pain.” The dwarf smiled as he came to a stand next to Tanwen.

“Sounds like a good idea,” Blackwall nodded in agreement as he moved to stand next to the dwarf.

“Solas?”

The elf peered at Tanwen for a moment, the look on his face unreadable, before shaking his head. “There is much I must reflect over from our travels and what I have learned. But I thank you for your kind invitation, Herald.” The rest of them watched Solas wander off and through the front gate.

“Well okay then.” Tanwen shrugged her shoulders.

Tanwen turned and smiled to Cassandra, then to Varric and Blackwall. “Let’s get this party started. We will meet you two at the tavern in a couple hours, okay?”

Varric hefted his satchel over his shoulder. “I wouldn’t miss it.”

Back inside the compound, Varric and Blackwall moved towards the tavern, while Tanwen and Cassandra walked to the Chantry. When the women drew closer, they could hear shouting and saw a crowd gathered in front of the building.

“This can’t be good.” Tanwen eyed the crowd, her pace quickened, with Cassandra right next to her.

“Your kind killed the Most Holy!” Tanwen heard a man in Templar armor shout as she pushed her way through the angry mob. The man across from him was dressed in robes and carried a staff, marking him a Mage, pointed angrily at the Templar.

“Lies – your kind let her die!”

“Shut your mouth, Mage!” The Templar reached for his sword, his plans obvious. Tanwen saw what he was about to do and was going to move to intervene. But as the Templar was about to swing at the Mage, Cullen barged out of the Chantry and put himself between the feuding sides, holding hands up to both with confidence, his anger with them equal in severity as the Templar’s swing faltered.

“Enough!” He shouted, years of command laced in his tone, demanding obedience.

“Knight-Captain!” The Templar grit out as he put his sword back in its sheath, never taking his eyes off his mage opponent. Cullen looked between them, first pointing at the Mage then at the Templar, incredulously.

“That is not my title. We are not Templars any longer. We are part of the Inquisition.” Tanwen felt a pleasant shiver run down her spine at his commanding tone, surprising her. She had been at the receiving end of such tones before while training with the Templars in Ostwick.  What was it about his tone that caused her to react in such a way?

“And what does that mean, exactly?” Chancellor Roderick called, drawing Tanwen’s attention, as he walked casually through the crowd from the opposite side from where Tanwen and Cassandra stood as they watched the events unfold before them.

“Back already, Chancellor? Haven’t you done enough?”

The Chancellor approached the Commander, obviously unafraid of what the Commander could do if provoked. “I’m curious, Commander, as to how your Inquisition and its ‘Herald’ will restore order as you have promised.” Chancellor Roderick turned as he spoke so everyone around him could hear his words.

Tanwen heard Cullen sigh in exasperation. “Of course you are.” He walked past the Cleric to address the rest of the crowd. “Back to your duties, all of you!”

Once the crowd dissipated, Tanwen and Cassandra dared to approach the two men before the Chantry.

“Mages and Templars were already at war. Now they’re blaming each other for the Divine’s death.” Cullen said as he dragged a hand down his face before crossing them over his chest in an attempt to cow the Chancellor with his warrior’s physique. It only made the smaller man more adamant, puffing his chest to match Cullen’s size and failing.

“Which is why we require a proper authority to guide them back to order.”

Cullen chuckled, a look of animated disbelief on his face. “Who, you? Some random cleric who wasn’t important enough to be at the Conclave?”

“The rebel Inquisition and its so-called ‘Herald of Andraste’? I think not.”

Tanwen stepped in, making the two men take notice of her presence. Cullen smiled slightly and Chancellor Roderick went rigid and glared at her. “Oh, I don’t know. The Inquisition seems about as functional as any young family right now.”

Roderick frowned at her. “How many young families are on the verge of splitting into open warfare with themselves?”

Tanwen could almost hear Cullen roll his eyes when he replied to the Chancellor. “Yes, because that would never happen to the Chantry.”

Chancellor Roderick would not be beaten down. “Centuries of tradition will guide us. We are not the upstart, eager to turn over every apple cart.”

Tanwen turned to face Cullen. “Remind me why you’re allowing the Chancellor to stay?”

“Clearly, your Templar knows where to draw the line.” Maker, the cleric was pompous, Tanwen thought to herself. Cullen just growled under his breath.

“He’s toothless. There’s no point turning him into a martyr simply because he runs at the mouth.” Cullen sighed. “The Chancellor is a good indicator of what to expect in Val Royeaux, however.”

“How widespread is the violence between Mages and Templars?” She asked Cullen, trying to cut the other man out completely. But he wouldn’t have it.

“It’s impossible to say.” Was Cullen’s reply.

“Your organization flouting the Chantry’s authority will not help matters.”

Tanwen could hear the anger in Cullen's voice the more the Chancellor spoke. “With the Conclave destroyed, I imagine the war between Mages and Templars was renewed, with interest.”

“The Mages and Templars are fighting even though we don’t know what really happened at the Temple of Sacred Ashes?”

“That is exactly why all this should be left to the new Divine. If you are innocent, the Chantry will establish it as so.” Tanwen had to admire his dedication to the Chantry, but was also angered by it because it made him blind.

“Or will be happy to use someone as a scapegoat.”

Chancellor Roderick was livid. “You think nobody cares about the truth? We all grieve Justinia’s loss.”

Cullen slowly shook his head. “But you won’t grieve if the Herald of Andraste is conveniently swept under a carpet.” Tanwen felt surprise flow through her. Was he defending her?

“Well, let’s hope we find solutions, and not a Cathedral full of Chancellors.” Tanwen turned to stand next to the Commander to face the Chancellor. She saw the corner of his lips tilt up momentarily as his gaze followed her movement.

“The stuff of nightmares.”

Roderick sputtered at their laughter, flustering through his words in an attempt to make a sentence past his anger. “Mock if you will. I’m certain the Maker is less amused.” Tanwen rolled her eyes and turned towards the Chantry doors, followed closely by Cullen and Cassandra.

~//~

“I think I have lost feeling in my feet. And we haven’t even started drinking!” Tanwen grumbled when they emerged from the War Room hours later. When she and Cassandra left the building, the sun had set and the first of two moons had risen well over the mountains around them.

Cassandra smirked. “I doubt that will be our longest meeting, Herald. I once was in a meeting for half a day. It was beyond exhausting.”

The two women made their way over to the tavern. Fortunately for them, Flissa kept late hours for those soldiers whose shifts ended and started at midnight. Varric was already there, of course, and he had gathered a crowd around him.

When Tanwen and Cassandra had gathered an ale and small trencher of food from Flissa, they moved over to where Varric was telling the crowd a story about their trip to the Hinterlands. Blackwall was sitting on a bench and leaning against the table behind him, periodically taking swigs from his tankard. Tanwen chuckled as Varric elaborately described how they took on a dozen battle ready, heavily armed bandits, and then how Tanwen had simply looked at the Ferelden Frostback and caused the dragon to run in fear with her massive tail between her legs.

“It’s all true!” Tanwen said when the soldiers all turned to her for confirmation. She sat down next to the dwarf. “I gave the giant lizard a glare and she turned tail and ran! I would have chased after it, but I had better things to do.” Tanwen smirked when the soldiers chuckled and tipped their mugs to meet with her own.

When Varric finally told the soldiers that he was done telling stories for the night, the men left and Cassandra and Blackwall moved closer to them.

“When will you be ready to leave again, Varric?” Tanwen asked when she finished the ale in her tankard.

Varric swirled the brew in his own cup before he replied by asking a question of his own.

“Where are we headed?”

“Val Royeaux.”

“I can be ready to go again in a couple days. I need to send off some missives to associates while I am in Haven.”

Tanwen nodded in understanding. “Great. I have a couple letters for my family  to send. But we need to leave as soon as possible. I fear things are only escalating with the Chantry. Some of the Sisters in the capital are getting vocal about the Inquisition, if the reports are true.

“Let’s be ready to go at first light the day after tomorrow. It will most likely take us almost as long to get there and back as it did with the Hinterlands, so make sure things are packed accordingly.” Tanwen looked into her cup before standing and grabbing her trencher.

~//~

The next day brought a fresh, new dawn, and Tanwen had her sights set on the Commander.

She worried for his health, as she did with all of the advisors, because it seemed that every time she saw him upon her return to Haven, the circles under his eyes grew darker and heavier. His pallor was lighter by the day, despite the amount time he spent in the sun with his men. She had been told by the soldiers she trained with that there were some days that the Commander wasn’t seen at any meals in the hall, and that disturbed her more than she expected and liked. Surely they were mistaken and Cullen was just gathering some form of sustenance and taking it back to his tent to eat whilst completing paperwork or planning training regiments.

When the midday meal came, she watched for him, but he never showed. After the meal, she talked to the cook, but she confirmed what the soldiers had said. This both angered and saddened Tanwen. What could be so important that a man as active in the Inquisition as he was, would miss a meal? It wasn’t healthy.

Trencher piled with food in hand, Tanwen made her way over to the lines of tents, but didn’t see him when she arrived. Deciding he must be in his tent, she walked over to his large, red and black canvas abode. When she entered, Tanwen found him leaning over a pile of reports, glaring at them as if they had offended him greatly. She could tell that he heard the tent open, but didn’t look up from what he was reading.

“What?” he practically barked, his eyes closing as if he didn’t want to face whoever had invaded his space. Tanwen jumped slightly at his harsh tone, her eyes widening in surprise. When he received no immediate response from her, he looked up. His eyes widened when he saw who was standing in the opening of his tent and he hurriedly straightened from his desk to walk to the side. “Lady Trevelyan! I didn’t realize it was you. I apologize.”

Tanwen let her surprise fall and turn into a chuckle. “There’s nothing to apologize for, Commander. It is I who should be apologizing. I should have announced myself before entering your tent uninvited, and for that I am sorry. I thought only to bring you something from the midday meal since you missed it.”

“Did I? I didn’t realize how late in the day it was.”

“It’s alright. I understand the... joys of paperwork.” She looked at him. He was still pale, his cheeks slightly hollowed and eyes tired. “Cullen, are you alright?”

“What? Oh, yes. I just, ah, don’t sleep well.”

Tanwen eyed him with one raised eyebrow, but said nothing else as she approached his desk. “Sit.”

Cullen looked at her in question. He might outrank her, but did as he was told and plopped down into the chair behind his desk. Tanwen went around his desk and set the trencher down in front of him, on top of the reports.

“What’s this for?” He looked up at her in confusion.

“I see both of the other Advisors, Cassandra, and my companions at nearly every meal. We cannot have our Commander forgetting to eat, now can we?”

Tanwen saw a slight blush form on his cheeks. Was it from embarrassment? Or was he coming down with illness and a fever had taken him from lack of eating in such a treacherous environment as the Frostbacks? She reached forward to gently touch the back of her hand to his forehead; she didn’t use her lips as she usually would because she didn’t think he would appreciate it. He was warmer than normal, but Tanwen wouldn’t say that he had a fever for sure. Men often ran hotter than normal, especially for a seasoned warrior such as Cullen Rutherford.

He raised his eyebrow to her actions and she shrugged. “I thought your lack of eating might have lead to you getting sick and being too stubborn to get it taken care of.”

Tanwen froze at her words and blushed, looking at him to judge her bold words. He just shrugged it off as he dug into the stew and ale she had brought for him and she released a heavy breath through her nose in relief.

“I just get busy with training and the paperwork my position entails.” He looked up at her, a tired smile on his lips. “Thank you, my Lady. I truly appreciate it.”

Tanwen felt her cheeks warm further at the look on his face. She looked away quickly so he wouldn’t see her reaction to his words. “It was no problem. I might start doing it more often, if it means you will be eating.”

“I’d… like that.”

She turned back to him when she heard shock in his tone, as if he had surprised even himself at his reply. She hadn’t expected him to be so accepting; her words had been on a whim. “Okay. I guess I will see you later then?”

Cullen bowed his head as he dipped his pewter spoon into the wooden bowl again when she turned to leave the tent. As Tanwen walked away, she smiled and bit her lower lip. Even though she should be thinking of other things and people, taking care of Cullen appealing to her more and more.

Even in so small a way as bringing the man a meal.

~//~

Tanwen hadn’t wanted to admit it to her companions, but she had been rather excited at the prospect of visiting Val Royeaux the entire ride to the capitol. She had heard stories of its grandeur and beauty all her life, but hadn’t had the chance to visit the city until now.

White pillars of stone stretched towards the sky, veined in gold and wrapped in ivy. Plants and flowers of every color imaginable dotted the sides of the buildings, around the walkways. A blue tower in the center of the marketplace towered above all the rest with golden statues of lions standing sentry around its base.

Never had Tanwen seen such fine architecture all in one place! She’d had to forcefully remind herself not to gape and closed her mouth as they had walked down the raised road towards the center of the marketplace. But that hadn’t stopped her from turning in slow circles as they had walked, or run her hand along the marble walls,  just so that she could take in everything she could. That was before they had entered said marketplace.

Now, as they returned home with two new companions and a new agent in tow, she would be just as happy to never see the blighted city again.

As they had reached the gate at the entrance of the marketplace, they were met by an Inquisition scout who had warned them of the crowd gathered on the other side of the area, with Templars among them. Cassandra had been surprised at the news and Tanwen could see why. The White Spire housed the largest garrison of Templars in Orlais, along with the Circle of Magi. It was almost unheard of to hear of Templars being outside the tower.

“People seem to think the Templars will protect them from… from the Inquisition.” The woman paused before she continued. “They’re gathering on the other side of the market. I think that’s where the Templars intend to meet you.”

When they had reached the far side of the large blue circular tower in the center of the market, they’d found what they had been warned of. A large group of onlookers had gathered before a wooden platform where a Mother of the Chantry stood, preaching to the crowd. As they walked towards the crowd, Tanwen listened to what was being said and she felt concern bloom in her breast.

“Good people of Val Royeaux, hear me. Together we mourn our Divine. Her naïve and beautiful heart silenced by treachery!” The Mother’s gaze caught and focused on Tanwen as they came to a stop before the platform. The woman tensed, her eyes growing wide, before she stood taller and straightened her habit. The woman’s eyes never left Tanwen. “You wonder what will become of her murderer. Well, wonder no more! Behold the so-called Herald of Andraste! Claiming to rise where our beloved fell. We say this is a false prophet! No servant of anything beyond her selfish greed!”

Tanwen felt her body tense in anger, wanting to attack the woman for her words. Selfish greed indeed! She exhaled slowly to calm the tides of her emotions, cooling her anger –she couldn’t afford to make a fool of herself. “We came here in peace, simply to talk – and this is what you do? I implore you! Let us sit down together, to deal with the real threat! The Inquisition is no one’s enemy.”

“It’s true.” Cassandra contributed. “The Inquisition seeks only to end this madness before it is too late!”

The Mother had smirked and turned to her left, drawing the gaze of everyone in attendance. “It is already too late! The Templars have returned to the Chantry! They will face this ‘Inquisition’ and the people will be safe once more!”

Tanwen watched the Templars, being led by a man that Cassandra called Lord Seeker Lucius, walk right by the Mother before one moved behind her and used his fist to bash at the base of her skull. No one had moved as Lucius spoke to a younger, confused-looking Templar who had bent down to help the Mother. Tanwen stared on in shock at his actions.

“Still yourself. She is beneath us.” He told the young man, a dark and sinister smile on his face.

Tanwen’s confusion grew as she looked up at the older man. “You’re not here to deal with the Inquisition?” Tanwen gazed at him skeptically.

“As if there were any reason to.” Nearly everyone in the crowd gasped, including some of the Templars that had already been there when he arrived. Tanwen wished Cullen could have been there with them. He might have defused the situation like he had with the Mage and the Templar outside Haven’s Chantry.

“Lord Seeker Lucius, it is imperative that we speak with-“Cassandra said as she moved to walk astride the Lord Seeker. He simply looked down at her with a sneer.

“You will not address me.”

“Lord Seeker?” Cassandra paused, looking at him with the confusion everyone else felt.

Lucius focused on Cassandra. “Creating a heretical movement, raising up a puppet as Andraste’s prophet. You should be ashamed.” He turned to the rest of the people in the market. “You should all be ashamed! The Templars failed no one when they left the Chantry to purge the Mages! You are the ones who have failed! You who’d leash our righteous swords with doubt and fear! If you came to appeal to the Chantry, you are too late. The only destiny here that demands respect is mine.”

“Templars!” Tanwen called, ignoring the leader and instead facing the rest in hopes to turn them from the Seeker and his insanity. “One of your own commands the Inquisition’s forces. Join us, as he did!”

Lucius scoffed. “A staunch and loyal member of the Order. So loyal, he abandoned them for a false Herald.”

The young man from before came up to Lucius’ side. “But Lord Seeker… What if she really was sent by the Maker? What if -?”

He was interrupted by the man who assaulted the Mother, but Tanwen didn’t listen. When she focused on the young Knight that had wanted to assist the Mother after her assault, her thoughts had begun swirling about her head. She had been around many Templars since she was a small lass, her two middle brothers had joined the Order, and she had been next if not for her... the Conclave. There was something different about this young man.

The Templars following Lucius had seemed off to her, but this man with dark skin and innocent green eyes gave off the impression he joined the Templars for the right reason and hadn’t yet been corrupted. She would confer with the Advisors about contacting him and bringing him to the Inquisition when they returned to Haven

~//~

All in all, the trip to Val Royeaux hadn’t been a complete failure. But now, with the Lord Seeker’s actions and being confronted by the former Grand Enchanter Fiona as they attempted to leave the capitol, she had quite a decision to make.

~//~


	4. Champions of the Just

Lady and the Templar Ch. 4

“A decision must be made, Herald.  Things are only going to get worse, and I’m not just talking about the war between Mages and Templars. The Breach needs to be taken care of.”

Lady Trevelyan looked up at Cullen from the maps in the War Room. The Advisors and the Herald were about to have a meeting to make a final decision about who to go to for assistance. After what happened in Val Royeaux over a week ago, it was time. He knew she hadn’t talked to her advisors and companions about her opinions in the matter, but knew she took their own with great interest.  When it came down to it, Cullen hoped that the thought of adding power to something that was created  _ by _ magic, would be the prominent deciding factor.  At least with the Templars, there was little to no danger of them taking advantage of the power pulsing from the hole in the sky.

“I know, Commander, and you are right. I believe the Templars would be a better bet against the breach than the rebel Mages.” She sighed and straightened from where she had been bent over the maps and placed her hands on the small of her back, stretching the muscles slightly from holding the same bent position for an extended amount of time. Cullen heard the leather of her corset drag across the tan tunic she wore under it as she moved this way and that to loosen the muscles of her back. When she straightened, she tucked her fingers up under her wavy ruby tresses to massage her temples before pinching the bridge of her nose. 

Cullen was so busy looking at her, that he jumped slightly when she let out a chuckle. “How did I get myself into this?  Before I was sent to the Conclave, all I had to worry about were the boys chasing after me, and my… my training with the Templars outside the Ostwick circle.”

“Are you alright?” Cullen asked softly.  

He caught the pause in her sentence, but thought nothing of it and wouldn’t ask about it.  He could tell that much was already on her mind, if the report she had given the advisors about their trip to Val Royeaux.  She had told him later that she had wished he could have gone with them.  Would that have helped? Lady Trevelyan had mentioned a young Templar that looked like he didn’t feel right about what had happened to the Mother shouting out against the Inquisition. Perhaps if he had been there as proof of her words, things might have been different.

She looked up at him and smiled softly.  “Thank you, Cullen, but I’m alright. I will be even better when this whole mess is over so I can go home.”

“Is that your plan then?  When this is all over, you want to go back to Ostwick?” He didn’t know why it came out so biting and accusing.  It hadn’t been his intention and he wished he could take it back.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“No, it’s alright. I was named ambassador of Ostwick for wherever the need arose about three months before the Conclave.  The trip to the Conclave with a contingent of Templars was my first official assignment, acting as an additional buffer between Mages and Templars since I have been through their combat training.  I may not have gotten to take my vows or Lyrium, but I know how certain things work and my training was gladly welcomed since it was unknown as to whether things would remain peaceful or if it would turn violent. You know how well that assignment turned out.”

“I don’t hear of many nobles willingly joining the Templars. Most that join are from local families.  I came from a farm, myself.  I begged my parents to let me join the Templars when I was eight years old.  I finally was allowed after I had seen thirteen springs, thanks to a visiting Knight-Captain who had noticed my hard work and had agreed to talk to my parents about formal training.”

“You were thirteen? That’s so young!”

Cullen gave a small smile at her concern.  “Many children were sent to Templar training much younger than I.  Some were even promised in infancy.  Still, I didn’t take on full responsibilities until I was eighteen. As you know, the Order sees you trained and educated first.”

“Two of my brothers didn’t join the Templars until they were that age. Rhys and Arryn.  I am almost twelve years younger than my third brother, Arryn. Gowain wasn’t allowed to join the Templars because he has to take over the Bannorn once my father passes.  I think he is happier for it as well.  His wife, Saia has given him two beautiful boys, who he loves dearly. I received a letter the other day that said Saia is expecting again, and I am overjoyed.” 

Cullen watched her tuck a length of hair behind her ear as she cast an almost shy smile at him. They were having such an easy conversation compared to when they first met.  He found that he liked it more than he should, given her station.

“What about your family?” she prompted, “ Did you miss them while you were in training?  I imagine that you were sent far from them once you finished training and were sent to a tower.”

“Of course, but there were many my age who felt the same. We learned to look out for one another.”

“Were you ever sent after apostates?  Or did you mainly stay in the Tower?”

“I was in the Tower mostly. I was often assigned to watching the mages that were preparing for the Harrowing.  It was not a pleasant task, I assure you.”

“I’ve heard stories from my brothers.  Especially from Rhys.  He loves spinning stories for those that visit the Circle. But they aren’t always nice. They do the same thing and they say it can be emotionally painful, especially if you have gotten to know the mage and they end up succumbing to a demon during their task.” Cullen bobbed his head in agreement, but said nothing else.  They were silent for a time before Lady Trevelyan broke the silence.

“I know how things were done in the Ostwick circle, but what was a typical day for a Templar in yours?”

Cullen smiled and chortled lightly. “Typical? The last time I was in a Circle was right before it fell apart. Nothing was ‘typical’.”

“Before that, then.” She smiled in return as if encouraged by his laugh.

“Certain rituals required a full guard.  A Mage's Harrowing, for instance.  I’ve attended a few.  Most of the time, you merely maintain a presence, ready to take action should the mage fail their Harrowing.”

“Did you ever get close to one of your charges?”

“Close?” he asked, scratching the back of his neck nervously.  Should he tell her about Brianna? Should he tell her about how he had gotten close to the Hero of Ferelden before she was taken by the Gray Wardens? That they had taken stolen moments in broom cupboards and empty classrooms when they could? No, now was not the time and it had nothing to do with the task before them.  “I became acquaintances of a few, but nothing more.”

“So you were a model student? Such a good Templar, not giving into temptation.” Was she… was she teasing him? She was! He could see it in the smirk on her lips and the glint in her midnight eyes.

“I wanted to learn everything. If I was giving my life to this, I wanted to be the best Templar I could. If that meant being a model student, then that’s what I would be. I wasn’t always successful, however.  Watching a candle burn down while reciting the Chant of Transfigurations wasn’t the most exciting task. I admit my mind sometimes wandered.”

“Your mind wandered?  I’m shocked!” She placed her hand over her heart in faux-surprise  before she laughed and he couldn’t help but join her.

“You said that you began training as a Templar, so you must have gone through the same thing.  You cannot tell me you didn’t do the same thing.”

“You’re right, I didn’t.” When he eyed her in disbelief, she shrugged before she continued.  “I actually fell asleep a few times.”

When he barked a laugh, he thought he saw her shiver. Perhaps she was cold?  “I doubt the sisters approved of that.”

“They didn’t know, not really. When the subject was brought up with the Revered Mother, I simply told them that I was in such a meditative state, that I appeared to be sleeping, but I was still reciting the Chant.” They both laughed. After a few minutes of joviality, they both calmed.

“I was wondering something, Cullen.  You decided, from a young age, that a life of service and sacrifice was what you wanted.  Do you think Templars should also be expected to give up… physical temptations?” He saw her gaze move to his throat as he worked to swallow while the heat of embarrassment passed his cheeks.

“Physical? Why…” He was having issues with clearing his throat of the blocking lump that was wedged there. “Why would you…” He stared at the saucy smile that had formed on her lips for a moment before he managed to speak words again.

“That’s not expected.  Templars can marry – although there are rules around it, and the Order must grant permission. Some may choose to give up more to prove their devotion, but it’s not required.” Surely she knew this, he added to himself.  Didn’t she say she had two older brothers that were Knights?

“Did you?” she purred as she moved closer to him.

“Me? I… um… no.  I’ve taken no such vows.” Lady Trevelyan looked as if she was trying her hardest not to giggle. She seemed to be enjoying herself as she teased him. No woman teased him other than his sisters. Then it came to him: she must not mean her words.  That calmed him somewhat.

“Maker’s Breath – can we speak of something else?” He said and he rubbed his face, trying to rid himself of the blush that still tinged his cheeks red.

Cullen knew he would be thinking about their conversation for hours to come. It had been a very long time since he had blushed so much while talking to a woman.  The last time being Brienna. 

He had talked to Anya Hawke on more than one occasion, but with everything that had been going on in Kirkwall at the time, he hadn’t been in the most cheery of moods during that era in the city-state’s history. Cullen thought back to how he felt around Brienna and wondered if he forming feelings for the Herald. It wasn’t desire. Desire didn’t come easy for him.  He usually had to form some kind of connection or bond with a woman before he found himself… aroused. 

But the way Lady Trevelyan had teased him, asked him those things and the fact that he wasn’t used to actually talking about it with someone, had caused him to blush. He felt warm under the collar from where their conversation had turned, but it wasn’t the same as when they had spoken before she left for the Hinterlands.

The end of their conversation couldn’t have come at a better time.  When the last syllable had passed his lips, the doors to the war room were thrown open and Leliana, Cassandra and Josephine entered, already deep in conversation about Mages, Templars and who they should go to for help with the Breach. Cullen wanted to growl.  He and the other Advisors had talked about this before, and he thought that it had been concluded.  The three were brought to a stop when they saw that Cullen and Tanwen were already there and on either side of the table, waiting for them to begin. He watched Leliana quickly take in his flustered state before moving to Lady Trevelyan, seeing her grin.  This motion happened three more times before looking back at the other two women.

Cullen focused on Cassandra with narrowed eyes. “The Templars must help us close the Breach.  The Order was founded to fight magic!”

“We must first convince the Lord Seeker to bring the Templars out of exile.” Leliana replied calmly, coming to a stop in her usual place.

A soldier followed them in and moved straight to Cullen, handing him a piece of parchment.  He quickly read through it and satisfied smile formed over his lips as he looked at the Herald. Some good news finally. “We’ve received word from the young Knight you encountered in Val Royeaux.  He says that the Templars gather at Therinfal Redoubt.”

“Therinfal Redoubt has been vacant for decades.  Why go there?” Cassandra asked from Lady Trevelyan’s left.

“We must approach the Lord Seeker again to get anywhere; we can ask him then.” Josephine suggested from his left.

“But the Lord Seeker made it clear in Val Royeaux that he isn’t interested in anyone ‘unimportant’.” Lady Trevelyan grumbled and crossed her arms under her breasts, her tan tunic pulling taught over the top of her leather outer corset.

“So we must change how he sees us, no?” Leliana added with a nonchalant air.

“If it’s status the Lord Seeker seeks, the Inquisition will approach him after allying with the noblest houses in Orlais.” 

“They will come with us to Therinfal and demand the Templars close the breach.”

Cullen looked at Josephine and Leliana in turn.  “You believe that will work?”

Cassandra nodded.  “Even the Lord Seeker would find it difficult to ignore so many nobles on his doorstep.”

“Yes.  Especially when led by the Herald of Andraste herself.”

Lady Trevelyan looked at Leliana when she finished.  “If it stops the sky from ripping open and killing us all, I’m listening.”

Leliana turned to the Herald.  “Rumors you were saved from the Fade by Andraste have grown legion among the Templars.”

“We’ve done our part to encourage them, of course.” Josephine almost let slip the smirk barely hidden under her façade.

“A Herald with a few companions may be dismissed.  Easily set aside.  That same Herald returning with noble support will be reconsidered.  As will the power of the Inquisition.” Leliana was confident and it seemed to be rubbing off on the Herald. Not that Cullen thought the warrior before him lacked in confidence.

“This could be why Andraste saved me.  To lead her Templars against the Breach.” Lady Trevelyan whispered as she pinched her chin and looked away, her words uttered as if they were meant to be to herself.

“Perhaps also to convince the Lord Seeker to abandon the mania that has seized him.” Cassandra agreed.

Cullen shook his head. “With respect, after his appearance in Val Royeaux, hang what the Lord Seeker thinks.” He didn’t approve of how the man had acted towards the Herald, and didn’t like that they had to go through the Lord Seeker to ask the Templars for their help.

“We do not need the Lord Seeker.  We need his Templars, with or without his approval. The Breach will not wait for our differences to settle.” Leliana replied as if reading his mind.

_ ‘Maker, give us strength,’ _ Cullen thought to himself as everyone went their separate ways to prepare for the journey to Therinfal Redoubt on the edge of the Brecilian Forest.

~//~

“The Lord Seeker is willing to hear our petition about closing the Breach.  A credit to our alliance with the Inquisition.  Care to mark the moment?  Ten Orlesian houses walk with you!”

Tanwen nodded and gave a forced smile.  Lord Abernache was insufferable, but she needed him to help her get the Templars from the Lord Seeker’s grasp. “The Inquisition values this alliance, Lord Abernache.  The Templars must see reason.  We can’t let the breach endanger Thedas any longer.”

“Oh, yes.  Ghastly-looking thing.  The Lord Seeker can’t think we’re ignoring it.” Tanwen and Abernache began walking up the hill along the outer wall of the castle, towards the entrance to the bailey. “Speaking of which, I don’t suppose you’d divulge what finally got their attention?  Rumor will if you won’t.”

“My Lord, whatever do you mean?” Tanwen did her best to look scandalized by his comment.

“The Lord Seeker won’t meet us until he greets the Inquisition ‘in person’.  Quite a surprise after that little spat in Val Royeaux.”

“The Inquisition only asks the Lord Seeker and his Templars help us close the breach.” Abernache looked at her as if in disbelief, but he went with her words.

“Then it’s all been arranged by your ambassador.  Let the diplomats work their magic if you trust them.  Between you and I, the Chantry never took advantage of their Templars.  Wiser heads should steer them.”

Tanwen was glad when they finally reached the bridge that led to the bailey. Hopefully her assignation with the Orlesian lord would conclude once they passed the gates and met with the Templars. Andraste preserve her, but when they went past the gate, Abernache was still with her.

“Here we are!  Therinfal Redoubt.” He looked around the bailey through the eyes of his mask. “It appears they’ve sent someone to meet you.  Present well, Herald.  Everyone is a little tense for my liking.”

Tanwen held back, motioning for Cassandra to come forward. “The Lord Seeker changed his mind about us rather quickly.  Is he known for that?” she whispered into the other woman’s ear.

“He did not used to be.  But after the incident in Val Royeaux, I find he is not the same man I remember.”

She was getting a bad feeling about the whole situation and was glad that all of her companions had agreed to join her.  Sera was particularly vocal about all the nobles around, sneering at most of them.  Tanwen couldn’t blame the younger woman.  Noble she may be herself, but Tanwen’s tolerance for many of the nobles she had met since joining the Inquisition was getting low. She could see Vivienne watching the various nobles around them, looking down her nose at them and giving off the air of taking note of who was who that had arrived to support the Inquisition. Varric, Solas and Blackwall were off to the side, having a conversation of their own until called for duty. Towards the front door of the keep, Tanwen, Cassandra, Varric and Vivienne met the young recruit from Val Royeaux.  A couple of weeks may have passed, but she wouldn’t forget the concern and confusion in his pale green eyes. A man to the side that must have been the keeps presenter, announced him.

“I present Knight-Templar Ser Delrin Barris, second son of Bann Jervin Barris of Ferelden.  Ser Barris, may I be so honored as to present Lord Esmeral Abernache –“The man was ignored when Barris walked past to confront Tanwen.

“I’m the one who contacted Cullen.  You said that the Inquisition works to close this Breach in the Veil.” He scanned the area suspiciously, Tanwen picking up on his slight agitation and did the same. Barris lowered his voice to a whisper so only she could hear him.  “I didn’t think you’d bring such lofty company.”

“It wasn’t my idea,” Tanwen managed to whisper before being spoken over by Abernache.

“Barris…moderate holdings, your family.  And the second son?” Abernache tisked as if the title were something shameful. Tanwen bristled and wanted to point out that she is fourth born and doing quite well for herself, thank you very much.  But she thought better of it and focused back on the knight.

“This… promise of status has garnered interest from the Lord Seeker.  Beyond sense.  The sky burns with magic, but he ignores all calls to action until your friends arrive.”

Tanwen turned back to Cassandra.  “Should the Seeker lead the Templars this way?”

Cassandra nodded.  “In an emergency, if there’s no other recourse.  But his goal should be to restore them to order.”

“He has taken command.  Permanently.”

Cassandra looked at Barris with a raised eyebrow. “If he feels there is a holy mandate…”

Barris shook his head.  “That is what the Lord Seeker claims and our commanders parrot him.” He sighed.  As he looked around the bailey again, he continued. “The Lord Seeker’s actions make no sense.  He promised to restore the Order’s honor.  Then marched us here to wait?  Templars should know their duty.  Even when held from it.

“Win over the Lord Seeker, and every able-bodied knight will help the Inquisition seal the Breach.” He finished, focusing on Tanwen.  She could feel his sincerity and his need to put the Templars back to right.  Not this darkening path that the Lord Seeker was currently guiding them down.

“If you think we’re right, abandon the Lord Seeker and help us.”

“We cannot abandon our orders, Herald.  Not while the officers who survived the Conclave follow him.  We’ve been asked to accept much, after that shameful display at Val Royeaux.  Our truth changes on the hour.”

Abernache, obviously done being ignored and ready to fulfill his duty, butted in.  “Don’t keep your betters waiting, Barris.  There’s important work for those born to it.”  Tanwen glared at the nobleman, her fists clenching to punch something, but he didn’t see it. Abernache was truly getting on her nerves and was beginning to make her want to hit him.  Hard.

When they passed the upper bailey and into the great hall, they stopped and she looked around.  She was starting to see why Abernache said that everyone seemed tense. All the suspicion in the air made her uneasy. Was this part of some plan set in motion by the Lord Seeker? Had rumor been spread through the Templar ranks that painted the Inquisition in a bad light? She needed to figure out what was going on.  She turned to face her group again at the end of Abernache’s rant.

“…Inquisition’s time –  _ my _ time.  Unacceptable!”

Barris groaned.  “The Lord Seeker awaits you both.  Follow me.”

Inside the main hall of the Keep, Tanwen and her companions, Barris and Abernache, all surrounded a table with many Templars around the room looking on. Abernache and Barris began arguing.  Again.

“It’s necessary, you know! You don’t run a battlefield by committee!”

“Without faith, you’ve no knights! You’ve…” Barris looked to his right in surprise. “Knight-Captain?”

Tanwen looked to see who he was talking to.  A man with two knights flanking him approached the desk. The two men flanking the Captain had glowing red veins covering their faces and fiery red eyes. 

“You were expecting the Lord Seeker.  He sent me to die for you.” The Knight-Captain grinned, his voice carrying a hint of lunacy. 

_ ‘Well, shit.’ _

~//~


	5. Kidnapped by Envy

Lady and the Templar Ch. 5

Tanwen tensed at his words, feeling her unease increase and coming off her companions in waves when they also registered what he had said.  She and Barris shared looks of confusion. Only Abernache hadn’t seemed to notice as he walked around the table to approach the Knight-Captain.

“Knight-Captain!  Lord Esmeral Abernache.  Honored.  It is not unlike the second dispersal of the Reclaimed Dales.  No doubt rank puts you above such things.  A pity more people don’t understand that.”

The Knight-Captain chuckled, the tone turning dark and ominous.  “This is the grand alliance the Inquisition offers?”

Tanwen frowned and turned to Barris. “Barris, what’s wrong with him?” All she got from him was a shake of his head and furrowed brows as he continued to stare at the Captain.

“Knight-Captain Denam.” Lord Abernache pressed the man to continue.

“The Lord Seeker had a plan.  But the Herald ruined it by arriving with a purpose.  It sowed too much dissent.”

“Knight-Captain, I must know what’s going on!” Barris spoke up, his gaze on the man burning with determination.

“You are all supposed to be changed!” He shouted to the Templars in the room. “Now we must purge the questioning knights!”

Tanwen and her companions immediately unsheathed their weapons, everyone preparing for whatever the Knight-Captain had planned . The Templars that had come to the room with the Denam also unsheathed their weapons and drew their bows.  Tanwen caught sight of archers on the second level of the hall and gripped the handle of her greatsword with both hands. 

Looking at them closer, she saw veins of red glowing on their skin, just like the Knights that stood behind the Captain.  Tanwen cast her gaze to Lord Abernache, noting his obliviousness.  He obviously thought that he was in no danger, being a noble, as he continued trying to converse with the Captain.

“For once, I agree with the –“ His sentence was cut short when an arrow was loosed from above, straight through the eye of his mask and into his own.  He was dead before he hit the table, rolling to the floor in a heap. Shocked silence followed for a moment before the Knight-Captain came forward a step to gather everyone’s attention on him.

“The Elder One is coming.  No one will leave Therinfal who is not stained red!” As he spoke, clear skinned Templars were felled around the outer edge of the room, by the archers above or ran through by the swords of their comrades that had become corrupted by the Lyrium. Some of the Knight-Captain’s victims looked as if they had just taken their vows to the Order.

Barris backed away, looking around him frantically as he grabbed his sword and shield.  “Maker's Breath!” he breathed.

Tanwen roared as she and her companions, joined by Barris and what Templars hadn’t been murdered in the Knight-Captain's ‘Purge’, attacked the corrupted Templars. It was an arduous battle, the Red Lyrium giving the red Templars increased strength than that of what they would have from regular Lyrium.

When the last of the Red Templars had fallen a short time later, including the Knight-Captain, Tanwen turned to Barris.  “Is the Knight-Captain alive?”

Barris squat next to where Denam had fallen.  “Barely.  If you use a healing elixir, he may survive.  If he even deserves it.”

“We’ll heal him.  Let’s judge the Knight-Captain after we find his master.” Tanwen said, wiping her sword of blood and gore on a bale of hay nearby before sheathing it at her back.

Varric growled as he put Bianca back over his shoulder.  “Do you really think that’s a good idea?  After everything he has done?”

“The Knight-Captain’s keys.  I would question the Lord Seeker about this ‘Elder One’.” Barris handed Tanwen a clutch of keys before turning to the Templars that had come through the door at the sound of battle. Thankfully, they were clear skinned as well and confused by what had occurred in the hall as they looked around, seeing the bodies of their brethren, bloodied and broken. 

Once Barris had gathered a group of Templars to join them, Tanwen moved towards the back of the hall to search out the Lord Seeker. Hours passed by in a blur as they battled their way through more corrupted Templars as they ascended the back of the keep, finding questioning evidence of what happened to the Order in the rooms they cleared as they passed. 

Tanwen breathed deep when they reached a rooftop courtyard to try to cleanse her senses. So much blood had been spilled as they traversed the castle that she feared the tang of blood, both corrupted from their enemy and pure from the innocent slain, would be seared into her nostrils forever.

As they were sheathing their weapons for a welcomed break, a booming voice echoed through the rooftop area.  _ “Prepare them!  Guide them to me!” _

“Was that the Lord Seeker?” Tanwen asked, looking around for the source of the voice and finding nothing.  They were alone.

“Where? I do not hear anything.” Cassandra said, looking around as well. 

Up another set of steps, they found another group of corrupted Templars and made quick work of them.  All the while, Tanwen heard the Lord Seeker’s voice calling out over the courtyard.  _ “I would know you!” _ or  _ “You will be so much more!” _ ,  _ “Show me what you are!” _

Tanwen was quickly becoming concerned and disquieted by the voice that only she seemed to hear. 

When the fight moved into the mess hall, they helped some uncorrupted Templars fight the corrupted. Continuing up the stairs, Tanwen and her companions, along with Barris and the Templars they had rescued, heard a cry. “Over here!”

Ahead, more archers and soldiers were circling and closing in on two lone female Templars. Tanwen shouted as long and loud as she could to catch their attention, feeling her guard being raised as the corrupted Templars turned towards her group, ignoring the two recruits. As the fight began, Tanwen heard one of the Templars call out to the group of corrupted, only to have her companion chastise her and tell her they weren’t going to listen to her.

“Ser Barris, where is the Knight-Captain’s office?” Tanwen called to him from across the courtyard when the last archer fell.  She saw him point to a door nearby that lead off the landing they currently stood upon. Tanwen thanked him as she passed, moving inside.  On one of the desks, she found papers noting that Denam had known about the effects of Red Lyrium from the very beginning.  From behind, Tanwen heard Barris grunt. Turning to look, she saw Barris looking down at a charred corpse in the corner that she hadn’t seen when they had first entered. Barris identified the nearly unrecognizable body as the Knight-Vigilant, the true leader of the Templars.

Tanwen grasped Barris’ armored shoulder in support as she moved to leave the room when she noticed how upset he was at the discoveries they made in just one office. It was all very understandable and she felt bad for him.  When all this was over, she would bring him and whatever Templars remained clean back to Haven with them to give them new purpose and the freedom to either leave the Order entirely or to help rebuild it into how it used to be,  was supposed to be. Back in the courtyard, Barris directed them up the stairs.

On the other side of the door, the voice returned, filled with utter glee.   _ “The Herald of Andraste!  It’s time we became better acquainted!” _ Its words caused dread to build in her stomach like yeast in bread.  At the top of the stairs was a Templar facing the wooden panels of a tall door, the voice continued along with the dread.   _ “What do you think to accomplish?  What will you become?” _

Holding her hand to keep her companions back in case of danger, Tanwen cautiously approached the Templar with measured steps. When he turned around, she gasped in realization when she saw it was the Lord Seeker.  Before she could even shout a warning or grab her weapon, the Seeker clasped his armor-clad hands around her neck and pulled her backwards towards the door.  A green glow formed behind him, like a rift, as he dragged her along.

_ “At… last.” _ He whispered as if past pebbles that were clogging his throat, pulling her through the rift.  A white light surrounded them and she felt Lucius release her.  She tried to move, to leave this place, but she found her limbs too heavy; she couldn’t move at all.

When the blinding fog finally dissipated, she found herself in a dimly lit room.  She swallowed heavily when she focused her eyes and realized the room was lit, not only by torches, but bodies… burning… just like the ones she had seen at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. She rubbed her eyes and blinked to clear her vision further.  Surely this was all an illusion. Tanwen walked close to one of the burning bodies, frozen in positions of supplication and fear, and felt intense heat coming off of it.  This couldn’t be real! 

Tanwen saw movement ahead and squinted as she walked forward once more, seeing two people ahead.  One had wide shoulders, the other smaller and more feminine.  As she drew closer, she was able to make out more features. 

“Cullen? Josephine?” She heard a gasp and saw another person emerge from the shadows off to the side. “Leliana?”

“Is this shape useful? Will it let me know you? ” Leliana asked, her voice cold and lifeless. The feeling of something  _ else _ coming off the spymaster in waves. The other woman continued watching Tanwen as she walked up behind Cullen, a smirk on her lips.  He was looking at her vacantly, which was unlike him.  His golden eyes were always alert, always watching. Always smiling when she came by to visit him on the training grounds. Was this just an extremely vivid dream? No, this had to be a demon at work. “Everything tells me about you.  So will this: watch.”

The demon in Leliana’s form raised a knife as she stood behind Cullen, straightened his loosely standing form, tilted his chin up slightly with a delicate hand and laid the blade across his throat just below his ear. Tanwen tensed, her gaze turning to Leliana so sharp it could have sliced the demon to ribbons.

“Stop these disgusting lies, Demon.” Tanwen growled, walking forward to end things.

The demon stared at her for a moment before drawing the knife across Cullen’s throat, cutting deep in one clean and swift motion.  Tanwen stopped abruptly and reacted without thought, clasping her own neck and catching her breath as his neck split open like a dark, morbid smile.  She had to cut back a sob as she watched him collapse, dark blood spilling into the fur of his coat and coating the ground beneath him.  

She had flirted lightly with him ever since she had first seen him on her way to fight with his soldiers on the mountain, and she could tell that she was forming feelings for the Commander regardless of what she wanted or intended.  But she knew this had to be a demon, that Cullen’s murder wasn’t real,  and that she had to school her features and reactions until she discovered what kind of demon it was. If she didn’t, it might bring her nightmare, her constant companion, to life.  It was bad enough she had to watch the object of her fascination fall to the ground, dead. She knew that she would be thinking and dreaming of this event for days to come. If her nightmare became real in this twisted world, she would be lost.

The demon backed towards a wall, its voice changing, sounding more like her voice.  “Stop these lies, demon!”

Tanwen turned to the side when she heard Josephine come to, but it wasn’t the woman she was starting to consider a friend.  The same feeling of something being off about her emanated from Josephine as an evil laugh emerged from her. In her hand she clutched the same knife that had slain the pseudo Cullen, the blade still dripping with blood black as sin, picking at the tip of her index finger with the pointed end as she laughed some more. 

“Being you will be so much more interesting than being the Lord Seeker.” The demons said in Josephine’s familiar Antivan accent. Tanwen began following her, but as she turned to do so, the demon disappeared.  Tanwen jumped and turned, looking around frantically, when Josephine’s voice suddenly came from behind her but without a body. “Do you know what the Inquisition can become?  You’ll see.  When I’m done, the Elder One will kill you and ascend.  Then I will  _ be _ you!”

“Who, or what, is this Elder One?”

The demon laughed again.  “He is between things.  Mortal once, but no longer.” Demon Josephine came around from behind, but this time Tanwen was prepared and didn’t jump. “Glory is coming, and the Elder One wants you to serve him like everyone else: by dying the right way.”

“Keep talking, then.” Tanwen watched as the demon backed away slowly and turned, walking into the fog that had formed behind it. Movement caught her eye to her left and she turned.  Keeping herself from gasping in surprise was becoming difficult, especially when she saw Cullen standing there, healthy and whole.  But when he opened his mouth, she knew without a doubt that it wasn’t him.

“I am not your toy!  I am Envy, and I will know you!” It spat, using a mutated version of Cullen’s voice, sending a chill down her spine that was far from the usual pleasant feeling it usually brought.  This manifestation was holding the same knife as the mock forms of Josephine and Leliana, and it waved it as it passed.  “Tell me, ‘Herald’, in your mind.  Tell me what you think!”

Tanwen watched in shock when a shadow version of herself formed beside her.  She looked on in horror as the Cullen-shaped demon stabbed the copy in the back, a gasp of surprise as it fell. A phantom pain bloomed where her copy had been impaled, searing her nerve endings from the small of her back up to her stomach.  She wanted to gasp out in pain, but resisted. Suddenly, Envy was standing over a copy of the table that resided in the war room, setting the tokens used to mark destinations aflame. 

“Tell me what you feel!” It growled before focusing on something over her shoulder.  Tanwen turned to see her doppelganger stagger up behind her, grasping at her stomach as blood gushed from the wound caused by Envy’s knife going through its body. As it collapsed at her feet, the pain Tanwen felt in sympathy increased, but she had to focus on resisting oopenly acknowledging it.  It was getting to the point that, if she were to reach under her armor to where her copy had been stabbed, she wondered if she would pull her hand back and find it slicked red with blood. Looking at the Tanwen on the ground, she noticed something in her real hand.  The knife causing all this death had manifested in her hand, making it seem as if she had caused the fatal wound, and it felt so real and she knew that if the demon decided to use it on her, it would be deadly.

“Tell me what you see.” The demon whispered in her ear, almost completely losing the double voice, sounding more and more like her. She pulled away when she felt a hand caress across her back and along her shoulders.

Tanwen moved quickly to the open door to escape Envy, but stopped when she saw Cassandra pacing back and forth in front of the doppelganger.  The scene gave her deep sense of deja vu of when she had been where the copy was, when Cassandra and Leliana had first captured her. Tanwen hurried on to the next room, finding the shadow of her conversing with two soldiers.

“Our enemies have surrendered unconditionally.” One soldier said with pride in her voice.

“The Inquisition’s strength rivals any kingdom in Thedas,” The second soldier said in wonder.

“Our reach begins to match my ambition – but we will strive for more.” Envy gloated.  Tanwen was really starting to worry about the whole situation.  What would happen when there was absolutely no trace of the dual voices coming from the creature's’ mouth?  Is that when it takes over its victim? More was at stake than her own life.  She had to keep it from those she loved.

“Those aren’t my words, demon.”

Envy turned to her.  “Are you bothered by imperfection?” It laughed before the three of them disappeared with a pop.  Ahead, pillars on the sides and in the middle began spewing green flame.  She saw that there were access areas on the side, but she would have to cross through the flames at certain points to continue on, hopefully without getting burned.

The demon didn’t give up.  “Were you in earnest when you chose the Chantry’s flag for the standards?  For when I am you, I will topple the Chantry and declare every person who does not worship me, heretics.”

When Tanwen made it past the flames, she watched the Lord Seeker run towards the door at the end, but could not follow because it became covered in the same flame as the pillars behind her.  Looking around, she found a wall that looked weaker than the rest, hoping it would either open to the outside or to a hall to get her out of this area and back to Theirinfal. She hurried over to it and broke it down with one strong kick, all the while hearing Envy continue talking.

“Do you see how glorious my Inquisition will be after you die at the hands of the Elder One?”

As the dust cleared and the rubble settled, Tanwen heard a new voice, this one clear and alone.  

“You’re hurting, helpless, hasty.  What happens to the hammer when there are no more nails?”  Tanwen felt oddly calmed by the new voice, but it was apparent the demon did not like this new visitor.

“What are you?  Get out!  This is my place!” Envy shouted at the newcomer.

After only finding a rough wrought statue with a muddled inscription on it, she hurried across the hall to the room with the open door.  There had to be something somewhere that would either help her through the flame or even out of this horrible nightmare she found herself in.

Across the way, the door she had initially ignored, turned out to be a bedroom. Inside, most of the furniture was on the walls and ceiling.  She heard the door shut behind her as she began searching the area.  Finding nothing once more, much to her consternation, she went to the door.  Tanwen was prepared to fight with the barrier, thinking the demon had locked her in, but it opened easily.  As she moved to leave the room, the nicer, second voice bid her to wait.  Tanwen felt herself compelled to turn back to face the room.

In the middle of the space, she felt someone behind her.  But when she turned, there was nothing. 

“Envy is hurting you.  Mirrors on mirrors on memories.  A face it can feel but not take.  I want to help.  You, not Envy.”

“Who are you?” She asked, her voice matching the softness of his own. “I’ve seen you before.  Have I? Are you stuck here, too?”

“I’ve been watching.” The male voice said.  Turning again towards the bed, Tanwen found a boy with a wide-brimmed hat standing on the ceiling, looking at her as if she were the strange one where she was standing, eyes haggard and sad as he looked at her through scraggly white-blonde hair. “I’m Cole.  We’re inside you.  Or I am.  You’re always inside you. It’s easy to hear, harder to be a part of what you’re hearing. But I’m here, hearing, helping.  I hope.”

Tanwen nodded and walked closer, slowly so as not to spook the young man.  “Envy hurt you, is hurting you.  I tried to help.  Then I was here, in the hearing.  It’s – It’s not usually like this.” He said.

“The least I can ask is that things make sense  _ in my own head _ .” Tanwen sighed, gaining a soft chuckle from Cole.

“It never works like that.”

A shriek echoed through the building as fog began billowing in.  Tanwen backed towards the bed, holding out her arms to protect Cole. Cole continued as if nothing was wrong.  “I was watching.  I watch.  Every Templar knew when you arrived.  They were impressed, but not like the Lord Seeker.”

Tanwen frowned.  “The ‘Lord Seeker’ is an envy demon.  It wants to be me.”

“Yes.  It twisted the commanders, forced their fury, their fight.  They’re red inside.  Anyway.  You’re frozen.  Envy is trying to take your face, I heard it and reached out, and then in, and then I was here!”

Tanwen smiled softly at the sound of his excitement and amazement. “All right, Cole.  If you really want to help, how do I get out?”

Cole stared wide-eyed at her.  “It’s your head.  I hoped  _ you’d _ know how.”

“Well, I don’t.  Unfortunately.  I’ve never been actually stuck in my own head before.”

Cole stood on the bed and walked across it towards Tanwen.  “All of this is Envy: People, places, power.  If you keep going, Envy stretches.  It takes strength to make more.  Being one person is hard.  Being many, too many, more and more, and Envy breaks down, you break out.” He stopped to look at the fire outside the room.

“So if we keep moving in my head, my subconscious, we tire Envy into submission?”

“Maybe.  I hope it helps.  It’s more than sitting here waiting to lose your face.” Cole says in all seriousness then beckoned Tanwen to follow him.  When he stopped at the last set of fire statues, he paused.  “Ideas are loud here.  Make them louder.  Think of water.”

“Think of water?”

“Yes.”

Tanwen closed her eyes and imagined the spring she sat on the bank of before going to the Conclave, how the water was cool to the touch and clear as glass. She remembered how it felt clean as it trickled from her fingers when she let the liquid drip from her fingers onto… Tanwen opened her eyes when the heat dissipated to see the fires become cool, clean water.  On the other side, she heard the squeal of a rusty, heavy door being opened and saw Cole run forward.

“That thing can’t help you.  I  _ will _ see more!” Envy shouted before laughing as the door in front of her exploded of its hinges. In the next room, there was another blinding flash of light.  “Betrayed allies will curse your name.  Like the first Inquisition, you will bring blood and ruin and fear!”

“Unless you don’t. You don’t have to.  None of this is real unless you let it be.” Cole’s soothing voice added.

Once the light faded, Tanwen took in the details of the room so she could find the exit.  In the middle of the room stood a table, Cassandra and Chancellor Roderick were standing on either side.  On top of the table was the maps of Orlais and Ferelden from the war room under her dark copy, which was bleeding on the map from  the sword embedded between her breasts that looked oddly like Cullen’s.

“Get out, thing!  I am learning!”

Searching the room proved fruitless.  In the next room, a Revered Mother seemed to be having a conversation with Tanwen’s twin. “What do you say to your crimes, heretic?”

_ ‘Heretic?  She is a Revered Mother, that is not a crime of heresy,’ _ Tanwen thought to herself.

“This is a farce!  I demand justice!” The revered mother cried.

“Have it.  Take her to the Gallows.”

Tanwen felt her eyes go wide in shock.  “The people will turn against a despot, demon.”

“I will clear their doubt.  As Herald, the leash will follow my word.” With a pop and a plume of smoke, the copy and the Mother were gone.

Yet another room followed, this one had four cells in it.  One had the Revered Mother; another, a nobleman. Each guarded and brought down by an Inquisition soldier.

_ ’Maker, I do  _ not  _ want to be this way. I don’t want the Inquisition to be like this,’ _ she cried out in her head.

Down the long room, she came to a crossroad.  Tanwen turned right and found Cole in a cell room with a dwarf that looked as if he was from the Carta, if what she had learned about them from Varric was accurate.

“It’s dark, but it isn’t real.  Think of sparks.  Keep going up.  You’re more you than you are Envy, and that tires it out.”

Tanwen nodded as Cole left; a veilfire sconce manifesting on the wall behind him as she thought of flint and tinder, of a roaring fire behind a grate.  Veilfire was supposed to show you things usually invisible to the naked eye, so she looked around and found a torch on a nearby stool. She dipped the torch into the mystical fire before taking it back through the cells, lighting the other sconces that had manifested.  As she worked, she listened as Envy screeched an unholy sound every time, as if injured.  Tanwen nearly paused in her task when she came upon the last brazier in a room with Cullen behind its bars.  She knew that everything she did was watched, scrutinized by Envy, so she had to watch her actions.  

But it was difficult not to look at the Commander. She watched sadly as Cullen gripped the iron bars spat at her, cursing her name with anger and betrayal in his amber gaze. Tanwen lit the brazier next to his cage wall and went back to the hall without looking at him again, where another hall had manifested.  She felt weight on her shoulders, akin to hands, guiding her down the hall until she espied a door, feeling as if it was the way out.  Hurrying up to the door, she pulled on the ring to open it, only to find it was locked. Tanwen studied the lock, measuring the size of the keyhole before she turned back to the hall and started searching the open cells and the bodies that lined the walls, looking for any kind of key she could get her hands on. She found several, but most were either too small or too large. 

In a darkened corner of a narrow cell in the room where she had found Cassandra and Chancellor Roderick, half way up the wall, was a table similar to the one she found in the bedroom where she met Cole.  On that table lay an old and rusted key. She measured the teeth with her finger and it matched the size of the hole in the door, so she grabbed it.  Maybe the Maker was guiding her, helping her back to the real world. Or maybe just her brain telling her how to escape… herself.  Whatever the reason, when she got out, she was either going to need  _ a lot _ of ale or to get one of the healers to find her some herbs to relieve a massive headache. 

Back in the new hall, she lit the last brazier, her task done, and she watched the wall move back to reveal two more doors. Tanwen groaned.  Where was Envy getting all this space to work with? Would it ever end?

One of the two doors was closed, the second showing another cell.  This one had Josephine in it and she was mumbling about how she couldn’t understand what she had done to anger Tanwen.  Before she used the key she had found before to open the door, Tanwen yet again had to resist the urge to stop and talk to the woman. She only wanted to reassure Josephine that she would get her out of there, even though she knew that it was the demon creating the image of Josephine.

“I haven’t seen enough!” Envy growled when Tanwen went through the door and reached the top of the steep incline of stairs where the demon manifested another room.  More and more rooms appeared; in each and every one, she was asked more and more questions that she had to resist answering or even reacting to, knowing that it was just a way Envy was learning who she was to become her. She was shown many more things, some which would only fuel her nightly terrors. Cole was with her, too. He helped her, guided her, suggested ways to defeat Envy.

Before she knew it, Tanwen was back in Therinfal Redoubt, at the door, with Envy as her copy at her back.  She turned and was pushed against the door by Envy in her shadow form.

“Unfair, unfair!  That thing kept you whole, kept you from giving me your shape!” It cried as it pushed her up the door by her throat with a single hand.

“What could you possibly gain from being me?” Tanwen gasped when the demon’s claws tightened, piercing her skin.

“What could you gain?  What… ugh!” Tanwen could feel its anger flowing off it as it lost what it had gained of her, sounding as demonic as it had in the beginning.  But it wasn’t giving up.  “We’ll start again.  More pain this time.  The Elder One still comes.”

As the thing brought its glowing green hand up to her head, Tanwen thought her head would explode from pain suddenly cast upon her by the creature.  She wanted to scream, she resisted. She would not give the creature the satisfaction. Behind Envy, she could barely see a shady figure forming beyond her darkening vision.  It looked like the figure she saw in the memory that showed itself at the first rift under the Breach!  Tears began flowing from her eyes as the pain increased. Would this be how she died?  Inside her own head at the hands of a demon?  Oh how her brothers would be shamed by such an action, to be taken down by a thing such as Envy.  

No! Dying was not an option.  Especially to a demon.  If she was to die, it would be in the presence of her loved ones after a long life, or a blaze of glory. Not because of some conniving demon’s trick.

“It’s frightened of you.” Cole said calmly and immediately, the pain was gone; the demon distracted trying to find where Cole was hiding.  Still being held against the door, she looked around and saw Cole standing on a statue of Andraste’s raised palm.  The demon turned to yell at him.

“Get out of –“

Tanwen took action in its distraction.  While it wasn’t looking, she managed to bring both arms up, clasping her fingers together, and brought her formed club down on the pretender’s arm. When the demon released its grasp with a screech, Tanwen reared back and bashed it with her head to gain some distance.  The contact must have done something, because she found herself in that damned blinding white again. When it cleared once more, she was still moving forward towards the door with the Lord Seeker, like she had when this whole thing started.  Unable to stop, she broke through the door and into the hall.  This caused the Envy demon to lose the Lord Seekers face.  It’s true form screamed and turned to smoke, flying over the heads of the Templars in the main hall, towards the back of the cavernous room before setting wards.

“The Lord Seeker!” Barris called out, turning his body to follow the cloud of smoke with his eyes.

“No, an imposter.” Barris shook his head at what Tanwen said and moved towards his fellow Templars staring at the wall of magic. 

“That monster ensured we weren’t prepared.  I still don’t know what we’re up against.”

Tanwen looked around, noticing Cole was missing.  “Did anyone else see a young man appear beside me?”

Barris turned back to Tanwen.  “What young man?”

“Pale.  Strangely dressed.  He was with me?”

“I saw no one.  The Lord Seeker was alone when you revealed his true nature.” Barris looked around for confirmation from the others.

“I’m sorry.  An envy demon replaced the Lord Seeker.” Tanwen said sadly.

Cassandra gasped.  “Envy!  Then the Lord Seeker…”

Barris looked off in thought. “Is caged or dead.  Maker.” Taking a deep breath, he continued.  “It used the Red Lyrium to corrupt the Order, didn’t it? I knew that miserable stuff was risky!  They often give us new kinds of Lyrium.  Our Commanders… some used the red stuff first, to prove it was harmless.  The knights would’ve been next.  That demon turned our leaders so we couldn’t question when this started!”

“Then your leaders all but corrupted the Templars  _ for _ the demon.” Tanwen said, looking at her companions and seeing equal levels of shock in their faces.

Barris stood tall and proud. “Then we will fix it.” He walked over to another Templar.  “Templar!  What is Envy?”

“A coward, Brother!” She replied.

Another added: “It studies, makes less mistakes.  But most of all, it hides.”

Barris turned back to Tanwen.  “We need our veterans.  Our Commanders have turned, but the Lieutenants may still be fighting.  We’ll hold the hall.  You find the Lieutenants and the uncorrupted Lyrium stores.  Bring them here, and I’ll give you Envy.” Turning back to focus on his task, he continued.  “Show those things no mercy.”

Tanwen turned to her group.  “We must hurry to maintain a hold on the Hall! We cannot lose it to the Red Templars. We need to give Barris enough time to bring down that barrier.  Let’s go!”

While searching different halls off of the Great Hall, they came across the Lord Seeker’s office.  In the center was a table with a marble bust of Empress Celene. A note was attached to its head with a knife. Cole emerged from behind it. “The Elder One wants her dead.  Empress Celene.  He hates her, haunts her, wants her dead, but hides why.  He did other things, too.”

An explosion caused Tanwen’s head to turn.  When she looked back, Cole was gone.  Tanwen and her companions hurried back to the great hall to make sure it was being held, then it was back to searching for survivors.  Once the three missing Lieutenants and the spare Lyrium caches were found, they all went back to the Great Hall to take down the barrier. 

Tanwen was fascinated by the ritual conducted by the Templars to bring down the ward. A handful of Templars bent to one knee, leaning on their swords, mumbling prayers.  A glowing golden glow, so pure in its light, formed around them.  Barris was standing in the middle, drinking deep of a large decanter of lyrium to boost his abilities to bring down the shield before them. 

As they focused, demons began working their way through the barriers on either side of them. Tanwen sent Cassandra and Vivienne to hold one side while she and Varric battled the other. It was a tough fight, but they were victorious. When the barrier came crashing down, the creature laughed loud and with menace as they advanced on where it had stood. “I touched so much of you.  But you are selfish with your glory.  Now I’m no one.”

Cole apparated from behind the group.  “Dark and desperate, death to make yourself alive.  I used to be like you.” Cole paused before the demon.  “I’m not anymore.  You shouldn’t be either.”

With a roar, Envy attacked.

The demon proved difficult, using tricks and distractions so they couldn’t hit it. Between the times they would hit it, it would shout things like: “The Elder One promised you to me!  Now no one will have you!”, “’What could you gain from being me’? Everything!”, “No one knows you better than I, Tanwen Trevelyan!”, “I know your deepest secrets.”, “I would have saved your family for last.”

But no matter the creatures’ goading or shape mimicking, they brought it down.  Panting and bleeding slightly, Tanwen moved towards where the Templars had stood during the fight, blocked from battle by Envy.

“The demon is dead.  Andraste be praised; She shielded you from its touch.” Barris smiled at Tanwen before turning back to his fellow Templars. “We’ve numbers across Thedas, but we let this happen.  Our officers either failed to see it or were complicit. The Templars are ready to hear what the Inquisition needs of us.”

Tanwen looked down in thought, then turned towards the Breach for a minute before looking back and moving towards the Templars, feeling empowered by some unknown force.

“You need to hear this.  To feel the truth in your hearts.” When she continued, she felt power grow within her own heart, could hear a second voice layer with hers.  For a moment, she feared that Envy had actually managed to attach itself to her, but the voice didn’t feel demonic as Envy’s did.  It felt pure, good and warm. “I am the will of Our Lady Manifest.  I am the Herald of Andraste.”

Tanwen felt the second presence within her wane.  “She sent me to remind you of your sacred duty: A shield against dark magic.  Knights who will end the Breach.” Everyone stared at her in surprise and wonder.  Barris approached her cautiously.

“We will not deny Our Lady’s will.  Not anymore.” Barris exhaled. “But the order is leaderless, gutted by betrayal.  We must rebuild it.”

Tanwen looked on over the faces of the Templars before her, the moved past Barris to address the gathered uncorrupted Templars.  “Your Order is a symbol that holds the people’s respect.  That cannot die today.  We offer you an alliance!  Supplies, weapons, grounds to shelter you.  All we ask is that you help us close the Breach.”

Barris came to stand next to her, facing the Templars as well.  “Do we take the Inquisition’s terms, Brothers and Sisters?”

A unanimous cheer of approval echoed off the ancient stone walls of Therinfal.

Barris turned to face Tanwen. “The Templars will come.  I hope your stronghold is ready.”

“We’ll be ready for anyone willing to throw their hat in with us,” she replied.

~//~

“Officers betraying their soldiers, Templars without leaders, a demon imitating the Lord Seeker… We should have taken them to task.  The crimes they’ve committed…”

“Were committed by their officers.  The soldiers of the Order will serve.” Cullen bristled at Cassandra’s comment at the first war room meeting after their return from Therinfal.

“These crimes put them at our mercy.  Yet the terms of this alliance do not benefit the Inquisition as they should!  You should have consulted us, Herald.”

“The Order was in chaos.  We had to shape it going forwards or risk losing it entirely.” Tanwen growled. “Would you have had me wait Maker-knows how many weeks just to let you decide?  A decision was needed right then and a decision was made.”

“An alliance with the Templars  _ was _ our desired outcome.  May we discuss their imminent arrival?” Josephine reminded Leliana in her calming voice.

“A few dozen veterans are coming ahead of the rest, to help seal the Breach.”

“How soon until these veterans arrive?” Tanwen asked, still fuming.

In a small explosion of smoke, Cole was suddenly kneeling on the war table, holding one of the markers.  “They’re almost here.  Templars don’t like to be late.”

“Maker!” Cullen shouted in shock as he and Cassandra drew their swords.  Leliana and Josephine backed into a corner in their unarmed state. 

Tanwen moved to try to block Cole from Cassandra and Cullen’s swords. “No, wait!”

“I came with you to help.  I would have told you, but you were busy.” Cole said softly, as if fearing he was in trouble.

“That’s fine, Cole.  You just startled us, appearing out of thin air.”

Cole looked at Tanwen, confused.  “I wasn’t air, I was here.  You didn’t see me.  Most people don’t see me until I let them.” He hopped off the table.

Cassandra moved towards the door. “Call the guards.  This creature is not what you –“

Leliana stepped forward. “A moment please, Cassandra.  I would like to hear why he came.”

“You help people.  You made them safe when they would have died.  I want to do that.  I can help.”

Tanwen stared at him a moment before turning back to the advisors. “Cole saved my life in Therinfal.  I could have been lost to Envy if not for him.”

“But what does he want now?” Cassandra asked, still eyeing the mysterious visitor, unsure.

“I think he really is trying to help.”

“I won’t be in the way.” Cole said with happiness in his tone. “Tiny, no trouble, no notice taken unless you want them to.”

Cullen looked at Tanwen.  “You’re not honestly suggesting we give him run of the camp.”

“Not freely, perhaps, but it seems a waste to- hold on!” Josephine gasped, looking at the table where Cole had been.

“Where did he go?” Cassandra looked around rapidly.

Tanwen just smiled. “I’m sure we’ll find him somewhere.”

“Yes.  We must make sure of that.  I’ll have people watch the boy, but let’s not be distracted from the Breach.”

Cullen rubbed at the base of his skull and closed his eyes. “We’ll need your help when the Templar veterans arrive.  Take time to prepare while you can.”

~//~


	6. In Your Heart Shall Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few things with this chapter: When Cullen mentions Tanwen’s “accent”, in the headcannon I have formed surrounding my version of the DAI universe, Ostwick inhabitants have a Welsh dialect and accent. Thus her name and her family’s names. Blood TW towards the end. And during the battle of Haven, I’ve kind of given away how to save all the villagers. So if you didn’t know, there you go. Otherwise, spoilers! :D

Lady and the Templar chapter 6

“Perhaps you should see a healer, Lady Trevelyan.  You look unwell.”

Tanwen looked up from where she had been beating on a training dummy with a heavy wooden sword for the past hour, to find Cullen standing next to her. In his hands lay a tray laden with food as he stood there, waiting for her to put the sword down.  He had done this a few times since she returned from Therinfal with her companions, just as she had for him before they had left. 

With the flurry of activity from the Templars arrival three weeks prior, there were times that Tanwen would forget to eat because she had taken over the training recruits and tackling her paperwork to try to forget some of the horrors she had seen at the Templar stronghold, to make herself so tired that she wouldn’t dream at night. Cullen had noticed when she missed meals and would bring her the most succulent meats and fruit. 

When she did feel like eating with other people and noticed that Cullen wasn’t in the main hall, Tanwen would bring him a tray of meats, bread, cheese and wine because he had forgotten while doing paperwork or whipping new soldiers into shape. More often than not, they only brought enough for the other person, but today he brought enough for the both of them.

“I appreciate your concern, Cullen, but I’m fine.” She forced a smiled, hoping to make her words believable. She really wasn’t fine at all, but she didn’t want him to worry or tell the other advisors.  They all had enough on their plate to worry about without her adding to it. She settled her sword and shifted her gaze from him to the tray in his hands. “Hungry, are we?”

Cullen’s eyes widened in surprise and he looked down at the tray, shifting it to balance on his left arm so he could reach up with his right to rub at the nape of his neck; a look of embarrassment flushing his cheeks before it quickly left.  Straightening and replacing his hands on the tray, he smiled at her gently.

“I actually thought you could use a distraction.  You haven’t been the same since Therinfal, so I thought we could have a meal together and talk.  If… you want to, of course.  I wouldn’t want to presume-“

“Cullen, I would love to break bread with you.” Tanwen returned his smile, the first one in days uncounted it seemed, even as she ignored the part about talking about Therinfal.  It wasn’t a forced curve of her lips as she had given those around her.  Cullen continued smiling as he tilted his head towards the large tree behind his tent.

“Come on then, let’s go to the tree and eat while our meal is still warm.”

Tanwen leaned the wooden sword against the dummy and grabbed her cloak from the dummy next to her before moving to follow him to the tree he spoke of.  Whenever they ate together or she wanted to tell him about her travels, they always met at the tree; it was becoming something special to Tanwen.

The two of them passed the next hour in friendly conversation, mostly about the Inquisition, but Tanwen was fine with that. She knew that she could talk to Cullen about what happened at Therinfal, but she worried about what would occur if she voiced her concerns. She knew that he was aware of some things that had happened at the keep from her report and those of her companions that had accompanied her, but not what happened when Envy had been inside her mind. 

She was vaguely aware that Cullen was talking about his experiences with Hawke in Kirkwall, and she felt guilty for only paying half attention to his words, but she found her attention was caught by something else.  A lock of his wavy hair had come undone from the rest of his plait with a strong gust of wind, and a beam of sunlight was glinting off of it, turning the strands to molten gold.

As if in a daze, unable to control her own actions, Tanwen reached up to run her gloved fingers through his hair to mesh the escaped lengths back with its kin.  Cullen was so orderly that she was surprised he hadn’t tried to fix it sooner.

They both froze: Tanwen with her fingers still threaded in his thick hair; Cullen in mid-sentence about chasing down missing Templar recruits from the Kirkwall Circle. Tanwen quickly moved her hand back, careful not to disrupt what she had fixed, and looked up at the cloudy sky above them through the branches as her cheeks heated at her actions.  She felt Cullen run his hand over where hers had been as if she had mussed it up and he was fixing it.  They hadn’t touched much; a graze of a hand while moving pieces on the map in the war room mostly.  But nothing nearly as direct as moving hair from his forehead with her hand, her fingers trailing along the skin there.  She waited to see what his reaction would be, but he seemed to be in as much shock as she was at her actions. Even though she knew it was absurd and she couldn’t explain why, she wanted to run her fingers through his hair again. Tanwen heard the rustle of leather, metal and fur as he moved - likely to rub at the back of his neck as he often did. They sat in awkward silence for a moment, Tanwen looking at the tree boughs and Cullen rubbing his neck, before either one of them said something.

“Well!” Tanwen exclaimed, louder than was necessary and a little over enthusiastically, standing quickly with the tray in hand.  She offered her hand to him to help him from the ground, reveling in the warmth of his fingers, even through two layers of leather when he accepted her assistance.

~//~

Cullen didn’t let go of her hand for a short time when he was standing once more, admiring the contrast in size and delicacy.  Looking at her hands alone, even covered in leather, you couldn’t tell that she wielded a sword almost as tall as she was. Once you felt her grip in a handshake or saw her palm without gloves on, however, or she pulled you up from a seated position on the ground, however, you could feel the strength she possessed that was required to handle a greatsword. 

He didn’t know what possessed him, but suddenly Cullen found himself bringing her hand up to his lips to place a light kiss on her knuckles and felt his body warm when he saw the blush that had formed on her cheeks grow darker along her cheekbones.  It was likely from the chill wind of the Ferelden Frostbacks, but he almost rather hoped it had been caused by him. Which was silly.  They had only known each other for two short months. 

Over the last handful of weeks, he had found himself looking forward to when Tanwen would bring a meal from the tavern because he had become swamped by training or reports.  He even found himself enjoying taking her food when she did the same.  They would either converse about their day or eat in silence. This time had been a meal of conversation, but it had been mostly one-sided. He could tell something was wrong from the tenseness of her shoulders and the dark circles under her eyes. He wanted to confront her about it, but he couldn’t let himself get upset about her quietness.  He knew there had been days he had been as such, especially when the call for Lyrium was at its strongest. Also, he wasn’t her father, brother or husband. He was her advisor, and  _ hopefully _ , her friend.  He could and would wait until she was ready to tell him what ailed her, if she ever decided to tell him.

“Thank you for the meal, Cullen.” She whispered, looking at their joined hands.

“Thank you for your company, my lady.” He murmured, looking up at her through his lashes from where his lips hovered over her gloved hand before she pulled away and moved from behind his tent towards the front gate.

~//~

Almost two months had passed since that day, and Cullen had seen the Herald a total of twelve days; several of those had just been in passing and from a distance.  To him, it almost felt as if she was avoiding him, but those times they were able to converse, she made him feel like the most important person in all Thedas. It was an odd sensation, this back and forth and he was both intrigued and angered by it. He enjoyed her company, it was true.  But if she chose not to grace him with her presence, then who was he to be upset?  She was a Lady of the Court, and as such, was needed in many places at once. He should feel fortunate should she decide to even visit a farmer’s son like him.

She had gone to Fallow Mire on the edge of the Kohcari Wilds for two weeks, and brought back an Avvar warrior named Skywatcher and stories of the risen dead and eternal rain, of crazy mages and even crazier mountain men with monstrous axes.

After a short hiatus in Haven, where she kept mostly to herself, she then went to the Storm Coast for over month. Upon her return to Haven, she announced that she was now the leader, by combat, of a religious militia that called themselves the Blades of Hessarian, and the “boss” of a group of mercenaries called Bulls Chargers.  He remembered there being a young man who was dressed as a warrior but acting as a messenger, waiting to talk to someone outside the Chantry, but hadn’t found out until later who the man was.  Their leader, Iron Bull, must have made an impression on Lady Trevelyan as they passed through the coastal lands, because when they returned to Haven, she had made Iron Bull one of her inner circle of companions. Cullen was leery of their Qunari leader; he blamed his past experiences with his race in Kirkwall.  The Qunari soldier was too open about being Ben-Hassrath and spying. But the Herald trusted him, at least a little, and Cullen trusted her implicitly . 

When she would return for multiple days before heading out again, she brought him stories about her battles with humans and darkspawn alike, and things she learned from the Storm Coast. When she had described the battle they had witnessed between a giant and a dragon, he was in awe.

Cullen enjoyed listening to her stories.  Her voice had a very melodic tone that added depth and contrast to her stories, along with her accent marking her as being from Ostwick, once he had become accustomed to her cadence over time, and how animatedly she used her hands in gestures while describing certain parts of her stories. He enjoyed the meals they shared when she returned from her trips as she spun her tales.  

As the end of the warmer months drew nearer, Cullen began to fear he would never tire of her stories… or her.

“Cullen?” She said after she had grown silent having finished one of her stories from the Coast, despite having returned two weeks prior. She nibbled on a bit of bread as she looked at him.

“Hmm?” He replied past a chunk of venison he was chewing, looking at her and noticing indecision.

“I have something to tell you.  Something I should have been brave enough to talk to you about back when we first returned from Therinfal.” She said softly, staring down at the food that was in her hand as she leaned back against their tree.

Cullen tensed.  He had almost forgotten about that feeling he had that she wasn’t telling him everything that had happened that day. Slowly, he loosened his muscles, relaxing as he also leaned back against the tree. She looked up, meeting midnight gaze to honey and not wavering.

“I didn’t put every detail about the encounter I experienced with Envy in my report. Not even my companions know all the details. But… I want to tell you everything. I must warn you though:  some of what I want to tell you might seem far-fetched.  I sometimes can’t believe it either, but I swear unto the Maker that what I am going to tell you is the truth.” She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “Before the battle with Envy where we rescued the Lieutenants and Barris broke the barrier with their assistance, Envy kidnapped me by… by taking the Lord Seekers’ form.”

“But that part was in your report.”

Trevelyan nodded, her eyes going back down to her lap where her hands lay palm up, as if she couldn’t look at him anymore. “The part that isn’t in there and that will sound crazy is that Envy trapped me in my own mind, trying to learn about me, to  _ become _ me like it did the Lord Seeker. I have thanked the Maker every day since then that I triumphed over the demon and that I am still my own person. In part thanks to Cole.”

Cullen looked at her in shock, eyes wide and jaw touching his breastplate.  “A demon tried to  _ become  _ you? I… I don’t understand.”

She scooted around on her rear until her body faced him instead of leaning against the tree with him, her eyes remaining downcast. “It showed me events from my past, like when Cassandra had held me prisoner, and what would happen if it took over as me. It manifested as you, Josephine, Leliana. It… Maker, Cullen,  it used Leliana’s image to slit the throat of your manifestation to see my reaction because of how I…” She cleared her throat, refusing to finish her sentence. He couldn’t decide what surprised him more.  That a demon looked through her memories and knew what he looked like or that it almost sounded as if Lady Trevelyan had almost admitted to having some stronger feelings for him. Her voice had sounded as if she was close to tears when she told him about it killing his doppelganger within its deception. Cullen reached over and squeezed the hand closest to him in her lap, giving her some of his strength.  He knew she wanted to get this off her chest, so he nodded to her to finish.

“I’ve been in many battles - more than I ever thought I would be.  I’ve seen more of Thedas in the short time I have been in the Inquisition than I had ever dreamed of seeing while living at my parent’s estate in Ostwick. I’ve seen terrifying creatures and demons emerge from the Rifts, I’ve seen good men and women slain before my eyes or turned into monsters. None of that has scared me as much as being trapped in my own mind by Envy. Possibly shown every nightmare I have ever had.  

“If Cole hadn’t been there…I don’t think  _ I _ would be here now.  Envy would be. It was getting bored with the Lord Seeker and thought that it would be more informative parading about Thedas as me. Something deep inside me even knew that it would go to my family, wiping the Trevelyan name from the face of Thedas. I think that, along with knowing I couldn’t let it do the things it wanted to, gave me the strength and determination to continue on. Cole helped me escape by telling me that Envy had created the environment and people within the prison I was in and that if I continued on, it would stretch the demon’s power and eventually I could shatter it.”

“You are a very strong woman, Herald. Strong of mind and will. Without a body to possess, Envy is weak.”

She stared at him for a moment, looking deep in his eyes, before reaching forward to clasp the hand holding hers with both of her palms. “Cullen, if I begin acting strange, having people worship me or just be downright cruel, I want you to lock me away until a Mother or Mage can exercise the demon possessing me.  If they can’t remove the demon, I want you to remove me.  Permanently.”

Cullen’s eyes widened at her request. “What? Why?” He nearly shouted, pulling his hand from her grasp as he leaned away from her.

“We cannot risk Envy taking hold of the Inquisition.  This is not an organization created to promote fear or warfare, it is one of healing and helping. If it becomes obvious that a demon has possessed me in an attempt to ruin the Inquisition, I want you to promise you will keep that from happening, by any means necessary.”

“There is always another way!  Maker forbid it happens, we would scour the ends of Thedas to find a way to save you. I… we could never kill you and you know that.”

The Herald moved a hand to his forearm, pleading with her eyes.  “Cullen, please.”

He returned her stare for a time before sighing heavily in defeat. He would only take her life if it was a last resort, and he prayed to the Maker that that would never come up as a option. Cullen bowed his head to her request.  “If that is your wish, my Lady.”

Trevelyan looked at him again, trailing her hand down his arm and squeezed his hand again.  “Thank you, Cullen. I’m sorry I had to ask you of that.  I wouldn’t have if I didn’t want to take every precaution to keep what I saw while trapped by the Envy demon from happening. It will never get me or the Inquisition. As for the rest, I’m sorry for that as well, that I couldn’t tell you the whole story sooner. You, of all the people here Haven, I feel I can tell anything. It just took me two months to be able to do it.”

~//~

“My lady, your influence in Ferelden abounds and the Templars have settled nicely within our ranks while you have been away.  They are ready to make an attempt on the Breach.” Leliana announced during the war room meeting the next day.

“The elite Templars are prepared to march with you, Herald.  Be sure you are prepared for the assault on the breach.  We cannot know how you will be affected.” Cullen added.  Tanwen thought she might have seen a touch of concern, but it quickly disappeared.  Cullen had grown distant over night after she told him about what had truly happened at Theirinfal Redoubt. It was because of her fervent request, she was sure. He was still courteous to her, but it felt like he was keeping part of himself back whenever they would eat together. 

“I’m ready to move out.  The breach will finally be closed – for good.  No matter what.”

The next morning, the entire inner circle and ten of the elite and veteran Templars, along with a contingent of Inquisition soldiers, traveled back to the Temple of Sacred Ashes, leaving the advisors behind.

Before they had left Haven, Cullen grabbed Tanwen’s hand as she passed and pulled her behind a tent, away from prying eyes.  With her left hand wrapped in both of his, he quietly said a prayer for strength before pressing a kiss to the back of her hand. After the distance he had shown the day before, she was surprised.

“Maker bring you luck today, my lady. I shall be awaiting your return and your stories about your success with the breach.” Cullen smiled, gently pushing her back towards the assembled crowd at the front gate, their fingers lingering against each other until the last possible second.

“Have food ready, and maybe some wine.” She said quickly before she was too far away to whisper. “I have a feeling I’m going to have a good one!” When she reached her horse and with the ease of a practiced noblewoman, Tanwen lifted herself into the saddle of her mare, Selina, and used the reins to guide her to the front of the crowd. 

“Inquisition!  Templars!  Now is our time!  Time to show the Chantry what we can do and what we are.  It’s our time to prove to them they thought wrong about us.  They thought we were a heretical group set on bringing down the Chantry; to sow chaos and mayhem throughout all of Thedas, that we wanted to oust their authority and tear the people of this land away from them. Let us show them that they were wrong. Let’s show them what we can do!” Tanwen lifted her fist into the air, an echoing cheer followed by mimicking fists.

Someone in the back shouted “For the Herald!” The crowd roared in reply to what the male voice shouted. Tanwen felt a small smile form on her lips because she thought she recognized who had shouted the words.  She stood up in her stirrups, grabbed her sword from its sheath, moved her grip up towards the guard, and lifted the weapon in the air higher. 

“For the Inquisition!”

Half a day later, as they slowly climbed the broken and charred stone steps that still remained leading to the temple proper, Tanwen still felt the power from the cheer from before they left Haven.

Up ahead, the breach bore down on them from above, ribbons of the fade energy trailed down from the sky like ivy on a building.  When most of the inner circle separated from her to stand with the Templars, having discussed the plan of attack as they traveled with the commander of the Templars, the mark on Tanwen’s hand popped and fizzed the closer she got to the rift directly under the Breach. The pain was manageable, but it still bothered her that it hurt.  She turned to face Cassandra and Solas who had continued toward the breach with her as she shook off the pain in her hand.

It was now or never. When Tanwen nodded at Solas and Cassandra to tell them she was ready, they turned back towards the assembled Templars.  Tanwen turned back around to stared at the breach high above them all.  How could something so seemingly innocuous, cause such a blight on Thedas? On her? As she continued to stare at it, she heard Cassandra and Solas shout to the Templars.

“Templars!” The Nevarran woman called, catching their attention.

“Focus past the Herald!  Let her will draw from you!” Solas commanded them.  That was her cue.  Moving to stand under the breach now was proving difficult, even with her strength and training.  It felt like she was trudging through the mud of a bog… again. Thank the Maker there were no undead here.

“Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked… and do not falter. Blessed are…the peacekeepers, the Champions of the Just.” Tanwen grunted in effort as she moved inch by inch.  The will of the Templars behind her was strong and she could feel it weakening the green fog, but she still felt as if she was pushing against a wall even as the substance wrapped around her like a warm blanket.  “Blessed are the righteous... the Lights in the shadow.  In their blood the Maker’s will is…written.”

With a mighty roar and burst of strength, Tanwen thrust the mark into the air towards the breach and a connection was made instantaneously.  The burning, pulling feeling in the mark that she experienced when closing small rifts, was amplified tenfold, even worse than when she first received the blasted thing.  But she wouldn't give in to the pain. This was nothing compared to some pains that she had experienced, especially since joining the Inquisition. She couldn’t give in; She had to see this through to its fruition.  She had to do this for her family in Ostwick, for the Inquisition.  For the whole of Thedas!

She had to do this for Cullen.

Tanwen watched as an orb of light shot towards the breach, from the now closed rift, using the connection she had created.  Right as it entered the breach, she cut off the connection.  Once severed, a horrendous boom echoed, almost bloodying her ears before she and everyone else in the clearing was blasted off their feet by a shockwave of hot air that came back down from the breach. It felt like she had been charged by a shield-wielder. The whole event took mere seconds, but the absolute whiteness that followed, felt eternal.

Tanwen didn’t know how long she lay there and she didn’t really care.  She felt like she had been run over by an angry druffalo and her ears were ringing like a Chantry steeple at daybreak.  After a short time, she felt the ground thumping as if with footsteps, so Tanwen unsteadily rose to her knees, thanking the Maker when most of the pain and ringing dissipated.  She risked more throbbing as she looked around and saw everyone rising to stand, seeing Cassandra pushing past everyone to get to her.

When Cassandra reached Tanwen, she helped her stand. “You did it.” She stated simply, breathlessly smiling.

Both women looked around the open area as a loud cheer erupted from everyone in attendance, echoing off the ruins around them.

~//~

Everyone in the village celebrated with food and drink when the group from the Temple returned to Haven; laughter and cheering could be heard no matter where you were in the compound, and Tanwen loved it! People were dancing with each other, including Mages with Templars, all drinking and eating their fill in celebration of their accomplishments.  She, herself, had a tankard of ale in hand and she was sipping it periodically as she watched the revelry. 

Scanning the village, her eyes caught on Cullen as he stood at the fire, arms crossed over his breastplate, across from Varric and the dwarf’s tent.  He looked more at ease than she had seen him while talking to her companion. Something must have caught his attention, because he then turned his head to look in her direction and their eyes met, neither pulling away immediately. Tanwen smiled softly as they looked at each other, the corner of Cullen’s lips tilting up in return. She was about to leave her perch in front of the Chantry to join him when she heard footsteps come from the doors behind her.  Cassandra came to a stop next to her.

“Solas confirms the heavens are scarred, but calm.  The breach is sealed.  We’ve reports of lingering rifts, and many questions remain, but this was a victory.” Cassandra turned to Tanwen.  “Word of your heroism has already spread.”

Tanwen sighed and broke eye with Cullen to turn to Cassandra.  “You know how many were involved, Cassandra.  Luck put me at the center of it. They deserve just as much of the credit as I was given.”

Cassandra smiled. “A strange kind of luck, I’m not sure if we need more or less of.” She turned toward the village. “But you’re right. This was a victory of alliance.  One of the few in recent memory.  With the breach closed, that alliance will need new focus.” She finished, looking sideways at Tanwen. 

Tanwen inhaled to reply but was cut off by the sudden sound of warning bells as they began tolling, causing people to start running around in confusion and screaming in fear.  Below, Tanwen and Cassandra could see Cullen running towards a large group of soldiers near the front gates.

“Forces approaching! To arms!” he shouted, directing the men and women towards the armory.  Tanwen watched the soldiers spread the word to others as they passed.  Tanwen’s heart wrenched in her chest at the sounds of people screaming – the cries of children could be heard over the din.

Cassandra gripped Tanwen’s upper arm.  “What the…? We must get to the gates!”

Both women ran down the stairs and past the houses and stalls to where the front gates stood. Cullen was already there and they were joined by Josephine and Leliana immediately after.

Cassandra stopped next to the Commander. “Cullen?”

“What’s going on?” Tanwen asked as she came to a stop on his other side.

“One watchguard reporting.  It’s a massive force, the bulk over the mountain,” he said while pointing towards where the enemy was rolling over the hill like tiny black ants.  Tanwen moved closer to the gate to get a better look through the sizable gap above the gate doors.

“Under what banner?” she heard Josephine ask from behind her.

“None.” Cullen replied. 

“None?” Josephine parroted.  Tanwen was just as confused as Josephine sounded.

Tanwen watched the gate before them, trying to get her thoughts aligned, attempting to figure out what to do. She was brought out of her thoughts when the wood before her began rhythmically shaking, as if being hit by a battering ram in quick successions.  An orange light glowed momentarily from below before going out.  A mage was on the other side and must be using a rock fist spell to bash on the door before they tried burning it down.

Tanwen and the advisors shared a glance when a male’s voice could be heard from the other side.

“If someone could open this, I’d appreciate it!”

Tanwen looked up at the guards on the watch tower for answers.  “He fought off the ones bashing on the door, Herald.”  One of the soldiers called from his post.

Together, Tanwen and a couple soldiers pushed the heavy door open, revealing a dark haired man kneeling in the middle of a circle of dead mages.  When he stood, albeit shakily, he used a staff to support himself.  The stranger watched them cautiously as they approached him, his eyes catching on Cullen and his drawn sword.  When they got closer to him, Tanwen saw he was breathing fast, possibly from the effort and energy it took to kill his brethren, but she wasn’t sure.  He wasn’t dressed like the bodies of the mages around his feet.

“Ah!  I’m here to warn you...  Fashionably late, I’m afraid.” As he tried to stand up straighter, Cullen sheathed his sword- and with good timing.  Cullen hurried forward the few paces between them to the mage in time to catch the man under his arm as he started to collapse.  Once he seemed steady on his feet again, still using Cullen as a crutch, he continued.

“Mite exhausted.  Don’t mind me.” They watched as he stood straighter, seemingly trying to shake off his exhaustion. “My name is Dorian Pavus, and I bring grave news from Redcliffe – an army of rebel Mages, right behind me.”

Cullen moved from Dorian’s side back to Tanwen’s, stopping one pace ahead of her and refusing to take his eyes off the mage, even for a moment.  Tanwen didn’t take her eyes off him either, still trying to figure out if he was truly wanting to help or if it was a ruse, sent by the army marching towards them to get someone inside their holdings to hurt the people of Haven and make it easier for an invasion.

“They are under the command of the Venatori, in service to something called ‘The Elder One.’” Dorian turned and pointed to the rocky outcropping where they could see a woman standing, observing the march.  “The woman is Calpernia.  She commands the Venatori.”

Dorian moved his pointed finger to the side and towards a figure cresting the outcropping, emerging from a cloud of smoke and moving to stand next to a tall, thin blonde woman. Calpernia. 

“To that… The Elder One.” Tanwen felt her hands itching to grab the sword at her back, wanting to protect the people of haven from the invasion. “They were already marching on Haven.  I risked my life to get here first!”

Tanwen turned to Cullen, determination filling her. “Cullen! If you have a plan, I’ll take anything you can give me.” Cullen looked at her, but didn’t see her.  Tanwen could see the cogs whirling in his head, trying to strategize and make a plan for her.  A moment later, he closed his eyes and exhaled, shaking his head.

“Haven is no fortress.  If we are to withstand this monster army, we  _ must _ control the battle.” Cullen and Tanwen looked towards the trebuchet closest to them.  “Get out there and hit that force.  Use everything you can!”

He turned back toward the gate and shouted to his men. “Soldiers!  Gather the villagers!  Fortify the Chantry and watch for advance forces.”  To the rest of the assembled men, he got louder; his voice coming off the stone walls surrounding Haven like the roar of a lion. “Inquisition!  With the Herald!  For your lives!”

Tanwen felt a chill run down her spine and settle in her stomach, warming her.  She really liked his Commander side.  She quickly squashed that thought.  Now was not the time!  Tanwen watched him unsheathe his sword and point to the enemy.

“For all of us!”

Tanwen watched him hurry away to join his men as fear attempted to grip her heart.  Looking around, she grabbed the first three companions she saw.

“Varric! Solas! Bull! Congratulations, you just volunteered to join me!” she shouted, sarcasm infusing her words as she pulled her sword from its holder and moved towards the first trebuchet, closest to the front gate.

They battled mages and soldiers from the Venatori for well over an hour, managing to launch the two trebuchets closest to the front gates.  The first launched with no problem, minus the attacking hordes; but the second wasn’t even loaded when they got there.  When the soldiers were finally able to load the Trebuchet and launch it, the boulder landed on the mountain behind the army, disturbing the loose, fluffy snow and creating an avalanche that rocked the ground beneath them.  A feeling of triumph vibrated through Tanwen as they watched the advancing tide of the enemy become buried under the flurry of snow.  Her companions and the soldiers near them started to celebrate, but was drawn short.

Tanwen’s eyes grew wide and her smile fell as a foe approached them on swift wings, its throat glowing bright in the night with the fires few creatures could create before it sent a volley of flaming spheres towards the trebuchets, destroying them in one fell swoop.

These ‘Venatori’ had a  _ dragon?! _

‘ _ Well, shit.’ _ She thought to herself as she began backing up, grabbing anyone she passed and pushing them behind her towards the gate.

“Oh come on, that’s messed up.” Bull groaned, staring at the creature.

“Everyone to the gate!” Tanwen shouted while pushing everyone that was left towards the gate, making sure she brought up the rear as they watched the dragon bank to the right to make a second pass. As they ran towards the wall around Haven, they saw Harritt kicking at some boxes that had fallen in front of the door to his hutt.

“Harritt!  What in the Maker’s name are you doing?  Get to the Chantry!” Tanwen shouted as they ran to the smithy.

“I will not leave without my family heirloom!”

Tanwen growled under her breath, turning to look at Iron Bull. “Bull, pick him up and let’s go.”

“No!” The older man wailed as he threw up his hands to keep Bull at bay when the Qunari bent to pick him up.  As if that puny gesture would actually work against the Qunari male.

“Fine!  We don’t have time for this.” Tanwen rushed forward and, with a heavy swing of her sword, broke the boxes in front of the door and turned them into kindling.  The old man scurried in and came out with a large hammer. 

“Bull, pick him up and run to the gate. NOW!”

When they were within earshot of the gate, Tanwen could hear Cullen shouting at the people running towards him to move it and get inside the gate.  Once every villager, soldier, and companion was inside, Tanwen and Cullen heaved the doors shut and bolted them.  Anything to give them a little more time.  

Leaning against the doors and breathing heavily with effort, both warriors looked up when they saw the dragon fly overhead.

Cullen pushed off the wood and started up the stairs first, shouting orders. “We need everyone back to the Chantry!” Half way up the stairs, he paused and turned back to look at Tanwen, continuing his sentence. “It’s the only place that might hold against… that beast! At this point, Tanwen, just make them work for it.”

Tanwen was momentarily shocked as she watched him leave to herd people towards the protection of the Chantry’s walls.  Up to this point, he had called her Herald, my lady or Lady Trevelyan.  He had never called her by her given name, and she couldn’t help but think about how much she liked how it sounded on his tongue. She violently shook her head to realign her thoughts again.  When she, too, walked up the stairs to meet her companions, she saw some soldiers and the young Templar named Lysette, fighting several mages and a Venatori soldier to their right and past Seggrit’s cart. Tanwen remembered talking to the younger lady about her decision to join the Order.  The Inquisition would benefit from having her in it longer than the short time she had been with them.  Tanwen rushed over to them, her companions right behind her, and made quick work of the enemy before sending the group on to the Chantry.

Back at the stairs to go to the Chantry as well, they were accosted by a group of Venatori that had managed to get through the gates and proved to not be a challenge.  The general of the Venatori army obviously went for quantity over quality.  But she was glad that they had stopped, because the battle drew their attention to where the wall had collapsed near the tavern where Venatori were sneaking in. Before they could make it over there, the dragon made another pass, causing a portion of The Singing Maiden to explode and catch on fire. The closer they got to the Maiden, the more shouting and crying could be heard.

“You three, help the soldiers take care of this group of Venatori.  I’m going into the Maiden.  I hear screaming.” Tanwen commanded, charging into the charring building before her companions could say anything against it.

Inside was a blistering inferno that she almost didn’t recognize.  Grabbing a handkerchief from under her breastplate, she quickly searched all the while taking in the broken barrels, flaming tables and fallen beams. From beneath one of the latter, she saw movement.  Tanwen rushed over to the person.

“Flissa!  Are you alright?” Tanwen called when she got where Flissa lay.

“My legs are stuck, my lady!”

Tanwen handed the younger woman her handkerchief, instructing her to cover her nose and mouth to avoid inhaling too much of the smoke surrounding them.  Doing as she was told, Tanwen moved to lift the beam from the other woman’s legs.  It was tough, but she did it with a roar of effort and tossed it aside before bending to help Flissa stand.

As they exited to the outside in the chill mountain air, the building behind them collapsed in a spray of glowing embers and flames. Tanwen found her companions waiting for her to emerge off to the side of the building where she had left them to handle the Venatori.  She handed Flissa to one of the guards that remained, telling them to go straight to the Chantry before she, Varric, Solas, and Iron Bull went to where she saw Adan and Minaeve standing next to large jars.  When they moved towards them, the house Solas had stayed in exploded, sending wood scraps into the air before raining down upon them.  When the dust and snow cleared, Adan and Minaeve were lying on the ground next to the jars.  Tanwen ran to them, seeing flames working their way towards the jar along a trail of kindling and some kind of clear liquid.

“What’s in the pots?” She asked Adan as she helped him stand.

“It’s a volatile compound of my own creation, to make incendiary grenades.”

“Shit, we have to move!” Tanwen shouted, helping Minaeve to stand.  All the while, keeping a wary eye on the flames as they burned ever closer.

The moment everyone cleared the house across from Solas’, closest to the Chantry, the flames reached the liquid in the clay jars and exploded, sending the party flying nearly twenty feet through the air towards the holy building.  The two soldiers were in the rear.  Tanwen didn’t have to look back to know two more names had been added to the list of those lost at Haven.

Groaning, Tanwen helped the survivors to stand and gather the two injured civilians.  

Tanwen turned to Adan and Minaeve.  “Can you still walk?  Can you help each other to the Chantry?”

“Yes, Lady Herald.”

Tanwen nodded to Minaeve in response. “Then move!  Get to the Chantry as fast as you possibly can!” Looking at the Chantry doors, she saw Threnn running towards some Venatori who were trying to sneak around and attack from behind the buildings.

“Come on!” Tanwen shouted to her companions, running over and engaging the Venatori and saving Threnn’s life.  Watching the quartermaster run to Haven’s Chapel, Tanwen heard Bull shout about hearing still more survivors.  Back down where they fought the Venatori after helping Lysette, Tanwen found the moody Seggrit trapped in his house. She tried the door and found it stuck, so she looked around and saw a ladder to a platform.  From there, she crossed a plank of wood that looked like they were using for roof repairs.  When she looked at the roof, she knew that it would take more than a few small repairs to fix it as there was a giant hole in the roof.  Inside, she saw Seggritt cowering against the far wall.  Tanwen jumped down and looked around the one room cabin and saw what was keeping the door shut. If the boxes against the door from the  _ inside _ were any indication, the salesman had run here and blocked himself in.  The coward.  Tanwen got them out the same way she had helped Harritt get into his house and quickly moved towards the Chantry as they heard Seggrit’s house collapse.

At the Chantry, Chancellor Roderick was ushering people into the building while hunched over slightly and clutching his side, being closely watched by the mage, Dorian.  “Keep going!  The Chantry is your shelter!”

Making sure all of her companions, villagers and straggling soldiers were inside, she turned to watch the doors shut, only to see the cleric collapse into Dorian’s arms. The mage acted as the holy man’s crutch to a nearby chair.

“A brave man.  He stood against a Venatori.” Dorian mumbled sadly as he looked on at Roderick.

Roderick chuckled at Dorian’s words, blood trickling at the corner of his mouth.  “Briefly.  I am no Templar.”

Cullen came out from behind one of the pillars and, upon seeing that Tanwen and her companions were within the safety of the Chantry’s walls, hurried over to them. “Herald! Our position is not good.  That dragon stole back any time you might have earned us.  There has been no communication, no demands. Only advance after advance.”

Tanwen and Cullen turned to face Dorian when he started speaking.  “There was no bargaining with the Mages, either. This Elder One takes what it wants.” Dorian began tending to the clerics wounds as he continued. “From what I’ve gathered in Redcliffe, it marched all of this way to take your Herald.”

“Why was there no notification of such an advancing force coming out of Redcliffe? Surely someone from one of our many camps would have noticed something and reported it.” Tanwen looked at Cullen, noting his sombre gaze at his boots. That could only mean that the soldiers left in the Hinterlands to guard some of the posts around the city were gone. 

Tanwen felt sadness blooming.  There was only one way to save Haven’s inhabitants now.  Regardless of her stomach being in her knees, Tanwen squared her soldiers.  “If it’s me that they want, if it will save these people, give you more time to escape, then I will go to them.”

She felt Cullen tense at her words and saw Dorian shake his head. “An assassin might take you up on that.  But his force has not seemed concerned about specifics.  And such a promising start with the landslide.” He chuckled, his snarky attitude evident.  “If only the trebuchets remained an option.”

Tanwen looked at Cullen when she noticed he was considering Dorian’s words.  “They are,” he said finally.  “If we turn the last of them towards the mountain above us.”

“We’re overrun.  To hit the enemy, we’d bury Haven.”

Cullen looked at Tanwen to reply. “This is not survivable now.  The only choice left is how spitefully we end this.” When he finished, he was barely above a whisper.

Dorian had been listening to them because he popped in to add his own two copper. “Well, that’s not acceptable! I didn’t race here only to have you drop rocks on my head.”

Cullen turned to the mage, anger creating flames in his golden eyes. “Should we submit?  Let them kill us?”

Dorian wasn’t about to back down from the Commander’s challenge. “Dying is typically the last resort, not the first!  For a Templar, you think like a Blood Mage.” Cullen sighed angrily at the comparison and shook his head.

“There is a path.  You wouldn’t know it was there unless you’d made the Summer Pilgrimage, as I have.  The people can escape.” Chancellor Roderick spoke up and explained between grunts of pain and bloodied coughs. “She must have showed me.  Andraste must have shown me so I could… tell you.”

Tanwen looked to the clergyman as he attempted to stand.  “What are you talking about, Roderick?”

“It was on a whim that I walked the path.  I did not mean to start, it was overgrown.  Now, with so many in the Conclave dead, to be the only one who remembers… I don’t know, Herald.” he coughed again, another trickle of blood making its way to his chin from the corner of his mouth.  “If this simple memory could save us, this could be more than mere accident.   _ You  _ could be more.”

Tanwen turned to Cullen.  “What about it, Cullen?  Do you think it’ll work?”

Cullen nodded before glaring at the older man. “Possibly.   _ If _ he shows us the path.” He turned back to Tanwen. “But what of your escape?”

Tanwen thought about any and all possibilities that she might get to go with them.  There were few to none because they needed a distraction only she seemed to be able to give them, since their enemy wanted her and no one else.  She turned away because she could feel hot tears instantly forming under her eyelids.  She was no oracle, but she suddenly had a vividly clear view of her future.  It was disturbingly short and likely filled with pain and agony.  The only sounds that could be heard were Rodericks wheezing and people gathered at the back of the Chantry.

Tanwen walked a short distance away towards the bolted doors and she could feel Cullen’s heat behind her.  Once they were out of earshot of the Mage and the Cleric, she stopped.

“My Lady, perhaps you will surprise them, find a way.” To Tanwen’s ears, his words sounded both hopeful and desperate at the same time.  Tanwen turned towards him with a sad smile on her lips, unshed tears in her eyes, but he was looking back to shout orders.  “Inquisition! Follow Chancellor Roderick through the dungeon beneath the Chantry.  Move!”

As Dorian moved towards the back with Roderick draped over his shoulders by one arm, Roderick turned his head to Tanwen.  “Herald… if you are meant for this, if the Inquisition is meant for this, I pray for you.” 

Tanwen nodded her head to the man as Dorian half carried him to where everyone else had gathered.

Cullen beckoned two soldiers, Varric, Solas and Iron Bull over then pointed to the door then turned back to her.  “They will load the Trebuchet. Keep the Elder One’s attention until we’re above the tree line. We will send up a flare to signal our arrival at the past above Haven.”  

Tanwen bobbed her head in agreement - she had come to the same conclusion - before moving to the door but stopped when Cullen spoke again. “If we are to have a chance - if  _ you _ are to have a chance - let that thing hear you.”

She nodded again and continued towards the door but stopped again when her hand touched the wood. Turning back, she shouted Cullen’s name to stop him in his tracks as she ran back towards him. He stopped and turned at his name. When Tanwen caught up to him, she reached down and grabbed both of his hands with her own.

“I just wanted to tell you… to say… Thank you, Cullen.  You have been a true and wonderful friend since I came here.  I wish I could tell everyone else.  Help these people escape, whatever you have to do.  The Inquisition needs to grow, to finish what was started.  Lead them, or everything falls. There are other ways to close the rifts; there has to be.” He stared at her for a moment, mixed emotions passing his eyes, before he nodded and turned, but Tanwen stopped him by squeezing his hands tighter drawing his gaze back to her.

Tanwen sucked in a breath, rocked forward on her toes and placed a chaste kiss on his right cheek, just over his scar, then pulled back to smile at him in an attempt to cover her glassy eyes.

“For luck.”

Cullen, in a daze, nodded and moved towards the soldiers forming a line in front of the villagers.  Out before the Chantry doors, Bull gathered his weapon and rolled his massive shoulders while gripping his axe in front of him.

“Alright, time to get loud.”

Staring ahead at the mass of Venatori coming towards their home, she unsheathed her greatsword and spoke.  “I just want to say that, whatever happens, it has been an honor working with you guys.  Now, let’s kick some ass!”

~//~


	7. Up the Mountain the Light Shall Shine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Corypheus is here and wants what Tanwen has. But she will put up a fight to protect herself and those of the Inquisition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the last chapter to edit, so on to the main bulk of the story!
> 
> Just as a forewarning with this chapter: I am rubbish at writing battles. Plus, blood tw and strangling tw. Also, at one point in this chapter, you will see the name Iuen a couple times. Spelled with an i, but pronounced Yai-on or E-eye-on, I’ve heard it a couple ways; it’s another Welsh name that will be explained later.

Lady and the Templar chapter 7

Tanwen could feel her heart racing as she struggled to catch her breath.  She had lost count of how many waves of enemy they had battled, and she prayed to the Maker that there was a supply crate or two stored near the last trebuchet. Should they survive, she was going to ask the advisors if it was possible to hide supply caches in strategic positions. She was sure that they would agree, especially Culle since he himself would likely suggest reinforcing the walls and making them taller, after an attack of this magnitude.

Right now, they were getting low on supplies, but they were still alive.  Tanwen really didn’t want to die, and that gave her strength to continue on.  She wanted to live to see her parents again, her brothers, her sister-by-law, her nephews. Maker, she wanted to see Iuen one more time.  She wanted to fall in love and be loved in return.  However, duty had to come first, always. And as the Herald of Andraste, this was hers. She would make sure that her companions had a chance to get to the Chantry, whatever it took. The people of Haven depended on her.  She had to keep them safe.

She just hoped that, should it become the only option, the sacrifice she would likely be making wouldn’t be in vain.

At the third trebuchet, they were met with resistance, but prevailed, and they managed to get the trebuchet almost turned around completely in-between wave after wave of Venatori.  

“For the Elder One!” Tanwen turned from the trebuchet to see a slight of build, dark haired, tan skinned woman approach.  As she drew closer, she could see Orlesian-style mage robes, a staff and pointed ears that she remembered seeing in Val Royeaux.  She wanted to be surprised to see Fiona here, but she was getting tired and just wanted to complete her mission without anyone dying.  Including herself.

“Fiona!  Why did you have to join the Venatori? I wanted to help both sides, equally. We could have used Mages and Templars to close the breach.  I really don’t want to fight you.  You can still join us!” Tanwen shouted as she approached with her sword held firmly before her.

“It is too late, Herald. The Elder One comes.” Fiona said in a monotone before flinging a spell from the tip of her staff.

The older mage had years of experience on Tanwen and her companions. Luckily, Tanwen was able to deflect many of Fiona’s attacks towards any Mages or Venatori that tried to join the melee.

Right swing, left swing, block.  Block, block, left swing. “One… more… attack on her shields and we can take her down.” Tanwen grunted, watching the sparkle of Fiona’s shields growing dimmer. Then, with a small  _ pop _ , her shield was completely down.

“Solas! Freeze her arms and feet.” Tanwen called, approaching the woman, weapon still drawn. When he shackled her in ice, Tanwen spoke.  “Fiona.  Why?  Why would you turn to the Venatori? I was going to bring the Mages  _ and  _ the Templars into the Inquisition. Help you both and work towards making the world safe for everyone. But you sided with the Venatori, this Elder One and  attacked us instead.  Why?” The elven woman glared at Tanwen, tugging on her icy bonds to no effect.

“I have nothing to say to you,” she drawled, puffing her chest with breath as if preparing to scream. But Tanwen would never know what she was going to say because her life was cut short when a bolt was embedded in her chest.

“Call me paranoid, but I didn’t want her shouting something that would summon more here.” Varric grumbled, holding Bianca ready for another attack.

Tanwen released an angered growl at the dwarf before she sheathed her greatsword and moved back to the trebuchet, turning it the final quarter until it faced the mountain behind Haven.  The soldiers that had loaded the weapon lay dead on the ground near the other rocks and Tanwen mourned them with heavy heart.  Tanwen and her companions looked up at the sound of flapping wings and ear-splitting screeches.  Tanwen’s eyes widened in fear.

“The dragon’s returning.  Move!  Now!” Tanwen grabbed, pushed, and threatened the three men until they were ahead of her. When they resisted, she growled again then shouted, “I SAID MOVE!”

Bull turned and picked Varric up and carried him under arm as he was joined by Solas and they ran away from the approaching dragon. From the trebuchet, Tanwen watched her companions as they ran to safety and sighed in relief. When they passed Seggrit’s stall and turned right to go to the Chantry, she spun on her heel when she heard the gurgling sound of a fireball being prepped.

“Please stay safe,” Tanwen whispered in the direction her companions were retreating when the bladed end of Solas’ staff disappeared from view behind Iron Bull and the flailing Varric under his arm.

She reluctantly turned back to the dragon. With only a moment to spare, she realized how close the dragon had become and jumped from the platform just in time.  Right as she managed to get ten feet away, the enormous beast released its ball of flame, destroying a stone half wall next to the trebuchet with an ear-shattering explosion. Shards of wood and metal, mixed with chunks of stone, were sent in every direction, the heat and force of the blast sent Tanwen soaring a short distance before she rolled to a stop.  As she lay there stunned with her ears ringing heavily, she felt something with a monstrous amount of malicious intent approach. 

When she managed to turn her head to the side enough to see, she watched the being walk casually  _ through _ the flames created by the ancient beast. Could it be her imagination?  Or did the flames shy away from it as if the fire could get burned by touching the creature itself?  

As she stared at the menacing creature, she heard a wheezing sound of something or someone trying to draw breath. She wanted to help them, but couldn’t seem to move her body no matter how hard she tried.  Her chest felt tight and as if it were on fire, and it caused her to pause when realization hit.  That wheezing was her own body trying to draw breath, to survive. A moment later, her lungs greedily grasped for air, filling almost to capacity and Tanwen was finally able to sit up, the sudden movement causing her head to throb as she moved to stand.

Turning towards the evil coming towards her, Tanwen looked it up and down and finally recognized the form.  It was the being that had been standing with the woman Dorian called Calpernia, up on the bluff beyond Haven’s walls. 

The Elder One. 

When it was close enough, Tanwen saw shards of glowing red Lyrium jutting from the sides of its face and chest, evil coming off it in waves like an emotion.  It was impossibly tall and naught but skin and bones, wrapped in a ratty half hood with a mantle of feathers.

The creature came to a stop in front of her and stared down at her in disgust.  Tanwen turned and watched the dragon land on the other side of the clearing, causing the ground to shake and nearly knock her off her feet, looking at the being before her as if for instructions. Tanwen reached back to unsheathe her sword, but only grabbed at air.  She hadn’t locked her sword into its sheath, so when she got sent through the air in the explosion next to the trebuchet, it had fallen out and likely buried in debris. She clenched her hands as she stared at them. 

The dragon wasn’t with the Venatori, it was with the Elder One… wonderful.

As the beast moved closer, it roared in her face, it’s breath like fire and brimstone.  A normal person would probably lose their bladders in fear, but Tanwen was tired and she was getting beyond caring, beyond feeling; A numbness seemed to take over her body. But in a part of her mind that still held some humor, she couldn’t help but think the dragon could use a mint leaf or twenty.

Thinking of mint leaves shifted her thoughts to Cullen, where they had remained more times than not since their return from Therinfal Redoubt. Her reaction to Envy killing Cullen, even if it hadn’t been real, had still affected her. More than it would have if she saw Cullen as just a friend. Had she formed feelings for the Good Commander? Thoughts of him made her stomach tighten and her heart to flutter. That didn’t happen when she talked to her other male friends.  Tanwen wanted to cry at the likelihood of a lost opportunity to get to know the Commander better, to perhaps start something more than just friendship, should she fail to survive this hopeless-looking encounter. By the Maker, if she lived past this night, she would spend more time with him, get to know him, become more than a friend.

Memories came to her as she stared the dragon down, bare handed, of her time with Cullen. She chuckled inside at the memory that the thought of mint brought her. Whenever she would return from a mission with stories, he would always chew on one before she met him to tell him of her adventures.  Maker, she missed hi-

“Enough!” The being growled with a deep, gravely voice.  He waved one of his hands from one side to another, sending a wave of power at her and the dragon to get their attention like a parent demanding the attention of their children.  When she looked at the being, it continued.

“Pretender!  You toy with forces beyond your ken.  No more.”

Tanwen squared her shoulders in defiance.  “Whatever you are, I’m not afraid.”

Oh but she could feel the emotion bubbling in her stomach like an ache, before she forced it down.  She may no longer have her weapon, but she couldn’t afford fear if she wanted to see her family again, her companions and friends again.  To see Cullen again.  Tanwen forcefully pushed those thoughts down and away for safe-keeping. She had learned something from the Envy demon - She wanted nothing that could be used against her front and center anywhere.  Especially since she knew not what this creature was, for it was most definitely NOT human, if it ever was.

“Words mortals often hurl at the darkness.  Once they were mine.  They were always lies.  Know me.  Know what you have pretended to be.  Exalt the Elder One!  The  _ will _ that is Corypheus!” He pointed at Tanwen with one of his spindly fingers. “You will kneel.”

“I kneel to no one!” Tanwen shouted, backing up slowly as she spoke.

“You resist.  You will always resist. It matters not.” Corypheus pulled an orb from behind its back as if from thin air. Looking closer, she remembered seeing a similar looking orb held by the shadow in the Temple. Her eyes grew wide.  This was the creature from the Temple, the one that had caused the explosion and all of those deaths. If she didn’t think it a monster before, she did now.  All those innocent lost! “I am here for the  _ Anchor _ .  The process of removing it begins now.”

Tanwen watched the orb begin emitting an ominous red glow and a red mist began undulating over its surface as it rested in Corypheus’ hand. When Corypheus flung a hand at her this time, the hand glowed red, causing the mark in her own hand to activate and glow in reply.  As pain grew in her arm from the reaction with the orb, she tried moving it so she could make an escape, but it didn’t budge. The creature before her had complete control over her own arm and she could feel the mark rising, along with her hand, to meet him as he moved closer to her. 

“It’s your fault, ‘Herald’. You interrupted a ritual years in planning, and instead of dying, you stole its purpose.” Tanwen watched Corypheus’ hand twist at the wrist and clamp shut, the red pulsing off it expanding and getting a replying reaction from the mark - no, anchor - in her own hand. Tanwen gripped her left wrist tight, trying to get the pain being generated to stop as she gave a short cry. “I don’t know how you survived, but what marks you as ‘touched’, what you flail at rifts, I crafted to assault the very heaven.”

With Corypheus’ reverberated words, an even more painful, more powerful pulse came off the anchor with a wave of its hand. It felt like the monster that had captured her was trying to pull the anchor out of her hand, but it wasn’t giving. Tanwen wanted to scream and cry beyond the small yelp she had released moments ago, but she wouldn’t give the creature the satisfaction. But any more of this and she would find a way to cut off her own hand, just to escape this being and the pain it brought her. Tanwen fell to her knees, the pain causing her legs to become weak, still grasping her wrist as she watched one monster walked towards her and the other paced back and forth behind her.

“And you used the anchor to undo my work?  The gall!”

Tanwen glared up at it through watery eyes and gritted teeth.  “Then take it! I didn’t ask for this.”

“Mortals have always cried thus.  Praise me, for I would end the silence that answers.” Finally having enough of their chat, Corypheus moved the last two steps to where Tanwen knelt in the mud and snow, bending down to grasp the back of her neck and shifting its hand as he lifted her into the air to grip the front of her neck.  Tanwen grasped at the bony limb holding her with both of her hands. For being as thin as a young tree, the creature had great strength.

“I once breached the Fade in the name of another, to serve the Old Gods of the Empire  _ in person _ . I found only chaos and corruption.  Dead whispers.  For a thousand years I was confused.  No more.” All throughout the speech, Tanwen could feel the grip around the slender column of her throat tighten.  If choking her was its purpose, she wasn’t sure;  its gaze was wholly and completely on the Anchor in her hand on its arm, with a maniacal gleam in its ancient eyes, as she tried not to get herself hung from the tall grasp she found herself in.

“I have gathered the  _ will _ to return under no name but my own.  To champion a withered Tevinter and correct this blighted world.” Tanwen began gasping for breath as Corypheus spoke, wishing she hadn’t cursed the cold, clean mountain air as she had at times.  Because she was certainly missing it now.  “Beg that I succeed, for I have seen the Throne of the Gods,  _ and it was empty!” _

Tanwen froze her struggles at his words, her vision darkening.  _ Surely the creature lies!  _  Before she knew what was happening, she was flying through the air again.  With a pained cry, Tanwen came in contact with something hard and vertical.  Blinking furiously to push the darkness away, she realized she was leaning against the trebuchet that she had prepared earlier.

“The anchor is permanent.  You have spoiled it with your stumbling.” Tanwen looked around frantically for a weapon to defend herself, finding a long sword that had belonged to one of the Inquisition soldiers Cullen had sent with her to help with the trebuchet.  Tanwen’s muscles protested as she grabbed the discarded sword and stood shakily.  She raised the one-handed sword with both of her hands and held it in front of her, leaning back against the wood behind her for support so she could defend herself against the creature closing in. “So be it.  I will begin again, and find another way to give this world the nation - and  _ god - _ it requires.”

Glancing over the creature’s shoulder, Tanwen noticed the flaming arrow that Cullen said he would send into the air to signal that everyone had arrived and they had cleared out of the village.  It was like a beacon of hope and she felt her strength bolster at the sight.  Cullen had gotten the people of Haven to the ridgeline and out of immediate danger.  Now it was time to fulfill her side of the plan.  Deep inhale, slow exhale.  Tanwen closed her eyes and said a prayer of thanks to the Maker, wishing strength and happiness to Iuen and her loved ones and the people serving the Inquisition. For health and happiness for Cullen.

Maker, she might not be seeing him again.  Might not gaze into his beautiful golden eyes and watch them sparkle as he listened to a story of hers from her most recent adventure.  Might never again hear the way he commanded his troops that always sent a shiver down her spine.  

Why, oh why had she not been given more time?  Tanwen sighed again.  She couldn’t dwell on that now.  She had soldiers, villagers and friends that depended on her to protect them from the madman.

“And you, I will not suffer even an unknowing rival.  You  _ must _ die.” Tanwen opened her eyes as he finished, glaring at him intently before casting her gaze at the pass then at the trebuchets handle beside her.  She assumed an attack stance, holding the sword steady with both of her hands.

“You expect me to fight.  But that’s not why I kept you talking.” Tanwen managed to say past the feeling of tiny pebbles in her throat from her bruised voice box.  She took a fortifying breath and exhaled.  “Enjoy your victory.  Here’s your prize!”

Flinging her sword away with one hand, Tanwen used the momentum to turn and use her armored foot to kick the lever of the trebuchet as hard as she possibly could, launching the boulder and sending it flying towards the mountainside behind Haven that couched the most snow.  Both of the abominations before her watched the boulder as it soared towards its intended target, then turning back towards her when she began running the opposite direction.  With a roar that felt like the dragon was cursing her, she looked over her shoulder to see it gather Corypheus in its wings and flew into the night.

Tanwen turned her gaze forward, jumping over beams and broken walls in her haste. When she turned her head to look over her shoulder at her death approaching in a wall of white, she didn’t see the large covered hole that was fast approaching from the direction she was running.

Just as the snow was nipping at her heels, her leg went through the rotted wood, dropping her down into a black abyss, surrounded by bits of wood.  She was caught so unawares by the sudden change of direction, she couldn’t even release a scream as she fell.  Her self-preservation was alert enough to make her turn her body until she was on her back where more armor was equipped.  Without warning, as the blackness surrounded her,Tanwen finally landed with a thud.  A searing pain in the back of her head and in her left side shown bright behind her eyelids momentarily before the whole world went finally, blissfully black.

~//~

When everyone in Haven had safely arrived between the two mountain peaks behind the village, Cullen had had Sera send a flaming arrow skyward to signal the Herald that everyone still living was at a safe distance.  As he stared down at their former hold, waiting for the trebuchet to fire, Cullen thought back to the Chantry earlier that night and the look on Lady Trevelyan’s face.

Cullen had noticed that she had tried to hide it for everyone’s sake, but he could see the sadness and fear in her sapphire eyes, even if it was only for a split second.  He had wanted to hug her and never let go, to take her with them in their escape.  But that was ridiculous, inappropriate and he couldn’t.  They needed the distraction only she could create to help the bulk of the Inquisition escape.  As much as he hated it, as much as it was hurting him, the other advisors and her companions, the lives of the many trumped the lives of the few.  So he’d forced himself to watch the Herald and three of her companions leave, shoulders back and spine straight in determination to see this thing done.

Cullen and a handful of soldiers had then waited in the Chantry after everyone else had moved on through the path’s entrance in the dungeon below, guided by Chancellor Roderick, and on up the hill to await the Herald companions’ arrival. He told himself that it was to make sure no loose Venatori could follow the Inquisition through the tunnel entrance in the dungeon, but he knew that was a lie. 

Lady Trevelyan was his friend, much to his surprise, and he held out hope that she would be walking in after her companions because there had been no need for the final trebuchet.  After waiting as long as he dared, with heavy heart, Cullen decided they had to rejoin the others.  As they were closing the door to the dungeon to go to the path themselves, they heard thundering footfalls coming towards them.  Cullen and his men drew their swords and closed the portal until just a crack of light was visible in case the visitors were Venatori.  He exhaled and opened the door once more when Iron Bull, carrying a very angry Varric and followed by Solas, emerged into their line of vision. Alone.

All three were scratched and dirty, but in relatively good health.  When he looked around the men to see if the soldiers he had sent or the Herald were behind them to watch their backs, she was nowhere to be seen. He knew that she had stayed behind to launch the trebuchets when needed, but a small part of him had hoped she would have come with them.

“What happened?” Cullen asked, looking at Bull.

“We were attacked by that dragon again.  Boss had seen it coming and told us to run.  We all wanted to stay, but she commanded us to go to the Chantry.  When we got here, I looked over to where we had left her and saw her facing off with the thing the Tevinter had fingered as the Elder One.”  Bull reported, putting Varric down on his own two feet. If the moment hadn’t been so sombre, Cullen might have entertained the thought that steam was coming out of the dwarf’s ears.

“She’s still out there?” Cullen asked, feeling the need for confirmation.

Bull nodded.  “But she was right to stay.  The Inquisition needs to survive, and she is sacrificing her life for all of ours. Don’t let what she is doing be for nothin’, Commander.”

Cullen stared below now, watching bits of green and red glow from where the third trebuchet stood.  She was still alive, but for how long?  Could she take on a man who could control a dragon?  Cullen watched the dragon pace back and forth behind the green glowing pinprick.  Minutes passed as he watched the dots move, before a soldier approached him to ask whether they should move beyond the pass.  Leaving her down there by herself did not sit well with him, but Iron Bull was correct.  

He had few he could truly call ‘friend’, and she was one of them.  One of the better ones. And right now, she was fighting for her life, for all of their lives, against their enemy alone and without any backup forthcoming. The knowledge sat low and heavy in his gut.  But she had given him an order that he intended to see through.  As he turned away to follow the rest of the Inquisition, he stopped and turned at the distant sound of a trebuchet firing, seeing a large boulder flying through the air and disappearing behind the mountain side to his left, feeling the ground rock under his feet at the impact.

_ “She did it!”  _ Cullen thought to himself with a smile, before it and his shoulders fell just as quickly as it had formed.

Tanwen Trevelyan may have survived long enough to bury Haven in snow and ice, and hopefully the Elder One and the dragon with it, but the likelihood of making it to the Chantry before burying herself in the resulting avalanche was slim to none. The Herald was a great warrior, but no one could fight an avalanche and win. Cullen turned away, unable to bare the sight of the village he had called home for months now being overtaken by the wave of white, and began following the rest of the Inquisition. 

As he walked behind the crowd, Cullen setup scouting outposts along the way to watch for any Venatori that might follow. He planned on returning to Haven after they had a couple days to recuperate, then go back to the ruins of Haven to gather what they could for supplies and bury the dead, including the Herald.  After everything she had done for them, it was the least they could do for her.

~//~

When Tanwen woke, she was shivering harder than she ever had since coming to Haven. And she’d had her share of shivers.  Being from warm climes like the Free Marches, she was used to warmer temperatures and higher humidity.  It had taken time to acclimate to the colder weather of Ferelden, despite bringing her warmest cloak from home.  

How long had she been unconscious? Looking up, the hole through which she had fallen was covered in debris and snow.  As she sat up, she cried out as pain radiated through her torso. When she looked down, she felt herself pale at the sight of a piece of the wood she had fallen through that was embedded in her left side from the back of her left side, through her mail, and was poking through the skin and armor of her front. It was the diameter of handle of her former greatsword, and she thought about trying to remove the offending wood, but remembered something she had learned about severe wounds like this years ago.  When shot by an arrow or impaled on a pike, unless you were near a healer, you left the weapon where it was, or else risk bleeding out. Though, if it were a pike, you would probably at least find a way to make the shaft shorter for easier transport. Luckily for her, the shaft sticking out of her body only stuck out a hands width at the entry and exit points.

Taking deep, even breaths, she slowly and carefully removed her armor piece by piece.  As she did, dark spots began floating through her line of vision from blood loss when she removed the armor pieces from around the wound.  When she was down to her tunic and padding, Tanwen tore a wide piece from her tunic and made strips, tying them together to make a long length of cloth, before carefully wrapping the makeshift bandage around her middle to support the protrusion and keep it from moving. Once her plate armor was back on, minus the ruined mail, she worked her way to standing using another piece of wood and a nearby boulder, and looked around the cavern she fell into.

The cavern appeared half finished, with the look of some kind of Elven design.  But she couldn’t remember ever hearing or reading of elves being this far into the mountains before, in any age. It could have been dwarven, since she read that the Dwarven thaig Orzammar wasn’t terribly far away, but the look just didn’t fit what she had learned of the architecture by the Dwarven race.  She had never seen anything about rooms and halls being under Haven, nor had anyone mentioned anything about rumors or fact. Had this been part of the old village that had once housed the cult that guarded the Urn of Sacred Ashes?

“I will have time to contemplate the architectural aesthetics and hidden rooms belonging to cults later.” Tanwen mumbled to herself and grit her teeth as she stumbled from boulder to wall, her force of will the only thing making her move one foot in front of another towards the opening of the room that was lit by a faint glow of unknown origin.  

For an hour, Tanwen searched for an exit to the tunnels, always heading down halls that had an incline.  She thought that, if she followed paths that went up, it would come out near where the Inquisition had been behind Haven.  Then she would be able to follow some sort of trail they had left and hopefully catch up, let them know she survived the destruction, if not the journey.  She had to pause to rest often and collapsed to the cold ground twice. “Must keep going… survived the real enemy… once… can do this, too.  Will do this… must survive for Iuen.  Must… get to Inquisition… must get to… Cullen.” She continued these words, making them her chant for strength, using them to light the fire of her determination to keep her going.

Thoughts flashed through her head, each one adding to the strength her words created.  Daydreams became prominent in her mind of playing with children at her parents home, the afternoons she had spent telling Cullen of the adventures she’d had working for the Inquisition.

Tanwen paused when she felt a breeze blow from her right that was colder than the rest of the room and heard wheezing and gurgling noises.  Following the cave tunnel carefully, she finally found an exit to the outside.  When she got closer, however, she found two despair demons floating around the open room before the opening, flanked by glowing green wraiths.  

She shied back behind an enormous block of solid stone, knowing she had neither the strength nor a weapon to fight the powerful creatures.  But she could see no other option.  She had finally found an exit and didn’t want to risk getting lost trying to find another one and dying in the caves from either her wound taking her life, from freezing to death, or starvation. She may not last long in a fist fight against any of them, but better to go down in a blaze of glory.

_ “Use the Anchor-” _ a soft voice echoed through her mind, warm and melodious, causing Tanwen to jump slightly at its suddenness. “ _ Create a rift to smite thine demonic foe.” _

“Who’s there?” Tanwen whispered to the voice, not wanting to draw the attention of the demons.  The voice sent warmth coursing through her skin, buffering the cold blowing in from without; it almost sounded female, but not like her own conscious.  The feeling was familiar as well, but from where?

“ _ Use the Anchor.  Save yourself.  Help the people.  Heal the world.” _

Tanwen’s eyes grew wide.  Could this be Andraste trying to guide her?  The voice sounded familiar as well as the warm feeling. Then it hit her.  The voice was from when they were at Theirinfal Redoubt convincing the Templars to join the Inquisition! She didn’t want to be so presumptuous as to assume such, but what choice did she have?  She was no mage, so no spirits could possess her without the help of a Blood Mage, and the demons couldn’t give her the feeling she felt at the words.  Closing her eyes, she knitted her fingers together in her lap and prayed.

_ “Blessed Andraste, Bride of the Maker, how would I do your will?  How would you have me use this… this anchor as you commanded? I am no mage, thus could not begin to imagine how to conduct such a command.  Please, tell me so your will be done.” _ Tanwen prayed silently, squeezing her eyes tightly shut.

The voice replied, as if from a great distance and just above a whisper.  _ “Use the Mark.  Gather your will.  Give it up to the Maker on High.” _ An image formed on the back of Tanwen’s eyelids, of herself standing before the demons, her open palm up and a rift forming above her between the two demons and  _ sucking them into it! _

“I understand now!  Thank you!  Thank you so much!” Tanwen whispered excitedly as she attempted to stand.  It took a couple tries, but she staggered towards the demons, unafraid, catching their attention as she approached.  When they screamed and began inhaling to send their icy tendrils at her, Tanwen gathered as much of her will and faith as she could and, with a roar of effort, thrust her marked hand up like she had with the breach.  She hadn’t expected it to work on her first try, but as the ground shook, a small rift formed and opened, causing the demons caught near it to freeze and scream as if in pain as they disintegrated, returning to the fade from whence they came.

When the path finally cleared, Tanwen fell to her hands and knees as she gasped for breath.  Clasping her injured side with one hand and bracing herself above the ground with the other, she gave thanks for the guidance she had received as she inhaled deeply then exhaled slow to regulate her breathing.  Her faith may have been shaken by Corypheus’ words, but it was not broken.  The voice she had heard may truly have been her conscious, but she still felt her faith sitting comfortably in her heart.

With exhausted and pained breath, Tanwen got back to her feet and moved towards the opening and paused.  The snow was blowing fiercely, the wind howling like a pack of hungry wolves.  If she didn’t protect her face, she would surely get lost from the snow blindness she had read about happening in the mountains while preparing for her trip to the Conclave. Looking around, she saw no cloth or helm she could use, so she reached under her armor and padding again and ripped off more of her undershirt, carefully wrapping it about her head and leaving only a tiny slit through which to see where she was going.  Taking a deep breath, she ventured out into the white.

Hours into her journey, things had been less fruitful than she would have liked.  At one point, Tanwen thought she saw the skull of a massive beast with horns that might have once been a dragon, but she shook her head, thinking it was a hallucination due to her injuries and exhaustion. Later, she had found a few frozen fire pits and a broken wagon.  She thought they may have been part of a small village or some hermit that lived up in the mountains, but she never found any structures.  Even when the storm had calmed slightly as she passed between two more mountain peaks, she continued finding scraps of wood, as if someone was trying to leave a breadcrumb trail.

_ ‘It had to be the Inquisition!’ _ She thought to herself while huddling in her padding and what armor was left.

More hours passed, the sky lightening with the sun then setting as she made her way to another mountain.  So many times did Tanwen want to stop and rest, maybe close her eyes and sleep.  Just for a few minutes. But she knew that if she did, she might not wake.  And she desperately wanted to stay awake. So she thought about Ostwick, remembering its warmth and the people there. Her father, mother, brothers;  her sister by law and nephews.  She thought of Iuen.  She thought about the friends she had made in the Inquisition, telling stories and drinking ale and whiskey around a fire. She thought about telling stories to Cullen under the slightly warmed mountain sun during a midday meal. It wasn’t much, but those thoughts helped keep her warm. When the snow stopped blowing finally, she saw a smoking ring of rocks ahead of her and felt hope bloom in her breast.

“So close!  I’ve almost caught up to them!” She said aloud, her voice sounding raspy and weak, like she had spent too much time around the fire with too much damp wood, or after a night of heavy drinking.

When she found a cart aflame at the base of the mountain she had been walking towards, she stumbled through the snow to reach it before a breeze could blow it out, using up precious energy she really couldn’t afford to expend.  Tanwen managed to warm herself slightly as she knelt before the cart before a gust of mountain wind extinguished it.  Standing was proving more and more difficult, it didn’t hurt so much anymore. She was more tired than she ever remembered being in her life. That didn’t stop her from getting up, the motivation to continue fueled by her memories were like a vine squeezing her heart, forcing her blood to circulate through her limbs instead of turn to slush in her veins. 

_ “ _ Come on, Trevelyan.  You have to do this.” She shivered so hard her teeth clacked and chattered violently. She had to hurry and find civilization - the wound in her side was likely getting worse. Tanwen knew that if she didn’t get help soon… well, she couldn’t think like that.

By the time she had finally crested the mountain pass, night had fallen once more, the weather cleared and Satina and larger her sister shone brightly in the blanket of darkness above surrounded by a spattering of twinkling stars.  When she looked over the other side to gage how to best get down the other side, she stopped in her tracks.  A grouping of tents with fires scattered about could be seen a short way down the mountain with flags fluttering in the icy breeze.  When Tanwen squinted to get a good look at the flags so she could judge if they were friend or foe, her flagging spirit roared to life when she saw the Inquisition emblem emblazoned on the waving pennant. The Inquisition really had made it! As she looked on, she could see people milling about the tents, the fires glowing invitingly. They had survived the attack!  

The relief she felt at the sight before her brought tears to her eyes and sapped what strength she had managed to keep in the cold to help her continue on. As she collapsed to her knees in the snow, her vision once again tunneled to black. When she fell face first into the snow and unconsciousness, she thought she heard voices distantly and was comforted even further by them.

“There!  It’s her!” That… that was Cullen! Hearing him made the muscles in her body twitch in an attempt to rise and go to him, but it wasn’t enough to move her weakened body.

“Thank the Maker!” Cassa…

~//~

“Commander Cullen, some of our scouts have reported in saying they have seen a person walking through the snow, following the path we took. The scout closest to us says the person was wearing the chestplate the Herald was last seen wearing.” Cullen froze in front of the fire, not daring to hope that their Herald had survived.

“Are you sure? Has anyone seen the person’s face?” Cullen asked the younger man, turning to stand up straight before him.  He would take no jokes when it came to the Lady Trevelyan.  Deep in his belly, Cullen felt they had betrayed the Herald by leaving her behind. They had sent a small group of soldiers back to where Haven had once been to search for supplies and survivors after a day of rest. Few bodies had been found, none of them the Herald. So when the time came to continue on, they left, trekking over the mountains. Unfortunately, they had had to leave carts behind as they broke while they moved.  Leliana was not happy that a trail had been left that anyone could simply follow and Cullen would have agreed, normally. But they had other worries to be concerned about. 

He kept thinking about the last time he had seen Lady Trevelyan. The look on her face haunted him still. They should have tried harder, left a larger unit of soldiers to help her fight off the Elder One. Not that it would have likely done much good.  She would have just commanded them to protect the people, sending them away like she had with her companions.

Cullen took care with this news from the scout. For all they knew, it could be a trap set by the Venatori.  Their enemy might have found her body and taken her armor to sneak inside the camp and finish what the Elder One had started. Weakened as they were, the Inquisition had to take every precaution. The thought that they might have violated her body in such a way as taking her armor off of her corpse. Fallen warriors should be left in the armor they perished in if they died in battle.

“No, ser.  Their head was covered by what looked like a tunic.”

“Even more evidence towards a possible sneak attack.  A Venatori could have found her and stolen her armor to sneak into our camp to destroy us all. Thus the cover over the face.  They could be hoping for welcoming arms, getting them easier than if they were to come here alone in their own armor.”

The scout bowed his head in understanding and Cullen sighed. He knew he was being harsh, but at a time like this, caution was the wisest thing they could do. “Where was this person last sighted?” 

The man pointed to the pass. “They are coming up the far side of the mountain but slowly. They were unsteady in their steps and hunched over slightly and not just to buffer the snow and wind. We think they are injured. The person had their left arm across their midsection, ser.”

Cullen sent the man off to gather a handful of soldiers and to meet him on the side of the camp facing the mountain pass, before moving towards Cassandra who stood with Mother Giselle.

“Cassandra,” Cullen called as he approached, tilting his head to indicate he needed to speak to her in private.  The Seeker nodded to him then excused herself from the Revered Mother with a shallow bow to follow him a short distance away.

“What is it, Commander?”

“A report has come in from the scouts closest to our position, of a straggler walking through the mountains, taking the same path as us. Have you heard of anyone having been left behind after the evacuation?”

She shook her head. “Could it be the Venatori?” she asked, thinking along the same lines as he had.

“It’s possible.  The person was said to be wearing parts of the same armor Lady Trevelyan was last seen wearing.  They couldn’t say it was her for sure because the person has a cover over their face.”

“But it  _ could _ be her?” Cassandra gasped, her chocolate eyes wide.

“The group sent back to Haven never found her body, but I don’t want to raise hopes in case it isn’t her.  Gather the inner circle and meet me at the side of camp facing the mountain pass.  Quietly.” Cullen added, his voice barely above a whisper.  Mother Giselle approached and was welcomed by the two warriors.

“I could not help but to overhear.  I will prepare to help whoever it is to the best of my ability. I ask that Vivienne stay to assist in healing the injured person.”  Cullen nodded, not upset that the Mother had been listening in on his conversation with the Seeker,  granting her request then turned to Cassandra.  She, too, nodded.  She would send Vivienne to the tent to assist Her Reverence.  

With a plan in place, Cassandra and Cullen parted ways.  Cullen waited by the large fire pit in the center of the camp and when the inner circle met, they joined the soldiers at the edge of camp before moving up the mountain, well armed just in case his suspicions of the mysterious stranger turned out true.

It took only half an hour for Cullen and his group to climb up to the pass.  At the top, they saw a figure trudging through the snow with difficulty while clutching their left side.  From where he stood, even at a distance, he could see bits of wavy Embrium hair shining in the moonlight from where it was sticking out from under the pale cloth covering the person’s head. Cullen could feel his heart begin pumping, his excitement growing. He knew that it could be his mind playing tricks on him; that his desire to find his friend was so strong that he could be putting her features on some unknown stranger, but it was quickly covered by other emotions.

“There!  It’s her!” Cullen shouted, running towards the person the best he could through the icy  packed snow.

“Thank the Maker!” Cassandra called out as she and the others followed closely behind him.  

Cullen felt dread rear its ugly head when he watched the Herald pause and turn her head towards him when he shouted, then fall her knees before landing face down in the snow, making no move of getting up.

“Hurry!  She’s injured.” He commanded as he moved faster to reach her.  When he got to her, he knelt and gasped when he saw a chunk of wood protruding from her back on the side that had seemed injured from the front. It looked as if she had been stabbed from behind by someone with the large rung of a ladder. 

“Sweet Maker,” Cullen whispered as he reached forward, but pulled his hand short of making contact, afraid to touch her in fear of aggravating the wound and making things worse.  He removed a glove from one hand and, ignoring the cold, dug under the cloth around her head to place his fingers on the side of her neck while his other hand carefully unwrapped said cloth. The revealing of her features, bruised as they were, was a relief; it really was the Herald and she had returned to them. He felt the same relief when he felt a pulse, however weak and erratic. Cullen looked over his shoulders her companions behind him.

“Pavus, Solas.  Which one of you two knows enough about healing to make sure the Herald is stable enough to get to Vivienne and Mother Giselle?” he barked, flinching internally at the tone.  He hadn’t meant to, but it happened and he would think about it later.  Right now, the Herald needed them, and that was more important than hurting someone’s feelings.

“I taught myself a few basic healing spells, but I have never practiced them on another person.” Dorian said, his eyes on the Herald with concern, but the reason for such a look was beyond Cullen.

“I can help,” Solas said, walking forward to kneel on the Herald’s left side.  Carefully, Cullen and Solas turned the Herald onto her back, being mindful of the injury in her side, flipping her to her side opposite of where her wound was. Once on her back, Solas began moving his hands over her body, his hands emitting a bright green glow. The Herald’s mark began glowing weakly in response to the magic being pushed into her wounds, knitting the flesh together of her smaller cuts. 

Looking over her while Solas worked, Cullen took in the bruises and cuts on her swollen face.  Gaze moving down, he saw a distinct dark purple and blue handprint around her neck, even the individual fingers were visible. Under her chin, he saw a deep cut. As he leaned over her, he saw that the cut ran along the underside of her jaw, jagged and raw, right where a finger of the bruise had been.  The Elder One must have cut her as he released her from a bruising grasp.

When Solas sat back and lowered his hands, he nodded. “She is stable enough to move.  But we must be careful. I have quite a bit of experience healing wounds, but my focus has always been on the fade. Vivienne would fare far better.”

More gently than he had ever been, Cullen took his cloak off and shivered slightly before carefully wrapping it around Lady Trevelyan’s torso and lifting her into a sitting position with Solas’ help, to wrap it around her back.  He then placed his other hand under her knees and lifted her with his own knees, minding the wood protruding from her body, the motion causing her head to move to flop onto his shoulder. 

Cullen barely registered her weight in his concern for her health.  After declining offers of assistance from Bull and Blackwall, he started down the mountain towards the camp, surrounded by all of her companions.  It made him happy that he could rely on them helping and protecting her. But her current health status was because of him, so it was his responsibility as the Commander to take her to the infirmary tent that had been set up.

“Come on, Tanwen. You need to survive.  The Inquisition needs you to survive. Thedas needs you to survive.” Cullen whispered into her ear, not caring that he used her first name, holding her as close as he dared to share his warmth and strength with her. The feel of her body against his own as he held her in his arms was comforting.  He didn’t even feel the cold wind blowing at them.  “ _ I _ need you to survive.  Who else would tell me stories like you do?”

Mother Giselle and Vivienne hurried over to them when the party entered the camp. The Mother covered her mouth in a gasp when she realized it was the Herald in his arms. “Is she…?” The older woman couldn’t finish her sentence.

“Solas stabilized her with magic before we moved her beyond turning her over to her back.  It’s the Maker’s will, as well as her own, that she made it as far as she did. I’m sure of it.” Cullen said as he was guided to his own tent.

“We had no extra tents and the infirmary is full.  I hope that it is all right that I volunteered your tent, Cullen.” Cassandra said as she held the flap open for him to past.  Cullen nodded to the Seeker as he laid the Herald down on her right side on the pallet of furs he had used as a bed before kneeling next to her.

“I agree with you, Commander. Few times have I experienced someone with such faith and determination as our Herald. From the way you spoke, however, it sounds as if her injuries are grave.  How bad are her wounds?” Vivienne replied, kneeling next to Cullen and preparing her healing magicks.

Cullen removed his cloak, and her armor and padding, leaving her in only her torn and shortened tunic, leather breeches, smalls and boots. His lack of propriety when it came to a lady’s undress should bother him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Lady Vivienne wouldn’t be able to heal her if she had her armor on and that was all that mattered at the moment.  In her uncovering, he revealed the blood-soaked wrappings she had applied around her wound and the chunk of wood sticking out of her side. The pain she must have experienced while dressing such a wound... Mother Giselle fell to her knees next to him on the ground and began praying. Cullen heard gasps and murmurs from the opening of her tent; Tanwen’s companions must have seen the wound as well.

“Dear Maker! The strength it must have taken, with this wound, to travel from Haven after battling that monster.  Her determination is truly admirable.” Cullen nodded in agreement of former Grand Enchanter’s words.

“She is the strongest woman I have ever known. The Maker surely smiled the day Tanwen Trevelyan was born.” Cullen replied as he pushed a lock of hair away from her pale, chilled face, before being dismissed by the Mother and Vivienne.

~//~

“What would you have me tell them?  This isn’t what we asked them to do!”

The sound of Cullen’s voice, muffled as it was, roused Tanwen from her deep sleep. She groaned at the ache in her side as she slowly opened her eyes to take in her surroundings.  The last thing she remembered was sinking to her knees in the snow, well on her way to being face first in the powdery ice crystals.  Now, she found herself in an unknown tent, covered in countless furs on a soft pallet with no armor on.  The wind would occasionally blow past the tent opening, sending a frigid breeze her way.

“We cannot simply ignore this!  We must find a way!” Cassandra shouted back, her voice louder when the flaps of the tent opened to admit Mother Giselle.

“And who put you in charge?  We need a consensus, or we have nothing!” Cullen’s reply was  full of venom.

“Good, you are awake.  How are you feeling, Herald?” The good mother asked as she moved to Tanwens’ side.  Tanwen gingerly rolled onto her back and attempted to sit up while keeping the furs around her.  Someone had taken off her armor, padding and small clothes, putting her in a clean, dry tunic and a pair of cloth breeches.  A mage must also have healed her wounds, because she could feel new skin pulling sharply at her side and at her neck where Corypheus’ hand had been. The creature had left its mark on her when it had thrown her against the trebuchet.

“Please, we must use reason!  Without the infrastructure of the Inquisition, we are hobbled!” Josephine cried, but was interrupted by Cullen’s angry outburst.

“They can’t have come from nowhere!”

“She didn’t say it could!” From the sound of it, Leliana went to Josephine’s defence against the Commander. 

“Enough!  This is getting us nowhere!” Cassandra sounded as if she was coming to her wits end, like the rest of the advisors.

“Well, we’re agreed on that much.” Cullen growled.  The sound of heavy footfalls grew distant as they went their separate ways.  Tanwen was about to stand and go to them to help however they needed, but Mother Giselle’s gentle touch against her shoulder kept her abed.

“I’m right as rain, Mother.  They need me.”

“They are just fine without you. What you need is your rest.  You have been ill for two days now, and that was after the Maker almost took you from us three times. Vivienne and Cullen refused to give up.” Mother Giselle said, her tone as gentle as her touch.  The hand on Tanwen’s shoulder moving up to her forehead to check for fever.  Tanwen leaned back against her pillows as she relished in the warm feelings she got when Giselle told her of Cullen not giving up on her survival.

“It seems as if they have been at it for hours.  Have they?”

Mother Giselle sighed.  “They have that luxury now, thanks to you.  The enemy could not follow, and with time to doubt, we turn to blame.” Giselle looked sad, her hands folded tightly in her lap. “Infighting may threaten us as much as this Corypheus.”

Tanwen turned her head to face the older woman.  “If they are arguing about what we do next, I need to be out there with them.”

Giselle shook her head. “Another heated voice won’t help.  Even yours.  Perhaps especially yours.  Our leaders struggle because of what we survivors witnessed. We saw our defender stand… and fall.  And now, we have seen her  _ return _ .” Tanwen gathered the lowest and warmest fur in the pile around herself as she sat up once more and turned on the bed to face Mother Giselle, never taking her eyes off the cleric.  “The more the enemy is behind us, the more miraculous your actions appear.  And the more our trials seem ordained.  That is hard to accept, no?  What ‘we’ have been called to endure?  What ‘we’ perhaps, must come to believe?”

“I know in my heart that I was meant for this, and it helped in Haven.  I want to believe Andraste is with me; I do to an extent, but doubt is everywhere. It can be as destructive as any blade.” Tanwen rose to walk slowly towards the flap of the tent, her fur dragging in the dirt behind her.  She looked out and around, finding the advisors looking so down, so defeated.  It was painful to see.  What everyone in Haven had gone through was world-shaking and not easily repaired like a wagon or a house.  The faith of the Inquisition’s people had been shaken - it was painfully apparent in all their faces.

From behind, she heard Mother Giselle begin singing a Chantry hymn - a song of hope - that even in a person’s darkest hour, it could always get better.  Tanwen listened as everyone joined in when the Mother left the tent, Leliana’s and Cullen’s voices shining above the rest.  She wanted to sing as well, but not only was her throat still sore from being injured, but she was an absolutely horrible singer.  She didn’t want to ruin the song and everyone’s hearing.  Tanwen focused on Cullen.  His voice was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard and sent her heart aflutter.

Tanwen had been so busy admiring the song and Cullen’s singing voice, she hadn’t seen the villagers and soldiers had noticed she was awake and had all moved to the center of camp to kneel in front of the tent she had awoken in.  Once the people had sung the final verse, they rose and began smiling and laughing;  some even hugged one another. The advisors faced her from where the stood and smiled before bowing their heads.  

Mother Giselle turned to Tanwen. “Faith is made stronger by facing doubt.  Untested it is nothing.” She smiled as she moved to walk through the crowd to visit with the villagers.  Tanwen watched her until the crowd swallowed her whole.

“A word?” Tanwen tensed when Solas passed from behind her before continuing towards the outer edge of camp.  Curious as to what Solas wished to speak to her about, Tanwen followed him until she found him next to a brazier that had been hammered into the ground to give the nightwatch a source of light.  Solas stared off into the night after he lit it with a wave of his hand. 

“A wise woman, worth heeding.  Her kind understand the moments that unify a cause.  Or fracture it.” Solas turned to face Tanwen.  “The orb Corypheus carried, the power he used against you.  It is Elvhen.”

Tanwen’s eyes grew wide at his revelation. After a moment, Solas continued. “Corypheus used the orb to open the Breach.  Unlocking it must have caused the explosion that destroyed the Conclave.  I do not yet know how Corypheus survived… nor am I certain how people will react when they learn of the orbs origin.”

“This whole mess is confusing.  I can see how elves might be an easy target.” Tanwen wrapped the fur closer to her body and moved closer to the flame.  Solas nodded in agreement.

“History would agree.  But there are steps we can take to prevent such a distraction.  But we can discuss this tomorrow. Tonight is for continued healing. You gave us quite the scare when you appeared on the mountain, Herald. Tomorrow we must begin travel.”

Tanwen looked at Solas, confused.  “To where?”

Solas shook his head. “Tomorrow.  Good night, Herald.”

Tanwen sighed and turned from the torchlight to watch the people of the Inquisition bed down for the night.  Some waved at her and she returned it with a smile.  She hadn’t thought that she would see these people again - and some she had known in Haven, she wouldn’t.  Her eyes scanned the camp until they landed on Cullen, who was bent over a table, looking at a map.  Tanwen stared for a moment, focusing on putting his features to memory because she had a horrible feeling she would have many moments like this in the near future.

A couple days had passed since Haven, but they couldn’t stay here.  The Inquisition needed a place that was safer, more fortified, than what they could quickly put together here.  Back within the circle of tents, she went to Harritt where she found him repairing her armor.  When he finished, she took her patched armor back to the tent she had awoken in. 

Tanwen looked around now, seeing a clean and organized room.  It didn’t seem like the infirmary, as she would have expected to wake up in. No, this was someone’s tent.  Someone of a relatively high rank, but whose? She inhaled deeply, smelling Elderflower and Oakmoss.  The earthy smell was familiar to her, but she couldn’t place why.  As she looked around further, her eyes fell on a sword and shield carefully placed on a table.  She took in the Inquisition symbols, ran her fingers along the lines and engravings. Her heartbeat increased in recognition.  

She was in Cullen’s tent.

Tanwen quickly pulled back her fingers and clutched the furs more tightly around her as she scanned the room again, seeing things that she had found in his tent when she would bring him food, confirming her theory of whose tent she was inside of.

This wasn’t right, wasn’t proper.  Who thought it was a good idea to put her in the Commander’s tent?  She, personally, had no qualms about it - the scent that permeated the tent’s canvas walls calmed her body to her toes. Where would Cullen sleep?  Did he volunteer his tent?  Did someone do it for him? She would go find him and give him back his tent before going to share a tent with some of the female soldiers in their company.

At the opening of the tent, she nearly ran into Sister Leliana.

“Oh!  I’m so sorry!” Tanwen quickly steadied herself then reached out to do the same for Leliana. “I didn’t see you there.”

“As to be expected. I came here at the request of Commander Cullen.  He requests that you remain in his tent for the night and that he would be sleeping amongst the soldiers.”

Tanwen looked at the older woman in surprise. “Is he sure?  That wouldn’t be proper.”

Leliana peered back from under her hood. “You need your rest in order to heal.  Much will be needed of you in the near future. You won’t be at your best if you sleep on the ground with the soldiers.”

She wanted to argue, but no words came. If Cullen was okay with her staying in his tent, then she would accept his generosity.

Tanwen nodded to Leliana and watched as the sister turned and walked into the night before turning to face the tent once more. She sighed. This was a surefire way of helping rumors get started.  The Herald of Andraste sleeping in the Commander’s tent. She couldn’t let his reputation get ruined like that.  She was already labeled a harlot in Ostwick because of her promiscuity when she was younger. She would not tarnish the Commander’s good name.

But maybe… maybe her reputation won’t reach this far south? Perhaps she could earn a new reputation as a lady? The thought got her hopeful and she thought about it as she placed her armor next to the pallet for easy access should the need arise. The idea that she could be a lady worthy of Commander Cullen made her smile.

But her smile was short lived. Once people found out her secret, they would no longer see her in the same light, of that she was sure. Tanwen shook her head as she sat down on the pallet of furs with a grunt. Her wounds may be clean and closed, but she still felt the aches of battle. She had other things to worry about at the moment, like where would they call home. Her secret would remain as such for as long as possible.   

Turning to her right side to avoid angering the healed flesh, she closed her eyes to listen to the camp settling for the night.  She heard snow crunching and armor clinking as people passed between Cullen’s tent and those next to her.  She listened to mother’s cooing to their bairn, attempting to coax them to sleep.  Just as she was falling to sleep herself, she heard someone coming towards her tent.  The combination of cloth, leather and metal armor she heard was familiar.  She automatically knew who it was, wanted to see him and talk to him, but something held her back.  So instead, she lay still and breathed deep as if sleep had claimed her once more.

Cullen shifted on his feet and sighed once he was inside the tent.  Had Tanwen been facing him and chanced a glance, she would be willing to bet good gold that he would also be scratching the back of his neck.  Curious, she turned over, letting loose a low moan of discomfort, but maintaining her sleep facade.  Luckily, some of her hair covered one of her eyes, so she cracked it open to see what he was doing in his tent after lending it to her for the night. Had he forgotten something?

There was an odd look in his gaze, but she couldn’t quite place what it was.  It couldn’t be some kind of softening; Cullen was a battle scarred, war-hardened warrior and one of the leaders of the Inquisition.  Yes, she had flirted and spent as much time with him as their schedules would allow, even though she kicked herself every time, but could softness be in his nature?  Since meeting Cullen, Tanwen had often found herself wishing she had experienced more courting, rather than one-night stands.  But she hadn’t been interested in anything even remotely permanent until him.  Even when she had been in a brief arranged engagement two year ago, she hadn’t invested herself in it.  Not completely.  She had more trysts beyond the walls of her family’s estate than was probably wise, and she found herself not wanting that with Cullen Rutherford.

He was someone you kept close.  Someone permanent. Not someone you use once and discard like a piece of parchment. 

Cullen walked over to her and she closed her eye so he wouldn’t know she had been watching him watching her.  When he reached her side, he knelt down next to her head, the sound of leather moving over flesh could be heard before she felt his warm fingers shifting the hair that had covered her face away and behind one ear. The action was tender and it sent a flutter to her stomach and gooseflesh to her arms.

“Thank the Maker you survived, Tanwen Trevelyan,” he whispered, dragging his fingers along her jawline.  When they reached her chin, their weight suddenly disappeared, as if he just realized what he had been doing and worried about being caught.

With a woosh of cloth and groan of metal, he quickly stood and marched over to the tent entrance and left.  Tanwen sighed as well when she thought he was far enough away that he wouldn’t know she had been awake the entire time.

‘Silly girl and your silly infatuation.  He’s your friend and that’s it. You might want it, but you don’t need anything more complicated and neither does he.’ she told herself as she relaxed her shoulders, letting another exhale escape her lips before slipping into a not-so-dreamless sleep.

~//~


	8. And then there was Skyhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions are high as Tanwen acclimates to her roll as Inquisitor. Both she and Cullen feel things for the other, but will they tell?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooo! First new chapter in... four... months. Woow, I am so sorry you guys! I hope this makes up for it!

The Lady and the Templar Chapter 8

The next day came early. Tents were packed, animals harnessed and loaded.  Tanwen looked to Solas for direction and he pointed south.  As she lead the Inquisition over mountain after mountain, valley after valley, she and Solas talked.

“By attacking the Inquisition, Corypheus has changed it.  Changed  _ you _ .  Scout to the south.  Be their guide.  There is a place that waits for a force to hold it.  there is a place where the Inquisition can build… grow.”

For the next two days, Tanwen scouted ahead with Solas.  

Early on the third morning, before everyone else had come out of their tents, she scouted ahead, feeling like they might be close. Solas caught up to her easily moments later as they crested a hill.  At the top of a rise near where they had camped the night before, Tanwen paused and looked across the valley before her in the light of a new dawn.  Her eyes widened at the sight and she could feel Solas pause next to her, clutching his staff.  Before them was a keep large enough to house the King of Ferelden and his garrison with room to spare! It spanned two smaller peaks in stone of grey, the large gatehouse on one peak, the main bulk of the keep on the other, connected by a grand bridge.  From where they stood, the main building likely contained the great hall and looked to be almost six floors tall, all surrounded by a massive wall that was crumbling in places.  What was this huge castle called? Would any name truly suffice to fit such a sight? Was it deserted?

The rest of the camp began waking up behind her whilst she gaped.  It was only when Cullen came up next to her, with Leliana and Josephine on Solas’ other side, that she realized her mouth was still open in surprise and wonder.  She quickly closed her mouth but continued to stare as she walked forward, entranced.

Walking with her, Solas answered her unanswered question.

“Skyhold.”

She knew without thinking that it was an appropriate name.

~//~

A week after their arrival, the healer gave Tanwen a clean bill of health.  Looking at the mirror with her tunic rolled up to just below the curve of her breast, she looked at the scar on her left side and couldn’t help but wonder how she had survived the encounter with Corypheus. If it hadn’t been for Cullen and Vivienne refusing to give up on her and her own training in endurance, she wouldn’t have. The Maker must have foreseen Corypheus’ arrival and chose her to take it down and protect his children.  She ran her fingers over the raised skin and shuddered.

“Still sensitive,” she murmured and pulled the bottom of her tunic back down over her belly, admiring to herself how it was getting toned once more as she fought for the Inquisition.  The mark on her neck caught her attention next when she looked back up into the polished metal surface while tying her outer corset tight. It was a jagged scar that ran along the left line of her jaw, ending close to her throat.  A couple more inches further or a little deeper, and Tanwen would have bled out from that wound alone up there in the caves under Haven, or even in the snow as she trekked the mountains, never to see those she cared for, or was coming to care for, again.

Scanning the visage before her one more time, Tanwen straightened the tunic again and exited the quarters she had been given upon their arrival in Skyhold.  Looking over the lower bailey in the large courtyard, she watched people bustling about, moving quickly from one place to another to complete the roles and tasks given them when they lived in Haven, to help settle the Inquisition into their new home.  Those new to the Inquisition had been assigned tasks and jobs when they reached Skyhold.  Tanwen’s eyes snagged on Cassandra and the Inquisition’s advisors, narrowing her eyes in speculation.  Their heads had been close together, deep in conversation, until Cassandra had noticed Tanwen had left her room.

Cassandra waved Tanwen over to them; whatever conversation they had been having wasn’t meant for her ears and the advisors dispersed when she reached Cassandra’s side.  The four of them hadn’t agreed on anything whatsoever since Haven, constantly bickering over some point or another. So the fact that they seemed unified on something, worried her.  She watched Cullen, Leliana and Josephine depart with smiles and turned her questioning gaze on Cassandra, who had remained.  The Seeker greeted Tanwen with a smile and a tilt of her head, signalling she should follow her.

“They arrive daily from every settlement in the region.  Skyhold is becoming a pilgrimage.” Cassandra said as they passed new arrivals being greeted with laughter and embraces, people crying over bodies lying on the cold, hard ground where they had put up an infirmary; people smiling and slapping each other’s backs as they went about their duties.  When the two women reached the top of the stairs leading to the upper bailey, they paused.

“If word has reached these people, it will have reached the Elder One.  We have the walls and the numbers to put up a fight here, but this threat is beyond the war we anticipated.  But we now know what allowed you to stand against Corypheus, what drew him to you.”

“He came after me because my efforts put the Inquisition in his way.” Tanwen sighed, her shoulders slumping.

“Perhaps in more ways than you have considered.” Tanwen looked at the Seeker aghast.  She hadn’t expected that to come out of her friend’s mouth.  Cassandra noticed the look on her face. “Hear me out.  Your decisions let us heal the sky.  Your determination brought us out of Haven.  You are the creature’s rival because of what  _ you _ did.  And we know it.  All of us.”

Tanwen knew she meant well by her words, but her conscious wouldn’t let her hear it as anything but an accusation.  Everything she had said was true.  Corypheus’ presence in Haven was her fault.  Every death that had happened, every injury, every lost loved one was on her.  She would spend a day at the Chantry, wherever it was, praying for those lost.  Then she would go back to what she was doing, working harder to avoid more loss.

When the two women began walking up the stairs leading to the great hall, Tanwen saw Leliana waiting for them on the first landing.  In her outstretched arms, was a long sword of bronze with an intricately designed dragon for a hilt that stretched over the shoulder of the sword and created a handguard with its tail. Tanwen turned to look at the other two advisors in turn.  Cullen and Josephine were standing below with whoever had been in the courtyard, looking up at her with smiles.  As Leliana bowed her head while holding the sword, confusion filled Tanwen. ‘What in the Void is going on?’

“The Inquisition needs a leader: the one who has  _ already _ been leading us.”  Cassandra added as Leliana walked to meet them.  Tanwen looked over the growing crowd below once more, the looks of hope and happiness meeting her. The smiles and giggles of the children who made it out of Haven and the newly arrived were the brightest. She met the eyes of the soldiers she knew and those who had joined during the last few missions before the attack.  There were many soldiers she knew, but didn’t see.  She looked at the advisors again.  Josephine nodded with a smile.  Cullen also nodded, but he then gave her the half-smile she adored, causing the scar on his lip to blanch and pull, making him look more dashing.

Tanwen gulped and turned back to Leliana, who was still holding the sword to her. The rogue giving her a knowing smile and another bow of her head.

“You.” 

Tanwen jerked her head towards Cassandra, her eyes wide in surprise. “It’s unanimous?  You all have that much faith and confidence in me?  After everything that has happened?”

Cassandra nodded. “All these people have their lives because of you. Some more directly influenced than others.  They will follow you.”

“That wasn’t the question, Cassandra.” Tanwen chastised.

Cassandra turned to face Tanwen head-on.  “I won’t lie, handing this power to anyone is troubling.  But I have to believe this is meant to be.” She turned to Leliana and motioned for Tanwen and the spymistress to meet in the middle of the landing.  “There would be no Inquisition without you.  How it will serve, how you lead: that must be yours to decide.”

Tanwen looked at the sword in Leliana’s hands again, her eyes following the lines and curves of the blade, still in shock over how her life was changing before her. Reaching forward tentatively, Tanwen grasped the handle and picked it up to hold before her, feeling its weight and symbolism.

“I will restore what Corypheus could never destroy.  I am but a servant of the Light.  The Inquisition belongs to the people and together, we will make it stronger with Andraste’s grace.”

“Wherever you lead us.” Cassandra walked to the edge of the landing overlooking the crowd and shouted, “Have the people been told?”

Josephine stepped forward, now grinning. “They have.  And soon, the world.”

Cassandra turned to Cullen next. “Commander, will they follow?”

Cullen looked from where he had been watching Tanwen above him on the landing, to turn and look at those gathered behind him.  “Inquisition!  Will you follow?”

This earned him a cheer. “Will you fight?” he continued, raising a hand, his palm up in invitation as he encouraged the crowd.  Another approving cry echoed, this one louder than the last.  “Will we triumph?”

The cheering and shouting only grew as he lifted his second hand and smiled at the people’s reaction.  Cullen reached for his sword as he turned to face Tanwen again, drawing it and raising the blade to her.  “Your leader!  Your Herald!  Your Inquisitor!” Cullen shouted before being quickly drowned out by the volume the cheering crowd had grown to.

Tanwen looked at the sword for a moment before she, too, raised it into the air to show her acceptance, unity and determination to the cause.

Cullen and Josephine hurried up to where Tanwen and Leliana still stood, Cassandra having moved on to attend to whatever she felt needed doing, once the crowds had dispersed.  With a tilt of Leliana’s head, Tanwen lead the way up the stairs to the great hall.

When Tanwen pushed the doors open with some difficulty, due to the building’s advanced age and to her strength not having completely returned, she paused right inside the entryway.  She took in the halls severe disrepair and rubbed the scar in her right eyebrow.

‘What have we gotten ourselves into?’ she asked herself as she walked forward, carefully crossing over fallen beams and chandeliers; wood scrap and stone littered the floor like a bad rug, and dust floated through beams of light through broken windows in the stagnant air.

Cullen looked around, taking in the falling roof and tattered tapestries. “So, this is where it begins.”

“It began in the courtyard.  This is where we turn that promise into action.” Leliana replied as she followed Tanwen.

“But what do we do?  We know nothing about this Corypheus except that he wanted your mark.” Josephine asked Tanwen.

Tanwen stopped and looked at her softly glowing left hand before turning to face the -  _ her-  _ advisors.  “Someone out there must know  _ something _ about Corypheus.”

Cullen shook his head.  “Unless they saw him on the field, most will not even believe he exists.”

“We do have one advantage: we know what Corypheus intends next.  When you were at Therinfal, you uncovered a plot to kill Empress Celene.”

“Imagine the chaos her death would cause.  With his army…”

“An army he’s growing:  The Envy demon gloated about a massive force of demons,” Cullen added when Josephine trailed off.  She nodded.

“Corypheus could conquer the entire south of Thedas, god or no god.”

Leliana sighed.  “I’d feel better if we knew more about what we were dealing with.”

“I know someone who can help with that.” The advisors turned around on either side of Tanwen when Varric arrived.  The dwarf shrugged when he stopped before the four humans. “Everyone acting all inspirational jogged my memory.  I sent a message to an old friend when we first got to Skyhold, asking her to meet us here.  She’s crossed paths with Corypheus before, and may know more about what he’s doing.  She can help.”

“I’m always looking for new allies.  Introduce me.”

Varric looked over his shoulder at the doors cautiously before moving closer to Tanwen and leaning in. “She won’t be here for a couple weeks.  And besides, parading around might cause a fuss.  It’s better if you meet her privately.  When she arrives, I’ll have her meet you on the battlements.  Trust me, it’s complicated.”

Tanwen and her advisors watched as Varric turned and left the Great Hall, still looking about as if expecting a surprise attack.

“Well then,” Josephine sighed, clutching her board closer to her chest.  “We stand ready to move on both of these concerns.”

Tanwen turned her head from Josephine to Cullen when he said, “On your orders, Inquisitor.”

Leliana took a few steps forward to stand next to Tanwen.  “I know one thing: If Varric is bringing who I  _ think _ he is, Cassandra is going to kill him.”

~//~

After a short meeting in the new war room that lay off the great hall and beyond rooms claimed by Josephine, Tanwen was taken to what was to be her room.  It was obvious they had focused on this room first after their arrival, for it was clean and repaired, with the two sets of doors to the balconies that were open to allow fresh air entry to chase away the musk of age.  They had even decorated the space and added bookshelves behind her desk in the corner.  When she inspected the shelves, she found many old books on diplomacy and warfare, battle tactics and the Grand Game.  Turning from the shelves to her desk, she found reports already piling up on its surface and even more books.  She couldn’t wait to read all the books now in her possession.  She had also been told of a library in the rookery, above the atrium, so she knew where her usual haunt would likely be.

When she turned to face the room once more, her hand dragged along the surface of her desk and along a pile of reports, disrupting them and causing many to flutter to the ground.  After stooping down to pick them up, she stood to place them on the desk but paused.  Under where the pile had been, lay an unfamiliar book that was face down.  What caught her attention about it was the name labeled on the spine.

“Varric Tethras,” Tanwen smiled, placing the reports down and picking up the tome.  The cover was made of fine leather, embossed with gold in a style typically found in the Free Marches, including the symbol of Kirkwall.  Tanwen gently ran her hand down the front, feeling the dips and curves of the gold embossed face of the book.  She was starting to get a feeling of what this book was and her smile grew.

Opening the cover, she saw the title and laughed happily.  “‘Tale of the Champion’. Oh Varric, you do know how to spoil a girl.” When she looked at the bottom of the front page, her smile softened. “‘ _ An Inquisitor can never have too many books.  Here’s one for your collection that you actually want to read, Mama. _ ’ Mama?”

She re-read the last part and wondered if that was to be the nickname for her that she had heard Varric gave people. Thoughts raced through her mind as she tried to decide how she had earned such a name, striking a line through all of them until she decided it must have been born of her defending her companions.  That had to be it. Hopefully.

Tanwen moved to sit on her new bed and placed the book on the bedside table to be read later.  After all the excitement today, she decided to give her bed a try by taking a short nap before anyone had the chance to summon her, as she had been warned may happen at any time by her advisors.

The bed truly was comfortable, almost as comfortable as her bed in Ostwick. As she awaited sleep to claim her, she stared at the lofty rafters above her, but all she ended up seeing was honey eyes and a smirk that made her toes curl.  Tanwen sat up again and gazed out the open doors at the scenery beyond.  She had never seen so much snow in her life until she had been taken to Haven.  There was even more here, and yet not even the snow covered mountains that looked to touch the sky, could distract her completely from a certain Commander and his golden locks and calloused hands.  She had more things to worry about than ever before, more people, but she couldn’t seem to think of anyone else but him. Was he a Mage in Templar clothing? Could he be possessed by a demon of desire? Never had a man had such an instant affect on her. 

With a sigh, Tanwen rose from her bed and left her room to find Cullen.  Outside the Great Hall, she scanned the courtyard for him, but saw Vivienne, Solas and Cassandra deep in conversation in the lower bailey. A bad feeling formed at the sight and she walked towards them.

“This thing is not a stray puppy you can make into a pet.  It has no business being here.” Tanwen heard Vivienne say as she drew closer to the group at the base of the stairs.

“Wouldn’t you say the same of an apostate?” Solas returned, his brow furrowed in anger.

Cassandra turned to Tanwen when she came to a stop next to her fellow warrior. “Inquisitor, I wondered if Cole was perhaps a mage, given his unusual abilities.”

“He can cause people to forget him, or even fail entirely to notice him.  These are not the abilities of a mage.  It seems that Cole is a spirit.”

Vivienne didn’t seem convinced by Solas’ words.  “It is a demon.” She replied, her words full of confidence and finality.

Solas bowed his head to Vivienne.  “If you prefer.  Although, the truth is somewhat more complex.”

Tanwen looked at everyone in turn. “Cole helped me escape the Envy demon. I already agreed to let him stay.”

“That was before we knew what it was.” Vivienne said, looking at Cole.  The other three followed her line of sight to see Cole bent over, playing with a caterpillar in the grass and dirt. “Honoring deals with demons is a swift way to an early grave.  Surely you know this, my dear.”

“In fact, his nature is not so easily defined.”

“Speak plainly, Solas. What  _ are _ we dealing with?”

Solas looked at Cassandra.  “Demons normally enter this world by possessing something.  In their true form, they look bizarre, monstrous.”

“But Cole looks like a young man.  Could it be possession?” Cassandra asked, attempting to clear her confusion.  Tanwen stared at Cole as he watched the people passing by intently, before she turned back to the group.

“No.  He has possessed nothing and no one, and yet he appears human in all aspects.” Solas turned to Tanwen.  “Cole is unique, Inquisitor.  More than that, he wishes to help.  I suggest you allow him to do so.”

“That was always my intention,” Tanwen said, pushing her anger back.  Hadn’t she been the one protecting Cole from others since his arrival? Hadn’t she been the one to insist that he stay because of his help at Therinfal? “I will see what Cole has to say.”

Tanwen looked over her shoulder to where she had last seen Cole. “Where did he go?”

“He was right…” Cassandra looked to where he had been only to find the space empty.  Movement in the circle of tents that created the infirmary, drew their attentions.  Tanwen saw Cole there and moved towards him, her companions temporarily forgotten.

“Haven.  So many soldiers fought to protect the pilgrims so they could escape.  Choking fear, can’t think from the medicine but the cuts wrack me with every heartbeat.” Tanwen stopped next to Cole as he spoke, staring off into nothingness. “Hot white pain, everything burns.  I can’t, I can’t, I’m going to… I’m dying.  I’m…” Cole sighed. “... dead.”

Tanwen’s eyes widened.  “You’re feeling their pain?”

“It’s louder this close, with so many of them.” 

Tanwen felt sympathetic towards the mysterious boy before her. “Would you like to go somewhere more comfortable?”

“Yes.  But here is where I can help.” Cole walked over to another soldier lying on a pallet on the ground. “Every breath slower.  Like lying in a warm bath.  Sliding away.  Smell of my daughter’s hair when I kiss her goodnight… gone.”

Tanwen watched as at the same moment he said the word ‘gone’, the head of the female soldier before them slanted to the side, her eyes closed, chest stilled.  Cole turned to face another person.

“Cracked brown pain, dry, scraping.  Thirsty.” Cole walked over to a bucket and ladle and brought the woman some water, kneeling down to tip a mouthful past the woman’s lips. “Here.”

The soldier offered a broken thank you as Cole turned back to Tanwen.  “It’s alright.  She won’t remember me.”

“You’re using your abilities as a spirit to help people?”

Cole stood.  “Yes.  I used to think I was a ghost.  I didn’t know.  I made mistakes… but I made friends, too.  Then a Templar proved that I wasn’t real.  I lost my friends.  I lost everything.  I learned how to be more like what I am.  It made me different, but stronger. I can feel more. I can help.”

Tanwen moved closer. “If you’re willing, the Inquisition could use your help.”

“Yes, helping.  I help the hurt, the helpless, there’s someone…” Cole stepped past the woman he gave water to, to stand next to a man to her right, as if he was in a trance.  “Hurts, it hurts, someone make it stop hurting, Maker please…” Tanwen watched Cole pull out a small knife.  She moved to stand next to him to shop him if he did what she thought he might. “The healers have done all they can, it will take him hours to die.  Every moment will be agony.  He wants mercy.  Help.”

Tanwen eased back.  With him looking so human, Tanwen agreed with Solas. It was easy to forget that he was a spirit.  A very compassionate spirit, only wanting to help people. If the man was in as much pain as Cole said, if the healers really had done all they could, there was nothing else that could be done.  She thought about asking Cole to confer with the man first, but she had received reports while she had been recuperating herself, of people falling asleep while injured and never waking, though they still drew breath.  This poor man seemed to be in the same situation.

“All right, Cole.  Help him.” Tanwen said with a nod after a few moments of thought.

Cole knelt next to the man, but whatever he did, he hid it behind his body so she wouldn’t see. “It’s alright,” Cole whispered kindly to the man, though the poor soldier didn’t seem to hear him.

Cole stood after a time and turned back to Tanwen.  “I want to stay.”

Tanwen moved closer and placed a hand on Cole’s upper arm. “Then you have my permission to do so.  You helped me at Therinfal, helping you by letting you stay is the least I can do.”

As Tanwen turned to speak with the surgeon about what had happened and about letting Cole help, she heard a pop.  When she turned around, Cole was gone, with only a haze of smoke to show he had even been there.

~//~

Cullen looked up from the temporary desk he had made for himself, to see Tanwen walking towards him.  He noted the tense set of her shoulders and how she had crossed her arms under her breasts, wondering if her injuries were still bothering her.  

Those two days she had been healing after they had found her, he hadn’t been able to sleep for worry over her. The wound in her left side had looked angry, even after Vivienne and Mother Giselle had finished their work.  So angry, it had nearly taken her from them permanently. But he couldn’t let himself think of that. Thinking about it up on the mountain had been bad enough, and she was still with them now. On the second day that she had slept, a high fever had taken her, causing chills, sweating and sleep-talking.  He had stayed with her the entire day, mopping her brow with water from melted snow.  More than once, he heard her mother, father, and brothers’ names past her lips.  He also heard names he didn’t recognize, like Sigh-a and E-eyeon, whoever they were.

Cullen sighed and focused on passing on orders that had been decided at the War Room meeting.  “Send men to scout the area.  We need to know what’s out there.”

He received many ‘Yes ser’s as the scouts moved off to do as commanded.  When a space opened, another scout moved in.  “Commander, soldiers have been assigned temporary quarters,”

Cullen looked at Rylen’s second, who was acting as his own second while Rylen prepared to travel to the Western Approach to investigate word of a keep that would make a good acquisition for the Inquisition, to make sure he was taking note. Cullen turned back to the scout.

“Very good.  I’ll need an update on the armory as well.” When the soldier saluted him but didn’t leave right away, he felt his headache flare as he turned towards the man.  The pain causing an angry “Now!”

He hadn’t intended his tone to be so sharp, but it got the man to hurry off to do as commanded.  Cullen turned to face Trevelyan as she took the scouts spot at his desk.

“We set up as best we could at Haven, but could never prepare for an Archdemon- or whatever it was.  We might have…” Cullen reached up to scratch his neck in hopes of easing the ache before it got worse and blinded him.

The Inquisitor smiled sincerely as she looked him over, causing his muscles to relax slightly.  “Do you ever sleep?” She chuckled.

“If Corypheus strikes again, we may not be able to withdraw…” Cullen knew he was avoiding her question.  He didn’t want to tell her that, no, he hadn’t been sleeping much.  Because then he would have to tell her about the Lyrium withdrawal he was going through.  She had enough to worry about, especially now that she was the leader of the Inquisition. It may not have happened yet, but soon enough, she would be swamped with everyone’s worries; more so than before. He had endured this pain by himself so far, he would continue to do so, unless  it got worse.  Cullen turned to lean on his makeshift desk to avoid her gaze.  “And I wouldn’t want to.  We must be ready.”

Cullen turned his face towards her.  “Work on Skyhold is underway, guard rotations established.  We should have everything ready within the week.  We will not run from here, Inquisitor.” He backed from his desk once more to face her if she had orders to pass on to him.

Trevelyan’s smile had fallen as he spoke.  After a moment, she asked softly, “How many were lost at Haven?”

“Most of our people made it to Skyhold.  It could have been much worse.  Morale was low when we first got here, but will likely grow greatly since you accepted the role of Inquisitor.”

Cullen watched a small smile form, tinged with disbelief, on her lips.  “Everyone has so much faith in my leadership.  I hope I’m ready. Being the youngest of four, I never thought I’d be the leader of anything, let alone an organization like the Inquisition. I was rather irresponsible with that thought, and it might have gotten me into trouble a time or two.”

He wanted to chuckle at her words, but looked straight into her sapphire eyes, hoping she saw just how serious his words were.  “You don’t have to carry the Inquisition alone.  Although, it must feel like it.  We needed a leader; you have proven yourself more than capable.”

Tanwen blushed slightly, not breaking eye contact.  “Thank you, Cullen.” Cullen smirked and was surprised when her eyes dilated slightly before she gulped and gave herself a shake.  After a moment’s silence, she spoke again. “Our escape from Haven… it was close.  I’m relieved that you… that so many made it out.”

Cullen caught her slip and the flush of her cheeks.  “As am I.” He looked aside for more words to say.  

While they had been walking to Skyhold, he’d had a lot of time to think.  While he had thought she had died in Haven as the rest of them escaped, he had felt saddened by the loss.  At the time, he had thought it was because he thought of her as a friend.  When the scout came to him because they thought she had survived and was following a trail inadvertently made by the Inquisition over the mountains, a joy unlike any he had ever experienced had bloomed in his chest, but he suppressed it.  When they found her face down in the snow and he saw her wounds, he worried they had found her, only to lose her again.  Back in camp, when Vivienne and Mother Giselle finally announced that she would survive, the news nearly caused him to fall to his knees and weep in relief, but he had managed to remain standing.

Those feelings he experienced, despite his attempts at repressing them, were of more than just friendship and it was like a punch in the gut.

When she turned to leave, thinking he was done speaking to her, Cullen’s hand shot out to grip her bicep to stop her from leaving, as if his arm had a mind of its own.  She turned to him in confusion and he dropped his hand as if it had been burned, blushing in embarrassment. 

“You stayed behind.  You could have -” He knew he was being ridiculous.  He had more or less told her that she had to stay behind for the others to survive, knowing it was a death sentence he was giving her. But she could have said no, could have run away and saved herself. Never again would death be their only option. “I will not allow the events at Haven to happen again.  You have my word.”

~//~


	9. Champions, libraries and lunchtime, oh my!

The Lady and the Templar Chapter 9

Tanwen spent the next two weeks with the soldiers, training with them to get the strength back that she lost at Haven.  She could feel it returning day by day as she took part in teaching the new recruits arriving by the day.  More than once, she had dueled her companions to help them as well.  Not only with strength, endurance or skill, but to get past the events and loss that had happened in Haven.

She also spent a lot of time in the library up in the Rookery where she always found Dorian, spending hours conversing and laughing over observations found in many of the books on the shelves.  A majority of the books saved from Haven were about the Chantry.  While she didn’t mind particularly, she saw a need for more diversity in their reading material, especially as more and more people arrived by the day.  Including Mages, though word of her continued support of the Templars had spread throughout.

The more she talked with Dorian, the more she found she enjoyed his company.  But it wasn’t like it was with Cullen. In Dorian, she found a great friend. One that would be one for a very long time.

When she went to the great hall one afternoon after she finished changing after some time spent in the training ring, Varric caught her attention.  She had been awaiting word of his friend’s arrival, reading her copy of _‘Tale of the Champion’_ before bed each night, thinking he gave her the copy for more reasons than just to add to her collection.

“Has your guest arrived?”

“Yes.  She got here last night.  I just saw her and she said she would be ready to talk before the midday meal.”

Tanwen looked at the windows above the throne dedicated to her by a craftsman who had joined them, to gage the position of the sun.  It was nearly midday. “It’s time. Let’s go meet this friend of yours.”

Up on the battlements where Varric had set the meeting, they only had to wait a minute before the sound of someone walking down a set of stairs behind them caused Tanwen and Varric to turn.  She saw Varric’s eyes light with happiness as he looked at the stairs.

“Inquisitor Trevelyan, meet Anya Hawke.  The Champion of Kirkwall.”

Anya smiled and shook her head at the title.  “Thought I don’t use that title as much anymore.”

When the Champion came to a stop next to Tanwen and Varric, Tanwen was able to get a good look at the woman who had caused so much unrest in her neighboring city-state of Kirkwall.  

Anya Hawke was slightly shorter than herself, with similar upper body musculature of a two-handed warrior.  The other woman’s hips flared enticingly despite her heavy armor.  Long, jet black hair trailed down her back and gently caressed her rear in an intricate braid that fluttered slightly in the breeze.  As she met Anya’s spring green eyes, she noted that lengths of her hair had been shorn short to cover the right side of her face, likely to cover a scar that, according to Varric’s book, was created by a blood mage that had been kidnapping Templar recruits. Cullen had been mentioned as having been investigating the disappearances as well and had recruited Hawke to assist him. Tanwen made a note to talk to Cullen about that later.

Tanwen bowed slightly to Anya in greeting and respect.  After all she had read about her and heard about her, Tanwen believed Anya Hawke deserved it.

“Hawke, Tanwen Trevelyan, our illustrious Inquisitor.  I figured you might have some friendly advice about Corypheus.  You and I did fight him after all.” Varric moved away towards a barrel that had a bottle of liquor sitting on top.

Anya moved over to the railing surrounding the portion of wall they were currently occupying, to look over the upper Bailey.  When she gathered her long braid over her shoulder, Tanwen saw a red ribbon tying off the end.

“Impressive view.  Reminds me of my home in Kirkwall.  I had a balcony that overlooked the whole city.  I loved it at first - but after a while, all I could see were the people out there depending on me.”

Tanwen watched Anya for a moment, noticing how Anya may be with her physically, but her mind was leagues away.  “You’re lucky it was just one city;  I’ve got half of thedas.”

Anya smiled. “You’re doing everything you can to protect them.”

“Does it ever get any easier?”

Anya’s face fell as she looked over the baileys.  “I’ll let you know as soon as I find out myself.  I don’t envy you, Inquisitor.  But I may be able to help you.”

“Varric said you fought Corypheus before.”

“Fought and _killed._ ” Anya turned to face Tanwen, green eyes meeting blue.  “The Gray Wardens were holding him, and he somehow used his connection to the Darkspawn to influence them.”

“Corypheus got into their heads.  Messed with their minds. Turned them against each other.” Varric added, coming over to offer them a drink.  Tanwen declined but watched Anya accept and pull deep from the bottle.  A stray thought of how much Iron Bull would probably like her, passed by and was gone.

Anya turned to the dwarf when she finished. “If the Wardens have disappeared, they could have fallen under his control again.”

“If that’s what happened to the Wardens, do you think we can free them?”

Anya faced Tanwen again.  “It’s possible.  But we need to know more first.  I’ve got a ... friend in the Wardens.  He was investigating a couple unrelated things for me.  His name is Stroud.  The last time we spoke, he was worried about corruption in the Warden ranks.  Since then, I’ve heard nothing from him.”

“Corypheus would certainly qualify as corruption in the ranks.  Did your friend disappear with them?”

“No.” Anya shook her head to back up her reply to Varric’s question.  “He told me he’d be hiding in an old smugglers cave near Crestwood.”

“If you hadn’t known about Corypheus’ activities, what were you doing with the Wardens?”

“Some of the Templars in Kirkwall were using a strange form of Lyrium.  It was red.  I was hoping the Wardens would tell me more about it.”

“From what I heard, Meredith had been the only one using red Lyrium.  If the Templar ranks started using it, why hasn’t Cullen said anything?” Tanwen asked.

“Cullen was recruited into the Inquisition about three years after the beginning of the Mage Rebellion.  The appearance of the red Lyrium within the Templars in Kirkwall is more recent.”

“Well, we have encountered red Lyrium as well.  Corypheus was using it to corrupt the Templars at Therinfal Redoubt near the Brecilian Forest.  He was going to turn the Templars there into his slaves, but we stopped them.”

Anya nodded to Tanwen.  “Hopefully, my friend in the Wardens will know more.”

“I’ll take any lead I can get,” Tanwen smiled meekly.

Anya stood and clapped her hands together with a smile. “Good!  I’ll do whatever I can to help.”  After a moment, she sobered.  “This time, I’ll make sure Corypheus is dead.”

“When you said you _thought_ you killed him, what did you mean?” Tanwen asked after a moment of silence.

Anya sighed. “The Grey Wardens had him imprisoned.  They used my father’s blood in a ritual to seal Corypheus inside a prison.  But he could still reach out and influence Warden’s thoughts.  He sent them after me.  And I didn’t just _think_ I killed him.  When the fight was done, he _was_ dead on the ground, in the middle of that Maker-forsaken keep.” She lifted her shoulders in a shrug.  “Maybe his tie to the Blight somehow brought him back, or maybe it’s old Tevinter magic... But he was dead.  I swear it.”

Tanwen pondered this information for a short while.  How was Corypheus able to come back after being slain by Hawke?  She would have to research and ask questions.

“Where did you go after the Mages rebelled?”

“I heard the Chantry might be sending an Exalted March to Kirkwall to put down the rebellion.  I hoped that leaving would save lives and force the Divine to divide her forces to come after me.  As it turned out, I needn’t have bothered.  All the circles started rising up and the Exalted March never came.”

Tanwen’s eyes widened.  She hadn’t heard of an Exalted March being called and set on the neighboring City-State. “What happened in Kirkwall?  I’ve only heard bits and pieces of what happened there.”

“What happened at Kirkwall was the same thing that happened nearly everywhere else.  Fearful of blood magic and abominations, the Templars brutally suppressed the circle at the command of Knight-Commander Meredith Stannard... and in their desperation to survive, several of the mages of the circle turned to blood magic or became abominations.  Like First-Enchanter Orsino. All of this started by a rebel mage named Anders when he destroyed Kirkwall’s Chantry.  After that, everything came tumbling down.”

“I had heard that Anders was your friend.  What was he like?” Tanwen spoke softly, wanting to take care with the subject matter in case it was a sensitive subject.

Anya just scoffed.  “I don’t know if there ever was _just_ an ‘Anders’.  He was absolutely crazy.  By the end, there was nothing left in him except this insane need to start a war no one could win.”

“What about your family?  Where are they now?” Tanwen almost immediately regretted her question at the desolation and sadness that had formed in Anya’s eyes. She had heard one of Anya’s siblings had died, but back then, she hadn’t felt the need to pay attention to gossip and rumor coming from Kirkwall.  Anya quickly covered her sadness.

“I had a brother, but he died as he and I fled Ostagar to meet our Mother and Sister in Gwaren.  My mother and sister... they passed away during my tenure in Kirkwall.”

“I am so sorry for your loss.  Do you have anyone else that is close to you?  I thought I heard a rumor about you and an male elf?”

“That ended well before the rebellion and the fall of the Circles.  I think he is in Tevinter right now,  because before I left Kirkwall, he mentioned going back to the Imperium for personal reasons.” Anya looked around, her eyes landing on Varric for a second before leaning closer to Tanwen.  She raised her hand to hide her whispered words. “There was someone waiting for my return, however, but he would never admit it outloud. Unfortunately, he had to leave the city before I did.”

Tanwen witnessed a small, dreamy smile form on her fellow warrior’s lips before she continued.  “My uncle Gamlen is still in Kirkwall and is still a pain in my arse.  As for everyone else?  They have all disappeared to the winds.  Except Aveline and Sebastian.  Aveline is still in Kirkwall, Captain of the Guard and my self-appointed keeper when I visit town, and Sebastian went back to Starkhaven to take over his rightful place on the throne.”

“Wait... wait...” Tanwen lifted her hands to catch Anya’s attention. “When you say Sebastian from Starkhaven, do you mean _Prince Sebastian Vael_ of Starkhaven?” When Anya did her best not to smile, Tanwen’s arms fell.  “I met him once, long before he became a brother in the Chantry.  My family had traveled to Starkhaven for... one reason or another.  I was much younger then and can’t remember now.  Every girl of noble birth twittered about him behind their hands around Ostwick before we left.  When we got there, I could finally see why.  Those blue eyes of his and that smile! On top of his reputation with the ladies who had earned his favor... I...I was truly saddened when word was brought to my family of Vael’s murders.  I had wondered what had happened to him.”

“He went back to claim his birthright from his uncle, before deciding what to do next.” Anya supplied, leaning back against the railing.

“Anyways, I’m wondering - what has Varric been telling you about the Inquisition?  What has he told you about me?”

A laugh escaped the woman next to her. “Only good things, I promise.  I was a little surprised actually.  Varric isn’t one for religion in general, but he thinks highly of the Inquisition.  And you.”

“All right, I think that’s enough questions for now.  How about we head to Crestwood in two weeks? You need to rest from your travels and I need to oversee the final repairs to Skyhold and to make sure things go smoothly as we heal and grow in our new home.” Tanwen said after moments of silence had passed between them.

With a smile and a nod of heads, Tanwen left Anya and Varric up on the battlements to talk in peace.  From there, she went into the Herald’s Rest, talking to Cole and Sera in turn as she made her way down to the first floor.  As soon as her feet touched the ground floor, Bull waved her over.

“Hey Boss, when you’ve got a moment, there’s something I wanna show you.”

~//~

“Just an idea, huh?  Guess that means I need to work harder at getting to know everyone again.”

“Talking to yourself again?  People might start wondering about your sanity, not that they don’t already.  I mean, you do count the most handsome mage on this side of the Waking Sea among your friends, and a Tevinter at that." Tanwen looked around to search for the sound of Dorian’s voice as she entered the great hall.  When she stopped and located the sound, she didn’t see him at first.  But when he emerged from the shadows, she smiled.  

“Talking to myself?  Maker no! I prefer to call it ‘thinking out loud.’” Tanwen chuckled. “Were you waiting for me?  I never took you for the kind to hide in the dark. So much harder to see you that way.”

“Right you are!  I found a secret that Skyhold was keeping from us.” Dorian leaned in to whisper, his tone secretive.

“Oh?  And what secret is this?  We’ve already discovered a vault full of gold behind a brick wall near the kitchen.”

“Exactly!” he exclaimed, his excitement was nearly tangible in its potency. “It got me to wondering.  If one thing could be hidden behind a stone wall, what else could be around here?  I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the walls are very thick. So I started... tinkering with other sections of wall down there.  Eventually, I found a wall that seemed out of place, so when I pushed it, the wall slid away to reveal a door.  I was saving the surprise of what lay behind it for when I could find you so we could make the discovery together.”

“Well?  What are you waiting for? An invitation?  Let’s go!”

Tanwen followed Dorian towards Josephine’s office, down the stairs between the great hall and her office, then across the room. Past the vault lay a door that didn’t remember being there before.  She could feel excitement growing in her belly at the thought of uncovering something that had been hidden for Maker knew how long.  

In front of the door, the pair paused.  Tanwen inhaled, taking in the dust and musk of an aged building, with just a hint of parchment.  Her smile grew as she looked at Dorian.

“Ready?” Tanwen nodded fervently in reply.  With a powerful jerk on the handle, she and Dorian opened the aged and rusted door together, the iron hinges crying out as it moved.  Without warning, the two of them were assaulted by dusty air as it rushed past them through the open portal before them.  

They both coughed as the dust entered their noses and mouths, making their eyes water.  When their visions’ cleared, Tanwen felt her jaw hit her collarbone in surprise.

“Well...” Dorian murmured from her right, sounding as stunned as she felt.

Beyond the door lay a library, made up of rows of shelves, all covered in dust and webbing from an unknown number of years hidden behind the door and wall.  From the looks of the layout, with a large table between the first two rows of books carrying a lectern and heavy book split down the middle, it seemed to have been the study of a previous inhabitant of Skyhold’s halls. There were several large candles on golden plates, featherless pen nibs lay next to crystalline pots of ink; several sticks of sealing wax lay next to a seal and a smaller candle.

“This... this...”

“I know...”

Tanwen shook her head and rubbed her eyes, as if to rub away the illusion.  It was still there.  She turned to Dorian.  “What kind of books could be in here that would merit being locked and hidden away as it was? From the looks of this table, it’s as if the person that used this room last just… left.  Abandoned the room, and possibly the castle, without warning.”

Dorian shrugged, his smile never failing.  “All excellent questions, my dear Inquisitor!  What kind of history lay within the dust and cobwebs along these shelves?  What sort of people held these precious books before us?  Were they researchers, like us?  Or were they merchants, looking for a swift sale?  Soldiers perhaps hoping to steal the rarest of the books, so they may sell them on the black market?”

Tanwen slowly turned her back to the treasure trove before them, her face cracking wide with a grin.  “What do you say, Dorian?  Want to get dirty in the name of knowledge?” she asked, rolling up the sleeves of her tunic as she walked forward, Dorian close at her heels.

~//~

Skyhold truly was a marvel, in both grandeur and complexity.  Cullen wandered the castle, finished with the day’s training and avoiding the mountain of reports and other paperwork awaiting him in his office.

The arcs in the stonework drew him. The height of the main building amazed him. The view of the mountains took his breath away.  Skyhold was a stronghold Cullen could only dream of.  They were lucky Tanwen and Solas found it, as if guided by the Maker’s hand.

Cullen’s thoughts drifted to the Inquisitor as he roamed the halls and undercroft.  When he moved back up to the great hall, he took the door across from the door leading to the Undercroft, finding himself in a massive bedroom after climbing several flights of stairs. He wondered who’s room it was until he felt a breeze from one of the balconies and inhaled the fresh air. It smelled of lavender and vanilla and his mouth watered.  So light and feminine. And familiar, but why? Josephine had a scent of exotic spices that followed her around.  Was it Leliana? But he had heard that she stayed in the rookery so that left only the Inquisitor. As soon as her face conjured in his head, he knew he was right.

On one side of the room, a set of worn armor was on a mannequin, and a two handed sword was hanging on a wall mount next to it for easy access with its sheath hanging off the corner of the wooden fixture.  On the desk in the corner, the piles of reports were neat, orderly, and somewhat smaller than the piles of paper on his own desk.  When he passed one of the doors leading to a balcony as he walked about the space, he stopped to admire the view of the setting sun through the ornate double doors. The view was stunning with its golds and pinks as the light shone through wisps of clouds that streaked across the sky.

Cullen felt his gaze inexplicably drawn to the bed that was against the wall opposite where he stood.  He had thought for a moment, had almost expected given the Inquisitor’s background in nobility, that he would see a monstrosity of a bed she had picked out while in Orlais.  He was surprised at the simplicity of the bedstead before him.

Intricately carved oak sat at the head, foot, and along the side;  no gold inlay, no marble, no silks or carvings of Andraste as was common in Orlesian decor.  The bed looked like a large sleigh, minus the runners under the clawed feet, with a large pile of colorful pillows and soft wool coverlet included, under a small gathering of furs, it was a vast but simple in its design.  Not to mention that it looked quite comfortable.

Cullen shook such thoughts from his head and moved to leave Tanwen’s private rooms, not wanting to be discovered there by someone and that person coming to the wrong conclusions about his intentions.

When he turned to leave, the sun had fallen enough to cause a beam of light to reflect off of a polished surface from the direction of her desk.  This caught his attention and he paused, his curiosity getting the better of him. Back at the Inquisitor’s desk, Cullen saw that it was a small painting under glass in a simple frame, leaning up against a stack of books on the right side of her desk.  Since the Herald was left handed, its placement offered a clear view of the contents.  When he was close enough to see it, Cullen expected the painting to be of her family, a friend , or maybe a lover.

The painting was of a baby that couldn’t be more than a year old.

“It must be one of her nephews,” he muttered to himself, reaching for the portrait, but thought better of it.  It wasn’t right to go through someone else’s things.  Turning on his heel away from the desk, he made his way back to the great hall.

The moment his foot touched the landing, his stomach growled and he paused.  He must have missed the midday meal in between his training of the troops and his exploration of the castle and its grounds.  So, instead of going back to his office, Cullen strode to the door leading to where Josephine resided before the war room. Instead of entering the diplomat's office, Cullen took an immediate left and went down the stairs there.  He had never been this way before, but had been notified of its existence. If he had wanted something to eat from the kitchens, Nan often had a plate of food ready for him and a blush on her withered cheeks. He usually entered the kitchens from the back door leading up from the lower courtyard.  It was the easiest way to avoid the nobles that had been flocking to the Inquisition’s doorstep since they, themselves, arrived a month ago.

At the bottom of the stairs, he made another left and found himself in a long room that could only have once been a formal dining room for small occasions with nobility, or even Kings and Queens.  The room was sparsely decorated with dusty, spider web covered paintings, and no table had been installed yet.  Across from the stairway, a glimpse of red and movement caught his eye, where he noticed a room set into the wall across from the landing at the bottom of the stairs.  Inside, he saw Tanwen curled up in a chair with a thick book in her lap, reading by the light being given off by a fat candle on a plate next to her on a large table.

He watched her as she carefully and gently turned the pages of the book.  Such care must mean the book was quite old.  What was she reading that so engrossed her?  He could imagine she had always had access to libraries and other books from around the world, having lived as a noble her entire life.  When he saw her pinch her lower lip as her midnight eyes rapidly scanned the pages, he felt his cheeks warm, his mind wondering what her lips tasted like, if they were always as plump as they appeared or if she was making them look as such. If they were as sweet as the ripe strawberries they mimicked in color.

Cullen froze, realizing he was a two steps from entering the room she was in without realizing he had even moved.  The line his thoughts were running headlong down, caught him off guard.  He knew he had formed feelings for her - they were more than just those you experienced between friends.  Did she feel the same?  He just didn’t know and worried about saying anything lest he ruin the camaraderie they had formed.

When he was about to knock on the frame of the door to catch her attention without scaring her, Dorian walked from behind one of the shelves, a book and quill in one hand, a dusting rag in the other and a scrap of cloth covering his hair to protect it from the dust that floated about the room.

“Tanwen, there is an entire section on ancient cultures over here.  One appears to be about the Alamarri when they settled in Ferelden, before a portion of them eventually broke off to become the Avvar. It mentions how the Avvar and their Alamarri brethren then warred against each other for the next number of centuries.”

Tanwen looked up from where she had been reading to look at where the Mage had walked from between two shelves, with a smile. She hadn’t seen Cullen as he observed their interactions.  “That should be an interesting read.  I’ll just add that to my list of books to read - along with every single book in this room.”

Dorian chuckled as he turned to move back down the stack, but his gaze moved past the front door and he saw Cullen.  The male paused with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.  “Tanwen, my girl, I do believe there is a Templar in need of your attention at the door.”

Tanwen’s head snapped back to Dorian from where she had gone back to reading, following his gaze to land on Cullen.  “Cullen!  I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there.  Please! Come in!  We could use another set of hands to help clean and categorize all these books we found.”

“‘You found’?  What do you mean?” Cullen asked, walking past the door way before stopping.

“Yes! It has been quite the adventure.  I found a section of wall and thought to myself, ‘What if it is like the wall before the vault?’ Then I tinkered with it and eventually found a button that dropped the stone wall it was hidden behind.  That’s when I got the Inquisitor, because her love for books and knowledge nearly matches my own.” With a toothy grin, the Tevinter male went back down the aisle from which he came from, leaving Cullen and Tanwen alone.

She watched Cullen as he moved to take the seat across from where she sat.  “How long have you two been working on this?  Does anyone else know about it?”

Tanwen gently closed her book and set it aside.  At first, Cullen thought he might be bothering her, but a kind smile graced her full lips and she turned and gave him her full attention.  “We started about two weeks after we got here, I think.” she called into the empty space behind Cullen.

“I approached you the day you met with Iron Bull and talked with those two soldiers.” Came the Mage's’ voice from the beyond.

Tanwen nodded.  “As for anyone else knowing, I don’t think so, but it’s hard to say.  We lock it up by magic and a note from me, but that wouldn’t stop everyone.”

Cullen marveled at the glow of happiness coming from the woman before him.  Had she been a mage, he was sure that there would be a physical glow emanating from her skin because of the magic within her, activated by her joy.  Cullen scratched the back of his neck and looked at the side for something to say, because looking at her distracted him and caused his thoughts to scatter.

“What brought you down here, Cullen?” She asked as she leaned forward and watched him.

“I was exploring the keep to familiarize myself with it’s layout, when I realized I had missed the midday meal.  Since I had been in...”he coughed lightly to cover his near-confession of being in her quarters. “The Undercroft, I decided to go to the kitchens by way of the stairs outside Josephine’s quarters and office.  That’s when I noticed you sitting in here reading.”

“It’s past the midday meal?” Tanwen gasped and stood, still looking at Cullen in shock.  Cullen stood as well in deference of her station.

“Would you care to join me in retrieving some food from the kitchen, then eating it outside like we used to?”

Tanwen smiled at his invitation, but when she took too long to respond, Dorian took over.

“She’d love to.  Don’t worry about me, I will grab something later if I’m feeling peckish.  I can’t bring myself to leave right now as it were.”

A look passed between the two that Cullen didn’t understand, before she turned to Cullen and held out her hand.  Cullen clasped it gently in his own hand and placed it on his bicep before guiding her out of the dusty library and towards the kitchen next door.  

Cullen carried most of their fare out the back door of the kitchens, but he didn’t mind.  He followed Tanwen down the stairs, past the stables and the vendors that had begun moving in, and over to the base of the newly repaired walkway connecting the main part of the castle to his quarters.  When they sat in the grass, Cullen felt their hips brush, but couldn’t bring himself to pull away.  “I never asked:  how did your meeting with Varric’s mysterious friend go?”

~//~

“It went well,” Tanwen replied before biting into her loaf of bread stuffed with dried and salted meat with cheese, contemplating whether to tell Cullen who it had been, then figured she might as well.  Cassandra now knew.  “It was Anya Hawke.”

She watched Cullen’s eyes grow wide with shock before he began coughing heavily and thumping his chest.  Tanwen quickly lifted her left hand and began landing strong, even and open-handed thumps on his back to dislodge the bit of food that had gotten lodged in his throat when he had gasped.  When he had finally eased and taken some wine to help calm his coughing, Tanwen decided she could continue.

“What’s the matter?”

“Varric knew where Hawke was all along?” Tanwen shrugged. “Maker’s Breath!  I imagine Cassandra was more than a little upset when she found out?”

“What makes you say that?”

He looked at her in surprise.  “You haven’t been told how those two became traveling companions before the Conclave?”

“I have heard things.  I also learned some from when I broke up a fight between them last week.”

“What? How have I not heard about this?” Cullen exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air and nearly sending his own bread and meat soaring across the open area. His loud voice drawing the attentions of those around them.  When he lowered his hands, Tanwen saw a hint of a blush form on his cheeks as he looked down for a moment before returning his gaze to her.

Tanwen smiled.  “We have all been busy, as I’m sure you have noticed. On top of that, I think it embarrassed both of them as well.”

“How did you find out?”

“I have my ways!” Tanwen’s smile turned into a laugh when Cullen looked at her with a raised eyebrow of disbelief and a smirk.  “Okay, all right.  I know because I was there.  I had been training in the upper bailey when a soldier found me and told me that people were fighting on the second floor of the smithy.  When I got there, Cassandra was shouting at Varric, accusing him of knowing where Hawke had been all along.”

_Three days prior..._

“You’re damn right I did!” Varric replied, pushing the Seeker back so he could stand up straight once more.

“You conniving little shit!” Cassandra swung at him, but being the rogue that he was, Varric managed to dodge under her muscular arm and used her movements and recovery to put both distance and furniture between them.

“You kidnapped me!  You interrogated me!  What did you expect?” The two glared at each other; their gazes so sharp, had they been blades, both would have been cut to ribbons.

Tanwen had had enough of their bickering.  “Hey! Enough!.” she glowered, standing between the two adults, her hands raised towards both to keep them distanced lest they maim each other.

Cassandra was incredulous as she looked at Tanwen. “You’re taking _his_ side?”

“I said enough!” Tanwen shouted, facing the Seeker and rogue in turn.  She watched Cassandra turn away and take several breaths to calm herself, releasing them slowly before moving back to Tanwen’s side.

“We needed someone to lead the Inquisition.  First, Leliana and I searched for Brianna Amell, the Hero of Ferelden, but she had vanished and King Alistair wouldn’t say where she had gone.  He told us she was on an important mission and he requested that no one search for her, that she wished not to be found until her mission was complete. Then we searched for Anya Hawke as she seemed to be our only hope.  She was the Champion of Kirkwall after all.  The Templars respected her, our Commander respected her.” Cassandra turned to Varric.  “And you kept her from us.”

Varric scowled.  “The Inquisition _has_ a leader.” He replied, lifting his hand to emphasize Tanwen as she stood beside him.  

“Hawke would have been at the Conclave.  If _anyone_ could have saved the Most Holy...”

Tanwen released a heavy sigh. “You can’t change the past, Cassandra.”

“So I must accept...what? That the Maker _wanted_ all this to happen?  That he, that he...” A drastic change fell over the Seeker’s facial features. Gone were the emotions that had threatened to overcome her in her words, in came the Seeker Tanwen had met in Heaven's dungeon. “Varric is a liar, Inquisitor.  A snake.  Even after the Conclave, when we needed Hawke most, Varric kept her secret.”

“She’s with us _now_. We’re on the same side!”

Cassandra spat at the floor near Varric’s boots.  “We all know who’s side you’re on, Varric.  It will never be the Inquisition’s.”

“That was unworthy of you,” Tanwen chastised, receiving a sigh in reply as Cassandra moved over to lean on a table that had managed not to get overturned in their scuffle.

“He did bring Hawke.  Late, perhaps, but Hawke is with us.  As are you.”

Tanwen turned to Varric, motioning with a tilt of her head that he should leave.  At the top of the stairs leading down, Varric paused to look at the Seeker.  “Know what I think?  If Hawke had been at the Temple, she’d be dead, too. You people have done enough to her.”

Once his footfalls had faded, Cassandra sighed again.  “I... believed him.  He spun his story for me, and I swallowed it.  If I’d just explained what was at stake... if I had just made him understand...” Cassandra walked over to a bench and turned to Tanwen as she joined the Seeker.  “But I didn’t, did I? I didn’t explain why we needed Hawke.”

They both sat on the benches, facing each other, Cassandra’s head bent low. “I’m such a fool.”

“What if you hadn’t believed him, and you’d tracked Hawke down?”

“Honestly, Hawke might not even have agreed to become the Inquisitor.  Even though she supported the Templars in Kirkwall.  I doubt she would have trusted me even for a second.  But this isn’t about Hawke, or even Varric.  Not truly.  I should have been more careful.  I should have been smarter. I don’t deserve to be here.”

Tanwen moved from her seat to sit next to her friend.  “You’re too hard on yourself, Cassandra.”

“Not hard enough, I think.” She smiled a little before it fell again.

“You can’t believe that.”

Cassandra looked at Tanwen.  “I want you to know, I have no regrets.  Maybe if we had found Hawke, the Maker wouldn’t have needed to send you, but he did.” Tanwen stood and offered her friend a hand.  “I don’t know what is to come, but... you’re more than I could have hoped for.”

_\- Present day -_

Cullen and Tanwen were silent for a time as her recap of the events sunk in.  Tanwen could tell that her story had surprised him.  Cassandra’s actions had surprised her as well.

“I had heard complaints and stories, but not all that.  She came to me in my office in the Gallows to ask me to command the Inquisition's’ forces.  I had been trying to quell the rebellion, but it was out of hand and I was coming to realize that I might not be able to do everything I could to save things. I was two days short of locking _everyone_ , Templars and Mages alike, in the Gallows dungeons, just until I could find a more permanent solution.  When she asked me, I figured: if I joined the Inquisition, I would have better luck helping people and fixing the things that had been started in Kirkwall.”

Tanwen looked at the chocolate in her hands as it began melting slightly from the warmth of her body before looking back at Cullen.  “Did... did you leave anyone behind in Kirkwall when you went to Haven?”

She watched as the cool breeze blowing through the lower bailey ruffled the black and red fur of Cullen’s mantle, loosening a few strands of his hair as he looked up at the clear sky above them.  “No, I fear I made few friends there, and my family is in Ferelden.”

Tanwen popped the chocolate in her mouth before leaning forward and wrapping her arms around her bent knees, laying her head on them as she gazed over at him.  “No one... special... caught your interest?”

He returned her side look with a small smile full of warmth.  “Not in Kirkwall.” His smile widened when her eyes grew wide and she felt a blush form.

‘ _Does he care for me as more than a friend?’_ She asked herself.  She watched him lean closer, and she lifted her head from her knees.  The look in his eyes made her heart quicken because his gaze was focused on her lips.   _‘Is he ... going to kiss me?  Please kiss me!’_

She felt her eyes flutter shut, limbs going limp, preparing to receive a kiss;  something she had daydreamed of a time or two during her travels through the Lands and Fallow Mire before dashing them away.

‘ _What’s taking him so long?’_ She asked herself.  She started and opened her eyes at the feel of a warm, gloveless finger at the corner of her mouth. When she focused on him, he was smiling as he put his finger to his lips.

“Sorry, you had chocolate.  Just there.”He said past a smile as he pointed to where he had touched her mouth.

That man!  Tanwen felt her entire body go bright red as she reached up to wipe her mouth with the sleeve of her dusty tunic. She looked up at the sky as if only just realizing the time.  “Oh!  Would you look at the time. I have to go.  Thanks for lunch.” she mumbled as she stood.  She quickly turned and walked at a brisk pace up the stairs to the great hall then to her quarters, heat radiating off her cheeks more and more despite the distance from the Commander.

~//~


	10. Declarations and Admissions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tanwen decides it's time to tell Cullen her secret - the one that has been waking her up at night, that she has been keeping from the Inquisition for many months. How will he react? Will Cullen accept her despite her secrecy? Understand why she kept it from everyone? Or will he reject her completely?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Further in this chapter, the topic of women giving their child up for adoption is mentioned. This is fiction and meant to entertain rather than offend. The words expressed are solely from Tanwen’s point of view. Also, Iuen is mentioned again in this chapter. The name is pronounced “Yai-on”. :)

Lady and the Templar Chapter 10

“Aargh!  I have to get it out of my head!” Tanwen growled, dipping her head and clasping the hair at her temples.  A full day had passed since the slightly embarrassing lunch with Cullen, and she hadn’t been able to bring herself to face him even once.  She had never acted like this around other men;  In the past, she was usually coy and playful, purposefully having something on her lips or elsewhere on visible parts of her body to entice the man she had then desired to touch her in some way. When Cullen had wiped the chocolate away from her lips, she had gone red and as hot as a flame, running away like a coward.

She had gone down to the village for a number of hours to visit with the families of soldiers, both current and deceased. As she walked, she saw a group of men working to put up a small house, slowly replacing the tents they had arrived with.  Tanwen hurried over and insisted that she help them build.  It took some convincing, but they finally let her.  She lifted heavy beams, set logs and panels in place, nailing panels to support the building.  In no time, the small hut was complete and the family set to live in it were overjoyed.  Tanwen received hugs and handshakes from the mother and father and she bent down to give their two sons and a young daughter hugs.  It felt nice to be able to get her hands dirty once more.

For a time, she even forgot her embarrassment.  But Tanwen knew it wouldn’t last for long - she’d have to own up to her embarrassment eventually.  However, that didn’t me she wouldn’t try her best.

When she and the advisors had a meeting in the war room that evening, Tanwen had made sure to get business taken care of, then it was up to her rooms to prepare for the trip to Crestwood.

She knew she was acting like a young girl in the flush of her first crush, but she had made a fool of herself right in front of the man she desired more than any other before him.  She knew she would never forget it.  He had never given any indication that he wanted anything more than friendship with her. Why would she assume that he suddenly wished to press his inviting lips upon her own? Push her up against one of the stone walls and have his way with her?

Tanwen let her forehead fall to her desk with a thud, disrupting the piles of paper and the portrait she kept on her desk ever since receiving it from her family a week prior.  Leaving her head on the desktop, she turned slightly to stare at the picture, her eyes softening.  She needed to find a way to finish off Corypheus soon.  Being away from Ostwick and her family was making it more and more difficult to sleep, which could explain her odd behavior.  If she wasn’t careful, soon she would look like Cullen.  Or rather, worse, since nothing he did or didn’t do took away from his strong jaw or golden eyes.

Maybe this was a sign that they should remain as friends; an unrequited desire that would fuel her fantasies for years to come.  Since they worked together to lead the Inquisition, she would be spending A LOT of time with him.

She was doomed.

Tanwen looked at the portrait on her desk again.  Regardless of what happened - or didn’t happen - between them, she knew she would have to tell Cullen the one secret she had told neither him nor anyone else in the Inquisition.

She jumped slightly, when the sound of someone knocking on her door drifted up to her ears from below.

“Come in.” She called, quickly organizing the mess that was her desk the best she could. Tanwen was placing the portrait in the bottom of a drawer under her copy of _Tale of the Champion_ , when a familiar head of golden curls became visible between the stone pillars of the railing along her stairs, and she groaned internally. ‘Please, dear Maker, don’t let me make a fool of myself.  Again.’

Cullen stopped at the landing, a trencher with a small amount of food on it grasped in his hands.  Tanwen blushed but raised an eyebrow in question.

“You, uh... missed supper.  I thought you might be hungry.” Cullen shifted the tray to one hand and rubbed the back of his neck. “I also thought you might like to talk?”

Tanwen swallowed the sudden lump in her throat.  “About what happened yesterday?”  This earned her a nod.  She stood from her chair and moved towards Cullen, took the tray from his hand and guided him towards her desk where she placed the trencher on the surface. Perhaps if she told him her secret, she would stop embarrassing herself because it would break the invisible hold he seemed to have over her and her emotions. “Join me on the Balcony?”

Standing on the ancient stone overlooking the courtyard, Tanwen moved closer to Cullen as their hands rested on the coping.  “I’m sorry for how I acted yesterday.  I found myself caught up in my own imaginings and over reacted. I don’t usually act that way.”

“What kind of imaginings?” Cullen asked.  His Ferelden accent sounded more pronounced as his voice deepened.  Tanwen turned to him at the sound.  He was looking right at her.

“Cullen, I want you to know that I value the friendship that we have formed since I joined the Inquisition.  Not once have I regretted being your friend.  But I need to tell you...” Tanwen paused. “I have found myself thinking of you more than a little bit. No, that’s not true. I have been thinking of you... well, all the time, really.”

Tanwen watched as a smile tugged at the corner of Cullen’s lips.  “I can’t say I haven’t wondered what to say to you in this sort of situation.”

Was he saying he returned her feelings?  That he cared for her as she cared for him?  She couldn’t tell with him.  Tanwen had to know for sure so she would figure out how to go about telling him her secret.  Cullen Rutherford was an honorable man who liked having everything out in the open.  A secret like hers that wasn’t addressed at the beginning of any kind of relationship could lead to a sense of betrayal for an honorable man like him if it was brought up later on, she was sure.  And that was one thing she would not do to him. There would be no secrets.

“Are you saying that you might have feelings - _romantic_ feelings - for me?”

“Yes, I am and yes, they are.”

Tanwen turned away and covered her mouth with one hand as she looked blindly across the mountains beyond Skyhold. _Maker, give me the strength. It’s time I told him..._ she thought to herself before she sought him out once more.  He was still smiling in the way that made her stomach quiver, but now there was doubt in his eyes.  Tanwen lowered her hand then took a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, then released it slowly through her nose.

“Cullen, I care for you - but I cannot allow myself to be with you when I have kept a secret from you and everyone else.”

She watched as Cullen’s entire body slowly tensed. “What do you mean?”

Tanwen shook her head and held up a finger.  Back inside her room, she went to her desk, opened the bottom drawer and picked up the portrait - her most prized possession within the Inquisition, and walked back out to the balcony where Cullen waited for her.  He looked confused as she approached him with the picture clasped face-down to her breast.  When she returned to the spot she had vacated, she noticed he was holding his breath in preparation for whatever she was about to reveal.

Tanwen looked him in the eye, mentally pleading for him to understand why she kept this particular information from him, from everyone. _Do it now, before your feelings grow. It will hurt less._

Before she could change her mind, she thrust the frame at Cullen’s chest, painting side out. The child’s gaze faced her, staring at her with a toothy smile, as Cullen wrapped his fingers around the wood of the frame and turned it around to face him, the look in the child’s eyes disappearing from her line of sight.  Tanwen watched his brows furrow, but saw a light of recognition, then more confusion.  His gaze went from the painting, up to her, back to the painting, back to her.  As he looked between her and the child in the portrait, his confusion waned and realization dawned.  Tanwen gulped as she crossed her arms over her breasts to hide her fisted and shaking hands from view as she waited for his reaction.

“Inquisitor?” Tanwen’s heartbeat increased.  When they were alone, he didn’t call her by that title. It was usually her sername or ‘My Lady’. She could almost physically feel him slipping from her as the seconds passed.  “Who is this?”

His voice was as expressionless as his facial features currently were.

 _Get this over with so you can move on.  It will only hurt for a little while._ She scoffed at herself.  Wrapping her arms about her torso more snuggly for support, she looked him in the eye without hesitation.

“The child’s name is Iuen Trevelyan.  He is my son.”

~//~

“Your... your s...son?  You have a son?”

Tanwen nodded.

Cullen had noted that her voice had shaken there at the end of her admission.  She was nervous or scared about telling him about the child, knowing how he felt about subterfuge.  He looked back at the portrait in his hands.  The boy looked so much like his mother, such as the shape of his face and the color of his eyes; but he could see features that belonged to another. An unexpected jealousy came over him at the thought of another touching her in a romantic manner.  

Did this mean she was married to the father of her child?  She had never mentioned another man in her life.  But since she had kept her son a secret, who was to say she couldn’t have kept a husband or betrothed secret as well? Cullen’s brows furrowed as a memory came forward of her mentioning having been betrothed once before. Though she had said she had feelings for him, were those feelings genuine?  Or were they simply born from boredom or lack of choice in men surrounding her of a rank or title that would be acceptable for her own? She _was_ a noblewoman after all.

So many questions formed from the doubt blooming in his breast, without any answers forthcoming. He was having a difficult time finding his breath.  Awkwardly, Cullen pushed the painting back at Tanwen and moved past her with the intention of going to his office and thinking things over alone.  He needed the quiet room to make sure he was calm and rational; because right now, he was starting to feel like anything but.  As he strode through her room and to the top of the stairs, he could feel her blue eyes follow him.

“Cullen?” he heard her call from where he had left her on the balcony as he stood there next to her sofa.  Maker’s Breath, but he wanted to turn and go back to her on that balcony, pull her into his arms and have her tell him everything.  But she had been in the Inquisition for months now and she had said nothing.  She had been flirting with him almost since the day she had joined them.  How much of what little she had revealed about herself was actually true, if it took confessing that she cared for him to even broach the subject of her _child_?

Cullen clenched both of his hands at his sides and gave a sharp shake of his head.  “I need time to think,” he murmured, before walking down the stairs, the rhythmic thumping of his boots on the stone echoing off the walls of her quarters as he passed through her wing to make his way to his office.  As the first door shut behind him, he thought he heard a feminine sob before it was cut off by the wood door hewn thick for privacy.

He sighed as he passed the atrium towards his office, the beat of his steps doing much to calm him.  He knew he wouldn’t think on it long; Tanwen had a good reason for keeping this secret and he didn’t need her to tell him.  The fewer people that knew of the child, the better, because then no one could use the boy against her.  Especially now that she was the Inquisitor. The thought she would do such a thing as leaving her child half a world away, just to keep the child safe appealed to him greatly in a deep dark corner of his soul where he had once entertained the thoughts of family, making him care more for her than before. And he did truly care for Tanwen Trevelyan; he rarely thought of anything or anyone else besides her as of late.

He knew why he had reacted so poorly - shock had often lead to the ruination of much in history after all.  At the door of his office, Cullen paused with his hand hovering above the handle and turned to look up at the balcony that was visible from his door and saw her leaning against the railing, her head down against the stone.  His heart clenched at the sight of her like that, and it was all because of his actions.

He had some thinking to do if he wanted to be with Tanwen. And, by the Maker, did he want to be with her.  It probably wouldn’t hurt to do some researching to verify her declaration.  He wanted to trust her at her word, but a secret like this was big and subject for questioning.  Turning from her, he decided he would go to the source of most, if not all, information having to do with Inquisition members.

When he reached his destination, he stopped behind the woman praying to the shrine and waited for her to finish.

“it is rare that I find you seeking me up here, Commander.”

Cullen looked down to where Leliana was kneeling, seeing that she had not raised her head to face him, but was still bowed to the small statue of Andraste surrounded in candles and flowers.

“It’s not often I am in need of information or for you to confirm or deny something I have been told. More often than not, anything I find out I can speak with you about during a meeting of the advisors with the Inquisitor.”

This caused Leliana to turn her head before rising to face him in a standing position. “What have you learned, Commander?”

“Were you aware that Tan... the Inquisitor has a child? A son?” When no response was forthcoming from the woman before him, he knew she had already known.  Cullen raised a hand to run it over his face. “Of course you were.  Why didn’t you say something to Josephine or I?”

“It had no adverse effect on the Inquisition, so I had no reason to say anything.” Leliana shrugged as if the whole thing was simple.  She had a point, but that failed to ease him.

“Is she married?  Is another man, other than her son, awaiting her return to Ostwick?”

“No, but don’t you think those are questions you should be asking her?” Leliana shot back at him, eyeing him carefully.

“Yes. But she didn’t tell me about her son until… well… today. I want to believe her - I do - but what if she is keeping other things from me… us… the Inquisition?”

Leliana walked to her desk where she picked up a small stack of parchment. Cullen followed close on her heels before moving to the other side of her table. “She has done nothing to betray the Inquisition and has in fact sacrificed much to help us get as far as we have. You should trust her words, Commander.” Leliana looked up from what she was reading to look at him.

“She cares for you Cullen, truly. Keeping her child a secret has been one of the most challenging things she has ever tasked herself with. And she has succeeded so far. I only knew because I monitor all letters arriving and departing for the nobles within these walls and happened across a missive for Tanwen from her mother by accident. I think you should ask yourself if you wouldn’t have done the same if you were in her position.” He left the rookery then, his thoughts no more unknotted than before.

~//~

Tanwen sat at her desk three days later, staring at the painting of Iuen while deep in thought about Cullen.  She realized, after a good night’s sleep that she should have been straight with him from the beginning. Her infatuation with the man seemed to cause her mind to go absent around him, resulting in her embarrassing herself around the Commander.  Hadn’t she told him that, out of all the people in the Inquisition, he was the one she had felt most comfortable talking to?  If she hadn’t, she wished she had. As he had left her in her quarters, she had felt surprised by his reaction.  Why? How else could she have expected him to react? For anyone to react?  If their positions had been reversed, she wasn’t sure her reactions would have been any different.

She had held a slight hope that Cullen would have visited her to get answers from her, but perhaps she had waited too long to bring Iuen into the picture. Tanwen sighed as she set the picture down in the middle of her desk.  There was one way to fix things.  She hoped.

Tanwen would go talk to him in a calm manner and explain everything, no small detail left out, and let him decide from there whether they would continue on the path they found themselves on or to abandon it completely. If she didn’t, she would never get to fix things between them and she would always wonder ‘what if’, and she didn’t have time for that.

As she walked to Cullen’s office, she thought about what she would say.  She had never cared about a man as she did Cullen, not even the other men she had been with sexually. It had only been about pleasure. But none of those men were Cullen Rutherford. He was different.  He was more. He deserved more, better.

Tanwen came to a stop outside his office, not knowing whether he would be within or down in the bailey with the soldiers.  Raising her closed fist, she gave two firm knocks against the heavy wood and waited with her hands folded delicately at her stomach. She felt her heart beat increase when she heard the low rumble of his voice bidding her entry.  Tanwen opened the door and walked into his office, shoulders back and head held high with her hands clasped loosely before her.  When Cullen looked up to see who had entered his domain and he saw her, he sputtered in shock before standing at attention.

“Inquisitor!  I wasn’t expecting your visit.  How can I be of assistance?”

Tanwen flinched internally at his use of Inquisitor again. ‘ _Two steps forward, three steps back.’_ She thought to herself as she looked on.

“Please, Cullen, sit. If you have the time, I would very much like to talk to you about what happened on the balcony.  No, please, let me explain,” she quickly added, holding up her hand to stop him when he began interrupting her.  Cullen nodded and sat back down, leaning back in his chair and folding his hands over his stomach, the picture of relaxation as he settled in to listen.  That he seemed willing to hear her out gave her hope.

“I plan on telling you everything about me prior to the Conclave, so I hope you’re comfortable.” She walked up to his desk and stood as tall as she was able. “My name is Tanwen Trevelyan.  I have seen twenty-eight springs.  My father is Bann Owain Trevelyan and my mother is Lady Llinos Trevelyan.  I am the youngest of four children, having three older brothers. Gowain, who is the heir and is married to a woman from Rivain named Saia. They have two children, with one on the way. Rhys and Arryn are my other brothers: Rhys is fourteen years older than me, and Arryn is twelve.  They are both Templar-Knights in the Ostwick Circle of Magi.  I was born, and lived in, Ostwick my entire life until I was sent to the Conclave.  Shortly after my twenty-sixth year, my parents and the Lord of Markham made an agreement that the Lord’s son and I were to wed.  James, the Lord’s son, came to our home months before the ceremony was to take place, on Summerday, so he might court me and we can get to know each other to make our future together at least somewhat enjoyable.

“After he had been at my parents estate for three months, he came to my room one night smelling of ale and brandy - my eldest brother, Gowain, and his wife, Saia, had just announced she was with child for the second time earlier that day and James had been invited to the celebration Gowain was hosting in the Hall for the men.

“I must admit, I have never been the most celibate woman.  I have been with several men since my first cycle.” Tanwen felt heat try to tinge her cheeks, but she pushed it down and continued as she began pacing before his desk. “So when James came to my bed that night, I was willing. Why wouldn’t I be?  We were betrothed - the courting was a formality, a way for him and I to get to know one another.  After we spent the night together, James became distant with me. Before we had slept together,  he had been attentive, gentlemanly and had given me flowers and compliments, as was common for courting, or so I was told.  I believe it may have been because, when his head had finally cleared of it’s ale-induced haze, he realized I was not untouched before we were together.

“A month later, my mother noticed I was showing the beginning signs of being with child.  Throughout our courting, I had been actively training in combat and not very lady-like to be sure, so the possibility of my being with child was the last straw for poor James.  I’m sure he wanted a child, but didn’t want to deal with the repercussions, backlash and rumors of him begetting an heir out of wedlock. He would not have done well with people thinking of him as having a bastard, even though our wedding was to take place in a short number of weeks.  So, before I had even had a chance to see a healer about my symptoms, he left without a word in the dark of night back to Markham.  My parents had wanted to send for him, to make him return and marry me as was his contractual obligation and so that they would not have a bastard for a grandchild, but I managed to convince them not to.

“Not seeing many other options for marriage at my age and my being with child by another man, my parents and I decided that after I gave birth, I would give my child over to a family in Ostwick to raise, while I would dedicate my life to the Templar Order by finally completing my vows and begin taking Lyrium.  It would have been the easiest transition for me since I had already been training in melee with Rhys, Arryn and their fellow Templar brothers and sisters since I was old enough to swing a sword, much to my mother’s consternation.  She wanted me to be a Lady she could send to the Imperial Court, throw a Coming Out ball my eighteenth year. Buy dresses for me to wear. But that had never been part of who I am." She paused and shook her head. "I'm sorry, I'm getting sidetracked.

“As the months went on, I searched for a good family for the babe growing in my belly.  There were many wonderful couples in the city and the surrounding farms that would have given the child a wonderful life. I talked to them all in depth, wanting the best for my bairn.  But as the time for the birth approached, I quit looking. I was unable to see my child being raised by anyone but me. Not because of some attachment to James,” She added for emphasis. “But because of a feeling deep in my gut that the child’s future was with me.

“When Iuen finally arrived and I looked into his blue eyes, I called myself all manner of fool for ever thinking of giving him away to some woman I did not know. I loved the child the moment he was placed in my arms. When his tiny hand wrapped around my index finger, it felt as if he was wrapping it around my heart. But keeping him meant I had another problem to fix.  If I was keeping him, it meant I would never be able to fully dedicate myself to the Order.  So, when I was strong enough to leave my chambers, I met with my father and we decided I would be the Trevelyan family ambassador, so Gowain could stay at the estate while I went to important events since my father was getting older and didn't like to travel as much.

“When news of the Conclave reached us almost a year later, some of the Ostwick Circle’s Templars and I were chosen to be sent to the Temple of Sacred Ashes to assist in talks.  Ever since the explosion, I thank the Maker every day that Rhys and Arryn weren’t sent with me, that they had been on Harrowing duty the day I left and weren’t allowed to leave.

“So, there you have it.  I was engaged to be wed, became pregnant, was left by my intended and the father of my child, then nearly blown up.  I have no more secrets from you.” she finished her monologue by staring straight into his wide, amber eyes.

“Where is your child now? Why have you not sent for him to be brought here? How old is he now?” Cullen asked softly as he rose from his seat to walk over to where Tanwen had come to a rest from her pacing.  She turned with him, never taking her eyes off him as he came to a stop in front of her.

She smiled serenely.  “Iuen is almost three years old. I couldn’t bring Iuen with me to the Conclave, and for that I have no words to express how grateful I am.  I don’t know what I would have done if I had brought my son with me to the Temple and it had blown up like it had.  I haven’t sent for him and likely won’t for the foreseeable future.  It is simply too dangerous right now. I have had nightmares almost every night since leaving for the Conclave, all involving something horrible happening to Iuen.  If our enemies knew I had a weakness in the form of a child, especially my own flesh and blood, it would put him and those with him in danger, and I just cannot do that.  That’s why I have been so focused and determined to make this world safe again.  I miss Iuen so much it becomes a physical ache at times, but I will not risk a loved one's safety because of it.  I have survived so far without him in my arms, I can endure til the end.”

Without warning, Cullen closed the remaining distance between them and pulled her into a tight embrace.  It took Tanwen a moment to process that she was wrapped in his strong arms, but eventually she wound her arms about his waist and held him to her with all her strength, burying her face in the fur of his mantle where she could smell the familiar mix of elderflower and oakmoss.

“I am here for you, Tanwen.  My feelings for you have not changed.  I just needed some time to sort everything out.” Cullen whispered into her soft hair, inhaling its lavender scent.  Tanwen sighed and pulled back with a soft tilt of her lips.

“Thank you, Cullen. Your acceptance means the world to me.” Tanwen smiled as she moved back until they were an arms-length apart and grabbed his hands, looking at them then back up at him. “I wanted to tell you all of this before I left for Crestwood to meet Hawke, I just didn’t know how until you came to visit and we talked. I think it worked out better the way it had. That you know about Iuen now, makes me feel lighter.  That you have accepted my dearest secret, makes me feel better than I have in ages.  Especially since I realized I had feelings for you.  Unfortunately, however, it’s getting late and I must be going.  I have some last minute packing and paperwork to do before we leave.  I also have letters and packages to send before I can even think to sleep.  We leave at dawn and will be gone for two weeks.  But you already know this and now I am rambling and blushing.”

Cullen laughed at her hurried words and raised one of his gloved hands to cup her cheeks, running his thumb across her high cheekbone softly as if attempting to rub her blush away.  She marveled at the sound of his unhindered laugh as he stroked her cheek.  His bright smile took her breath away because it darkened his eyes but lit up his face, making him look years younger.

When he leaned in to kiss her on the cheek, released her with a whispered “Good Night” and was back in her room once more, Tanwen released a breath that she had been holding since he had gifted her with that smile.

“Maker, that man is ruining me for other men!” she admitted to no one in particular.

Her smile was full of warmth at the concept.

~//~

_Two weeks later_

“Stupid! Idiotic! Mayor!”

Iron Bull, Dorian and Varric all sighed.  They all, Anya included, had been listening to Tanwen grumble and groan about the Mayor of Crestwood since their departure from the small fishing village.  They had left the area shortly after discovering what he had done to Old Crestwood and destroying the rift that was causing problems in the lake.  

She knew she was being a pain, but it angered and irritated her when people who were supposed to be in charge, did despicable things like flooding an entire village for some perceived illness, hiding and lying about how it happened, then running away like a coward when the truth finally came to light.  Thankfully, Anya Hawke had been there to take her mind off her irritation with the village’s leadership.

The two women had talked of Stroud, of plans having to do with Corypheus; they had spent hours trying to come up with plausible ideas for how it could have survived Hawke’s encounter and slaying. When their conversations weren’t business-related, they moved to a more personal side.  Tanwen had asked if Anya had heard from Fenris since arriving at Skyhold then Crestwood.  Anya told Tanwen of a letter he had sent to her, in his untidy and uneven handwriting, from an undisclosed location in Tevinter.

When silence fell between the two woman once again, Tanwen brought up a subject Anya had mentioned during their first meeting.

“Anya, what were you having Stroud look for when we first met?”

A furious blush radiated off the dark haired woman’s cheeks before a serene smile graced the Champion’s lips.  “It’s not so much a what, as a who.  Oh, I am looking for information about Red Lyrium from the Wardens, like I told you then.  But I also asked Stroud to use some of his contacts look for someone for me. A few years ago, a man passed through Kirkwall from Cumberland, and we secretly spent time together.  My companions never knew, not even Varric!” Anya whispered, looking back at the dwarf in question as he rode behind them on his own steed.  “I would rather it be kept that way, honestly. At least until my better half says otherwise.  Anyways, when the Battle for Kirkwall ended, I was needed to stay in the city for a short time.  Eventually, his job took him elsewhere and he couldn’t send me missives because it was too dangerous to do so.  I was asking Stroud to see if any of his contacts could find him or even just a sign... something to tell me he is safe.  I have hope, but if Tac... if the man I search for doesn’t want to be found, he won’t.  I just have to pray to the Maker to keep him healthy and whole.”

Tanwen felt for Anya Hawke.  While Tanwen may not be concerned for a man in the same regards as her, both were in a strong castle and one was able to care for himself, she understood what the warrior was going through.

~//~

By mid afternoon of the fourth day of traveling, the party that Tanwen had gathered and taken to Crestwood, finally had Skyhold in view. They picked up their pace and arrived through the gatehouse in record time.

“By the Maker!  I cannot wait to bathe.  It’s always so difficult to get the smell of brine and muck out of clothing and off of armor.” Tanwen exclaimed as she finished brushing Selena down from the ride, offering her a carrot when she finished.

“I am in agreement.  Come, let’s collect a change of clothes and meet at the bath house.” Anya said as she, too, finished caring for her ebony stud.

When they arrived at the bathhouse, Sera was already there.  The rogue managed to convince them to join her in mimicking the advisors and Tanwen’s companions, causing the three women to dissolve into giggles.

An hour and a half later, once they all calmed enough to bathe, Tanwen emerged from the building and inhaled deep of the cool mountain air.  She tipped her head to Anya as her fellow warrior made her way to the tavern and she moved to the stairs leading to the ramparts. She had begun missing Skyhold while they had been away.  She missed the people within Skyhold’s ancient walls, it was true, but there was more.  There was a magic inside the keep’s old bones that couldn’t be described, though she was sure it could be felt by mage and non-mage alike.

Tanwen walked around the ramparts and battlements, ending at Cullen’s office.  When she knocked and entered without waiting for permission, she found Jim there in place of the Commander.

“Jim!  I didn’t expect to find you here.  Where is Commander Cullen?”

“My lady!” The man exclaimed, immediately standing up straight to salute her from behind Cullen’s desk where he had been doing paperwork.  “I was but helping the Commander with some paperwork. The Commander is in the garden with Sister Nightingale discussing battle strategies.”

Tanwen smiled and nodded, thinking about how she really should get to know her Commander’s temporary second in command like she was starting to with the soldiers. Tanwen chuckled to herself as she went to the gardens.  Once she was within the tranquil space, she scanned the area for her Commander and Spymistress.  She spotted them sitting at a table near the back of the gardens with a chessboard between them and chuckled. Battle strategies, indeed. When she got closer, Tanwen could hear Cullen calling Leliana out as she walked towards the pair.

“That piece wasn’t there a moment ago!”

Leliana leaned back in her seat, a smug look on her face after she made her move. “Such accusations, Commander.”

Cullen moved a piece that Tanwen could see would get him closer to a win.  “It doesn’t matter, I’ll win anywa... Inquisitor!” Cullen exclaimed, moving to stand from his chair when he caught Tanwen’s movement out of the corner of his eye.  Leliana put her hand up to stop him.

“If you leave, I will consider it a forfeit.” Cullen turned his head from Tanwen to glare at the spymistress before him as he grudgingly sat back down.  Tanwen crossed her arms and leaned her shoulder against a nearby post that held the roof of the small area they occupied with a smile.

“Are you two playing nice?”

Leliana looked at Tanwen, then back at Cullen, moving a piece to claim a pawn.  “Of course.” she replied simply, as if it were the most obvious answer in all of Thedas.

Cullen leaned back after making his move, taking advantage of the opening Leliana had created.  “She’s just upset I won our last game.”

“That was luck.  You cannot rely on it.” Tanwen chuckled.

“I’m not.” Cullen replied, the click of his chess piece touching the board loud in the silence of the garden. “I have you in three because I’m _good_ at this.”

Cullen leaned back after releasing the piece, as smug as he could be.  Leliana looked at the board.  Not seeing any way to get out of the trap Cullen had set, she turned in her chair to stand.

“Well played.  I expect a rematch.” Leliana said before she left to return to the main building of the keep.  Tanwen saw a small, knowing smile on Leliana’s lips directed at her as she passed.  Tanwen moved closer to the Commander, feeling his eyes on her like a physical caress.

“I should return to my duties as well… unless you would care for a game?” Cullen waved his hand over the board at the chair Leliana had vacated and Tanwen took the offered seat.

“Would you like to prepare the board? Or shall I?”

Cullen’s eyes were still on her and she could feel her skin warming under his gaze as she sat and she watched as he repositioned in his chair to get more comfortable.  Before she could start setting the board, Cullen reached over to her and clasped one of her hands with his own. “Welcome back, my lady.”

The half-smile he gave her when he said that made her cheeks flame and a smile form. “Thank you, Cullen.”

Cullen sat back, severing contact with her;  she felt bereft without his touch, because he took his warmth with him. Tanwen felt her skin burning as he watched her begin setting the board.

“As a child, I played this with my sister.  She would get this stuck-up grin whenever she won - which was _all_ the time.  My brother and I practiced together for weeks.  The look on her face when I finally won…” Tanwen watched his smile fade as he looked at the board without seeing it; he looked as if his mind was miles, or even years, away.  “Between serving with the Templars and the Inquisition, I haven’t seen them in years.  I wonder if… she still plays.”

Tanwen watched Cullen stare at the board, lost in his memories.  After a moment of reflective silence, Tanwen prompted him to continue. “You once talked about Mia, but you haven’t said much about your other siblings.”

Cullen jumped slightly, then shook his head to refocus himself.  His eyes fell on her and he smiled. “I have two sisters and a brother.  Didn’t you say you had siblings yourself before you left for Crestwood?”

Tanwen made her first move by placing one of her pawns one square forward.  “I’m the youngest by twelve years with three older brothers. Where are your siblings now?”

“They moved to South Reach after the Blight.  I do not write to them as often as I should.” Cullen looked at the board. “Ah, it’s my turn.”

“What of your parents?  Do they live with your siblings?” Tanwen almost immediately regretted asking when she watched him tense. “I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, it’s alright.  I received word that they had passed away when I was in Kinloch Hold during the Blight.  I haven’t seen them in almost twenty years.”

“Oh, Cullen.  I’m so sorry.”

Cullen bowed his head at her sincerity. “I knew that when I joined the Order that it was likely I would never see them again, and I resigned to the idea long ago.  What of your parents?”

“They are alive and well.  Though I think that it is in part to their three grandson’s running about.” Tanwen chuckled as she moved her pawn when Cullen moved his pawn.

“Three? I thought you only had one son!”

Tanwen laughed out loud. “I do only have one.  My eldest brother and the heir to my family’s Bannorn, Gowain, has two sons with his wife, Saia. Remember?  I’m sure I told you this before I left for Crestwood.  Miren is eldest, Jamie and Iuen are only a couple months apart in age.” She smirked at him.  “Were you concerned, Commander?”

“What? No!  Not at all.” He cleared his throat.  “I believe it’s my turn?”

~//~

Two hours later, their game was still going, but had become almost completely forgotten.  Tanwen and Cullen had conversed on various topics, nothing sacred or secret;  some subjects causing them both to laugh more than they had since Haven.  Tanwen especially enjoyed it when they made observations about the people milling about the gardens. It felt like things had gone back to normal.

When Cullen waved his hand, it caught Tanwen’s attention and she looked over at him. “This may be the longest we’ve gone without discussing the Inquisition - or related matters.  To be honest, I enjoy the distraction.”

She moved her rook. “We spend a lot of time together, but I’d like it to be more.” Tanwen held her breath as she awaited his response.  He had been receptive of her after she had told him everything, but she had been gone in Crestwood for two weeks, so he’d had time to really think about what being with her would entail.

Cullen looked up from moving his queen, a look of surprise flashed past before he smiled. Tanwen felt confusion at his surprise, but pushed it away. “I would like that.”

Tanwen smiled wide. “Me, too.” When she moved her knight, she thought she heard him mutter ‘you said that’ as he moved a pawn to block her knight.  Tanwen stood to lean over the board so she could grab one of her pawns and found her face precariously close to Cullen’s as he leaned in to study the board at the same time.  Her lips began tingling as she looked at his and imagined, not for the first time, what they would taste like.  She felt heat radiating off her cheeks, his mirroring her own.  Cullen swiftly leaned back and his blush grew.

“We should finish our game.  Right.  My turn?”

In no time, the game was over, with Cullen tipping his king over in defeat.  He leaned back in his chair, shifting to the side to rest on his arm.  “I believe this game is yours.  Well played.  We shall have to try again sometime.”

“Same time tomorrow?” Tanwen grinned when Cullen chuckled as they began cleaning the board.

Cullen chuckled as they began clearing the board. “It’s a date.  Or rather… erm…” he stuttered to a stop when he realized what he said and implied.  Tanwen laughed, but not teasingly as she normally would have.

“It’s a date.” Tanwen replied, lowering her voice and smiling at him.  When all the pieces were in their velvet-lined slots inside the chessboard, they both stood.  “Commander?”

Cullen looked at her with his scarred lip curved up slightly, just the way she liked it.

“Before we go back to the real world, would you care to take a walk with me on the ramparts? I would like to continue our conversation from before Crestwood.” Tanwen asked before looking around at the onlookers. “Alone?”

“Alone? I mean, of course.  Let’s take the board back to my office, then we can go.”

On the ramparts and behind the Herald’s Rest, they saw the masons had been working hard to repair the section of wall there.  When they paused, Tanwen looked up at Satina as she peaked over the mountains surrounding them, though the sun had yet to fully set. Her sister would soon join Satina in her journey across the night sky.

“It’s a nice evening.  I’m glad there were no unforeseen hardships in your travels.”  Tanwen turned to face him in time to see him rub at the nape of his neck as he looked over the scenery before them.

“It is.” She replied, not taking her eyes off him.  Cullen smiled sheepishly.  When it was clear he wasn’t going to say anything, she continued.  “I have to say, Cullen.  While I was away, I thought about you; wondering how you were taking the news of Iuen and how I felt… how I feel about you.”

Cullen stepped closer to her.  “I thought about it quite often while you were gone, to be honest.  It doesn’t bother me that you have a child by another man, my lady.  If I have learned anything, it’s that one shouldn’t judge other people by their pasts, when there might be a future to look forward to.” He walked away from the gap in the wall for a couple paces and Tanwen followed.  She stopped and stood between Cullen and the crenelations and turned to face him.  Cullen looked at her with soft eyes.  “I imagined this, you know?  But I couldn’t imagine what to say to you in this situation.”

Cullen stepped closer to her again, his heat radiating off him into her, warming her all the way to her bones.

“What’s still holding you back?”

When he was close enough to touch her, he sighed and placed one gloved palm on her hip, her skin warming through the layers of clothing between his hand and her hip.  “You’re a noblewoman, the Inquisitor.  The Herald of Andraste.  I’m just a farmer’s son, an ex-Templar, a Commander.  We’re at war and you…” He lifted his gaze to bore into her own as if he was suddenly unable to look away. It was intense; Tanwen felt her heartbeat increase. “I didn’t think it was possible.  Not even before…”

Tanwen felt his second hand move to her hips, his grip firm and strong. She raised her eyebrow to him and offered a smile. “There is no place I would rather be than in your arms, in your life,” she whispered, her voice husky with desire as he slowly pushed her against the stone wall behind her.

When their chests finally touched the barest amount, Cullen smirked. “So you are… it seems almost too much to ask.  But I want to…”

They were so close now.  Tanwen watched him start to lean in before she closed her eyes, finally about to get the kiss she had thought about often.  Her breath hitched at the feel of his warm breath on her lips, his strong hands on her hips, fingers digging into her skin through the cloth of her tunic as if he thought she would escape him if he didn’t hold on tight enough.  She could smell the leather of his armor and his unique scent of Elderflowers and Oakmoss.  Sweet and earthy, just like him. Tanwen felt the barest of pressure as their lips touched when the sound of a door slamming shut interrupted them and he lifted his head but didn’t move, or look, away.

“Commander,”

 _‘Poor Jim.’_ Tanwen thought to herself, recognizing the voice, as they pulled away and she looked at the man who had interrupted them.  She glanced down and away as Cullen moved to face him, one hand staying on her, as if he was silently asking her to wait for him to finish.  The scout continued talking, his eyes on the piece of parchment in his hand, not realizing he had walked into a lion’s den and it’s king was becoming angry.

“You wanted Sister Leliana’s report.” Tanwen looked from Cullen’s tensed profile to the scout and tried not to laugh at the poor unknowing man.

“What?” Cullen growled through clenched teeth, his other hand leaving her side so he could face the doomed man completely.  Tanwen didn’t budge - she had been about to be kissed by the man she desired, something she had wanted for the longest time.  She was going nowhere.

As she watched the two interact, a sudden thought came to her.  This was a point towards what Cullen had been speaking of earlier and it dampened her ardour slightly; a reminder that he was the Commander of the Inquisition’s army and she, the Inquisitor.  There would always be something coming up.  He would likely finish this business the scout had brought and come back to her to say they were better off as friends.  It had happened often enough with the boys she had kissed when she had been a girl.  Then again with the men she had given herself to as a woman.  By then, she had come to expect it.  Since having Iuen, then joining the Inquisition, she had apparently forgotten.  Tanwen’s smile fell, her heart starting to ache.

“Sister Leliana’s report.  You wanted it delivered ‘without delay.’”

She couldn’t see all of what was happening, but if Jim’s widened eyes and heavy gulp was any indication, Cullen was giving the other man his ‘Commander’ look, bending down to get right in the man’s face. She wanted to chuckle, but couldn’t muster enough energy to do so.  Jim looked at Tanwen then back at Cullen before slowly backing up.  Tanwen looked away and shifted awkwardly from foot to foot.

“Or… to your office.  Right.” Tanwen heard the swish of cloth and clink of metal, indicating a body was moving before hurried footsteps lead away from where she stood. Tanwen wasn’t looking at Cullen, so she failed to see him turn to face her and take back the two steps he had been away from her while addressing the scout.

“Cullen, if you want to -” the rest was cut off by Cullen grabbing both sides of her neck to turn her face back towards him.  He used his thumbs on the underside of her jaw to tilt her head up before covering her slightly parted lips with his own.  When her lips were firmly in place against his own, Cullen ran a hand down her shoulder, arm, side, to rest at her hip once more, pulling her closer, a trail of fire being left in its wake along her skin and through her tunic and corset.

Tanwen was momentarily rendered motionless in surprise at his complete possession. She hadn’t expected him to want to continue, as focused on his duty as he tended to be. After her shock had passed, pleasure took over again and she relaxed into his arms, moving her hands to his sides and gripping the sides of his coat tight, pulling him closer.  She felt his tongue press at the seam of her lips and she opened for him, feeling a thrill shoot through her when their tongues met; she could taste mint from the leaves he chewed on. It was a demure meeting at first, before pulling back then moving back in with more confidence.  The action sent heat to her belly and lower.  

Not happy with where her hands were, Tanwen moved them until she was gripping at his back the best she could from under his arms.  He was broader and thicker of torso than she was, but it was all warrior’s muscle.  She wished could feel his back muscles shifting and moving as he moved her back against the stone crenelations with more pressure, but the back of his breastplate was in the way. Tanwen moaned when he placed one leg between hers and rolled his hips into her belly shallowly.

Tanwen was dimly aware that this was the first time she had experienced Cullen even slightly aroused. He never brought it up in conversation and he never seemed interested in the any of the female soldiers under his command. When she groaned in pleasure that sparked knowing he was enjoying this as much as she, he thrust his tongue back into her mouth again, mimicking sex and turned his head sideways to get a deeper contact.  She wasn’t about to let him win the duel of tongues!  She returned the motion, rolling her own hips along his leg and earning a replying moan from him.

Everything was becoming so overwhelming.

Several minutes passed before Cullen pulled away.  Tanwen had had his lower lip between her teeth, so when he pulled back, he groaned softly. He was flushed and his lips were red; she imagined she looked the same.

“I’m sorry… that was, um… really nice.” Cullen stammered and smiled softly at her, his flush intensifying.

Tanwen smiled as well, feeling like she was in a daze before mentally shaking herself and looking at him.  “You don’t regret it, do you?”

Cullen shook his head violently.  “No! No, not at all.”

When he leaned back in, Tanwen lifted her arms to rest them on his mantle this time, threading her fingers through his soft hair, gripping the golden strands as he thrust his tongue past her swollen lips.  She felt him tense when she tugged at the hairs at the base of his skull where she always saw him rubbing at.  She released her grip and massaged the skin as they continued kissing, her ministrations caused him to relax once more; a groan rumbling from deep within his chest.

To her surprise, the kiss she was experiencing with Cullen, the moans he was making, the rocking of his hips, sent heat to her core, causing her to swell and feel like she was burning from the inside out.  That had certainly never happened so quickly before.  Oh, she had felt desire and had been with men before; Iuen was her proof.  She had been with more males than she would care to admit.  But, when she had been with those other men, her passions hadn’t felt like they did currently: Ready and willing for a nice, hard ride.

In the dim thoughts that managed to make themselves known, she realized she could have guessed what kind of reaction she might have if they ever got to this point; the smirk he would give her and the heat that he generated constantly had always set a spark to the kindling within her.

Being in his arms, being consumed by him - being accepted by him - it felt like a dream she never wanted to wake from.  She held him tighter, worried she might float away on a breeze.  If this was a dream, it was better than any she had ever experienced before, and she moaned.

~//~

From the entrance to the Great Hall, two women stood watching the events unfolding on the wall behind the Tavern.

“Well, Josie.  It seems I owe you ten Crowns.”

“Leliana, when will you learn that you never bet against an Antivan.” Josephine smiled as she accepted the small pouch of coin from her friend, neither taking their gaze from what was happening on the wall. “I have to admit, however: I was making the wager out of jest, saying they would finally stop beating around the bush with their feelings and obvious attraction.  But I was not completely invested in our bet.  I thought that their dedication to the Inquisition would keep them apart.  Especially with Tanwen having a son to think about. Thank you for telling me, by the way.”

“I thought it would happen sooner, but that is the romantic in me, I suppose.” Both women gasped in surprise when the Inquisitor and Commander both disappeared behind the inner crenulations before Leliana and Josephine chuckled and went back into the Great Hall.

~//~


	11. Lyrium

Lady and the Templar chapter 11

The singing always meant pain for Cullen - it had been as such since shortly after he joined the Inquisition, three years after the events of Kirkwall, and decided to quit consuming Lyrium.  It was the last of his ties to the Order, and he knew that if he could survive the effects of what no longer taking Lyrium created, to completely rid his body of the corrosive substance, he would finally be free of his self-imposed shackles after living with them day in and day out for most of his life.

Cullen had heard stories of Templars who had stopped taking Lyrium.  But in these stories, the effects and results were far from pretty, or ideal, and it worried him greatly.  The last report he had read on the subject, had been from during the last few years of the Blessed Age in the Circle of Orlais.  Just thinking of what had happened to the seasoned warrior brought a sour feeling to his stomach.

His relationship with Tanwen was a fledgling one, but it was one he was looking forward to participating in and helping grow.  He didn’t want to lose it all someday - end up spending his remaining days in a bed in Skyhold’s infirmary - all because  he wanted to change his life and quit consuming the glowing blue liquid.

Cullen’s thoughts drifted to the Inquisitor and he smiled even though the pain behind his eyes and at the base of his skull was increasing in strength.  She was beautiful and strong, smart without being conceited.  Perhaps he could ask her for help with finding a cure.  She had ties to the Chantry and its templars, her brothers were Templars.  Finding a cure could be mutually beneficial.

It would also mean spending time alone with the woman he cared about.  The woman who cared for him in return, much to his surprise.  Who made sure he ate and, when she was in between missions for the Inquisition, came to his office a couple times a day under the guise of needing his opinion on a matter having to do with the Inquisition’s armies, just to steal a kiss on the ramparts - if they even made it past his doors.

Cullen sighed and shook his head to push those thoughts away.  No, he immediately decided.  As the Inquisitor, Tanwen had more to worry about than almost anyone else in their organization; he knew that telling her would only add more, and the only way he would do that was if his withdrawal became more of an issue. She might be cross with him if she found out from anyone else about his chronic headaches, but keeping her pile of worries low for her was the least he could do.

The back of his skull took that moment to throb unmercifully, causing black spots to float past his vision and bile to climb his throat, nearly drowning out the Lyrium’s song.  Cullen moved over to one of the fence posts of the barrier surrounding the training ring that the Inquisitor had personally set up, to lean on it as he closed his eyes to assuage the pain that was steadily growing in intensity.  Luckily, Cassandra was there to take over the training until the pain subsided.  The transition was fluid, practiced.  It felt like they had done the same maneuver a thousand times, like one of the drills they put the soldiers through.  Cullen was almost glad that Tanwen wasn’t training with them right now. She was down in the budding village below Skyhold with Anya Hawke, helping the people of the Inquisition build houses to help protect them from the cold that their tents failed to do.

With the throbbing behind his eyes and in his temples, forcing him to close his eyes, he didn’t want to appear weak in front of her.  It was bad enough his men sometimes saw him go through his withdrawals, writing it off as exhaustion due to lack of sleep.  Heavy breaths escaped his lips as he braced himself against the post, working through the pain coursing through his head and soon his body.  It always did.  It would start at the back of his head and behind his eyes - then it would move down his spine and through his limbs until he could hardly move at times.  He hadn’t had an attack of that magnitude in a while - since shortly before coming to Skyhold.

How weak he must look, using the post as a crutch as he bent over with his hands on his knees, panting.  Droplets of sweat began beading on the skin of his brow as he braced himself to get through the pain.  What the advisors must think.  What his men and the inner circle would think if they  knew what was wrong.

What _would_ Tanwen think?

“Cullen?”

“I’m alright.  Have them run the drill again, this time without shields.  It will pass soon.” Cullen waved Cassandra off and she was silent for a moment, likely giving him a concerned look, before he heard her walk away to do as he requested.  Cullen was glad that he could rely on her to help, and for her discretion.  Especially as the pain got worse and lasted longer.

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut as he rubbed at the ache at the base of his skull.  It helped, but failed to get rid of the pain completely.

He thought of Tanwen’s hand replacing his like from their first kiss. If she knew, would she leave? The memory of her hand on his neck dulled the pain ever so slightly.  Cullen opened his eyes a crack in shock, but immediately closed them again against the ensuing pain. He felt sweat beading at his temples and trickling down the back of his neck and to his chin.  He had thought of her often ever since her arrival.  First, as the Herald and someone worthy of admiration. Then as a friend he could confide most things in.  Now, as more- a great deal more. In the past, thinking of her hadn’t dulled the pain like it was now.  Had he formed some kind of deep bond with her that just thinking of the way her hands felt on his neck and the back of his head caused the pain to ebb faster?

Cullen furrowed his brow to test the idea, thinking back to their kiss from the night before.  The feel of her fingers gently threading through his hair, one of her arms over one of his shoulders, the other massaging the base of his skull.  The minty taste of her lips on his tongue, her vanilla and lavender scent in his nose, the sight of her cheeks rougeing the longer they kissed and in between taking breaths; the moan she made when they slumped down to the stone floor of the ramparts where he continued trailing his lips down the sweet tasting skin of her neck, unable to help himself, even as he reached her pulse point and sucked hard on it before laving it with his tongue to ease the sting he had created.

When he had finally pulled away, there had been a sovereign-sized bruise along her neck, right under the still-healing scar left by Corypheus when they fled Haven.  Cullen had felt a sense of pride at the sight - as if he had marked a hard won prize with his family’s crest.  When he had looked down at her, he got the impression that she hadn’t minded.  Beneath him, her chest had heaved for breath, like his own, her breasts pressing against her tunic and corset.

She was a strong, independant woman, so it would go without saying that she deserved a strong, _whole_ , man to be at her side.  He wanted to be that man - his admiration for her grew by the day and she made him want to be stronger.  But he wasn’t sure if he was capable of being what she needed.  She needed someone who was completely sound of body and mind, like her. Not a an ex -Templar with personal demons sinking their claws into his back, dark memories plaguing him, and attempting to kick an addictive substance.

Tanwen’s beautiful smile formed in his mind’s eye, blue eyes twinkling and wavy red hair glinting in the sun, rising above the memories that came during his episodes and above the pain.  Cullen inhaled deeply of the cool air blowing through the upper courtyard, the icy breeze cooling him enough to dry the sweat trickling down his temples and regulating his breathing.  She reached up to tuck a lock of her shoulder blade-length ruby hair behind her left ear as her smile grew, the motion sparkling in her sapphire eyes, his lush lips twitching in reply. Tanwen’s image started laughing at something silently spoken, that only she could hear, but Cullen didn’t care.  He was enchanted, content simply watching the joy and humor on her face.

Cullen opened his eyes wide.  While the pain was still there and rearing its ugly head, it was once again manageable.  He wasn’t sure if it was because it was a weaker attack, or because of Tanwen’s newly discovered effect on him.  He had to take a moment to compose himself because thoughts of Tanwen beneath him had helped one problem, but caused another and he really didn’t want to let his men see.  After several minutes, when he was calm once more and decent enough to train his men without questions or teasing, he walked over to Cassandra.  She seemed surprised to see him back so soon.

“You are well?” Cassandra asked as if unsure as she crossed her arms over her breastplate.

“I am - In a manner of speaking.  Thank you.”

Cassandra looked him over with a scrutinizing gaze, as a Seeker would a Templar.  “That was one of the shortest episodes I  have known you to have in a while.  I wonder why?”

Cullen could only shrug as he smiled, his thoughts drifting back to the Inquisitor until he saw Cassandra’s brows disappear beneath the short lengths of hair covering her forehead.

“Do you know if it might have anything to do with this development I have heard rumor of being between you and the Inquisitor?” When Cullen’s smile took on a slight strained look in an attempt to hide his surprise, he could tell she had her answer.  “You have to tell her, Cullen.”

Cullen let his smile fall.  “No.  Things are manageable for now.  There is no need to tell her about my… illness.  I will speak to her if it gets worse.” He amended when Cassandra glowered at him and opened her mouth to argue.

“If it happens again, and you know it will, you _will_ tell her. If you don’t, I will.”

Cullen sighed but nodded. ‘No more secrets’ he heard her Ostwickan accented voice say in his mind.  ‘No more secrets,’ he parroted in his own voice as he monitored the troops that would be going with her to the Western Approach in a few short weeks.

~//~

**_Two weeks later_ **

“Inquisitor? The Commander wishes to speak with you in his office.”

Tanwen looked up from the piles of reports and requisitions she was attempting to make a dent in so her desk wouldn’t cave under the weight while she was away.  Even though months had passed since becoming Inquisitor, she still wasn’t used to all the paperwork it entailed.

She looked at Jim and thanked him before she rose from her chair and stretched. This was a welcome reprieve and she would take advantage of it.  Tanwen had been wanting to talk to Cullen anyways.

The Kiss, as she was calling it, was two weeks old now and since then, she had taken every opportunity to steal a moment with Cullen, to ‘practice’, that she could get.  He always left her up there on the ramparts with a smirk on his lips.  But lately, it wasn’t reaching his eyes as it usually did.  

When she helped with training every other day, Tanwen noticed he would occasionally become prone to anger, yelling at his men for the smallest things.  Sometimes, even going so far as to raise his voice at her when she let a recruit that was greener than the rest, hit her to make a point she had been trying to explain.  That had surprised her, Cullen and Cassandra, causing the rest of the soldiers to fall silent before Tanwen initiated combat again.

Other days, when she would bring Cullen his midday or evening meals, Tanwen would note how the dark half-circles under his eyes would seem darker than the days before, his eyes more dull despite his half-smile for her that always warmed her inside and out.

Not all days were bad though, and Tanwen thanked the Maker for that.  Sometimes she would just sit in his office after bringing him food and they would talk about the books that had been discovered in the Vault library, or about a sparring match with Bull, and his color would return to his cheeks and his eyes would reflect his smile. At those times, things felt normal and she was happy.

As Tanwen passed the settee next to her stairs, she grabbed her cloak and clasped it over her left shoulder before quickly moving downstairs and through Solas’ atrium, over the catwalk connecting Cullen’s quarters to the main building.  She could feel the mountain breeze biting through her thin cloth.  It blew its winds through the lower bailey, kicking up the edges of her cloak. Her “heavy cloak” she had purchased before leaving Ostwick obviously wasn’t heavy enough for the Frostback Mountains. She pulled the edges of the cloth closer to her body to conserve warmth as she approached Cullen’s door, eager to discover why he had summoned her.

When she knocked, Tanwen waited until she heard his rumbled response for her to enter.  On the other side, she saw Cullen bracing himself against the desktop with both arms, looking down at a box before him.  She instantly recognized the velvet-lined box and its contents as she stopped before him.  Tanwen had certainly seen them enough growing up amongst and trained by Templars.  She looked at Cullen closely now, waiting for him to acknowledge her presence.

“As leader of the Inquisition, you... “ he sighed and lifted his head to look at her. “There’s something I must tell you.”

His grave tone worried her as she watched him stand straight and place his hands, one over the other, on the pommel of his sword at his hip.

“Whatever it is, Cullen, you can tell me.  No secrets, remember?  I’m willing and able to listen to whatever it is you need to say.” Tanwen gave him a warm smile to show him support for something that was obviously difficult for him.

“Right.  Thank you, Tanwen.” Cullen went back to leaning on his desk, as if it was the only thing keeping him upright.  The way he kept his gaze on the box before him made Tanwen feel as if he didn’t think he should even look at her. “As you know, Lyrium grants Templars our abilities, but it controls us as well.  Those cut off suffer - some go mad, others die.  We have secured a reliable source of Lyrium for the Templars here.  But I… no longer take it.”

All Tanwen could do was stare, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape.  She knew about the Lyrium aiding and granting powers to Templars, but she had never imagined it would or could be used to control a Templar - let alone the things that could happen to the Templar that quit taking it.  Tanwen suddenly felt terrified for her brothers and Cullen.

“You stopped?”

Cullen nodded, still not looking at her.  “I stopped when I joined the Inquisition.  It’s been nearly a year now.”

“Cullen, if this can kill you…”

“It hasn’t yet.  After what happened in Kirkwall, I couldn’t…” Cullen finally looked up at her through his lashes as if to gage her reaction.  She knew she had sounded angry and upset at his confession, but she schooled her expression to show only the support and concern she had for him.  “I will not be bound to the Order - or that life - any longer.  Whatever the suffering, I accept it.  But I would rather not put the Inquisition at risk.”

Tanwen opened her mouth to tell him he would never put the Inquisition at risk, but he stopped her with a simple raised hand.  “I have asked Cassandra to … watch me.  If my ability to lead is compromised, I will be relieved from duty.”

She stared at him for a moment.  “Are you in pain?”

“I can endure it alone.”

Tanwen moved around Cullen’s desk and placed her hand on his bicep.  She wanted to tell him that he shouldn’t feel he _had_ to endure it, but felt as if her words were being thrown back at her from when she had told Cullen about Iuen.  She knew how proud a man Cullen was, so she wouldn’t do anything he didn’t want - would let him initiate any sort of closer physical contact.  Her hands on his arm would hopefully be enough to show her support of him. As she thought of the long road ahead of him and the dedication and strength he’d had so far would likely need in the future, she knew she wouldn’t let him endure it alone.  

She would make sure of it.

“Thank you for telling me, Cullen.  I truly respect what you are doing.”

“Thank you, Tanwen.” He reached over and lightly squeezed her shoulder. “The Inquisition’s army must always take priority.  Should anything happen… I will defer to Cassandra’s judgement.”

~//~

After Cullen’s confession, thoughts of him consumed Tanwen’s mind, but not in the manner of which they normally appeared.  Days had passed and she could see more clearly than ever before, the toll of him not taking Lyrium was making on his body.

It was true, what she had told him: she admired and respected his control over his needs and urges and his will to see this test through to the end.  But she hated seeing him like this.  Was quitting worth the pain and agony it gave him?  Was the potential loss of his mind or - Maker forbid - his life, worth what he was putting himself through?

No, she didn’t believe it.  But it was his wish to continue on this path, and she would not renege on her word.  She would find a way to help him get past this;  she just worried what emotional hardships it might bring.

~//~

“Inquisitor, it  has been five months since you went to Therinfal Redoubt.  Don’t you think it time the Knight-Captain had a trial?”

Tanwen looked up from the map on the war room table where she had been studying the Western Approach and surrounding areas.  Josephine was gazing at her expectantly, quill poised over her board.  Tanwen sighed and straightened her spine before looking at the Antivan woman.

“I suppose you’re right.  We can’t leave the man to suffer in Skyhold’s dungeons forever, I suppose.” Tanwen’s eyes lit up as she read from a report from Ansburg.  She handed the parchment to Cullen to read.  “I would also like to put Ser Delrin Barris’ name forward for endorsement as Knight-Commander of the Templar Order.”

“I agree.  The knight has been exemplary in showing people and mages alike what Templars should truly be.” Cullen added, taking the report from Tanwen and scanning it.  She watched Josephine nod and her quill begin flying across the parchment, likely making note of what channels and paperwork would be needed for such a promotion.

When Tanwen moved to leave the war room, Cullen spoke up once more.  “Inquisitor?  I wonder if I might oversee the proceedings for Denam’s trial.”

Tanwen turned and looked up at him, nodding.  “Very well, Commander.  Retrieve Denam and I will go to Barris and notify him of the trial.  I am sure he would want to be there for it, along with any other Templar that is interested.”

An hour later, the hall was filled with nobles, villagers from New Haven, Templars, and what Mages had decided to join their organization.  Tanwen sat in the chair at the dias, waiting with Cullen at her side for Denam to be brought forward.  When she scanned the crowd, she saw a determined, frowning Barris in the front row with his arms crossed over his chest.

With an echoing bang as the door was flung open, Denam was guided in by two guard from the side that led  to the dungeon, and was brought to a halt before her. The man before her had changed in the time he had spent down in her dungeons.  He had lost weight, his hair had grown slightly longer and the tunic and breeches they had left him were stained and worn. Tanwen instantly felt anger and hatred boiling within her because of what he had done to his own men. What he had gone through in her dungeon had been far too kind.  She had to remind herself to remain calm and collected and not to allow her own experiences at Therinfal to color her judgement of him.  She had to be impartial.

A hush fell over the gathered assembly as Cullen stepped forward from her side to begin the proceedings.

“Knight-Captain Denam, Inquisitor.  He awaits judgement for serving the Lord-Seeker at Therinfal Redoubt.” Cullen turned to face her. “I knew some of the knights who died there.  I asked to oversee his sentencing.”

Tanwen nodded in acceptance, as was expected in the formal setting of the trial.

“Denam knew the dangers of red Lyrium.  He murdered the Knight-Vigilant and corrupted his brothers and sisters.”

She leaned forward in her seat and looked at Denam, taking in his bent head, but doubted it was in regret and remorse.  “I hope the Knight-Captain is lucid enough to understand what he has done. It has been months, after all.”

Denam looked up at Tanwen and shook his head before pinning her with a glare. “I only did what I was told!”

A pinched look overcame Cullen’s face at the Templars words. “We found everything! The corpse of the Knight-Vigilant, even papers proving you _knew_ red Lyrium was poison.”

Denam turned his gaze towards Cullen.  “There is a greater power walking this world!  I wasn’t fool enough to deny it.  None of you would have.  I demand justice!”

“You could have fought the Lord Seeker.  You could have fought Corypheus as we are. Maker, you could have joined us!” Tanwen stared him down once he turned back to her. “I didn’t suffer at _your_ hand.  That was your knights in the Templar Order.  Let the remaining Templars judge the soulless man who failed them.”

The crowd started calling out and cheering as Denam became agitated at her words, looking from side to side as he backed away as if to run.  Her guardsmen reacted quickly, grabbing him under his bare arms to drag his kicking form back to the dungeons. “No! The  penalty will be death.  They can’t!  Not after what I have seen.”

Tanwen sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose before sitting up straight in her chair once again.  “We have one more order of business to attend before you can go back to your duties, and you will want to be here for this.”

She smiled as she looked over the crowd again before her gaze landed on Barris.  “Ser Delrin Barris, please step forward.”

Ser Barris’ eyes grew wide in surprise and concern, but walked forward with his head held high as requested.  She nodded to several of his fellow knights that looked as if they wanted to defend him and they walked forward to stand behind him. The poor man looked confused, likely wondering what in all Thedas he could have done to be standing before her for judgement.  Well, he was in for a surprise.

“Yes, your Worship?” Tanwen looked at Barris, crossing her legs and steepling her fingers.  She noticed he looked nervous, but not in way of guilt, at her summons to the dais.  Tanwen dropped her hands to her lap and smiled warmly at the younger man in hopes to ease his fears.

“Knight-Templar Delrin Barris.” Cullen began, his voice not quite losing the hard edge from Denam’s sentencing.  “We remain gathered here to review your military service to the Inquisition.  You showed exceptional valor defending the people of Val Caline from Venatori, and broke a siege of demons in Ansburg. You stood against an entire town that wanted to kill a mage for imagined demonic possession, _without_ raising your sword.”

As Cullen announced his achievements, pride filled his voice, replacing the razor edge.  The sound echoed throughout the great hall.  Tanwen focused on Barris, her smile remaining. When Cullen finished, she stood and walked forward a number of paces.  When she reached the edge of the platform she stopped, never taking her gaze from the knight. “In recognition of your service to the Inquisition and for your assistance at Therinfal Redoubt, I, Tanwen Trevelyan, leader of the Inquisition, hereby endorse your promotion to Knight-Commander of the Templar Order.”

“Your Worship,” Barris murmured, at an apparent loss for words as he knelt on the flagstone floor before. “I… I am not worthy.”

Tanwen closed the distance between them.  “You’ve shown loyalty, determination, and courage.  As all Templars should.  No one is more worthy than you.”

Ser Barris looked up at Tanwen in awe.  “I will honor your faith in me.”

She looked up from him to the Templars that had congregated behind him, addressing them as well as those still in the crowd.  “Templars!  Will you take Ser Barris as your Knight-Commander?”

Barris stood and turned to face his brothers and sisters of the Order. Without hesitation and in unison, all the Templars in the Hall saluted Barris and shouted with approval.  Tanwen felt Cullen come to stand next to her, one step behind her and to her left as was proper.  They were both smiling when Tanwen reached forward to clap Ser Barris on the shoulder.

“Congratulations, Knight-Commander Delrin.”

The young man smiled in return, nodding his head before moving to join his knights to begin his new position.  As Cullen moved to walk away as well, likely to go back to his quarters, Tanwen had a sudden idea and gripped his bicep, drawing his attention.  He raised an eyebrow in question as he looked at her.

She simply smiled at him even though he looked as exhausted as ever and it worried her to no end. “Meet me in the gardens tonight.  We can do some stargazing, maybe have a late picnic of sorts?  I think we could both use some time away from Inquisitor and Commander.”

~//~

It took some convincing of himself, but Cullen found himself wandering away from his office with its piles of paper, an hour after sunset and heading towards the gardens as Tanwen had requested.

When he got there, he didn’t see her at first;  no candles, torches or lanterns were lit.  It made him nervous at first, bringing back memories of darkened corridors and pain-filled cries suddenly cut short, or evil laughter echoing.  His hand went to the handle of his sword at his hip automatically, gloved fingers clenched tight around the familiar and worn hilt.   

Cullen shook his head to dislodge his thoughts and loosen his hand.  Skyhold was one of the most secure keeps in all of Thedas.  Tanwen must have extinguished the lights for her ‘stargazing’ idea. He smiled softly, feeling certain that she was doing this for him because of Denam’s trial.  He was glad that he had been there and approved of Tanwen’s verdict, but what Denam had done had still affected him deeply.  It made him think of the path his life had taken over the past decade and a half. If he hadn’t interacted with Anya Hawke, had Meredith’s insanity and fanaticism pointed out and forcing him to actually _see_ it, he could very well have been in Denam’s place, being judged for the same thing.

Cullen sighed and scanned the garden, seeing Tanwen laying on her back on a large blanket spread out on the ground.  As he drew closer, he saw a large bottle of wine laying next to two pewter goblets at her side.  He was about to alert her to his presence when she spoke first.

“The sky is beautiful tonight.”

‘Not as beautiful as you,’ Cullen almost said, admiring how her ruby hair, shaded mahogany in the darkness, was spread out over the blanket like a bloody halo.  With strong arms crossed behind her head like a pillow, she gazed at the stars in wonder, their light and that of Satina shining in her blue eyes.  He watched her tunic loosen and constrict against her generous breasts with each breath under her corset. As she inhaled, the edge of her tunic lifted at the bottom of her leathers, revealing smooth skin that dipped low and revealed her hip bones leading into her breaches that were snug against her muscular thighs.  

His gaze caught at the juncture between her legs before he quickly cast his gaze further down her legs, not wanting to get caught with his eyes in an inappropriate place.  They were in a relationship, yes, but she was still a Bann’s daughter, on top of being the bloody Inquisitor.  He would remind himself as often as was necessary until she said otherwise.  It was simply becoming hard to resist keeping his eyes where they belonged.  Every ounce of him was reacting to her on a primal level more and more.

“When you’re done staring, you should join me on the blanket. It offers a much better view of the sky than standing.”

Cullen blushed at being caught before chuckling and nodding, removing his sword belt and weapon as he moved next to her and sat on the ground before laying on his side to look at her, a warm turn of his lips as he gazed at her through hooded eyes.  She turned her head towards him in smiling question.

“The view _is_ beautiful tonight.” He murmured, never taking his eyes off Tanwen as he lifted a hand to his mouth to remove his glove with his teeth.  Cool air kissed the bare skin of his fingers, yet he failed to feel it.  Cullen threaded his fingers through the silken strands that were past her shoulders.  He watched Tanwen close her eyes and lean into his touch a moment before turning to place a kiss on his palm and nuzzle his hand.

“I think so, too.” Came a whisper past pink lips as her cheeks began coloring the same hue, her eyes on him as well. Cullen smiled and leaned in to press his lips against hers for a sweet meeting.  Tanwen was the first to pull away.

Breath heavy in her breast, she bent her head until their foreheads met.  Cullen felt surprise arise through him when he heard her chuckle, the sound as if a whisper on the wind.

“I’m sorry.  I had a nice relaxing evening under a Haring night sky all planned out and you skipped to the end.” Cullen returned her chuckle. “Of course, I don’t mind your eagerness to get to the best part.  I was simply looking forward to stargazing with you.”

Cullen smiled down at Tanwen. “All right.”

When he moved to lay on his back on the blanket, he felt Tanwen move closer and drag his left arm to the side to rest her head at the crook of his arm where the limb met his torso.  She then molded her shapely body to his side, leaving no space between them as she looked up from him to the stars above.

“I have learned a lot since joining the Inquisition, some things relative, some not.  Like star constellations.  While I traveled, I found mechanical objects called Astrariums.  When I researched about them, I found out that they were believed to have been created by a cult from Tevinter, before the creation of the Chantry, that wanted to destroy the Magisterium and go back to when Dreamers ruled.” She paused and looked up at him with a shy smile.  “I’m… boring you, aren’t I?”

Cullen looked down at her at her words with wide eyes. “No!  Not at all.” ‘ _I was just lost in the honey tones of your voice and awash in your vanilla and lavender scent._ ’ “Please, continue.”

She stared at him for a moment as if judging the truth of his words.  He never broke eye contact.  Tanwen looked away first, casting her gaze first to his breastplate through the red and black fur, then back to the velvet sky above.  

“When I completed their puzzles, a blinding light would erupt from them, pointing to - and unlocking - a cache.  A small door also opened with a piece of parchment that explained the constellation.  There are so many out there, Cullen.  I want to find them all some day.”

Cullen smiled and squeezed her closer with the arm her head was on.  “You will.  Maybe when this is all over, you will.  No, I know you will.”

He watched Tanwen look back up at him, blindly reaching for his other hand to hold and squeeze over his chest.  “When Corypheus is dead, when the Inquisition no longer needs us constantly, would you go with me? After I get Iuen back, of course.”

The headaches he had been having because of the Lyrium withdrawal made him want to say no.  For all he knew, he may not be himself by the time Corypheus died and they were able to just be Cullen and Tanwen.  But when he inhaled to tell her that he couldn’t, he heard, “I’d love to.”

She beamed up at him; eyes shining, cheeks flushed.  

Over the next few hours, she told him about the different star patterns that could be seen from Skyhold and what she had learned about them as they drank the wine she had brought.  Cullen was only half paying attention to her words, lost in his thoughts as he was.

He thought about Tanwen and how his life had changed ever since she entered it; how much brighter it was and how much he was looking forward to the future, even in so short of time.  As long as she was in it.  That thought gave him pause, because it sounded like he was falling for her.  Maybe he was, but he decided he wouldn’t tell her.  Not yet. She could do so much better than someone going through withdrawal. Some ex-Templar Commander that had no idea if he would survive another year because he had broken the chain that had leashed him to the Chantry for so many years.  He would hold on to the first good thing to enter his life since the Circle of Ferelden for as long as she or the Lyrium would allow him.

Cassandra’s words echoed in his mind.  He had told Tanwen only part of what was happening.  He wanted to tell her everything, but what if that was the straw that broke the horse’s back?  The aches and pains from not taking Lyrium were getting worse, but he could still lead.  He hoped.

~//~

Tanwen sighed.  She wasn’t sure what to do.  Ever since that night in the gardens a week ago, Cullen had become surly and snappish, like a starving dog to the hand of a stranger trying to feed it.  She had tried to talk to him about what was wrong, but he made excuses or simply ignored her concerns.  He had even started leaving Cassandra in charge of training the recruits to disappear into his office.  When she had tried asking her friend what was wrong, the woman simply said, “You should ask him.”

So now, she was going to do just that.  If something was wrong, whether as the Commander or as Cullen, she had a right to know.

Tanwen inhaled and released the breath slowly, putting herself in Inquisitor mode, then opened the door without knocking.  Inside, she found Rylen’s second, Jim,  standing next to Cullen’s desk.  When Tanwen raised an eyebrow, the soldier answered her unasked question.

“Inquisitor!” He quickly saluted as if he had almost forgot.  “If you’re looking for the Commander, he’s gone with Seeker Pentaghast to the blacksmith in the courtyard.”

Tanwen nodded to Jim before leaving through the door to the ramparts facing the portcullis tower. When she reached the stairs leading down near the Herald’s Rest, she passed the tavern and went to the blacksmith.  Outside the door, she paused to peek through the window adjacent to it, where she heard the raised voices of Cassandra and Cullen. Inside, she could see Cullen pacing furiously before a smaller version of the forge that resided in the undercroft off of the great hall.  Cassandra was following him with her eyes as he moved, her arms crossed over her breastplate.  The Seeker sighed.

“You asked me for my opinion, and I’ve given it.  Why would you expect it to change?”

Cullen stopped so suddenly to face the woman that his coat and sword swung up slightly before bouncing off his hip then coming to a rest.  The angry look on his face worried Tanwen.

“I expect you to keep your word.” Cullen growled.  “It’s relentless!  I can’t - “

“You give yourself too little credit.” Cassandra interrupted, her eyes and voice softening in pity  and understanding.  What was going on? Shouldn’t she be in there as well?

“If I’m unable to fulfill what vows I made, then nothing good has come of this.  Would you rather save face than admit -”

Tanwen moved to the door to go in, the feeling of her needing to be there growing stronger.  Both warriors fell silent when she opened the door and entered, watching Tanwen as she approached them.  Before she could say a word, a sad and tired look fell over Cullen’s face and he brushed past her, moving towards the door through which she had just entered.  As he passed her, she heard a whispered ‘forgive me’ before he left Tanwen with Cassandra.

She stared after Cullen for a minute in confusion at his words, before turning back to Cassandra for answers.  The Seeker sighed and shook her head.

“And people think _I’m_ stubborn.  This is ridiculous.” Cassandra grumbled.  Seeing Tanwen’s confused look, she continued.  “Cullen has told you that he is no longer taking Lyrium?”

“Yes, and I respect his decision.”

Cassandra nodded approvingly at her words.  “As do I.  Not that he’s willing to listen. Cullen has asked that I recommend a replacement for his position.”

Tanwen’s eyes widened in surprise at the other woman’s words as hurt flooded her chest and made her feel heavy.  Even if they weren’t in a relationship, because she couldn’t imagine they wouldn’t even be friends, Tanwen still thought he should have talked to her before making such a decision since she was the Inquisitor.  Cassandra must have seen the thoughts and emotion cross her face.

“Worry not, my friend.  I refused.  It’s not necessary.  Besides, it would destroy him.  He’s come so far.”

“Why didn’t he come to me?” Try as she might, Tanwen couldn’t keep the hurt from her voice.

“Cullen and I had an agreement long before you joined us.  As a Seeker, I could evaluate the dangers.” Cassandra looked into the brightly burning coals in the belly of the forge.  “And he wouldn’t want to… risk your disappointment.”

Tanwen’s shoulders fell. As if he could ever disappoint her! “Is there anything we can do to change his mind?”

“If anyone can, it’s you.  Mages have always made their suffering known, but Templars never have.  They are bound to the Order, mind and soul, with someone always holding their Lyrium leash.  Cullen has a chance to break that leash, to prove to himself - and anyone who would follow suit - that it’s possible.  He _can_ do this.  I knew that when we first met in Kirkwall.  Talk to him.  Decide if now is the time.”

Tanwen watched Cassandra exit the smithy, leaving her to her thoughts.  She didn’t remain long.  Tanwen took the stairs back up to the ramparts two at a time, making her way back to Cullen’s office at a clipped pace.  She wanted to be angry at him for keeping this agreement with Cassandra a secret from her, but she couldn’t.  Being upset, she could do.  He could have told her any number of times, but he hadn’t.  It almost felt like he couldn’t trust her with what he was going through.  But Cullen Rutherford was a proud man, likely embarrassed by what he likely considered a weakness.  they were both new to this deeper relationship idea, so she understood why he might not have told her.  She was far from being happy about it, but she understood. She had kept Iuen a secret from him after all.

Tanwen paused in the middle of the ramparts.  Was this how he felt when she told him about her son? It had to be.  That thought drained her of her upset and all but a little of her hurt.

She would be sure to help him understand that she would be there for him, no matter what - that he could depend on her as she knew she depended on him.

When Tanwen reached Cullen’s office, the door was already ajar from where he had left it open in his haste to get within its walls.  When she walked through the door, she saw a wooden box flying towards her head and ducked in time to feel it whizz by and collide with the open door as a roar echoed in the confined space.  When she stood and looked down at the remains on the floor, she found the box laying on its side, its contents strewn about.  Broken glass vials glowing blue and ruined application tools.  She knew exactly what the box was.

“Maker’s breath!  I didn’t hear you enter.  I - “ Cullen shook his head, the action seeming to calm him slightly.  After a moment, he sighed, a muttered ‘forgive me’ on his lips once more, in the same low tone as when he had left her with Cassandra in the smithy. Tanwen looked him over, taking in his ashen face and shaking limbs as she stood and walked over towards him at the corner of his desk.

“Cullen, if you need to talk -”

“You don’t have to -” Cullen released a pained grunt - one hand cupping a temple, the other catching the corner of his desk for support - as his knees started to buckle under him.  Tanwen, on instinct, quickly closed the remaining distance to help him, but stopped short when he raised a hand to stop her.  She knew that he wanted to save his pride, but she couldn’t help wanting to be there for him both mentally and physically. She moved forward and gripped his arm to help him stand once more. “I never meant for this to interfere.”

“Are you going to be all right?”

Cullen’s eyes softened as he looked at Tanwen.  “Yes… I don’t know.  Back in Haven, you asked about what happened to Ferelden’s Circle while we ate behind my tent once, but I avoided the topic.  The Circle was taken over by abominations.  The Templars - _my friends -_ were slaughtered.” Cullen turned from her to walk to the window behind his desk on his own to look out over the valley below.

“I was tortured.  They tried to break my mind and I -” he turned to face Tanwen and she started at the bleakness in his gaze caused by the memories.  “How can you be the same person after something like that?”

A crazed gleam replaced the bleakness before he turned back to the window.  Tanwen wanted to stop him, to comfort him, but if she stopped his words, he may never finish.

“Still, I wanted to serve.  They sent me to Kirkwall.  I trusted my Knight-Commander, and for what? Her fear of magic turned to madness.  When Kirkwall’s circle fell, innocent people died in the streets. Can’t you see why I want nothing to do with that life?” Cullen looked at her once more, a glare etched in his skin.  But Tanwen also saw sadness, regret, her own heart aching in reply.

“Cullen, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. Of course I can understand, I -”

“Don’t.” Cullen growled when she tried to move closer to him. “You should be questioning what I’ve done.”

“Why?  You are a good man.  What is there to question?” Tanwen crossed her arms over her breasts and watched as Cullen moved closer to her of his own volition despite growling at her like a caged animal when she had tried to do the same only moments earlier.  

Cullen placed his face in his open palms and continued as if he hadn’t heard her reply.  “I thought this would be better - that I would regain some control over my life.  But these thoughts won’t leave me…”

His emotions were moving up and down, back and forth, like a current under a wave in the Waking Sea, and Tanwen did her best not to be sick for him.  Cullen needed her to be strong, and that was what she would be.  She watched him move over to his bookshelves.

“How many lives depend on our success, hmm? I swore myself to this cause…” Cullen’s voice was now steadily growing in volume as he carried on.  “I will not give less to the Inquisition than I did the Chantry.

“I should be taking it!” Cullen fisted his hand and slammed it into a bookshelf with a great amount of strength.  The action so sudden that Tanwen jumped and let out a yelp of surprise.  The bookshelf rattled with the force he put behind his fist, knocking a few tomes loose and sending them cascading to the floor.

“I should be taking it.” he whispered, finally seeming to calm enough for rational thought. Tanwen went to him, stopping at his side to gently place a hand on his still outstretched arm, pulling it away from the bookshelf.  She cradled his hand in both of hers over her heart and rubbed his hand softly to ease the sting and to feel for the beginnings of any swelling that indicated breakage.

“Cullen,” Tanwen murmured, her eyes locking with his when he looked at her at his name.  “This doesn’t have to be about the Inquisition.  Is this what _you_ want?”

Their eye contact lasted for several moments before he released a pent up breath and broke the line that had connected them, but he didn’t remove his hand from between hers.  Cullen loosened the tight fist his hand had maintained.

“No.  But… these memories have always haunted me.” Cullen looked back at her, still upset, but his gaze lacked the bleakness of before.  “If they become worse, if I cannot endure them…”

Tanwen moved one of her hands from where she had been cradling his hand to her heart, to cup his jaw.  Her thumb rubbed against the darker blond stubble of a day's growth, tracing his cheek bone.

“You can.” She infused every ounce of confidence and faith she could muster into each word.  Confidence and faith, support, for her man in his time of need.

Cullen sighed and cast his gaze to the side for a moment as if in thought.  When he turned back, there was a determined gleam there as if he had reaffirmed his conviction to meet his goal. “All right.”

Tanwen smiled and lifted herself up on her tiptoes to place a chaste kiss on his cheek, then on his injured knuckles before she turned to leave.  When she reached the door, she paused to turn back to him.

“As the woman who cares deeply for you, _and_ your Inquisitor, I strongly suggest you take the afternoon off to relax and get some sleep.  I will take over the training for you, so you need not worry.  If I see you again before dinner, I will make it a command rather than a request.” Tanwen grinned as she turned on her heel to exit, seeing a small smile form on Cullen’s lips.

~//~


	12. Where once we stood, the lake of memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that the admissions are over, time to bring on the romance, yes? Yes! The lakes in Ferelden are always lovely this time of year and Cullen wants to share.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Another chapter? Whaaaa? What is this crazy nonsense??
> 
> I told you all that I had a few saved up :) But now I will likely make this a weekly thing. New chapter every Saturday between noon EST and 9pm EST. I know that this is a broad length of time, but I never know what shift I am going to work, whether it be first shift or third. This way, it covers both :)
> 
> Anyways, the lake scene is, by far, my most favorite in the game and my little fiction here.

The Lady and the Templar Chapter 12

The next morning, when Tanwen emerged from the great hall, she saw Cullen standing on the ramparts, staring over the valley below.  After everything that happened the night before, she wanted to check on him.  

Up the stairs and across the ramparts, she slowed, tugging her warm cloak around her, watching Cullen inhale the crisp Haring morning air before turning to face her, his smile brightening when he saw it was her.

“I wanted to thank you.  When you came to see me… if there is anything…” He exhaled as he rubbed the back of his neck, watching her as she came to a stop in front of him.  She was close enough now to smell his unique and earthy elderflower and oakmoss scent.

She smiled. “I trust you’re feeling better?”

“I… yes.”  When he returned her smile, it changed his whole face, making him look so much younger and all the more handsome.  Tanwen felt her cheeks warm despite the chill wind blowing against them.

“Is… it always that bad?”

“The pain comes and goes.  Sometimes I feel as if I’m back there… I should not have pushed myself so far yesterday.”

Tanwen moved even closer to Cullen when he turned back to the view before them, their shoulders touching.  “I’m just glad you’re alright.”

“I am.” Cullen’s lips turned at the corners, turning his head the same direction as their bodies, Tanwen doing the same.  Down below Skyhold lay the budding village the families of the Inquisition were calling ‘New Haven’.  “I’ve  never told anyone what truly happened to me at Ferelden’s Circle.  I was… not myself after that.  I’m not proud of the man that made me.  Now I  can put some distance between myself and everything that happened. It’s a start.”

Tanwen gave Cullen a side glance as she clasped her arms behind her back. “For what it’s worth, I like who you are now.”

Cullen turned to face her fully, looking surprised - as if he dared not believe her words.  “Even after…?”

Tanwen turned to him as well and reached up to grip his biceps, forcing him to focus on her.  “Cullen, I care about you.  You’ve done nothing to change that.”

His surprise turned to soft happiness as her words sunk in, before changing the subject and placing a hand on hers.  “What about you? You have troubles of your own.  How are you holding up?”

“I’m okay.  I’ve met good people here. Knowing they have my back… it helps.”

Cullen laughed.  “You certainly keep interesting company.  I suppose I do as well.”

She watched him stare out over the valley for a time, but not quite see it, as if he was deep in thought.  When minutes passed by, she leaned to the side until she bumped his shoulder with her own, a bright smile on her lips.  This seemed to jar him back to reality.

“Sovereign for your thoughts?”

“Hmm? Oh, I’m sorry.  I got lost in thought.”

“I saw that much.  What were you thinking about?”

“I was just thinking about how we have some dealings in Ferelden.  I was hoping you might accompany me.  When you can spare the time, of course.”

“Is there something wrong?” Spur of the moment trip, it had to  be serious.

Cullen’s eyes went wide.  “What? No!  I would rather explain there, if you wish to go.”

“We don’t leave for the Western Approach for a little while yet.  We can leave now if you’d like, depending on how far away it is.”

He nodded in approval.  “I’ll make the necessary arrangements.”

~//~

The trip to Cullen’s mysterious destination took near a week.  Every time she tried to ask where they were going, he would reply with a cheeky smile and a drawn out ‘you’ll see.’

To keep their loads light for Selina and Cullen’s stud, they nixed taking tents, instead taking thick bed rolls and fruits, nuts and dried and salted meat.

When they passed through the Hinterlands, stopping in Redcliffe for supplies, Tanwen showed Cullen the things she had reported on: Speaker Anais and her group of cultists that had been looking for a sign that the rifts in the Veil could be controlled at Lornan’s Exile near Dwarfson’s Pass.  She told him of the various people and monuments they had encountered as they had explored the Lands.  

It was nice to show him her work after a successful trip, and Tanwen smiled.

At times, she would look over at him and see a small amount of jealousy after one of her stories about exploration or battle.  Other times, he would just be staring at her with a dazed and soft look on his face.  When she would ask him if there was something on her face, he would just look surprised then smirk and shake his head.

Past the border of the Hinterlands, a week after leaving Skyhold, Tanwen knew, lay the Kocari Wilds and the Fallow Mire.  She shuddered at the memory.  She hadn’t thought that fighting the dead would have been a problem, but after going through the Mire, she would rather avoid going back at all costs.  The walking dead had been one thing; the dead bodies piled around the entire area, the families lying huddled together in their decrepit houses, were another thing entirely.

That night, just outside the Hinterlands, Tanwen had a nightmare about Iuen. Surprisingly, it had been nearly a week since her last true nightmare about her son.  During the night, she would have dreams of her boy that were horrible, but not necessarily considered nightmare quality. That surprised her.  

Why wasn’t she having her nightly nightmares?  Was it because of Cullen?  Not possible. The physical presence of another hadn’t kept her nightly terrors away in the past.  Why now? Was it because it was Cullen’s presence she felt whilst sleeping?  If so, what had brought about this nightmare after so long? This was an entirely different field of study she had never found any interest in, but now?  She might give it a chance.  

When she had been new to the Inquisition in Haven, it had been of Iuen being kidnapped and given to truly horrible people because she hadn’t joined the Templars, or that she had taken him with her to the Conclave only to lose him in the explosion.

Tanwen woke violently, sitting straight up in her pallet, and found herself in a strong embrace.  At first, she fought the arms around her. ‘ _Have to escape, have to save Iuen.’_ She thought to herself.

“Tanwen! Tan, you’re okay.  Iuen is safe, he is still in Ostwick.  Everything is fine.” A soothing, masculine voice whispered in her ear. She must have said that thought out loud. Suddenly, it felt as if a tether had been cut connecting all her muscles to her bones, she felt all of them go lax at the man’s words, his embrace, at the scent of elderflower, oakmoss and leather in her nose.

“C...Cullen?”

He moved one hand up to cup her head, stroking her hair as he held her.  She reached up to wrap her arms around his waist in return as hot tears began silently falling into his fur mantle.

“Shh, it’s okay.  I’m here.  You were having a nightmare.” he whispered.  When she had calmed, he pulled back until she could see his face clearly.  He looked concerned, searching her face for something. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Tanwen severed contact all together and turned away to rub her eyes.  “I have had nightmares almost every night.  They have always been about Iuen.  Recently, however, you have been there, too. But I haven’t had night terrors in nearly a week now.” She added, blushing slightly in embarrassment, even as she stared off into the distance of the still dark night.  She felt Cullen squeeze her arm to encourage her to continue.  “They always start off calming and wonderful. Some are memories-turned-nightmares of before I left for the Conclave, when I would take Iuen to a small pond near the estate and spend time out in the sunshine. Then you started going to the pond with us.  This one started off nice, too, but then it turned into a nightmare.  You and Iuen were both there and that was perfect, but then Corypheus and his Venatori came in force.  Skyhold was aflame and people were screaming.  I remember turning to you to make tell you to take Iuen and run, but you weren’t standing there anymore.  Then Corypheus, he… he walked up to me and ripped Iuen from my fingers then he disappeared in a flash and a gust of wind from leathery wings.”

“I know you said always, but how long has this been going on?”

“Since before the Conclave.”

Cullen pulled her close again. “That’s why I see you up wandering around at odd hours.”

She nodded into his shoulder before pulling away and looking at the moons above. “It’s almost time for my watch.  I’ll take over now.”

“Are you sure? I can -”

“Positive. I’ll not be sleeping again this night.”

Tanwen watched him settle in for a good sleep since it had only been a couple hours since she fell asleep herself.  It was going to be a long day.  Again.

~//~

A village came into view the next day and Tanwen felt relief.  Maybe tonight they would be able to sleep on a real bed, have something other than salted meat and nuts for food.

“It’s not how you think,” Cullen said sadly, drawing Tanwen’s attention.  As they drew closer, she saw the buildings she thought made from dark wood, were actually burned and gutted from the inside out.

“What was this village called? Do you know?”

Cullen pulled to a stop at the entrance to the village, looking over it with ghosts in his eyes.  He knew this place, had memories here.

“This is Honnleath.  It’s where I was born.  I… I haven’t been back here in almost twenty years, ever since I joined the Templars.  I knew that Darkspawn had been here - they forced my family to flee to South Reach, which is between the West Road and the border of the Brecilian Forest.  I never realized it had been destroyed.  Where did all the villagers go?  When the Blight ended, why did they not return?”

Tanwen sidled her horse closer, taking her reins in one hand to reach for his hand with her own.  She squeezed his and he turned towards her with a slight turn of his lips.

“Do you want to go in?”

Cullen turned back to the village, turning his hand until he could clasp hers in his own, and returned the squeeze.  “I think I’d like that.  We can make camp in the center of town near the old golem.  I remember, when my siblings wouldn’t help, I would use the old golem as a training dummy with my little wooden sword and shield Father made…”

Tanwen gripped his hand in support, remembering him telling her of his parents passing during their first chess game.  They rode into the village, the sound of their mounts hooves on the ground echoing against the empty buildings.

“I’m glad they made it out of Honnleath before the Darkspawn devoured the village.  Let’s make camp in this house.  It seems the least burned.”

Tanwen looked to the right where he pointed, seeing a relatively in-tact house at the top of the hill.  “Who used to live there?”

“A hermit.  I never knew his real name, but the village children used to call him ‘Old Man Olaf’, even though he was rarely seen.”

When they reached the house, Tanwen sighed when the need to release his hand came, so they could dismount.  She immediately felt the loss of his warmth as she let go and hopped to the ground, feeling the chill that was common with Southern Ferelden and wrapping her cloak tighter about her shoulders.  As they approached the door, both warriors withdrew their swords in preparation of the worst possibility.  What that might be, Tanwen didn’t know, but she would follow Cullen’s actions since he had once lived here and was her Commander.  When he held out an arm to block her from going through the door he had just opened, she just raised an eyebrow in question but let it go immediately.  It was nice having a man, a warrior, want to protect her even though she was more than capable of defending herself.

A short time later, Cullen finished clearing the house and they were bringing their possessions in from their mounts tied to a post outside.  Tanwen started a fire in the fireplace with the dry wood and vines around them once she cleared it of vines that covered the opening.  When she looked up, it was to find Cullen staring out the window as the sunlight began waning over the village.

“Go explore, Cullen. You haven’t been back in so long.  You never know what you might find.”

~//~

Satina and her larger sister were high in the night sky when Cullen had returned from exploring the abandoned village.  Tanwen had explored the house they were borrowing, and brought back as many mold-free, non-moth-eaten blankets as she could find.  She would have checked for a basement for provisions, but since the Blight had ended over a decade ago, she decided not to risk illness or death because of bad food.  She looked up with a smile when he entered, but the smile quickly fell when she saw that Cullen was upset.

“Is something the matter?” ‘Oh Maker, maybe I shouldn’t have suggested that he go out.  Something must have happened.’ She fretted over what could have happened, nearly taking back her words. When he looked down at her, his face had gone from sadness to a half-hearted grin.  Tanwen moved to stand, but Cullen shook his head and walked over to where she sat on the pile of blankets she had gathered for their pallets, then plopped down next to her and stared at the roaring fire she had created in the hearth.

“I found my old home.  Surprisingly, it was mostly still standing. That house brought back many memories of running down the halls, chasing after my sisters with Branson and being scolded by our parents.” Cullen ran a gloved hand through his hair and sighed before turning to Tanwen with a thoughtful look.  Without warning, Cullen suddenly stood once more and bent down to reach for her hands to pull her to stand.  “Let’s go outside.  The place I brought you here to see isn’t far.  I had planned to take you there tomorrow, but the moons are out and the sky is clear.”

Tanwen’s eyes went wide with surprise at his sudden declaration before laughing and nodding.  “All right.  Let’s go.”

Outside, they untied and mounted their horses and headed back out of the village, with Cullen in the lead.  They galloped at a healthy pace, through trees and over small hills for a quarter hour before Cullen slowed next to her.  He stopped all together when they neared a copse of birch trees.

Cullen tossed his reins over a branch after he slid off the saddle so he could to go to Tanwen and help her off Selina, by placing his hands about her waist after she swung one leg to the opposite side of the saddle and helping her slide off, her hands in the fur of his coat.  When her feet were on the ground, Cullen’s hands were still on her hips, burning her through the leather of his gloves and the light leather armor she had donned just in case they were attacked.  She felt his grip tighten as he pulled her closer until they were flush against one another.  Tanwen looked up at Cullen, hearing his breathing come out faster, his eyes dilate, lips part as he stared down at her.  Subconsciously, Tanwen moistened her lips as she stared at his.

“Cullen…” Tanwen breathed, her own inhales coming in and out faster.

“Yes?”

His low voiced reply rumbled through her, sending heat through her body to pool in her belly and she moaned.

“Kiss me.”

“Yes.” If she hadn’t been focusing on his lips getting closer to hers, Tanwen might have laughed at his lack of vocabulary.  As it was, she only wanted to feel his lips on her own..

Tanwen moved her arms through his mantle to cross at the back of his neck, drawing him closer as the heated kiss continued.  His fingers at her hips took on a bruising pressure as he pulled her closer, and she could feel the evidence of his growing desire pressed against her belly.  Her own desire was growing to a fever pitch, pooling between her thighs, setting her blood on fire.

Cullen’s hands lazily drifted from her hips to her forearms and gently separated from her, but only moved away far enough to meet his forehead with hers as they fought to catch their breaths and calm their racing heartbeats.

“I didn’t bring you here to kiss you, though that was a welcomed side effect.” he whispered with a passion-roughened tone and a wolfish grin.  “I wanted to show you something.”

He took one of Tanwen’s hands and began walking through the trees next to them.  Eventually, the sound of lapping water and frogs could be heard all around them. Through the tall grasses, she saw pinpricks of light flash lazily through the air.

“Where are we?” Tanwen asked in awe as they walked onto an old wooden dock extending over the lake.  When they stopped at the end, he turned to face her, their hands never parting.  He looked straight into her eyes, causing a fluttery feeling in her stomach.

“You walk into danger every day you are away from Skyhold.  I wanted to take you away from all of that.  If only for a moment.” Cullen released Tanwen’s hand to lean against one of the end posts, turning his gaze thoughtfully towards the lake.  Tanwen, too, looked over the water, admiring the quiet solitude the lake provided.  

The lights she had seen through the grasses floated past her vision and she stared.  Tiny bugs glowed as they floated along without a care in the world.  She had never seen insects like them before.  When Tanwen lifted a hand to catch one to get a closer look, one landed on her palm and she gently brought it closer to study. It’s light pulsed happily as it rubbed its tiny legs over itself.  Without warning, the bug took flight once more to join its brethren.

Focusing on the scene once more, Tanwen watched the fog over the lake dissipate enough then to reveal a statue of Chasind design on a small island in the middle.  “When I was growing up in Honnleath, this place was always quiet.”

Tanwen turned towards him.  “Did you come here often?”

“I loved my siblings, but they were very loud sometimes.  I would come here to clear my head.  Of course, they always found me eventually.” He chuckled at some memory and Tanwen’s heart warmed at the love between the Rutherford siblings.  It made her miss the days she spent with Rhys and Arryn once she was old enough to train with them, the days she spent with Gowain until he became too old to play with his baby sister.  Tanwen shook her head to bring her focus back.  This was time for her and Cullen.  He was showing her the lake because it was important to him and she wanted to learn everything she possibly could about her ex-Templar.

“You were happy here?” She felt foolish for asking such a question the instant it left her lips, but it was too late to take it back.

“I was.  I still am.”

“You know,” she said after a moment’s silence, wanting to make up for her earlier question. “Since we’re here, you have me all to yourself, you know.  No messengers, no war reports. No training.  We can continue what we started next to the horses.”

His eyes followed her as she approached.  “The thought had crossed my mind,” he smirked at her before looking back at the lake with a blush.

She always wanted to kiss him - her frequent visits to his office was proof - but after what she experienced minutes ago, the new and mysterious feeling, she wanted to experiment and see if it would happen again.  Oh, she knew the desire would be there, it was always simmering just beneath her skin when he was near by.  No, she wanted to see if the deeper emotions she had thought she had felt had truly been there or if it had been her girlish imaginings.

"The last time I was here was the day I left for Templar training." Lost to her own thoughts, only vaguely hearing his words, she didn't see him reach into a pocket sewn into his coat and pull something out. He caught her attention when he looked down at the object now laying in his open palm. "My brother gave me this. It just happened to be in his pocket, but he said it was for luck. As you probably know, Templars are not supposed to carry such things. ‘Our faith should see us through’."

Tanwen reached up to place a hand on his forearm. "Faith is stronger. It gets us through should luck fail."

Cullen nodded. "I believe that, and yet... this was the only thing I took from Ferelden that the Templars didn't give me."

"I don't think it worked too well," she replied as memories of his history came to mind. "You haven't been all that fortunate."

"I should have died during the Blight. Or at Kirkwall, or Haven, take your pick." He looked at the coin with a thoughtful expression before casting his gaze about the lake from his childhood. "And yet I made it back here."

Cullen turned to face Tanwen once more and stepped closer. "Humor me."

Gently, he reached for her left hand and placed the coin, warmed from the heat of his own hand, across the anchor and curled her fingers around it before covering her fingers with both of his hands. "We don't know what you'll face before the end. This can't hurt."

Tanwen placed her right hand over his and squeezed before smirking at him. "I'll keep it safe, but I can get myself out of trouble. I promise." That earned her another of his wolfish grins, but she also saw relief.

"You're rather good at getting _into_ it as well." His voice lowered several octaves as he leaned in, their hands still clasped between them, "I've read the reports of your adventures."

Their meeting of lips was a gentle one, soft and warm, but that feeling of deeper emotions was there for Tanwen, feeling as if it had never left even while talking. Strong, light, bright and warm.

As she pulled back from Cullen with the intention of going back to the horses, then the house they were staying in, she unknowingly stepped back on a piece of wood at the edge of the pier that had become rotted from age. Without warning, the plank gave under the weight and she was cast into the lake with a barely audible gasp. The water was freezing and Tanwen spit and sputtered with her sudden entry as she kicked her way back to the surface, making sure to hold tight to the coin in her hand.

“Tanwen!  Are you alright?”

Tanwen began treading water looked up to the edge of the dock to see Cullen on his knees, fear in his eyes. “I’m alright.  Feeling a bit foolish right now for not paying attention to my surroundings, but you have that effect on me.”

It took a moment for him to get past his surprise. Cullen laughed out loud and Tanwen felt her insides jolt.  That was the first time she had heard him laugh outright and she found herself wanting to hear it again and again.  It was addictive.  Warm and deep of tone, it washed over her as she made her way to shore through the lake reeds and algae. Cullen splashed into the water and met her in knee-deep water, removing her sodden cloak and replacing it with his furred coat. She tried to protest, noting that she was going to get it soaked as well and that he would be cold, but he just waved her off as he walked her to shore.

Tanwen’s heart swelled at his worry and his care when she had fallen into the lake. At his acceptance of Iuen - his deep love of his siblings. The warmth growing until it warmed her nearly as much as his coat warmed from his body. She wondered, as they parted when they reached their horses, the coin finding its way to one of her algae-filled pockets, if this was what love for another felt like.

~//~

AHHHCHOO!

"You know, you should have that checked out before we head to the Approach. Wouldn't want an already miserable place made worse for you because you have a cold."

Tanwen looked over at Dorian from where they read in the Vault library and wiped her nose with a piece of cloth. She was rubbing the coin Cullen had given her the week before, that now was wrapped tightly in leather and around her neck, as she read. She knew he was right, but the slight annoyance of this small illness had been completely worth it in the end, and she told Dorian the same. Granted, it had it’s boon.  The dreaded trip to the Western Approach had been pushed back a week due to her illness.

Dorian simply waved his hand in dismissal at the raised eyebrow she sent him. "Yes, I'm sure that was a terribly romantic swim in the lake, but was going to the wettest part of Thedas worth getting sick over? To receive a coin? Thank you, but I will pass."

"No, you'd rather have statues made in your image or... to be fawned over by a certain team member." Tanwen smirked and looked over the Tevinter male. Dorian's eyes went wide before he began flipping through the pages, shuffling piles of parchment, anything to avoid her words. All the while flushing furiously.

"Dorian, don't worry. Do whatever makes you happy. If he does, how ever surprising, then you have my blessing as the Inquisitor and as your friend."

"I'll... consider it. But back to you and the strapping, young Commander," Tanwen blushed and a serene smile formed, which Dorian noticed. "I don't think I saw that coming, but it's something I find rather adorable about you."

She smiled as she rose from her chair to go to the war room for their final meeting before the excursion into the Approach.

~//~


	13. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen has some...vivid... dreams that turn into nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of added content to the main story as filler since Tanwen is away from Skyhold on business for the Inquisition in the Western Approach.
> 
> I'm sorry! Already I am a day late in updating! If it happens again, I will add two chapters at once!
> 
> Comments are extremely welcome!

Lady and the Templar chapter 13

Her dark blue eyes sparkled like the brightest sapphires as she looked at him, a serene turn of her lush lips giving her face a loving guise. Cullen watched her full lips move, even as his head throbbed, speaking silent words. He knew he should be able to hear what she was saying, but he was too lost in her to understand completely. As he watched, he did pick up on a word here and there.

" _Cullen... right."_

"What?" He thought to himself. She repeated what was said, as if her image could hear him, only slower and more focused on their formation on her lips.

" _Cullen, are you alright?"_

"Cullen, are you all right?"

Cullen's eyes snapped open when he realized he could hear the words her image had said. When had he closed them? When his gaze finally focused, he could feel himself pale slightly.

Tanwen was before him in his office in the flesh as if his thoughts had summoned him.

"Tanwen! I'm sorry, I didn't hear you knock - I'm afraid I let my thoughts get away from me and I became oblivious to the rest of Thedas for a time." His eyes followed her as she walked around his large desk to stand next to him. When she placed a hand on his bicep, her way of showing support without being intrusive, he reached up for it and brought her knuckles to his lips. Her digits were ice cold against his warm mouth from being outside. She must have been training with the soldiers or down in the village, helping the people there build more houses to get out of the tents and the cold. Cullen turned to her and brought both of her hands up with both of his, gently blowing warm air over her fingertips to warm them, before rubbing them between his gloved hands. "Was there something you needed?"

Her dilated gaze snapped back to him from where she had been watching her hands being warmed between his as he shared his warmth and worked to generate more. "Uh... oh! Do you have some time?"

"Of course. What's on your mind?" Normally when she asked if he had spare moments or she said she needed to borrow him for something, it often meant they would be going to the ramparts to steal a kiss. When she pulled back until they were at an arm’s length, their hands still clasped, she seemed to compose herself.

"The day you kissed me on the battlements. How long had you wanted to do that?" Her bright smile returned, warming him as assuredly as her touch.

Cullen laughed. "Probably longer than I should admit."

Tanwen cocked her head to the side. "You don't have much patience for nobility. I'm glad my title didn't scare you off."

"I thought about your title quite a bit while we were still in Haven actually. But since your confrontation with Corypheus and our resulting arrival in Skyhold, I hadn't really considered..." Cullen shifted back and forth on his feet as he gazed at their connected hands. "I have no title outside the Inquisition. I hope that doesn't - I  mean, _does it..._ bother you?"

 _"Some_ people in my family might care. But my opinion is what matters, and in this? Titles don't mean a thing to me. I care about you, not some title."

"Right." Cullen felt a chuckle rumble in his chest before calming as he looked back at Tanwen. "I'm not very good at this, am I? If I seem unsure, it's because it's been a long time since I have wanted anyone in my life. I wasn't expecting to find that here. Or you."

Instantly, he worried his words might had come out wrong, but Tanwen's smirking gaze said she hadn't minded. "The Commander of the Inquisition and the Herald of Andraste. _That_ will have people talking."

Cullen closed his eyes for a moment as he sighed. "You wouldn't believe how quickly rumor spreads through the barracks."

"Does it bother you?" Cullen opened his eyes again and shook his head.

"I would rather my - _our -_ private affairs remain that way. But if there were nothing here for people to talk about, I  would regret it more." Cullen was pleased with himself when he saw the barest hints of a blush form on Tanwen's cheeks.

"Care to slip away?"

"Need you even ask?"

When he left Tanwen on the ramparts five minutes later, he paused right inside his office when a realization hit him. His headache was almost completely gone and not once during her visit had he heard the song sung by the siren named Lyrium.

~//~

**_The next day…_ **

The Western Approach. For such an unassuming name, the stories she had heard of it cast a concerning light on it.

Sand for miles around, Varghests, poisonous clouds of mysterious origins. Even a dragon, or so the book she was reading proclaimed. The Approach was one place Tanwen was not looking forward to going to, but she could understand why Stroud was having them meet him there. Not only had he received reports telling him that he should go, but the Western Approach could make a potentially promising hide out if someone was trying to hide a large number of people.

"Are you worried?"

Tanwen jumped in the chair she occupied directly across from Cullen at his desk. She had been reading from one of the three books she could find about her destination. This one was by a scholar from Orlais who had set himself to chart and describe the sandy wasteland two ages past. Tanwen was sitting sideways in the chair, her legs slung over one arm and her back resting against a pillow as she used the other arm for support.

She closed the book and held it in her lap, looking over at the cover of the leather-bound tome. "No... well, maybe a little," she amended when she looked up to see a disbelieving eyebrow raised in her direction.

"I'd be crazy not to be a little worried, I suppose. So much is unknown. What's going on with the Grey Wardens there? Should I even be _taking_ Blackwall with me? I know he has said he hasn't heard The Calling like the other Wardens yet, but what if it starts while we're over there? I can't be a man down if he decides to jump down the first Fennec hole he sees. I will just be happy when this trip is over. It will mean we are one step closer to defeating Corypheus. One step closer to a safer world - one step closer to having Iuen back in my arms."

Tanwen traced the words on the cover with her index finger, but didn't see them. "My mother has sent me a few missives since I joined the Inquisition. In the first one, a few months after I left for the Conclave and then arrived in Haven, she told me that Iuen said 'Nain', which means grandmother. I had been teaching him words here and there, like mother and such, and had been learning many words quickly, but he actually said 'tad-cu', grandfather, while I was in the Hinterlands fighting Mages and Templars. He recognizes more and more things now, is growing like a weed in Mother's garden, almost has a mouth full of teeth... He started running while I was on the Storm Coast.

"In the letter I received from Mother today, she told me he is being a little terror in his mobility, talking in complete sentences, and has taken to chasing his cousins around the estate. All of these events I was looking forward to experiencing after I returned from the Conclave and I... I... missed them. I missed so much. I..."

She was forced to stop when a lump formed in her throat from emotions she had been keeping in check for months. She was missing the early stages of her son’s life. For the most part, it had been easy; the Inquisition was good at keeping her busy with all the traveling, the training, settling into Skyhold and helping form the village below. She closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to spill from the corners of her eyes, but the action only caused them to fall down her cheeks. Tanwen managed to stay silent in her pain as she did her best to quell the sorrow of missing some of the most important events in her son's life.

When Tanwen opened her eyes again, it was to see Cullen crouched between where she sat and his desk as he reached for the book in her lap with one hand and placed it carefully on the floor. His other hand moved up to cup her cheek furthest from where he crouched at the same time, using his thumb to rub away the river of salty liquid wetting the sides of her face.

Tanwen turned her gaze towards Cullen at his touch. The look of deep concern on his handsome face was nearly her undoing. What had she done to deserve such a charming, caring man? The Maker had blessed her when he sent her to the Conclave, resulting in her being in his arms.

"Everything will be fine. If anyone or anything ought to be worried, it's those that you hunt. For you are the finest warrior and the kindest woman I have ever had the pleasure of meeting." Cullen paused as he looked into her eyes, honey to sapphire. "How about, when you get back from the Western Approach, we take another trip together? Maybe we could go to Lothering? I heard King Alistair was rebuilding it. Or maybe Ostwick? Whatever you wish."

Tanwen bit her lower lip as she looked at him before allowing a small turn of the corners of her lips to grace her cheeks.

"All right."

As if that was all that had been holding him back, Cullen leaned forward until his knees touched the cobbled flooring of his quarters, then moved in to press his lips to hers. It was gentle, almost chaste, but all the more meaningful. When he pulled away a moment later, Cullen touched his forehead to hers before pulling back to stand again.

"You had best be heading back to your quarters, my lady. Dawn will be here before you know it."

~//~

"Cullen."

Cullen looked up from the pile of work before him that he and Jim had been working on finishing since earlier in the evening. Leaning against the heavy wooden door leading to the atrium, stood Tanwen - tunic rumpled, shoulder length ruby hair in disarray and sapphire eyes glinting in the candlelight of his office. She had one hand at the base of her spine and the other gripping the back of her neck. She was a vision of casualness, but the hunger darkening her eyes was difficult to ignore.

"Very well, Jim. See that the guard rotations in the village are increased." Cullen said as he signed a piece of parchment and handed it to the man, all without taking his eyes off Tanwen. Heat bloomed at his neck and cheeks when he watched her take her lower lip between her teeth and tug before flicking her tongue out, creating a shine on her plump lips.

"Ser!"

Cullen stood when he heard a door close distantly. He didn't look for the origins of the sound because he only had eyes for the ethereal woman before him. He stalked around his desk and over to where she continued to pose against his door. When he approached, he placed both hands on the door next to either side of her head, completely crowding her with his body, but she didn't seem to mind. Tanwen, never breaking eye contact, slowly lowered the hand at her neck, trailing it over her shoulder and down her collarbone. When her hand passed her breast, she cupped the heavy flesh in her hand through her tunic. Down her flat stomach, her hand trailed, until it reached her hip and moved back up. Cullen found he was unable to tear his eyes from the seductress before him, falling even further under her spell.

Cullen needed something to drink - his throat was suddenly parched. "Tan... what are you doing here? It's so late."

"I was roused by a rather risqué dream." Cullen's eyes shot up to her face at her words, seeing a saucy smirk on her lips. Heat radiated through him, threatening to burn him alive.

"You... don't say." Cullen's eyes then fell to her lips. In the back of his mind, a thought formed about this behavior being odd for the woman before him, but it died a quick death when Tanwen reached forward to thread her fingers in the mantle of his cloak so she could pull him to within a hair’s breadth from their lips meeting. Cullen could feel her breath on his lips, like fire and brimstone which he was only too glad to be burned by.

"Mmm, yes. Would you like me to tell you about it, my knight?" She leaned forward until her lips were next to his ear. "I can go into great detail if you want."

Cullen shivered in response, lowering his hands to her hips and dragging her from the door to a blank stretch of wall next to them. Tanwen quickly pushed his coat away and unbuckled his breastplate. When he was in just his tunic and breeches like her, she placed her hands on his chest and curled her fingers in, clawing his tunic, seeking the skin of his chest. The grip he had on her hips was to a point where Cullen was sure there would be purple finger prints there later. When Tanwen unlaced his shirt and soft fingers splayed over his tanned skin, Cullen couldn't hold back any more.

He leaned forward and took the lower lip she had been chewing on earlier between his teeth before covering her lush and berry-sweet lips with his own. When he inhaled, he could smell the lavender and vanilla scent of the soap she favored. He could hear her moans coming from her throat and vibrating from her chest. He could feel Tanwen's hands moving to his hips, dragging him closer as she thrust her own to meet him. Cullen could feel her pearled nipples through the thin cloth of her tunic, the peaks jutting out from her lovely breasts. He released her hip with one hand to trail it up her side then cup one generous mound in his hand. With his other hand, he managed to release his grip to move it up to thread his fingers through her hair until he clasped the back of her skull; their mouths remaining locked except for gasping breaths.

Tanwen pulled away first, to turn her head sideways to give him access to the slender column of her neck, the tanned skin flushed and inviting. Cullen bowed his head and sunk his teeth into the tendon connecting her neck to her shoulder, earning him a shudder and a high-pitched moan as he licked the sting away that he had created. He laved the bite, squeezing the flesh in his palm in time with his strokes against her skin.

The movements he was making with his hand and tongue were affecting him as well. He could feel his blood coursing through him fever-hot, then pooling between his legs. His shaft hardened, thickened, and he rolled his hips to show his desire for her as the steel pressed into her softer belly. Cullen chuckled when a broken sound emerged from the woman before him as he pressed her more firmly against the stone.

"Cullen," Her broken entreaty whispered past moistened lips in her growing arousal. Cullen nearly growled at her when she released his hips, but was mollified when her hands moved around to his front and under his tunic to lay flat against the skin of his stomach. The muscles clenched at her touch following her hands to the edge of his breeches, where she began loosening the laces, taking his aching member in hand and stroking him, root to tip.

Cullen, in reply, moved the hand at her chest to the hem of her shirt, easing under it just enough to release the ties on her own bottoms so he could slide his hand down the front to cup her where her legs met her body. He did growl when he was greeted by slick folds and scorching heat when his middle finger parted her lips and found her clit. Once, twice, Cullen circled the bud before moving his hand deeper as she continued stroking him languidly. One finger thrust into her grasping mons had her purring, two had her rocking in time with his hand as he rolled his hips into her strong grip.

Tanwen Trevelyan may be from a noble family, but her years of two-handed swordplay gave her a mighty hold and it was all he could do not to finish off in her hand.

The honorable part of his brain decided to take that moment to speak, causing his movements in her hand and within her body to slow. What was he thinking? He wanted her, yes. But to take her against the stone wall of his office for their first time together? He was a farmer's son, but he had more sense and honor than that. Tanwen was worth more to him than some tryst against a wall.

Tanwen sensed his hesitation. "Cullen, please! Don't stop, I'm so close!" She whimpered as she stroked his cock more fervently in hopes that he would continue. Cullen removed his fingers from her warmth to look at her.

She was ethereal; cheeks aglow, eyes hooded and dark in passion, and red waves sticking out at strange angles. Her delicious lips were parted as her chest rose and fell quickly in an attempt to breathe. One shoulder of her tunic now hung about her elbow, revealing a creamy breast tipped with a tawny nipple that was pearled in the cool air around them. Her heavy breathing matched his own, the sight before him making the ache still between his legs almost more than he could bare. Tanwen was a magnificent sight of wanton desire, and she wanted him. Cullen smiled softly as he returned one hand to between her legs, the other to her cheek to stroke the blush with his thumb.

"You are so beautiful, my darling. Release me so that you can wrap your legs about my waist. I will not make you leave in pain, I swear."

No more asking needed, Tanwen released her grip on his shaft long enough to remove her breeches and lift herself up to wrap her legs around his hips. The moment she was anchored to him with her ankles, Cullen grabbed her wrists with one large hand to hold them above her head, while the other ran up the inside of her thigh before getting lost within her slick folds once more. He began pumping his fingers, feeling the ribbed flesh within her sheath that, when he stroked it with his calloused fingers, caused her to throw her head back and shiver. He bent his head so he could take the nipple that was exposed between his lips, rolling the bud between his teeth and tongue as he continued working the spot that had all of her muscles tensing and her hips rolling in abandon.

"Cullen, please... I need you inside me!" She groaned, her walls tightening around his fingers as she drew nearer to climax.

"No, Tanwen. I will not have our first time together be against a wall. You mean too much to me to do that to you." Cullen growled low in his throat, thrusting his fingers harder and deeper into her weeping core. "When I do finally make you mine, when I share your bed, it will be _in_ a bed, surrounded by silks and satin. I will spend hours worshiping your body, licking and suckling and laving every. Single. Inch."

Cullen emphasized the last three words with powerful movements of his hand, followed by his thumb circling her pearl. His words affected her deeply by evidence of her moaning growing in volume and her head tossing back and forth, her hands still pinned over her head.

"What about your desk?" Cullen chuckled at her suggestion, noting her desperation. She huffed in defeat. "Tell me more."

"When, and only when, you have climaxed a dozen times, would I finally allow myself to have you; to sink my engorged and painful cock into your sweet heat. I would want to ride you, to fuck you until you are sore. Maker, would I, but I wouldn't. Slowly, steadily, I'd move within your giving flesh, drawing out our pleasures as long as possible. Only when you were sobbing my name would I grip your hips and fuck you into your feather down mattress." Cullen looked at her and continued. "Would you like that, Tanwen? Would you like me to make love to you then fuck you senseless?"

Tanwen nodded furiously, biting her lower lip with her eyes screwed shut. Her breasts were rising and falling faster with her heaving breaths, telling him she was on the edge of falling over and into bliss.

"Then come for me, my darling Tanwen. Come for your man."

When Cullen released her arms, she leaned forward without opening her eyes, her lips crashing against his as she used his mouth to absorb the sound of her screaming in orgasm. As the waves of pleasure coursed through her, Tanwen took his lower lip between her teeth and bit down, drawing blood.

After a while, her inner walls released their hold on Cullen's hand enough for him to pull free. While she lowered her legs, he lifted his fingers that had been inside her to his lips and licked them clean of her arousal. Tanwen's eyes dilated at the sight and the sweet taste made him hunger for more. When her feet were once again on the ground Cullen had to hold onto her to keep her from falling to her knees, which caused him to laugh heartily. When he pulled her up against his chest, his still hard-shaft brushed against her, twitching for attention and she peered down.

"Oh, Cullen! I was so greedy in the blissful pleasure you were giving me, that I completely disregarded your discomfort and pain. If you'd like, I could help you. Make things easier for you."

Cullen smiled at her. "I love..."

Knock, knock, knock.

Both adults looked towards the door next to them at the sound.

"Maker's breath, is an evening undisturbed must be too much to ask sometimes." Cullen grumbled, tucking his semi-hard erection back into his smalls and breeches. He felt Tanwen's scalding gaze on him even as she dressed herself and made herself presentable once more.

Armor and coat back in place, he looked over at Tanwen and felt a sense of loss at how composed she appeared. He'd have liked to have her tousled and flushed all the time, but they had a responsibility to uphold and professionalism to upkeep. When she nodded at him to signal that she was ready, Cullen went to the door and reached for the handle.

He was more than ready to shout and discipline the soldier that had interrupted the Inquisitor and himself, but his words died on his lips at the sight before him.

Arches and windows, Templars, Mages. Everything before his eyes was achingly familiar and made his stomach drop and his throat become drier than the Approach.

"No, no, no. This cannot be." he whispered to himself as he turned around to go back through the door he had just entered, back to his office, but it just lead to one of the halls he had walked a thousand times before being transferred to Kirkwall.

Kinloch Hold.

"How is this possible?" Cullen said, his limbs shaking as he looked around the hall, seeing Templars and Mages he _knew_ hadn't survived Uldred's occupation of the tower over a decade prior, yet they walked and talked as they normally had back then.

"How is what possible?"

Cullen started and spun around when he heard Tanwen's accented voice at his side. "Tanwen? What are you doing here? How did you get here? What's going on?"

She gave him a confused smile - as if she worried for his sanity. When he got a good look at her, she was in standard Templar armor with her usual two-handed sword. "I was transferred here from Ostwick a few months ago. Are you alright, ser?"

Tanwen stepped forward and lifted her hand up to feel his forehead, but her brows fell in confusion. "You aren't feverish. Are you injured?"

Cullen just shook his head and looked away, casting his gaze around and rubbing his eyes. Perhaps his eyes were playing tricks on him or he had succumbed to the madness that quitting lyrium had promised. Nothing changed. He looked back at Tanwen, but saw no recognition there like he usually did. There was no heat, no knowing smirk. Her hair and eyes were the same but only the scar in her right eyebrow appeared. There was no scar on the arch of her slim nose, no scar along the left side of her neck just under her jaw. Looking down, her torso seemed smaller, as well as her hips.

"What year is this?"

"You're worrying me, Rutherford. Maybe we should take you to see the healer?"

' _Rutherford?_ ' Her use of his surname threw him off. She never called him that. It was always Commander or Cullen. "Just answer the question, please."

She simply raised an eyebrow to his harsh question. "It's 9:30 Dragon, ser." She replied, stepping back to a safer distance.

"Nine thirty... Maker!" Cullen whispered as he dragged a gloved hand down his face. "Was the Inquisition real? Is this?"

He thought back to back in his office. Tanwen had felt real then, the doorknob from his office had felt real. But when the Tanwen next to him, looking ten years younger, had touched his forehead, he could feel the pressure of her touch, the leather of her glove. So, if he could feel both Tanwen's, which was real? Or were both fake and he was still in Kirkwall?

Maker's breath, was he dead? Had someone snuck into Skyhold whilst he slept and killed him? What of the others? This was all so confusing.

"I really think you should go see the Healer. You will want to be at your best. Senior Enchanter Uldred is making a presentation in the Harrowing Chamber soon, so we have to be on guard."

"WHAT?!"

Everyone in the vicinity stopped and stared at him as his outburst echoed about the cavernous room. But he didn't care. He had to keep Uldred from taking the tower.

"Rutherford! What in the Maker's name is wrong with you?" Tanwen whispered angrily, trying to keep those around them calm.

"Uldred is a blood mage. He is going to use his presentation as a ruse to take over the tower, causing Gregoir to call for a Rite of Annulment." Cullen replied, uncaring of who heard him nearby.

Tanwen grabbed his forearm and dragged him to a classroom. "What evidence do you have of these accusations? Jowan just escaped after being discovered as being a Blood Mage with the help of Brienna Amell before she was taken by the Grey Warden. No other rumors have circulated in the three days since."

Cullen opened his mouth to tell her exactly how he knew, but paused. She wouldn't believe him if he told her that he had lived the day of Uldreds overtaking of the tower before. Over and over for years. Cullen shook his head and looked her straight in the eye.

"Look Tan...Trevelyan, I just need you to trust me. I have it on good authority..."

"Whose?"

Cullen sealed his lips. She had him there. He should have realized how smart she would be at seventeen because of how brilliant she was at twenty eight.

Tanwen peered at him through doubting eyes for a moment before sighing and bowing her head in defeat. "Listen, Rutherford. You are under a great deal of stress, obviously sick. Let's just take you to Healer Smythwick and..."

"I'm fine!"

Tanwen looked at him again and gave a slight nod. A second later, a great, sharp pain bloomed at the base of his skull and he felt his limbs go loose and the room go dark. The last thing he saw before blackness claimed him was Tanwen's lips turned down in sadness.

~//~

The first thing Cullen noticed upon regaining consciousness, was the empty feeling around him. When he opened his eyes, he found himself laying on a bed in the infirmary. A sharp pain assaulted his head from the base of his skull where he had been struck from behind. He sat up in bed and looked around. His armor was on a chair next to the bed and he was completely alone. In the times he had been there in the past, the healer had constantly been bustling about, his robes swishing about his feet as he hurried from burned mage to another that had mushrooms growing from their ears or some other ailment. Cullen listened closely, but the complete lack of anything around him pressed on his eardrums.

Gently, he turned on the bed until his bare feet hung over the edge; the sound of his movements near echoing in the dead room as he stood and proceeded to don his armor, sword and shield.

"Hello?" Cullen called, expecting no answer and receiving none. Out in the hall, Cullen nearly vomited at the sight that was revealed to him.

Blood. Everywhere. Bodies piled in the corners, along the walls; _things_ on the walls that he didn't even want to contemplate the composition of. He saw empty mage robes, abandoned staves, swords, shields, Templar armor. All laying on the floor as if the Mage or Templar had simply laid down and then vanished. Cullen's heart clenched in his chest at the thought.

_Tanwen_

Where was she? Was she alive? She may not know him like he knew her, but he had to find her to make sure she still lived. She had to be. No matter what was going on with his head, he knew she was still as strong as his memories of her being in Skyhold. She _had_ to live. He would accept no other outcome.

Cullen softened his footsteps as he began ascending the tower, floor by floor, searching for her and any survivors he could find. He only found the dead and the dying. When he came upon the door of the chamber Brienna Amell and her Grey Warden companions had found him in during his reality, fear clenched his heart and seized his limbs. The hours, days, weeks of tortures he had experienced and witnessed behind that barrier in there continued haunting him, even after over a decade. He didn't want to go in there, but he would. Tanwen was in there or the Harrowing Chamber and she needed him.

It was at that moment he realized the differences between this time and the other times he had visited this memory.  In previous times, he had simply been following the footsteps he had taken back then.  Now, he had a goal to focus himself on so that he wouldn’t get lost to the horrors he had had to live through.

With a deep breath in and slow release, Cullen slowly, carefully, opened the door without releasing his sword or shield.

Tanwen stood in the middle of the room, her sword at her back, arms at her side. She was a beautiful sight to behold after seeing naught but death for the past two hours as he searched every floor and every room. Stepping closer to her, his relief was short lived.

A male desire demon chose that moment to step from behind Tanwen, its clawed hand trailing along her armored shoulder without actually touching her. Cullen's skin crawled at the thought of a demon even coming close to touching her, and he knew she would feel the same. Tanwen's blank expression told him she had been ensorcelled by the demon, the creature feeding off whatever desire she was currently seeing.

"Supper is ready, love, and payment from the bounty you collected has arrived. The apostate's worth will pay for the addition to the cottage we have been wanting. It will be glorious! And we will be able to finish it by the time your family visits from Ostwick."

Cullen stepped forward cautiously, on guard in case the demon decided he was a threat that needed neutralized.

"Tanwen? Tan?" Cullen called but received no response.

"Did you hear that? I thought I just..." Tanwen's voice trailed off, disjointed, as she continued staring at nothing.

"Oh, I'm sure it's just the wind rustling the trees outside. Hold our son while I check on the horses in the barn." Tanwen nodded with a soft turn of her lips as she crossed her arms in front of her bosom, as if cradling an infant. Cullen saw nothing, yet Tanwen cooed at whatever it was she saw, and hummed a lullaby to it in her native tongue.

"Don't be long. It's past Iuen's bedtime."

The male demon placed a kiss on the air above her cheek. "I'll be back shortly, love."

The demon faced him now.  Its torso was leanly muscled, nipples pierced and connected by a fine golden chain that looped up and around its neck. At it’s trim hips, a short loincloth of purple and gold hung so low that you could see where it’s phallus joined its body.  It floated forward until it could be heard without raising its voice.

"You are intruding on a wonderful, loving moment for my Templar, and I _hate_ being interrupted."

Cullen tensed at its words. "You think this makes her happy? You've ensorcelled her, made her your slave... your plaything!"

The demon smirked. "Passion births power. The happier and more passionate she is, the more happy I am, because I would become more and more powerful. I have given her what she has wanted for so long. A child of her own, someone who accepts her wholly as she is, a family of her own to love and care for. Where is the harm in that?" The demon purred as it ran its clawed hands along its taut muscles and pierced nipples, tugging at the gold chain holding up a loincloth to pull it further up its hips before it floated to possess the air behind Tanwen. It turned to face Cullen again as if using Tanwen as a shield.

"You're feeding off of her innermost desires, and taking away her free will. This is unholy!" Cullen spat at the floor separating him and the demon.

"No one else might have known her true desires. Not even her. She places others desires above her own wants and dreams. I just help her realize what she needed. She joined the Templars out of a sense of duty. I am the only one who can give her that which she most desires. Or do you, puny human, think you can do better? You, who are a Templar. Who will always BE a Templar. Who will never be anything _but_ a Templar, no matter what you do. What could _you_ possibly give her that I have not already done?"

Cullen repositioned his grip on his sword and shield before he advanced towards the pair. The demon moved around to face Tanwen.

"Grab your sword. We're under attack by a band of rebel mages!"

Tanwen reached behind her back and grabbed her greatsword, her brows turned down in anger and determination though her eyes remained unfocused with her sword held in front of her in her battle-ready position. "I won't let them get near our home."

Cullen brought up his shield when Tanwen let out a roar and attacked with a swing of her large weapon. He regretted not training with Tanwen when she landed swing after swing against his shield, bending it more and more even as he tried to deflect it. Cullen knew that he should fight back, but he didn't want to risk hurting her even the smallest amount. Her powerful strikes pushed him down until he was kneeling before her. When she finally rendered his shield useless, he threw it aside and blocked her sword with his own, barely avoiding losing a finger.

' _This has gone on long enough'_ he thought as he managed to stand once more, locking blades with Tanwen, bringing their faces closer together so all she could see was him. Only hear his words.

"Tanwen!" Cullen barked, gritting his teeth in effort to hold her back and keep his limbs attached. "Please, listen to me! This... isn't you. You are under that demons control. You are stronger than its compulsion over you!"

Tanwen blinked slowly and shook her head, her eyes clearing slightly. "I... am stronger..."

"Finish the Mage!" The demon seethed from behind her.

Tanwen began panting, but not because of her volley of attacks against Cullen. He saw her arms began shaking as she fought the creatures' control. She glared at Cullen in concentration.

"No." she whispered, her effort evident in her voice as she fought the thrall. "I... won't do it."

With another roar that echoed about the large room, much louder than when she had engaged him, Cullen watched Tanwen turn away from him and face the demon of Desire. He started walking over, sword in hand to assist her, but paused when the demon looked at him and swing its hand up. Shaking his head, Cullen began walking forward again, but ran into an invisible wall.

He lifted his free hand and set it against the wall before him. When he did, memories of the last time he had been behind this kind of wall bombarded him, making him cry out in shock and pain as the images flew past his vision lightning- fast. The pain grew and grew, along with his breathing in his panic at the feeling of confinement, the combined effects causing him to drop his sword and fall to his knees even though that was the last thing he wanted. He had to help Tanwen, needed to - she relied on him, he couldn't let her down.

When the pain subsided slightly, Cullen was able to finally open his eyes a crack. Black fur, streaked with red, met his gaze when he pulled his hands from his head. Metal vambraces with the Templar insignia, crimson and gold coat, metal breastplate - he was in the armor he had purchased when he joined the Inquisition. Cullen's eyes shot up to where Tanwen and the demon had been and paled.

"Maker, no!"

Cullen jumped to his feet and began frantically feeling around for some kind of exit or hole in the barrier. Tanwen was out there, but she now looked as she had when she left for the Western Approach. Brown leather long coat, thick metal breastplate, armguards, shin guards and gloves; the Inquisition symbol proudly displayed over her heart and on her shoulders. She looked resplendent, a force to be reckoned with, but that wouldn't save her. The demon itself now looked like Corypheus, bedecked in red Lyrium.

Tanwen and the Magister circled each other, with their weapons drawn; Tanwen with her a blade, made special for her by Harritt when she became Inquisitor, outstretched before her and Corypheus with his arm covered with glowing red Lyrium that was sharpened to a deadly point. Tanwen attacked Corypheus, lifting her sword to land blow after blow, swinging up when she made no purchase, to try to catch the Magister off guard. All she was managing to do was push the creature back and anger it further.

Cullen calmed himself the best he could, then balled his gloved hands and assaulted the barrier. She needed his help, he WOULD get to her.

"Come on, Tanwen! You can do this!" Cullen shouted at the pair. He had been able to talk through the barrier before, but either this magic was different or they were too far away to hear his voice, because neither made any indication they had heard him.

The battle continued, trading blows, defending from the other. Corypheus was so fast, there were times Cullen would see Tanwen's skin split without even seeing the Darkspawn move, or she would grab her arm or fall to her knee as if some invisible force had hit her.

"I will end you, Corypheus. Once and for all. There cannot be peace while you still live. My son is not safe because of you."

Corypheus said nothing to her words, simply stretched out his free hand with his fingers splayed wide towards the Inquisitor. Cullen saw the air below the hand bend like waves in a lake after a rock was tossed into it. The wave hit Tanwen, forcing her to the ground with a cry, her sword skittering to the side and out of her reach with the force of Corypheus' attack.

"No!" Cullen couldn't believe what he was seeing. Tanwen, one of the most capable warriors he had ever met, was being knocked down by a Mage. "Inquisitor! Use what Templar training you have against the Mage. Work past the pain. Get up!"

She glanced his way and her eyes grew wide. She must not have known he had been there. "Cullen?"

They were a distance away, but he heard her as if she had whispered straight into his ear. Cullen watched her struggle to rise from where she lay on her belly on the ground, her cheek pressed to the rocks beneath her. Her brows furrowed as she positioned her arms at her side to lift herself from the ground. Corypheus watched her in anger when she managed to push herself to stand, thwarting the spell cast over her.

"Enough." Corypheus swung his free arm at her, catching her in the jaw and sending her backward. It took her longer to rise this time. Cullen was feeling hopeless, worthless, as she struggled to continue on.

"Come on, Tanwen. Think of Iuen! Don't give up!" he screamed at her, banging his fist against the barrier, but neither of the beings outside the barrier payed him any attention. Cullen felt his heart drop to his stomach when Corypheus returned the sword to a hand and used both of its hands to lift Tanwen off the ground without touching her. Her arms and legs were brought out to her sides as if tied to the corners of a torture rack. He watched Tanwen close her eyes and grit her teeth. Corypheus must be pulling her limbs to a point of pain, but no sound of agony escaped her lips.

"I told you once that I would not leave even an unknowing enemy." Corypheus walked up to Tanwen, stopping only when they were a small distance apart. Tanwen spat at the Magister's feet, blood from her mouth coloring its face and the ground red. The Mage frowned and placed them on either side of her head as she floated in the air, completely and utterly focused on Tanwen.

She looked back over at Cullen again without turning her head, smiling softly past watery eyes, telling him just how much pain she was in.

"I love you, Cullen." She whispered at great effort.

"No, no, no, no!" Cullen rambled, pushing around the barrier more frantically, trying to find some way out of his invisible prison. "Tanwen, fight him! Don't you dare give up!"

Tanwen didn't take her eyes off Cullen until Corypheus' arms made a twisting motion, the crack of her neck echoing off the walls of the room as the magister stepped away, ending the spell that held her up, causing her body to fall lifelessly to the ground.

~//~

"NO!"

Cullen shot straight up in his bed, chest heaving and covered in a layer of sweat. He could feel his entire body shaking at the nightmare that had visited him. He looked around wildly, but not seeing his surroundings.

He hadn't been visited by Tanwen, he wasn't in the Circle of Ferelden, he was in Skyhold. Sunlight streamed in through the hole in his roof and the windows before him. Birds could be heard chirping from outside his rooms, the trees in the courtyards swaying in a peaceful breeze. Peaceful. Cullen sighed at the word. Some day, his mind might be at peace, but Cullen had a feeling it wouldn't be happening for a while - if ever.

He thought back to his dream. he knew it was his mind telling him something, but he wasn't ready to face it yet.

Tanwen was alive. Deep down he knew this to be true, even though she was hundreds of miles away, but the dream refused to leave him. Cullen crossed his legs under his blanket and propped his arms on his knees and covered his face with his hands, his heavy coverlet pooling at his waist as he released a strangled sound. It was only a nightmare, it wasn't real. It was only a nightmare, it wasn't real.

Cullen repeated his morning mantra several more times before he was calm enough to think. Think about the arousing dream at the beginning, the declarations... Cullen shook his head. He had a lot of thinking to do today.

When he moved his bare legs to drape them over the side of his bed, a shadow fell over him and Cullen looked up to tell off whoever had invaded his quarters. When he saw who it was, he could feel the blood leave his face completely.

"Looks like I finally found you, little brother."

~//~


	14. Adamant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The invasion of the Rutherford's have commenced! But the happiness Cullen is feeling at being reunited with his family doesn't last. 
> 
> Tanwen travels to the Western Approach with her companions, Anya and Stroud, and makes her feel like she is back home. Until they follow Erimond to Adamant. That's when things go down hill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to lie to you. I cried at the end of this chapter and both times that I looked it over to edit. Adamant always gets me emotional.

"M...Mia?"

Mia fisted her hands at her hips and stared down at him the best she could as Cullen sat before her. She was five years older than him, yet he towered over her when standing. Even so, she still cowed him somehow. She looked down at him expectantly in his seated position, but for what, he knew not.

"What are you doing here?"

Her fists fell to her side. "'What are you doing here?' he asks. Not even a hug or a hello after so long without seeing each other and so few letters they could hardly count as communication. What am I doing here, you ask? I'm here to make sure my little brother is as ‘alright’ as he managed to say in his three sentence missive I received last. I'm here to see with my own eyes that you yet live."

Cullen looked up at Mia and noticed just how much the last decade had taken its toll on her as well. He tied a sheet more securely about his bare waist and stood before Mia, leaning in to embrace her, stroking her curly, white blonde hair as he lay his cheek on top of her head. After a few moments she relaxed and tentatively wrapped her arms around his naked torso to hug him back as warm tears trickled down his chest from her eyes, tangling in the coarse curls that covered his chest.

"Hello, loving caring,  _ forgiving _ , sister-mine. I have missed you terribly." Cullen felt her shoulders began shaking and he held her back a short distance to assess what mood had taken over and was swatted for his efforts as she pulled away to wipe her eyes with the sleeve of her shift. When she turned to walk a few paces away, her booted foot caught on the corner of the sheet wrapped around Cullen’s waist that pooled on the floor at his feet. 

As she walked, she tugged at the sheet, pulling it loose from the haphazard way Cullen had wrapped the cloth about his waist, nearly baring his semi-erect manhood to the cool morning air. With quick movements honed from years of training, Cullen saved his modesty and wrapped the blanket more securely around his waist as he looked for his breeches from the night before.

"We worried about you, you know? Rosalie, Branson and Calla, and I. Especially Branson. He would never admit it, but he wanted to go with you to the Templars all those years ago. Not because he was set on protecting people as you were, but because he didn't want to lose his older brother." As Mia spoke, Cullen grabbed his smalls and breeches, quickly dressing under the covers before standing again. 

"We've made due, you know. Managed to eek out a living farming. Without Mother and Father, it was difficult, but we managed. When you sent coin, we knew you cared and thought of your family, but it wasn't the same as having you there. Maker, Cullen, you could have even visited us when you left the Ferelden Circle to go to Kirkwall and we would have been content."

"Mia.” Cullen sighed as he reached up and scratched at the back of his neck. “I wasn't in a good state of mind after Kinloch Hold. I didn't want to put you all through seeing me like that."

Mia turned to him, her skirts wrapping around her legs with the force of her spin. "Do you actually think we would care what ‘state of mind’ you were in? Did it ever once occur to you that, had you come home to us instead of going straight to Kirkwall, you would have been surrounded by your loving family as you grieved and battled your inner demons? Family can fix things curatives and magic cannot."

Cullen cast his gaze aside as he sought words to explain his actions, but none were forthcoming. What if he had? Would he have remained as angry and bitter as he had for so long? Or would he have seen the error of his thoughts and healed sooner because he would have been surrounded by his loved ones? Cullen thought about it as he grabbed his tunic from the floor and pulled it over his head. Mia walked back to him and reached up to run her fingers through his curls as she had when they were children to help tame his wild mane.

Cullen looked down into eyes that were shades darker than his own. No, he decided. As much as he loved his family, he was glad things had turned out the way they had. Oh, he wished he had communicated with his family more, it was true.  But he had no qualms about the path his life had taken. Cause and Effect: If he hadn't left Kinloch for Kirkwall after the circle’s fall, he never would have met Hawke and sided with her against Meredith; if he hadn’t helped try to fix things in Kirkwall, he never would have caught Cassandra's attention. If he hadn't met Cassandra, he wouldn't have been named Commander of the Inquisition's armies.

If he had never joined the Inquisition, he likely would never have met Tanwen Trevelyan. And that, in itself, was a crime.

"You're right, Mia. But I have no regrets about the Maker’s path upon which I have been walking. I have met many people that I would not have, had I not gone through what I had."

She looked at him, burnished copper on amber, looking at his face in search of something. When a few minutes passed and naught being found, she sighed and looked down to clasp one of his larger hands between both of her delicate palms.

"Are you truly happy with the life you have created out of the hardships you have experienced, Cully?"

A warm, half-smile formed on his lips when ruby hair, midnight eyes and a dazzling smile flashed in his mind.

"Yes, I am."

Mia gazed at him with an appraising eye, as if validating his words. A look of approval shone in her smile.

"It's a beautiful morning. After we break our fast and you visit with Branson and Rosalie - yes, they are here as well - we can walk around the keep and you can talk." She held up a hand when he started to protest. "I'm sure the Commander can take a day off for family, can't he?"

~//~

It truly was a beautiful morning.

After breaking their fast, Cullen was greeted and hugged by Branson and Calla, then tackled by Rosalie, though she was nigh sixteen years and a lady grown. He held both of his younger siblings close, remembering a time when he believed he would never see them again because of his duties as a templar. The Rutherford's walked about the castle grounds and halls, catching up on time lost.

"How does the growing village below feed itself? I didn't see many farmers as we passed through the Hinterlands from South Reach."

"We have traders mostly, Branson. It's far too cold up here for crops to thrive. Before you ask, I'm not sure how the gardens are thriving. My guess is that it is because of our local botanist, Elan Ve'mal. She is from the College of Enchanters, I think, and has been tending Tan... The Inquisitor's rare herbs that she collects from the warmer climates she travels to for the Inquisition. In the Inquisitor’s spare time, along with the Chantry sisters in residence, they keep the plants alive, I suppose. You would have to ask Josephine about trade though. I'm the army's Commander, I deal with war, not commerce."

"Brother, who is that?" Rosalie whispered, pushing in between Cullen and Branson to tug on Cullen’s arm, staring at the small training ring outside the Herald's Rest. Her cheeks tinged pink as she continued gazing in the direction and Cullen saw why. Krem was training his shield bash with the Iron Bull in just his tunic and breeches.

"His name is Cremisius Aclassi, but everyone calls him Krem."

"His name sounds Tevinter." Cullen nodded. "Is he nice?"

"Rarely have I met a nicer warrior or better soldier. The people he came with are a mercenary group called Bull's Chargers, lead by the Qunari in the ring with him. That's the Iron Bull, he's the leader. They are working for the Inquisition until the breach is completely sealed and Corypheus is finally defeated. If you'd like, you should go talk to Krem."

Rosalie looked up at Cullen with a smile before walking over to lean against the railing of the closure. Mia looked on as she took Roselia’s place next to Cullen, her gaze moving back and forth between Krem and their baby sister.

"There's something different about him, isn't there?" She murmured. Both elder siblings watched Branson walk over to stand with Rosalie.

"Yes."

"Would he treat her right, if he showed interest? It has been tough, these past years. She deserves better than what we have been able to give her since Mother and Father passed during the Blight."

"I haven't had any long conversations with the man, but what words have been shared have been good. The Inquisitor trusts the Chargers and thinks highly of them, as do I."

Mia turned towards Cullen, crossing her arms over her chest. "Tell me of the Inquisitor. In your last letter, you called her by name. Tanwen is a beautiful name and it sounds like she is from the Free Marches."

Cullen smiled, his thoughts drifting to Tanwen once more. Maker, he missed her. Missed her smile, her warmth. He missed eating meals with her and talking with her. He missed kissing her so deeply that he left her breathless and weak in the knee on the battlements. The feeling it gave him that he had such a profound effect over a woman as powerful, both physically and politically.

After the conversation they had the night before she left, he worried for Tanwen. Was she getting sleep? Or were her nightmares making that nigh impossible? He could feel Mia's eyes on him and refocused his attention on her.

"Yes. Her father is a Bann in Ostwick."

"A Bann, Cullen?" Mia paused and Cullen could understand why there was disbelief and concern in her voice. He experienced the same concern when he and Tanwen had first become friends. She was worried about titles and getting involved with someone who was considered above his station as the son of a farmer. He’d had the same fears in the beginning.

"She is the youngest of four children. I know what you're thinking, Mia. It's the same thing that occupied my thoughts when she first joined the Inquisition. She may have been born of nobility, but..." Cullen lifted his hand to rub at the back of his neck again. "She doesn't act like other nobles we have met, unless she is in the company of other nobles. If she hadn't told people who asked about her family, or people hadn't already recognized her surname, she could have just been a warrior or a farmer's daughter. Her title did worry me at first, but I don't see her as a Bann's daughter, or even just the Inquisitor anymore. She's Tanwen to me. Just Tanwen. In a war, you can't always base your opinions on titles and names. If you find happiness, or even love, you have to grasp it lest it slip through your fingers like grains of sand, because you never know when the Maker will decide to change the direction your life is heading at a moment’s notice."

Mia pondered his words for a moment before looking back at him. "Does she? Make you happy, that is."

Cullen dropped his hand to his side and locked eyes with his sister. Without even pausing to blink, he relied with a nod and a "Yes."

"Do you love her?"

Cullen opened his mouth to reply with another yes, but he caught himself. He had planned on thinking about what had been said in his dream the night before later when he was alone with his thoughts, but Mia’s question made that nigh impossible because she expected some sort of answer and he didn't know if telling her yes would be a lie, or if no would. 

In his dream, he had almost said 'I love you,' when he had nearly taken Tanwen against his office door. And then, when Tanwen had been battling Corypheus, when she was in the Magister's invisible binds, he felt like his heart would get torn in two, especially when she said she loved him. He felt that, if he was ever in a similar situation presented by his dream, he would gladly give his own life to save hers. He was a broken man, she was whole and full of the light that Thedas desperately needed. He had no issues with the thought of sacrificing himself for her, and it wasn't just because she was the Inquisitor or that she was the only one that could seal rifts. It was because he cared deeply for her. He felt her light making him whole again.

Was this what love for someone that wasn't family felt like? This warm, full-hearted feeling he got whenever he saw Tanwen or thought of her? He just didn't know. He didn't have to figure it out either. Mia obviously saw the answer to her question in his face because he saw a knowing smile form and she walked closer to link their arms and steer him away.

"Does she know?"

Cullen snapped his head to the side, his eyes wide and directed at Mia. "Know... what, exactly?"

Mia sighed heavily and rolled her eyes. "You are so thick sometimes, brother. I saw the look in your eyes just now. You are in love with Tanwen. Do you think she knows? Has she said anything to you about it?"

"I don't even know if  _ I  _ do, let alone whether or not she does. The only thing I do know is that we care deeply for each other."

Mia studied him for a moment before dropping the subject. He was glad that she had - he never thought he would find a woman he could care for as he did Tanwen, let alone someone he would be talking to his elder sister about. It was more than a little uncomfortable, though he understood her questioning.

They spent the next several hours talking and walking around the keep. Cullen did most of the talking; Mia was nothing but questions. Especially about Tanwen. When it came time for the midday meal, Cullen tried to escape to his office, saying he had paperwork. Mia seemed to allow it and he escaped to his quarters. He had a lot of paperwork and thinking to do.

He was so lost in his thoughts a short time later, he jumped when someone knocked on his door and he realized no work had been done.

Mia stepped into his office, trencher in hand that was laden with meat, bread and fruit. It reminded him of Tanwen and he ran his gloved hand through his hair before rubbing at the back of his neck. What  _ wouldn't _ remind him of the Inquisitor? When Mia closed the door without Branson or Rosalie in tow, he raised an eyebrow.

"They are both still eating. Rosalie has been talking to Krem since shortly after you and I left them, and Branson was talking to the Templars in residence. So!" Mia placed the tray before him before sitting in the chair facing his own and the desk. "I have seen much of the Inquisition, heard even more of your good deeds. And it's all because of Tanwen. Do you know what you should do? You told me how much she misses her son; the Inquisition is more than capable of caring for one small child along with everyone else. You should send for him to be brought here as a surprise for her!"

"But she worries for his safety so much, she would rather him be elsewhere where she knows he is safe."

Mia waved off his words. "She tells herself this to keep from going and getting him. Didn't you say she only left him at home because she was expecting to only be gone a month or so?" Cullen nodded to confirm her words. "It's been almost a year now. I can't imagine the longing she must be going through. We have only been gone a few weeks and Branson talks daily of missing his son because he and Calla didn't want him to take a small child on such a long trip. It must be worse for her because she's a mother."

"I couldn't. That would be going against her wishes."

"Didn't I just say that she was saying that more for herself than anyone else? If I were her, I would think the best protection I could give my child was my own. And I'm sure she trusts you, so if you were to be the one to watch over him while she was away for the Inquisition, she would know without a doubt that he was in safe hands. If you couldn't, for whatever reason, her companions that were left behind might be willing. From what I have seen of Skyhold, there is no safer place in all of Thedas for the child of the renowned Inquisitor Trevelyan. The question is: Would you be up for the challenge?"

He knew she was baiting him, saw the challenge in her smile as he turned away to ponder what she pointed out. Her words had gotten to him and she knew it, knew she had convinced him. Cullen let out a heavy breath and turned back to Mia.

"I can't think on this now. I have a mountain of work that needs to be done and I can't do it with you here." Cullen waved her off and Mia rose from the chair and went to the door, only to pause and turn back to him.

"Your family has missed you Cullen. We'll see you at the evening meal."

~//~

_ 'My dearest Commander, _

_ 'You should count yourself lucky that you are in command and not stationed in this arid wasteland like poor Rylen. _

_ 'We just found out that a Magister by the name of Livius Erimond is working with Corypheus and has manipulated the Grey Wardens into willingly performing a Blood Magic ritual that binds their mages to a summoned demon. We stopped those who had been present, but Erimond escaped. Hopefully, by the time you receive this, we will have captured him. Or executed him. I’m not picky as to which. _

_ 'There are more things I want to tell you and the advisors, but my mark has already been used against me once on this trip. Should certain information be discovered by those who would wish harm on the Inquisition, it would not bode well for me or any of us. _

_ 'Now that business is complete... I have missed you terribly. Your words from the night before we left still resonate in my mind. and for that, I am glad. If I have to hear Dorian complain about the sand or Varric about the heat much longer, I might tie them up and leave them with Harding. We did find a sign that the Hero of Ferelden had been in the Approach at one time or another. There was a ladder that had a piece of paper nailed to it that said ' _ Would you like a ladder so you can get off my back?'  _ I have to wonder if that meant she was being pursued by someone unfavorable. Or was that just from her sense of humor? _

_ 'If it weren't for the scorching sun and sand, you might like it here. The wind howls like a fierce beast during the day, but calms at night. There are also beautiful auroras that streak the night sky. I can't help but stare at it. _

_ 'I wish you were here to see it. _

_ 'I miss you. _

_ 'Yours, Tanwen' _

"Reading the missive from the Inquisitor again, are you?"

Cullen's eyes shot up at the sound of Branson's voice. He was still getting used to the baritone it had taken on. Last he had seen his younger brother, he had been eleven and his voice had still been high pitched. He reached up to massage his neck before looking at the note in his hand and the trencher before him that looked as if it had barely been touched. He  _ had _ read her letter often since receiving it earlier that day. He just didn't realize other people had taken notice.

"Yes. I want to be sure I missed no detail, no secret encryption, that would add to what she already told us.

"And it takes almost a full day to do so, going over it at least a dozen times in the day?"

Cullen glared at his brother who was sitting between him and Calla at the table in the great hall for the evening meal. Before the younger man could react, Cullen's hand shot out and pulled Branson's head closer so Cullen's other hand could mess his brother's blonde curls that were so like his own.

"Hey! Just because you are embarrassed at being caught, doesn't mean you have to take it out on me!" Branson's wife, Calla, laughed when Branson growled at his brother as he managed to pull himself out of Cullen's arms.

Mia sighed and shook her head. "You deserve it and you know it."

"I don't actually believe that I do. It's not my fault he left before I could be a little brother during his pining years."

Cullen chuckled and turned back to his meal, tuning his siblings out. It wasn't long before a messenger flew through the double wooden doors, the heavy wood groaning with the movement as the man limped  towards the dias. The scout stopped before Cullen, panting for breath, and handed Cullen the message. He scanned the letter as the scout waited, and felt the blood leave his face. It was from Tanwen, dated the day after she wrote the last letter to him. 

He looked back at the scout, taking in the man's state. He had bruises and cuts on his face and his right arm lay limp and swollen at his side.

"Who attacked you while you were enroute to Skyhold?" Cullen sensed everyone nearby turn their attention to the scout. Leliana leaned forward, eyeing the man.

"Venatori, ser. They attacked us just beyond the Exalted Plains as we hurried back to Skyhold."

Leliana shot out of her chair and placed her hands on the table and leaned on them, never taking her eyes off the man. "Where is the rest of your group? The Inquisitor would never have sent only two."

"We were a group ten-strong. They... The other’s were killed by the Venatori. My fellow scouts distracted the enemy so I could get the message to the Commander."

Cullen nodded and sent the injured scout to the Infirmary. As the man saluted with his good arm and left, slower than he had arrived, Cullen quickly read the note before turning towards the other advisors. "We need to meet in the war room. Now." Cullen rose left, not looking to see if they followed him.

He turned to face Leliana and Josephine as they came to a stop across from him at the table.

"What has happened?" Josephine asked, hugging her writing board to her chest. Leliana crossed her arms over her chest.

"I take it things have not gone well there for Tanwen."

"No. There's been a development. The Tevinter Magister she told me she met in the Western Approach, has fled to Adamant Fortress, an ancient abandoned Grey Warden holding. She wrote in her missive that Hawke and Stroud had scouted ahead and confirmed that is where he went. We are needed in the Approach immediately."

"Let me see that note." Leliana reached for the parchment and scanned it before bobbing her head in agreement. "We will need an hour to gather supplies, but we will leave tonight. Josephine, send out fastest couriers to the Lords and Ladies who have pledged to help our cause."

"At once." The Antivan woman bowed her head once before leaving to ready correspondences. She abhorred violence, but she understood it was sometimes unavoidable.

"I will gather a majority of our troops..."

"And I, my spies..."

"And we march to the Approach in an hour."

~//~

Maker, was he glad to see Tanwen was safe with his own eyes. It took over two weeks for the bulk of the Inquisition's forces to travel from Skyhold to Griffon-Wing Keep. But when they arrived in the middle of the night and the advisors and the rest of Tanwen’s companions walked up the stairs where they had been told they would be staying, Cullen looked up the long flight of stairs and saw her. Sunny and bright against the black backdrop of night. He almost ran up the stairs to her, but knew he had to remain professional. There would be time for a reunion later.

Cullen felt himself warm when she smiled despite the cold desert air. He hadn't liked the heat as they had traveled, often removing his coat in the scorching warmth given off by the sun. He was a Ferelden native, born and bread. Kirkwall had been tolerable, but he had been inside most days. He wasn't meant for these temperatures. 

The warmth coming from being near Tanwen again was unlike the heat of the Approach. It was far more preferable. He felt himself smile to her in return when the advisors stopped at the top of the stairs. He had been so focused on Tanwen that he hadn't noticed Rylen standing at her side. Instant guilt formed at not noticing his second-in-command. Cullen nodded at Rylen and received a salute in return.

"I am glad to see that you are well. What's the current situation, Captain?"

"Ser! The Venatori Magister gathers Grey Wardens at Adamant. It's been weeks and still more come from all over Thedas. There has even been rumor that the Hero of Ferelden is expected to attend, since she is a mage." Cullen tensed at that bit of information, despite it being simple rumor. Brienna could possibly be here? That did not bode well.

"He's preparing for the army of demons that we found evidence of at Therinfal." Tanwen added. Cullen looked at her, noting the cuts and bruises marring the beautiful skin of her face and neck that was darker than when she had left for the Approach.

"Have you had a rough time here, Inquisitor?"

When she looked into his eyes, he noticed how the smile she had been wearing didn't quite reach.

"The sun has been brutal; I've gotten used to the cold of the Frostbacks. But at least I have my tan back!" She stretched out her arm and rolled up her ochre-colored tunic sleeve to show more of her gloriously bronzed skin.

They knew she was only trying to lighten the mood by making people laugh, but with everything going on with the Grey Wardens, she was lucky she got so much as smiles from the people around her.

"Well, it has been a long trip and we should all turn in for the night. We need an early start tomorrow so we can plan what should be done about Adamant." Josephine accented her words with a dainty yawn behind her hand. Tanwen acknowledged her words with a nod and turned to Rylen.

"Captain, please show Sister Leliana and Lady Josephine to their tents. I have something I need to speak to the Commander about before turning in." Tanwen turned her attention from the captain as he saluted and motioned for the women to follow him. Cullen saw knowing smiles form on the other advisor’s lips as they turned to follow Rylen and Cullen blushed slightly. When he turned back to her and her eyes reached his, Cullen raised an eyebrow in question. "Come with me."

Together, they walked side-by-side around the floor where the tents had been erected, until they were at the opposite corner- as far from the other tents and prying eyes as possible. Cullen watched Tanwen ask the guards for privacy and they instantly complied with a salute and a smirk. Did they know? Had she told them of their relationship? 

Cullen shook his head. It didn't matter if she had. The barracks had started gossiping the day after their first kiss on the battlements. When they were alone, he stood next to her, his legs spread shoulder width apart and his hands clasped behind his back, overlooking the sandy dunes before them. It was haunting, with the greens and purples streaking across the sky and the blue hue cast by Satina.

He heard the rustle of cloth and looked at Tanwen out of the corner of his eye, noticing she had crossed her arms under her breasts, pushing them high under her corset and parting the neck of her tunic more to reveal smooth, tanned flesh. Cullen swallowed a lump in his throat and resisted pulling at his own collar under his breastplate.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Cullen knew she was talking about the scenery, but he couldn't pull his gaze from the arresting creature standing next to him. "It is."

He watched her cheeks darken with a blush and a small smile form. "Commander, you say many more things like that with that tone and I won't be held responsible for my actions."

He chuckled and shifted his attention skyward, seeing the lights she had talked about in her letter. It was a marvel, as if created by magic.

"I'm glad you came here as fast as you did. I worried Erimond was amassing his Wardens too quickly for us to do anything to stop him with Bull, Dorian, Varric and I teamed up with Anya and Stroud. After seeing what happened at the sacrificial altar with the Magister and the Wardens, I am glad I went with my instinct and didn't bring Blackwall. It was too much of a risk. At least with all of us here, he can be watched."

"I would have liked to have been here for you sooner, but to do so, I would have had to have sprouted wings." Cullen felt Tanwen move closer to him and thread a hand between his right arm and side, wrapping her strong fingers about his upper arm and squeezed.

"But you're here now, and that's what is important." She said. There was a moment of silence where they looked at the sky together. It was nice, serene. He felt his skin tingle as if being looked over with a heated gaze. "Cullen."

Cullen replied with a hum, but that obviously wasn't what Tanwen wanted from him. The next thing he knew, she was reaching across his chest for the fur opposite her and pulled so he faced her. She then reached up with both hands, placed them on either side of his neck and yanked him down as she lifted herself so their lips met in a heated kiss.

It took exactly half a heartbeat for Cullen to react. His hands moved from behind his back to wrap around her back and pull her close as their lips met, hard, heat instantly blooming under his skin. He received a small squeak of surprise from Tanwen when his arms tightened around her waist and he lifted her up, their connection never severing. Cullen felt her tongue brush the seam of his lips and he opened greedily for her.

It wasn't long before they were both panting for breath as their hands remained in the same place while their mouths roamed from lips to cheeks, necks to chin’s. Cullen knew they had to stop soon - there were soldiers near by - but when she returned to his lips and latched onto his lower with her teeth, he groaned and dove in for more. He devoured her lips with his own and caused a moan to emerge from deep within her throat. The hunger he felt for her was quickly becoming unbarable.

The sound of laughter from somewhere in the keep managed to break through the haze of desire they both found themselves in. Cullen rested his forehead against hers, quite content to stay as he was.

"I missed you." Cullen's whisper sounded hoarse in his ears.

"And I, you. The Maker as my witness, Cullen, but it is getting hard at times to make sure I do things right whenever I go somewhere, because all I find myself wanting to do is return to Skyhold, to you, as fast as possible. So badly sometimes I catch myself almost making mistakes that would keep me away longer. But then I remind myself that I need to finish this war with Corypheus and his Venatori as soon as possible, because then I can have my boy back in my arms and I can stay at Skyhold with you." 

She exhaled and moved closer, wrapping her arms around his back and laid her head on his chest. "I had another nightmare about him while I've been out here and I think about it constantly."

Cullen placed his cheek on top of her head and held her close."Do you want to talk about it? I have a little knowledge about nightmares."

She pulled back to look up at him with a sad smile. For her nightmare or for his, he didn't know. 

"It started off nice like usual. I was laying on a blanket in the sun outside my parents estate with Iuen. Then you were there with us on the blanket, Iuen giggling between us and pointing at the clouds, enjoying the warm weather. Then a dark shadow fell over everything - darkness consuming everything, even the sky. We watched as the darkness cast a blight on everything and everyone it touched. I turned from watching a family of farmers destroyed by the dark entity to see it had reached you and Iuen as well. Then you both turned to liquid and splashed to the ground and I called and called and called, but no one answered. The first time it happened while traveling, Bull woke me by shaking my shoulders hard. He told me I was shouting in my sleep. I think they have been watching over me ever since."

Cullen lifted one hand to cup the back of her head to press her more bodily against him in an embrace. "It's all right. You will have Iuen back in no time. You'll see."

"I hope you're right."

"Of course I am." He looked at her and smiled, love filling him. He paused. He loved Tanwen. Before, he wasn't sure, but just now, in this moment, he realized the word rang true in his mind and his heart. He was in love with Tanwen Trevelyan. Cullen knew he wanted to tell her, but now wasn't the time. He would tell her after they returned to Skyhold

Tanwen leaned back and swatted his arm playfully before extricating herself from his arms, her lower body brushing against his hips. He watched her lips turn into a deeply pleased smirk and he felt a blush forming.

"It was from our kiss, I swear. It hasn't had adequate time to... calm down." Cullen reached up to rub the back of his neck with one hand while the other pulled out his tunic bottom from his breeches to drape over his hips.

Tanwen chuckled and turned away to begin walking towards the tents. "Your tent is next to mine, when you are ready to brave walking past the guard."

~//~

"You men! Guard that opening. Give the Inquisitor as much time as possible!" Cullen shouted as they fought Grey Wardens within the walls of Adamant. He was glad they had brought as many Templars as they had. They likely would have brought all of them had some not been sent abroad and the rest needed at the castle. They countered the Mage Wardens magic. But it was up to the soldiers to distract the Warden Warriors and Rogues.

"Commander! You are needed outside the perimeter wall. The men need your guidance."

Cullen looked at Rylen and nodded. "Help them here. We need to push if we want to help the Inquisitor, and the Wardens are standing between us and her."

Rylen saluted and bowed his head. "Yes, ser!"

Cullen marched his way towards where Rylen had said he was needed. The men there were a scattered mess.

"By the Maker!" He shouted, causing many to turn their heads towards him and risk their necks against the Wardens and demons. Cullen stepped in and took out several demons before turning to his men. "Did we not go over formations in training? This is disgraceful! Get your act together! Have I taught you nothing? Have we trained every day for almost year just to be defeated here? I don't think so! Form up and don't let me see you slip again!"

That got them moving, even with Corypheus's dragon flying overhead, casting red and black flame at the castle. He heard, distantly, the pop and hiss of a rift opening and wondered what was happening inside the keep as he hacked and slashed his way through Wardens and demons, fighting back to back with his men. It felt good.

“I could do this all day!” Cullen heard Dorian shout as he slammed his staff into the ground and a purple skull rose over his opponent's body. This earned a chuckle from Bull before he made a series of wide, swooping swings, taking out several Wardens at a time.

Cullen fought side by side with all of Tanwen’s companions that weren’t with her, and his men for nearly another hour.  When an explosion rang out above their heads, every single being on the ground stopped what they were doing and looked up at the fortress. 

The dragon that had been casting lyrium flame at everyone, was now crashing and sliding along the precipice of stone, sliding over the edge and into the valley below, causing the structure to crumble under its weight. It looked like there were people up there as well and they were falling with the sandstone rubble. Something caught his eye and he squinted hard to focus. Six people were falling from the deformed castle bridge. One of them flashed an otherworldly green and Cullen felt his heart stop as the figure descended.

"No," Cullen whispered, unable to take his eyes from the scene. When she fell below the edge of the wall they fought at the base of and he could no longer see her, he roared in denial, his heart threatening to not only stop, but to shatter completely like her body at the bottom of the deep land scar below the keep. Without thinking or caring who he was pushing around, he ran as fast as his tired legs would take him until he made it to the top of the wall to look over the edge and into the chasm below, seeing naught but darkness below.

No, no, no, this could not be! Cullen dropped his weaponry and reached up to grip his sweat-slick hair and pull. He let out a roar that made several beings around him jump.

"TAAAAAAAANNNNNWWWWEEEEEENNNNNN!!!"

~//~


	15. Into the Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out, as it has a habit of doing. But not always the same way as the Fade tends to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder… In my headcannon, Ostwick’s native language is Welsh. At one point, Tanwen says “Allwn I byth casáu chi, fy nghariad.” According to Google’s translate page, it is supposed to say “I could never hate you, my love.” If you are a native Welsh speaker and this is wrong, PLEASE let me know! I want to fix it! Also, a possible TW for blood and implied violence against a child. Not literal violence but… you will see.

They say your life flashes before your eyes when your mind thinks you’re about to die. Tanwen was breathing fast, the scream trying to escape clogged in her throat as she, her companions, Anya and Stroud fell from the precipice and into the gorge below. It felt as if they were moving in slow motion, but even so, she couldn’t seem to scream as they fell. She twisted and turned until she was falling through the air front first. If she was going to die, it was going to be facing forward.

A mysterious calm came over Tanwen as the wind blew through her hair. Memories of her childhood, of growing up in her ancestral estate in Ostwick, the first boy she ever kissed, gave herself to.  She remembered when Iuen was born, the joy she felt when she first held the tiny human in her arms and he reached up to grip her index finger.  Seeing him staring at her, not understanding, as she was carted off in a carriage with several Templar knights riding on horses behind her. The first time she saw Cullen and the sensation it had brought her despite her wish to focus on returning to Iuen. Her’s and Cullen’s first kiss...The lake.

As she fell, Tanwen distantly felt something fluttering from her neck before disappearing with a snap.  That small sound brought her focus to center as she watched the distant ground become less so.

Without thinking of possible negative outcomes, Tanwen thrust her left hand out in front of her in an attempt to create a rift large enough to catch everyone. She had no way of knowing if it would work in the way she intended for it to, what would happen or where they would go, but she would do anything to prevent having their guts splattered across the rocky bottom below. If it worked on sucking demons back into the fade, perhaps it would transport them elsewhere as well?

There was a flash of bright green-white light as the rift opened and Tanwen passed through first, temporarily blinding her. When she could see again, she was falling. When she drew closer to the ground, she slowed before she touched the ground. When her fingers made the barest of contact with the rocky surface, she was then shot up into the air. Tanwen felt like she was going to get sick.

Whatever was controlling her movement wasn't sending her into the sky.

She blinked and now she was heading towards land again. Tanwen paused over the ground and stretched out her fingers until they almost touched the rocky land, once more, below her... above her... Things were getting confusing.

Whatever held her finally released her and she slammed into the ground with an 'umph'.

Tanwen lay there, dazed, gasping and grasping at her head as it throbbed. She heard movement and groans that had to belong with her companions around her and she moved to stand, groaning in pain from the battle and subsequent fall. As Tanwen looked around to assess injuries, she shook off her left hand as it started burning yet had no flame or activity. It must be reacting to their environment. When she took in where they were, she noticed Stroud was horizontal to her left and Anya was upside down to her right. That was… this was… impossible!

"Where are we?" Stroud asked as he finally looked around. Tanwen looked up at him, then turned when Anya walked past a large rock next to her.

"We...we were falling." She looked around. "Is this... are we dead?"

Solas took that moment to step from behind a stalagmite from where he had landed, to look at the opening Tanwen had created as it closed quickly behind them. "No, this is the Fade."

Everyone present looked at each other in shocked silence at his words.

When no one answered, Solas continued. "The Inquisitor opened a rift. We came through... and survived. I never thought I would ever find myself here physically!"

Tanwen just stared at him, barely registering the sound of excitement in his voice. Then he pointed off into the distance at a portion of darkened building.

"Look, the Black City, almost close enough to touch."

"This must be terribly exciting for you, Solas." If the situation weren't so dire, Tanwen would have been fascinated as well. As it was, she simply rolled her eyes. Deep down she was glad she had changed up her team during the siege. "Any advice you have on what exactly is going on would be wonderful."

Tanwen walked over to the old elf and paused next to him, awaiting his reply. Solas simply turned to look at Cole who was clutching his head, holding the edges of his hat close as he stood up behind the rock he'd fallen next to. Tanwen became worried as he started rocking on his feet, his light eyes scanning frantically.

"Cole, how does it feel to be back home?"

Cole began pacing, an aura of fear radiating off of him. "I-I-I can't be here. Not like this, not like me."

Tanwen tried to intercept him as he continued backing up, away, shaking. She wanted to console the boy, calm him down so he could think and not make any mistakes. Solas stepped forward.

"It's all right, Cole. We'll make it right."

Cole shook his head at Solas’ words. “This place is wrong.  I made myself forget when I made myself real, but I know it wasn’t like this!”

“It’s not how I remember the fade, either.” Anya added, her gaze locked on the black buildings in the distance. “Perhaps it’s because we’re here physically, instead of just dreaming.  The stories say you walked out of the fade at Haven.  Was it like this?”

“I wish I knew.  I still can’t remember what happened the last time I did this.  Everything was so hazy, foggy.” Tanwen frowned and walked slowly about a small space of flat ground.

“Well, whatever happened at Haven, we can’t assume we’re safe now. That huge demon was right on the other side of the rift Erimond was using, and there could be others.”

“In our world, the rift the demons came through was nearby, in the main hall.  Can we escape the same way?” Tanwen thought about Stroud’s question.  It made more sense, as much sense as could be made while standing  _ physically _ in the Fade. She agreed with Cole: It felt wrong to be standing in the Fade, near the seat of the Maker. Bad things had happened last time anyone had attempted to do what she had done. One result was walking about Thedas. Tanwen looked up to the Black City and the swirling green vortex of the breach.  She straightened her spine and threw her shoulders back in determination.

“It beats sitting around, waiting for demons to find us and turn us into demon chow.”

~//~

Hours later, they were still walking through green mist, still fighting demons… still listening to Solas hum, haw and sigh happily about being in the fade.  Tanwen was glad the mage was having a good time, but she worried about Cole.  Often, she could hear him mumbling under his breath.

“Wrong, wrong,wrong.  Wringing me out.  Wrought, right and rigid.  Can’t relax.  Can’t release.” She just wanted to gather him up and tell him everything would be all right, but knew he would hear the hallow value of her words.

As the group trekked through the fade, they came across many mirrors, statues and lost spirits searching for peace or resolution.  The spirit of a small child caused a pang to resonate in Tanwen’s heart.  She had seemed so scared of the monsters behind the door and was glad they found a stuffed nug to placate the wayward spirit.

As they ascended another set of stairs, Tanwen paused at the top, her jaw falling to her chin.

Before them stood Divine Justinia.

Cassandra stopped next to Tanwen and she could feel shock greater than her own, and just as much sadness, flowing off of her friend. It was understandable;  Cassandra had been the older woman’s Right Hand and close friend.  Cassandra had felt the Divine’s loss as deeply as Leliana had.

Stroud was the first to find his voice as he walked up behind them. “By the Maker, could that be…?”

“Most Holy?” Tanwen whispered in disbelief as she walked closer to the woman thought lost in Haven nearly a year ago.  How was this possible?

“I greet you.  Warden.  And you, Champion.” Most Holy looked from man to woman in turn.

“Divine Justinia? Most Holy?” Cassandra finally said as she walked towards the older woman.

The Divine smiled at Cassandra.  “Cassandra.”

There was something off about the Divine.  Tanwen couldn’t explain it, but there was a niggling feeling in her brain and the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end.  Tanwen cautiously approached, standing one step behind the Seeker.

“Cassandra, you knew the Divine.  Is this really her?” Tanwen watched Cassandra’s face change from surprise to uncertainty.

“I...I don’t know.  It is said the souls of the dead pass through the fade and sometimes linger, but…” She trailed off, unable to look away from the woman before them.  “We know that spirits lie.  Be wary, Inquisitor.”

“I fear the Divine is indeed dead.  It is likely we face a spirit… or a demon.” Stroud added, his words seemed to entertain the wom...spir...dem…  _ whatever _ she was.  

“You think my survival impossible, yet here you stand alive in the fade yourselves.  In truth, proving my existence either way would require time we do not have.”

Anya stepped forward, gripping her greatsword over her shoulder. “Then simply tell us what you are.”

She gave Anya a focused, penetrating stare. “I am here to help you.” She turned her gaze towards Tanwen.

“You do not remember what happened at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, Inquisitor.”

Tanwen’s eyebrows disappeared into the lengths of her hair covering her forehead for a moment before frowning when she realized she had called her Tanwen. “The real Divine would have no way of knowing I’d been made Inquisitor.”

“I know because I examined memories like yours, stolen by the demon that serves Corypheus.” Tanwen eyed the Divine suspiciously as the being turned and began pacing.  “It is the Nightmare you forget upon waking.  It feeds off memories of fear and darkness, growing fat upon the Terror.  The false Calling that terrified the Wardens into making such grave mistakes? It’s work.”

“I would gladly avenge the insult this Nightmare delt my brethren.” Stroud frowned, but his tone remained resolved.

Justinia smiled softly at his words. “You will have your chance, brave Warden.  This place of darkness is its lair.”

“Corypheus seems to have a lot of demons at his disposal already.  How does he command so many?” Tanwen placed her right hand on her hip and pinched her lower lip with her left, deep in thought about Corypheus’ motives and how they would possibly escape the fade.

“I know not how he commands his army of demons,” Tanwen’s shoulders fell, her hands bumping her thighs. “His power may come from the Blight itself.  But the Nightmare serves willingly, for Corypheus has brought much terror to this world.  He was one of the Magisters who unleashed the First Blight upon the world, was he not?”

_ ‘I once breached the Fade in the name of another… Beg that I succeed, for I have seen the Throne of the Gods,  _ and it was empty. _ ’ _

Corypheus’ words from so long ago echoed in Tanwen’s mind, along with her shock.

“Every child’s cry as the archdemon circles, every dwarf’s whimper in the Deep Roads… the Nightmare has fed well.”

“Is there a way to destroy it?”

“I do not know.  However, you will hurt it by escaping the Fade and leading your people against Corypheus.  Give them hope and make them fearless, Inquisitor.  You will starve the Nightmare.” The Divine paused. “The demon took part of you. Before you do anything else, you must recover it.”

When she looked to her right, everyone’s eyes followed and saw a half dozen wraiths wandering aimlessly amidst the boulders. “These are your memories, Inquisitor.  Be rid of the physical form and you will be able to retrieve the memories within that were stolen from you.”

Tanwen studied them for a moment then looked to her companions. “Alright.  Cole and Solas, you team up and take on one demon.  Anya and Stroud, you take another and Cassandra and I will take on a third.  Whoever finishes off their demon first can work on the rest.”

The wraiths proved to be not difficult at all and were defeated in no time, leaving a glowing orb behind.

“What should I do now?  Are those the memories? My memories?” Tanwen circled the closest one.  What she was searching for, she didn’t know.

“Perhaps you should try using the anchor with it as you would sealing a rift or opening a temporary one to take down a foe?” Tanwen looked at Solas in thought before looking back at the orb.  It was worth a shot and better than any ideas that were formulating for her.  She looked at her left hand and clenched it before pointing her open palm at the small, glowing sphere.

The first orb she unlocked, she heard Corypheus call for a sacrifice.  It was the same thing they had heard at the Temple of Sacred Ashes when they had gone to seal the Breach for good.  The second, third and fourth were the same, but added words she hadn’t heard at the breach and became curious, almost excited.  Finally, after so long, she might finally find out what had happened right before the explosion.

Without warning, a searing pain shot from one temple to another in her head, from the front of her skull to the back, her left hand reacting in kind.  It felt like the morning after a night of heavy drinking multiplied by a hundred, and she cried out in surprise and pain.  A moment later, the pain was gone and replaced by a vision.  It was of Divine Justinia being held by magic, surrounded by Grey Wardens.  Their eyes and skin clear of corruption, their minds seemingly their own.  They bound her willingly!

“Now is the hour of our victory.” Corypheus said as he walked towards the group.

Brave Divine Justinia stared him down without fear. “Why are you doing this? You of all people?”

Corypheus continued as if she hadn’t spoken, lifting the orb that Solas had told Tanwen had opened the Breach, and held it in front of Justinia’s heart as she hung helplessly in the air.

“Hold the sacrifice still.” As the words left him, the orb activated, creating a link between it and the Divine with green energy.

“Someone, help me!” Justinia cried out.  Corypheus began smiling and Tanwen felt a chill run down her spine at the sight.

Suddenly, the double doors beyond the two burst open and she saw herself rush in.

“What’s going on here?” Her other self shouted. It was a lot different from the echo they heard at the Temple.

Both the Divine and Magister looked to her in surprise at her presence.  She watched as Justinia quickly turned back to the creature in his distraction and, with all her might, managed to break her magical shackles and cast the orb from Corypheus’ grasp.  It bounced and rolled across the stone floor towards Tanwen.  Without thinking of the repercussions of touching a magically glowing orb, she picked it up with her dominant left hand.

Tanwen flinched internally as she watched the anchor take root in her hand and her memory self cry out in pain in the process.  Corypheus stood there in shock before roaring in denial as he ran towards the Tanwen with the orb.  When he was within a few paces of her, the magic around the orb exploded out and everything was enveloped in white.

She blinked rapidly, noticing her companions doing the same. ‘The memory must have manifested for them as well.’ she thought to herself as they all recovered.  Stroud turned to Tanwen.

“So your mark did not come from Andraste.  It came from the orb Corypheus used in the ritual.”

“Corypheus intended to rip open the Veil, use the anchor to enter the Fade, and throw open the doors of the Black City.  Not for the Old Gods, but for himself.” Everyone stared at the Divine in varying stages of shock. “When you disrupted his plan, the orb bestowed the anchor upon you instead.”

Tanwen felt anger and upset come over her and she let it fuel her words.  “So this was, what, an accident? A random ricochet in the middle of a fight?”

“And if it was?”

“If it was, then neither the Maker nor Andraste were in any way involved in this!” Tanwen’s anger depleted as fast as it grew, upset and doubt reigning.  “I’m a… I’m just a…”

“If you believe in the Maker, then you believe He made this world and everything in it, including your accident.  And if you do not, then nothing has changed.  You cannot escape the Lair of the Nightmare until you regain all that it took from you.  You have recovered some of yourself, but now it knows you are here.  You must make haste.  I will prepare the way ahead.”

Tanwen turned to look where she had pointed, getting an idea of where they should be going next, but inside she felt lost.  She may have not wanted to claim she was the Herald of Andraste for fear of the Maker’s wrath at the claim, but she had believed it - at least a little. Now that there was proof that neither the Maker nor Andraste was involved, she didn’t know how to feel.  What she did know was that she didn’t think she should be called the Herald by  _ anyone _ anymore. In that respect, she was a fraud. However, that just made being the Inquisitor easier. Now she only had one extra title.

When Tanwen turned back to thank the Divine, the elder woman was gone.

“Something troubles you, Hawke?”

Anya looked to Stroud.  “Those were Grey Wardens holding the Divine in that vision.  Their actions lead to her death.”

“I assumed he had taken their minds, as you have seen him do before.” Stroud looked at the younger woman coolly, standing straighter to defend his words and his organization. “Come, we can argue the matter after we escape this dark place.”

Anya stared him down. “Oh, I intend to.”

Tanwen had no idea where to go beyond the direction the Divine had pointed before disappearing, yet it felt as if a hand was guiding her.  Solas seemed to enjoy himself, explaining about spirits and talking about Nightmare.  She wanted to listen, to take his knowledge of the place and make it her own.  But as it were, they had to get out of the fade and fast.  Cassandra seemed lost, her brow creased as she surely wondered about who, or what, they had just spoken to in the Divine’s image.  Cole worried her the most.  Ever since entering the fade, he had been muttering and mumbling under his breath all while shaking.

She hung back, tilting her head to encourage her companions that they continue along the path they were on, and fell into step with Cole.

“Cole, is there anything I can do to help you?  I brought you with me after all.” Tanwen whispered in concern.  For all she knew, he was older than her, but he had a child-like personality at times that called to her mothering instinct.  It made her miss Iuen even more, but she would push it back for the time being.  He wasn’t here;  she had to focus on the now.  Cole looked at her with wide, light eyes.

“Feeding. Hungry. Angry.  It senses your hope, your determination.  It feels your love and wants to destroy it to glutton itself on your fear and despair. Don’t believe everything you see.  Think of him.” Out of all the mysterious things that the boy had uttered since he came to her at Therinfal, these were the most clear in their meaning.  Except for the last part.  Who was ‘him’?

“Cole, who do you mean when you say ‘him’?” But no answers came, for Cole had gone back to his mumbling.  Tanwen sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder to focus his mind before pulling him into a hug.  He was rigid at first but calmed after several heartbeats. “Thank you, Cole.  That was very helpful.”

When she pulled back to look at him, it was to see a small smile on his face.  As they began walking again at a quickened pace to catch up with the others, Tanwen noticed Cole wasn’t mumbling to himself as much.

The fade went on for ages, it seemed.  Battle after battle they moved on, stopping on occasion to help more wayward spirits that had gotten trapped in the Fade before moving on.

The group jumped when a deep voice echoed against the walls surrounding them.

“Ah, we have a visitor.” Tanwen felt a chill run down her spin at the tone.  “Some foolish little girl comes to steal the fear I so kindly lifted from her shoulders.  You should have thanked me and left your fear where it lay, forgotten.  You think that pain will make you stronger?  What fool filled your mind with such drivel? The only one who grows stronger from your fears is  _ me _ .” 

The voice paused, its words sinking in.  “But you are a guest here in my home, so by all means, let me return what you have forgotten.”

Up ahead, small demons charged them.  At first, they looked like spiders, but as they drew closer, Tanwen grabbed her sword from its sheath at her back and blinked. When she opened her eyes, they had disappeared, replaced by a small boy. He couldn’t have been older than three or four years. He was looking down at his blood-soaked clothes, his face blocked by matted mahogany hair.  The tip of Tanwen’s sword fell to the ground when the realization of the child’s identity was revealed when he lifted his chubby cheeked face to look at her with watery sapphire eyes, all others forgotten.

“Mam?  Why were you gone for so long, mam?  Why weren’t you at mamen and papa’s home when the bandits attacked the Bannorn?” Iuen said with blood soaked lips, his dark blue eyes shadowed as if from seeing things a young one shouldn’t have to.  Tanwen dropped her sword completely and fell to her hands and knees, her strength failing when her gaze realized that the blood on his hands and clothes was from a large wound in his small torso.  “Why didn’t you protect us, mam? Do you hate us? Hate me?”

“Allwn i byth casáu chi, fy nghariad. I have wanted to be back in Ostwick from the beginning, but I…” Tanwen felt fat, hot tears form behind her closed eyelids, her voice no louder than a whisper.  She felt a heavy pressure on her shoulder followed by shaking, but she ignored it.  She failed her child - nothing else mattered.

“But mam, what about the time you have been spending with the Commander? Is he more important than me?” 

Tanwen choked back tears. “No, fy nghariad! My boy, you have never strayed far from my thoughts.  I…”

_ ‘... don’t believe everything you see…’ _

The softly spoken words broke through a haze in her mind without her realizing it.  Cole had said those words, hadn’t he? Never trust the fade.  She had learned that when she had been training to become a Templar.  The shoulder shaking had returned and Tanwen stood on shaky legs, looking around at those who were with her.  Everyone assembled were staring at her. Some in confusion, others in concern.  She looked at Cole who’s hand was still on her shoulder.

“Thank you, Cole.  Your words earlier helped.” This earned her another small smile before Tanwen walked past the half circle around her and continued on.

Nightmare spoke again a short time later when they came upon a mirror surrounded in burned corpses like those they had found at the Temple of Sacred Ashes.

“Perhaps  _ I _ should be afraid, facing the most powerful members of the Inquisition.” The voice laughed.

“Are you afraid, Cole?  I can help you forget.  Just like you help other people.  We’re so very much alike, you and I.” Tanwen looked to her right where Cole stood, calm and collected. Tanwen linked her hand with his and squeezed his in support before letting go.

“No.” He directed to the voice, raising his chin in defiance.

Moments later, the voice began speaking.  “Dirth ma, harellan.  Ma banal enasalin.  Mar solas ena mar din.”

Who was it talking to now? Solas answered her unasked question by replying, “Benal nadas.”

“Your inquisitor is a fraud, Cassandra.  Yet more evidence there is no Maker, that your ‘Faith’ has been for naught.”

“Die in the Void, demon.” It wasn’t giving up. Tanwen could almost  _ see _ eyes, glowing red and murderous, cast around in search for more to tempt and torture.

“Did you really think you mattered, Anya Hawke?  Did you think anything you ever did mattered? You couldn’t even save your city.  How could you expect to strike down a God? Tacey is going to die, just like your family did, and everyone you ever cared about. Including Fenris.” 

Anya just rolled her eyes. “Of course, a fear demon would know where to hurt us most.  We must ignore it.”

The group hurried on through the maze of corridors and open areas, until they ran into the spirit passing as Justinia.

“The Nightmare is closer now.  It knows you seek escape.  With each moment, it grows stronger.” She whispered, pointing to the demons in the area behind her.  There were more wraiths like the ones before that were carrying Tanwen’s memories. 

When the last portion of memory was collected, another scene formed before everyone’s eyes.

Spiders were climbing the sheer surface behind Tanwen, gaining on her quickly as she climbed the wall.

‘That was the skittering sound I heard.’ She shuddered, the memory causing a sick feeling.  Spiders were one of her least favorite enemy. “This is the breach back in Haven.  That’s how we… how  _ I _ escaped.”

They watched the younger Tanwen climb, seeing the Divine hurry to the edge and look over, stretching out her hand for the younger version of her to grab.  The older Tanwen’s eyes grew wide.  The golden figure from before had been her, the Divine, not Andraste.

Justinia looked past Tanwen in the memory.  “The demons!”

The memory flashed and Tanwen and Justinia were running towards a rift.

“Keep running!” Tanwen shouted over her shoulder to the Divine, seeing the demon spider's pincers nipping at Justinia’s vestments. When Tanwen reached the rift, she stopped and turned, beckoning the older woman to hurry.  Justinia cried out as the spiders grabbed her.  Tanwen ran forward and reached for her hand, clasping it tight with both of her armor-clad hands.

But it wasn’t enough.

“Go.” Justinia breathed before she was yanked violently from Tanwen’s grasp and disappeared into the thick green fog.  Tanwen looked to the edge of the cliff as she backed towards the rift, seeing spindly legs and pincers emerging from the edge.  When she turned and jumped through the rift, their visions went bright white once more before everything went back to the way it was supposed to be. Tanwen looked at the woman before them with new eyes, sadness blooming in her heart.

“It was you.” she said in a small voice as she shook the burn from her hand again.  The other woman looked almost… sad. “They thought it was Andraste sending me from the Fade, but it was the divine behind me.  And then you… she died.”

The woman looked down for a moment before returning her gaze to her visitors. “Yes.”

“So this creature is simply a spirit.”

“I think we all knew that was the case, Stroud.” Anya said with no small amount of sarcasm.

“I am sorry if I disappointed you.” Anya looked back to the spirit, shame on her face at the spirit's words.

Without warning, the spirit posing as the Divine closed her eyes and began glowing from the center of her body out to her fingertips.  After several moments, Tanwen saw the glowing figure she had seen in the Fade and had mistaken for Andraste.  Tanwen watched as she floated above them, waiting, watching.

“The only thing that’s important right now is getting out of the fade.  Whatever you are, you’ve helped us so far.”

“What we  _ do _ know is that the mortal Divine perished at the Temple.” Anya turned to Stroud. “Thanks to the Grey Wardens.”

Stroud tensed  and turned to the Champion.  “As I said, the Grey Wardens responsible for that crime were under the control of Corypheus.  We can discuss this further once we return to Adamant.”

“Yes, Adamant.” Anya sneered.  Tanwen was surprised at the change in the other woman.  There was more history here than she had read in Varric’s books or heard from criers in Ostwick.  “Where the Inquisition faces an army of demons raised by the Wardens.”

“How dare you judge us!  You may have sided with the Templars in Kirkwall, but you still had a hand in the destruction of the Chantry and the beginning of the Mage Rebellion.”

“That was Anders, not me.  I had  _ no _ idea what he was planning.  Had I, I would have stopped him.  You may not have noticed, but I had other things to worry about at the same time.” Anya growled.  She moved closer to Stroud to get toe to toe with the man.  “Even without the influence of Corypheus, the Wardens go too far.  They need to be chained. And since King Alistair will do nothing...”

“Agreed.  The Wardens may once have served a greater good, but they are far too dangerous now.”

“The blood sings softly, it never stops.  It’s all they hear.  We can’t let them hurt more people.”

“The Wardens are a risk.  Send them away before they cause even more trouble.”

Tanwen looked from Hawke and Stroud, to Solas, Cole, then Cassandra.  Her three companions were against the Grey Wardens, but she felt she couldn’t quite agree with them.  Yes, the Wardens had done bad things, but hadn’t the Templars? Mages? Soldiers? Every faction ever created had made bad decisions, even the Inquisition.  The best way to make things better was to allow them a chance to redeem themselves. But what if it happened again somehow? What if it happened with another group?  The whole discussion was making her head hurt.

Tanwen looked back to the Champion and the Grey Warden.  They were still bickering like small children and she felt her disbelief and anger growing.

“Sweet Maker, could both of you please shut up?!  We can and will argue about this once we’ve escaped from the giant Fear demon.” Anya and Stroud faced Tanwen with wide eyes.  She thought it was because of her outburst.  It wasn’t.

“Inquisitor…”

Tanwen followed where they were looking and saw a mass of spiders covering the ground, turning it black as night.

“The Nightmare has found us.” the spirit announced before disappearing with a pop. Nightmare had taken the time Tanwen’s group had spent arguing to amass its hoard and send at them while they weren’t paying attention.  The whole group looked at each other for a moment before gathering their weapons and charging the hoard of demons sent by Nightmare. 

“Warden Stroud.  How must it feel to devote your whole life to the Wardens only to watch them fall?  Or worse, to know that you were responsible for their destruction? When the next Blight comes, will they curse your name? Perhaps the Inquisitor’s companions are correct? Maybe the Wardens are a blight unto themselves and  _ should  _ be locked away?”

Stroud growled. “With the Maker’s blessing, we will end this wretched beast.”

“Be wary.  The Nightmare is trying to distract us again.  Do not listen.” Tanwen called as she severed the legs off several spiders with a whirlwind of motion with her greatsword.

“Do you think you can fight me, Inquisitor? I am your every fear come to life!” Tanwen and the others cleaned out the spiders and continued on their path, trying to ignore the Nightmare, but it was proving difficult in its volume.  “I am the veiled hand of Corypheus himself!  The demon army you fear? I command it.  They are bound all through me.”

In the distance, the spirit that had been helping them perked up at the Nightmare’s words.  “Ah, so if we banish you, we banish the demons.  Thank you. Every fear come to life.”

A roar reverberated around them, bouncing off every surface, even causing the very air around them to vibrate.

Down in what looked like a valley, Tanwen and her group fought more demons, more spirits.  In the distance, at the far end of the open area, was a rock wall that didn’t quite look like it belonged in the Fade.  As they got closer and she was able to get a clear look at it, Tanwen faltered, realizing what it was and getting an ominous feeling about it.

“What is it?” Cassandra began trying to pass the arm Tanwen had placed in front of her to stop her, but she stopped of her own will when she saw what had caused Tanwen to stand still.

It was a grave yard.

Tanwen knew she shouldn’t look, felt that this was just another ruse set up by the Nightmare demon to weaken them, but felt drawn to the stones standing erect in the cordoned off area.  There were so many.  Tanwen looked at each one, regardless of what she had told herself, and saw all of her companions names, Anya’s, Stroud’s, Cullen’s, Leliana’s, and Josephine’s.  Under their names, it had their greatest fears.  

For Blackwall, it said ‘himself’, Solas: ‘Dying alone’.  Cole’s was ‘Despair’, Sera: ‘Nothing’.  Dorian’s was ‘Temptation’, Cassandra’s ‘Helplessness’, Varric’s was ‘Become his parents’, Vivienne: ‘Irrelevance’, and Iron Bull’s: ‘Madness’. In the back lay the largest stone, surrounded by three others, but she only saw what was written in the middle.

“Tanwen Trevelyan: ‘Not good enough.” She felt her stomach drop, even as she told herself not to let it bother her, but it was true.

From the day she was born until the day she left for the Conclave, she never felt good enough:  Her father practically ignored her, no one courted her unless forced, the boys and men she gave herself to never sought more.  Though the thought hadn’t surfaced, she worried one day Cullen, too, would realize he deserved better than her and decide she wasn’t good enough for him anymore.  She wouldn’t be good enough to lead the Inquisition.

Wouldn’t be good enough to protect Iuen on her own.

Tanwen shook those thoughts loose.  No!  She was determined, strong, desireable.  The demon had no power over her.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.  We need to find the spirit so we can leave.”

~//~

Seemingly hours later, Tanwen started wondering if the fade was never ending.  No matter how many times she thought about finding a rift, hoping the fade would conform to her thoughts and create one, it never happened. The anchor in her hand burned constantly, but it remained inactive.

It wasn’t until they found and defeated two large demons of Pride that they spotted the spirit in front of a barrier that looked to be weakening as they fought.  Once the barrier was gone, she moved on and they followed.

“You must get through the rift, Inquisitor.  Get through it and then slam it closed with all your strength.  That will finish the army of demons… and exile this cursed creature to the furthest reaches of the Fade.”

“I hear the rift.” Tanwen called as they hurried between two pillars of stone towards an open area beyond.  The rift was there all right.  Guarded by Nightmare and a despair demon called Terror.  Tanwen stood there, frozen in shock for a time by just how large Nightmare truly was.  She was brought back to reality when the spirit brushed past her, causing Tanwen’s skin to warm nicely, as she floated towards Nightmare.

“If you would, please tell Leliana ‘I am sorry.  I failed you, too.’” The request was like a warm breath against Tanwen’s ears as the being that had been helping them moved towards Nightmare.

The spirit’s glow grew to blinding as she gathered her power.  What was she doing?  Lightning crackled and snapped from her body, shocking the Despair demon as she passed it, erupting in front of Nightmare and pushing the giant demon back.

Even though the spirit would likely be reborn elsewhere in the Fade, Tanwen mourned the loss of the spirit as she gripped her sword tightly in her hands and advanced on the lone Despair demon.

“For the Divine!!” Tanwen roared as they all charged.

~//~


	16. A Night to Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a reminder: “fy nghariad”, according to Google Translate, means “My Love” and “Fy nghariad, os gwelwch yn dda” means “My love, please”

The Lady and the Templar Chapter 16

Cullen stood rooted to the spot on the wall as war resumed around him. He couldn’t bring himself take his eyes from the last place he had seen Tanwen.  Falling.  Falling.  Amidst stone and wood.  Even if she had somehow, by the Maker’s will, survived the fall, they would have likely been crushed by the large chunks of stone falling from the platform overlooking the valley below.

He distantly felt everything settle low inside him, making his arms and legs heavy.  It was unfair how life had treated him.  Yes, he was in a good place professionally and was getting past the lyrium slowly but surely, but what was the point if the love of his life wasn’t going to be in it?  How come he had been allowed to overcome so much, survive so much? Why was it that he was allowed to fall in love with an amazing woman, only to lose her just as he finally found her?  She should be the one down here where he stood breathing, instead of possibly lying broken, bleeding, dea… Cullen felt a lump catch in his throat at the word.  No, he wouldn’t believe it until he had proof.

Cullen felt rage bubbling in his gut and warming his limbs, giving him the strength to continue fighting. No!  He had to get to her, to save her.  She had to be still alive.

With another roar, he picked up his sword and shield and re-entered the fray, taking on demons and Wardens, using what Templar abilities he still retained to neutralize their mages.  Cullen hollered for a handful of soldiers to join him as they moved slowly to the other side of the wall in search of Tanwen, her companions, Anya Hawke or Warden Stroud.

For hours they searched for signs while battling the Wardens. He would kick bits of rubble and stone around, carefully working his way through the mess.  If they  _ were _ under the debris, then he didn’t want to injure them further by stepping on them. 

“Commander!  I found something!”

Cullen’s head snapped towards the voice as he finished off a shade, seeing a scout sqating down and pushing small rocks and dirt out of the way.  As he approached, the scout picked up what looked like a pendant from the dirt.

He took the necklace from the other man and turned it over in his hand, rubbing off the blood-soaked sand and grime that had adhered to it. He felt tears nearly well up and fall when he realized that it was the coin he had given Tanwen when they had traveled to the lake outside Honnleath. The coin that he had kept on him for over a decade because it had been a gift from his brother, who said it would bring him luck.  He had given it to her to protect her as it had for him over the years. She had wrapped it in a fine and sturdy leather cord to carry it easier, yet it had detached from her as she and the others had fallen.  

He gripped the leather-wrapped coin tightly in his gloved hands and closed his eyes, feeling his body shaking. He felt the immense need to throw the coin as far from himself as possible. ‘Good luck’ indeed.  As many times as his life had been put in danger when he had been a templar, like as not, the luck had been used up on him. All he had given her was a hunk of metal with Andraste’s face carved in the front. It was but a simple, worthless trinket now. 

Cullen raised his arm to make the thing disappear forever, but his arm wouldn’t move to send it flying. He brought it back to his line of vision once more and looked at it.  For whatever reason, he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of the thing. As he held it, he remembered back to the night not so long ago when he gave it to her, the radiant grin that graced her lush lips at the symbol and idea behind the gift. Her sudden and unintentional swim in the frigid water.

Maker forbid, but if she truly was beyond his grasp, he couldn’t be rid of one of the few things that would remind him of her until he died or the lyrium withdrawal took his memory. Cullen lifted it over his head and let it settle around his collar bone and under his armor. It was cold against his skin and he shook off the emotion threatening to overcome him at it’s meaning. 

He was about to send a party down into the valley to search for bodies when one of Leliana’s men asked him to go to the courtyard where the battle was strongest.  Cullen looked over and down into the valley below them. He didn’t want to go to the courtyard.  He wanted to keep looking.  He sighed before directing some of his men to the courtyard.

The courtyard was utter chaos.  Demons were everywhere, guided by their turned-Grey Warden handlers.  Lucky for the Inquisition, some Wardens were fighting their brethren on their side.  All this was happening around a raised stone circle where a rift, with a monstrous creature floated eerily on the other side, was in the middle.  Spread out throughout the area, Tanwen’s remaining companions could be seen fighting their enemies fiercely. It looked almost as if the loss of their Inquisitor, three companions and friends, Hawke and Stroud, had created a ferocious need for revenge. 

Out of all of Tanwen’s remaining companions, who were vicious in their own rights, it was Dorian and Varric’s fighting that stood out to Cullen the most. Varric’s crossbow was alight like a brand for cattle with as fast as he was loosing bolts from Bianca, and never had Cullen seen a mage fight so dirty as Dorian was now. It looked as if they were hurting horribly from watching her fall and he felt their pain intimately.

Cullen put his heart and soul into his fighting, losing himself in the battle for time uncounted.  He didn’t lose so much consciousness that he wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings, but it was enough to be a force against those who would attack him.  He just didn’t want to think. Right now, thinking hurt, and fighting kept him from doing as much. Blood splattered his face and arms as Wardens and demons fell to his blade, yet he felt next to nothing. Oh, he felt remorse at the loss of life at his blade, he wasn’t a monster. But he couldn’t get past the numbness of personal loss at their hands.

It was Dorian that brought Cullen back to himself.  As he stood over a demon’s disintegrating corpse, he felt a strong hand on his bicep, like Tanwen usually did.  He quickly turned, thinking it could be her and he had imagined the whole seen of her falling and finding her pendant, only to find Dorian looking at him.  The Tevinter’s eyes were shining from sadness as he looked at Cullen in the eyes, green to amber.

“That’s enough, Commander. The troops need you to keep your head on your very muscular shoulders.”

Cullen turned from the mage to look over the courtyard.  Bodies were scattered everywhere, scorch marks lined the walls along with strike marks from missed sword swings and shield bashes. Cullen sheathed his sword, replaced his shield at his back, and ran a gloved hand down his face, feeling something wet get moved by his hand. Even in the darkness before dawn, he knew he was covered in the blood of many and he felt the urge to vomit.

This wasn’t the real him. He normally mourned and battled his sadness in the privacy of his quarters, not in violence on the battlefield. He was the Commander of the Inquisition.  He had to set an example for the men and women under his watch and he was doing a very poor job of it.  Cullen took a rag from inside his coat and wiped off his face and hands. He turned his head back Dorian and nodded before moving off to find Leliana and Josephine and decide what should happen next.

“I want a contingent of men in this courtyard at all times, and someone get me an update on our position here.” He barked as he left the space.  

He found Leliana and Josephine near the tents set up well outside the walls of Adamant. Both women looked at him, first in shock at his appearance, then expectantly. It was Josephine who spoke first.

“What news do you have of the battle? Have you learned anything of Lady Trevelyan?” Cullen could hear calm resolve in her tone, with just a hint of sadness at the end.  Had they seen her fall from the bridge?  Received reports? It didn’t matter, he supposed. It was all the same results.  Cullen reached up under his armor and wrapped his hand about the coin, the metal cold despite spending time against his skin. He dropped his hand once more and looked at the two women.

“We have found no sign of her, her companions, Hawke or Stroud since they fell from the bridge of the fortress.” He watched as Leliana’s eyes widened and Josephine gasped. “I plan on sending a search party further into the valley to look for signs or… worse. They will do that while the rest secure the Wardens that remained until we can either put them on trial or ensure they will bring no harm to the Inquisition.”

Cullen caught Leliana staring at him intently. When he raised an eyebrow in question, she said, “Are you alright?”

He knew what she meant without her having to say it. “I would rather not think about it right now.  There will be a time and place for all of that later.” All three advisors turned when a scout approached them with a piece of parchment clutched tightly in her hand. Cullen accepted the paper and quickly scanned the short missive. “Right now, the battles are winding down. Captain Rylen reports that we have control of the fortress and the remaining Wardens, but nothing on their leader or the Venatori general, Erimond.”

“We should tend to the wounded.” 

“And question the Wardens.”

Cullen nodded to both women.  “While you both do that, I will work my way to the bridge above and search for clues of the leader’s whereabouts.”

The trek up the fortress was arduous and birthed few results. Signs of battle weren’t quite as consistent here, but it was apparent that Tanwen and her companions had been through this area along the outer wall of Adamant. Misplaced ice from Solas, a broken shield that looked like Cassandra’s and bodies that had dozens of slash marks from a rogue and their dual blades, likely Cole.  He also found red lyrium in massive scorch marks along walls and on the ground from the dragon. What it must have been like to go up against such a creature not once, but twice. Cullen could feel the evil coming from the lyrium in the marks left by the dragon and it made him feel physically ill from its darkness and corruption, even as the lyrium that remained in his blood tried to sing in harmony with its screeching tone. 

He shook his head to rid himself of the sound and quickly made his way up to where he had witnessed the stone extension over the scar in the land that had crumbled from under the Inquisitor and her team.  There, at the new edge of the sacrificial platform, he found Warden-Commander Clarel, staring at the sky and lying on the ground surrounded in a pool of blood gone dark with age.  Cullen bent down, ungloved a hand and placed two naked fingers against her neck.  He frowned and his lips turned down.  She was gone.  Cullen replaced his glove and reached up to close her eyes.  He turned to the group of men that had followed him as backup should any Warden or Venatori stragglers remain above the main group below.

“I want two of you to guard her until things are completely under control, then bring her down to the courtyard to those Grey Wardens that fought alongside the Inquisition.  They will want to give her a proper burial.”

It was nearly dawn when everything had finally died down totally. 

Cullen felt tired.  Not just physically, but emotionally as well.  He sat at the edge of his raised pallet in the tent that had been brought for him.  He had his face buried in his hands, his elbows being supported by his thighs. A shudder wracked his body from head to toe, and he knew it was caused by hours of suppressed grief after his initial outburst after what he saw, all the death.  He felt remorse for not holding back his emotions sooner.  It could have cost great loss to the Inquisition and he was grateful Dorian had brought him back when he had. The Tevinter mage had been right - the Inquisition needed their Commander.

Cullen was about to heft himself into a standing position to go about his duties now that things were calm, when a small explosion could be heard from the direction of the keep.  Cullen gathered his sword belt and buckled it before arming himself with his sword and shield then followed the throng of soldiers headed to the keep.

“We don’t need everyone there.  Back to your duties, all of you.” Cullen shouted as he pushed his way through the gathered throng spilling out of the courtyard.

Cullen paused in the archway leading to where Erimond’s rift was.  Cullen was a tall man, but the crowd was so thick even he couldn’t see past the bodies milling about, except for Iron Bull and his horns. The thing he noticed first over their heads once he managed to make his way closer was that the rift was gone, closed.  

Which could only mean one thing.  

Cullen’s heartbeat increased along with his breathing as he dropped his shield and sword unceremoniously on the ground and drew several unhappy looks from a few of Tanwen’s companions.  He didn’t care at the moment.  Cullen made his way to the middle of the crowd, stopping when he saw the one person he needed to see most in the world.

“Tanwen.”

~//~

Tanwen heard her name like an entreaty cast on a breath of wind, disbelief mixed with relief in the tone.  She turned her head and locked eyes with amber and nearly cried.

Cullen. He was here and he was safe.

“We have been through a great ordeal tonight. Rest. Relax. We return to Skyhold in two days time.” Tanwen knew her locked gaze with Cullen was telling for her companions, but at that moment, she could care less.  She couldn’t, and wouldn’t, pull her eyes away from him.

“Inquisitor.  I insist we discuss your decision about the Wardens.  How can we be sure that keeping them was…” 

“Tomorrow, Solas.”

“But they are a danger, you have seen this for yourself.”

Tanwen angrily dragged her gaze from her man to look at Cassandra.  “So temporarily assign Templars and soldiers to those Grey Wardens joining our ranks, to watch for possible corruption.  We need all the help we can get against Corypheus, Cassandra.  You know this.  We cannot afford to be rid of any help we can get or are offered freely.  They are under probation until such a time as we can decide for ourselves that they are of no danger to the Inquisition or our cause.  You should keep a watch over them personally if you are so worried.” 

She noticed Cole fidgeting next to her as if he wanted to say something. “I know they hurt people, Cole.  But so have we.  These men and women, who  _ helped _ us against their fellow Wardens, should be able to have the chance to redeem themselves, don’t you think?  By having them join the Inquisition, they can  _ help  _ more people than they hurt and will be better for it, wouldn’t you agree?”

After several minutes of silence at her words, all of her companions departed, those she assisted with personal matters giving her hugs and whispered words, before going to their tents.  Cullen approached her from behind until he stood next to her, her shoulder pressed into the plate on his chest, completely and utterly invading her space and she released a relieved sigh.

Instantly, Tanwen felt his heat permeate her skin, warming her from the inside out, resulting in a pleasant vibration that moved through her body before settling low in her belly. She didn’t realize how cold it had been in the fade, particularly brought on by what she had seen, until she returned to the Approach. 

“Cullen.” She whispered, turning her head slightly to look at him once more.  Tanwen swallowed in an attempt to clear her suddenly dry throat at the intensity of his gaze.

“I thought I lost you.” The sound of his normally deep voice, cracking with emotion, affected her deeply.

“It will take more than some silly demon to take me out.”

Tanwen watched his face change before her eyes. The intensity was there, but fear shined for a time in his eyes and a tick jumped in his jaw.

"What is it?"

Cullen searched her face before shaking his head and letting a glowing, full-fledged smile engulf his face. Tanwen turned the rest of her body, questions in her eyes. She was about to voice them when he reached up with both of his gloved hands and cupped her cheekbones, stroking the skin under her eyes gently with his thumbs. He looked her over again as if he couldn't believe she was really there, needing to touch her face to affirm that she was there. His gaze lingered on her lips as she licked them and dragged her lower lip slowly between her teeth.

He released a guttural groan and bent in, their lips meeting in a heated, hungry kiss.  Tanwen’s hands went to his hips and gripped the fabric of his coat and pulled him closer as he devoured his lips.

It felt like their first kiss.  The power of his body making its way into hers.  The passion of the man so tightly controlled, released at her touch like a key to a lock.  It was all the same, and oh so welcomed.  But today, a layer of silent desperation and something else she couldn’t quite place was on top that hadn’t been there before and made itself known. She understood the desperation and reciprocated.

Tanwen opened greedily for his kiss, feeling his tongue press against hers as she tightened her grip to bring him even closer to her.  If she could, she would pull him in and crawl under his skin and it still wouldn’t be close enough.

Maker, she missed this man.  She had known, while walking the fade, that she would see him again - she would accept no other outcome. But before that,  it had been a couple months since she had seen him.  When he arrived at Griffon Wing Keep, his presence felt like a salve on a burn given to her by the intense rays of the sun. She had missed him so much it was almost unbearable.  She realized, as she wrapped her arms around her waist and flattened her body against his, ignoring their armor, that she would never get enough of him.  The thought had crossed her mind before, but after being away for so long and then getting trapped the fade, she realized how she felt more complete when she was in his presence and in his arms. She had fewer nightmares when she fell asleep knowing he was watching over her.  She would only be fully complete once Iuen was back with her, but she was content to wait as long as Cullen was with her.  

He set her blood aflame and filled her heart with a joy the likes of which she had only felt one other time before in her life. It was more than just desire.  He delighted her, fascinated her.  He cared deeply and was powerful in his own right.  She loved spending evenings with him when she could and always wondered what he was doing, worried about whether he ate or was healthy.  She had similar feelings about her companions and the advisors, but with Cullen, it was deeper - more finite.

She was in love with her Commander.

No, she instantly thought.  He was more than just a title. She was in love with Cullen Rutherford.

The thought sent stars past her eyes under her closed lids, and warmth to her soul.  She wanted to giggle like a small girl with a crush.  A small sound, like a laugh, escaped her throat and Cullen pulled away just enough to look at her face.  His hands continued roaming her face, unable to stop. 

“What is it?”

Tanwen opened her eyes and was greeted by heavy breathing, kiss-reddened lips, and pinkened cheeks.  All signs of passion she was sure was mirrored on her own face.  In his eyes shone a light that had been steadily growing, one she had seen countless times between her mother and father, Gowain and Saia.  Could he…?  Did he feel the same?

She smiled up at him and shook her head.  Now wasn’t the time. After being away from him for so long, after he worried for her - he didn’t say it outright, but she could tell he’d worried about her wellbeing as she had of him - all she wanted to do was relax and breath in his elderflower and oakmoss scent. Well, that wasn’t the only thing that she wanted to do and it surprised her at its suddenness.  

The thought of sharing Cullen’s bed wasn’t bad - quite the opposite. She had just been so focused on her goal to return to Ostwick for Iuen that sex hadn’t really crossed her mind. Oh, she had acknowledged that she was quite taken and attracted to the Commander, but that was it. As she had fought the Nightmare, the thought that she had never experienced the intimate feel of Cullen’s touch and wouldn’t if she perished, had caught her momentarily off guard. More and more, she thought about what it would be like to share his bed before admonishing herself as she fought. She wasn’t the same person she had once been. On top of that, she had Iuen to think about and return to, not her sex drive. Her son needed her protection, needed her.

She had decided that she would wait for Cullen to make the first move, if they made it out of the fade, not pushing more intimate actions on him because when he had initiated their first kiss, controlled it, it had been explosive and she wanted to experience that with him whenever she could.

Tanwen knew that she would content to wait for him.

“Tanwen, would you… like to join me in my tent?” The question surprised her at its suddenness. Without hesitating to think about how it felt as if he had been reading her mind, she nodded and they quickly made their way through the keep to where his large tent sat outside the barracks as it had in Haven.

Cullen’s tent was spacious and cozy since it got cool at night in the Approach. Tanwen slowly turned in place to familiarize herself with his tent once more before she faced him and saw Cullen put something in a box on his desk before he walk towards her with a purpose in his step and an immense hunger in his eyes that hadn’t been there before.  A gasp escaped her when he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, once again covering her lips with his as if he couldn’t get enough and filled with more hunger than she had ever experienced.  She wrapped her arms around him once more, but pulled her head away.There was still something off

“Cullen, what’s the matter?  I can tell when something is on your mind.”

He sighed and leaned in to lay his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry.  Ever since you left for the Approach, I’ve dreamt of you.  Some of the nights started off in the tower, others were like this.  They all ended with you perishing to one enemy or another, and I… I can’t…”

“Oh, Cullen.” Tanwen whispered, lifting her hands to remove her gloves and gauntlets before tossing them to the rug-covered ground and threading her bare fingers through his hair then dragging them from the back of his skull to cup his jaws, making him look at her.  Sadness contorted his features and clouded his beautiful amber eyes. “You need not worry. I am alive and I am here.”

“What happened to you, Tan?  From where I stood, it looked as if you had fallen to your death in the valley.”

Tanwen dropped her hands to his shoulders and pushed herself back. “Do you really want to talk about this now? Because I don’t. Not here, not now”

“I… no.” Cullen paused and Tanwen wrapped her arms around his neck again.  “You’re alive.  You’re here.  That’s all that matters.  For now.”

Tanwen smiled and pressed her lips to Cullen’s scar, then on his full lips.  “Let me show you I am alive and well, Cullen.”

She stepped back and pulled him over to his pallet and indicated he should sit. When he complied, she slowly removed her armor, one piece at a time. When her pauldrons, greaves, breastplate emblazoned with the Inquisition symbol and leather coat all lay on the floor, leaving her in only her boots, breeches and tunic, she stood in front of him.  Cullens hands automatically went to her hips and pulled her closer until she sat in his lap and straddled his hips, placing her core right over his growing erection and Tanwen moaned as a spark of desire shot through her system, heightening her arousal. 

She kissed him with languid strokes of her lips, reaching up to massage the back of his neck as he wrapped his arms around her back and held her close.  Tanwen pushed at his coat with her free hand, easing it over his own pauldrons, until it hung about his elbows.  Cullen removed his hands from around her to quickly take off the offending cloth and toss it aside as she placed both of her hands on his shoulders and began massaging them, kneading the knotted muscles, and earning a groan from him. After he took off his gloves and vambraces, Cullen placed his hands on either side of her waist and held on as she massaged his shoulders and kissed him slow and sensual.

Cullen pulled her hips closer as he rolled his own forward, pulling another moan from Tanwen.  He took the opportunity to deepen their kiss once again and thrust his tongue past her lips to massage her own, entering and exiting, mimicking sex.  She got so caught up their kiss that she didn’t realize that her hips were rocking against his covered shaft, feeling her core burning like an inferno, without his help. She slowed her rocking so she could reach between their clothed bodies and grip his shaft through his breeches and small clothes.  Tanwen had felt his erection pressed against her belly before, but she had never truly judged his size.  Her mouth watered at the feel of his girth in her hand.  It was a perfect fit in her palm.  Deftly and with practiced fingers, Tanwen unlaced the front of his breeches and pushed his smalls down over his manhood, all without breaking contact with his mouth.

When she gripped the turgid flesh, it was hot like a brand in her hand but soft as a baby’s skin. She stroked him with confident and sure movements, feeling her own body reacting and ringing a low moan from his throat as a shiver made its way through him.  Satisfied, Tanwen trailed open mouthed kisses from his lips, along his scar, over his cheek and along his jaw, her hand never ceasing in its movements. When she reached his neck, she slowly removed his breastplate, then his own pauldrons until he was in just his tunic and breeches like her.  Tanwen nuzzled the collar of Cullen’s tunic aside slightly and bit the tendon connecting his neck to his collarbone, sucking on the bite until she left a small bruise.  Tanwen’s free hand found its way to where his tunic was tucked into his breeches and worked it free of its confines, all the while continuing to caress his manhood with her left hand.  She laid her right hand on his stomach, feeling the muscles constrict at her touch.

“Lean back,” her whispered command was loud in the empty space.  Cullen complied without hesitation and Tanwen smiled against the hot skin covering his collarbone.  She lifted his tunic up high to reveal his stomach and pectorals.  He wasn’t as defined as some of the soldiers she had trained with that sometimes removed their shirts to wipe away their sweat, but his lack of definition appealed to her regardless.  To her, it spoke of being grounded, more solid. There were so many old scars there and she ran her fingers over each one and placed kisses on particularly jagged ones just under his ribcage and along his right side.

She watched with a smirk as his chest rose and fell with heavy breath, her eyes catching dark golden hair that covered his chest and trailed down his torso, leading to a gathering of course hair that acted as a cushion for his shaft.

Tanwen licked her lips when she caught sight of a pearlescent bead of moisture gathering at the slit.  She slid further down his cot and dipped her head down to drag her tongue from root to tip, tasting salt and man with just a hint of sweet from his precum.  With a moan, she lifted her head then took him in her mouth as far as she was able.  There was a choked groan from above her, but she didn’t take her concentration from her task as she bobbed up and down on his hard cock, her hand moving with her mouth with a firm grasp.

“Tan…” Cullen choked out after several minutes of her going down on him.  She made the mistake of looking up at him and removing her lips from around his shaft with a pop.  He took the open opportunity to sit up and place his hands around hers and pulled her up so she could lay on top of him, his manhood laying engorged against his stomach between them.  Cullen quickly changed positions by rolling over and helping her lay so her head could rest against his pillows. 

Cullen relaxed his larger body against hers, covering her completely. He propped himself up with his left arm and kissed her again.  He was a thirsty man at a well after ages without drink Tanwen mused as he took sips of her lips while his right hand trailed down her left side over her tunic then up under the edge.  His hot palm paused on her stomach in the place where the broken piece of wood had pierced her side when she fell through the hole while fleeing the oncoming avalanche at Haven.

Silently and seriously, he motioned for her to sit up so he could remove her tunic completely, tossing it to the ground next to them.  For a moment, Tanwen felt very aware of how raised and jagged the mark was.  She quickly squashed it down.  Every scar she had was a badge of the trials she faced in life, the determination within her to survive.  Cullen wasn’t embarrassed by his scars, so neither would she.

He returned his lips to hers and followed a similar trail she had taken, this time on the left side of her neck where the scar from Corypheus’ hand remained, leaving fiery kisses along the raised flesh.  Cullen then shifted to lay flat across her legs, employing both of his hands as his lips dipped into the hollow of her throat, then the crease between her breasts when he pushed the handsfull of flesh together in the breastband.  To the side went his hand and he quickly loosened the ties so he could remove the offending article of clothing she wore while in battle armor.  When they were freed, Cullen wrapped his hands around each breast the best his large hands could, the puckered nipples pointed skyward as he tasted one, then the other, massaging and squeezing them as he did.  Gooseflesh rose on her skin at the feel of his calloused fingers and soft lips on her skin.

Tanwen thought surely she would explode from his ministrations alone as she began panting when he licked and sucked one peak while stroking and pinching the other before switching.  When he seemed satisfied, he slid further down her torso, dragging his tongue along her flesh, sucking the thin, sensitive skin below one breast, marking her as she had him.  She chuckled, but the sound died as he moved further down.

“So strong,” he murmured over the skin and muscle of her stomach.  His lips trailed to the scar on her left side and took particular care there.  What was going through his head?  Was he remembering how she was when they had found her?

The scarred skin was no longer sensitive as it had been when it was new, but right now it was becoming agonizingly so.  Teeth grazing, tongue lapping, lips dragging - she felt everything against the heated skin.

“Cullen,”

He hummed. “I need a moment.  This wound tried to take you from us.  At the time, I agonized that it might have taken you from  _ me. _ ”

Tanwen reached up with her hands to run her fingers through his hair, her nails dragging lightly against his scalp.  “Oh, Cullen.  The only force on Thedas that could take me from your side permanently is the Maker himself, and I don’t think he is done with me here yet.”

She felt him nod before hooking his fingers under the edges of her smalls and breeches. Tanwen lifted her hips when he pulled them down and over her hips, revealing her core hidden under auburn curls.  She saw him breathe deep, smelling the scent of her arousal before placing kisses on her lower belly and making his way lower.

“I know. You are strong, incredibly powerful, but I was nearly devastated when I found you up there on that mountain, bloody and near death.  When I watched you fall from the keep… I lost myself for a while.  I thought I lost you… again. Just when you became the most important things in my life and caused that life to begin turning around.  I pray neither you nor I have to go through that again.  I nearly lost my mind when I watched you fall.  I cannot do that again.”

Cullen pushed her bottoms the rest of the way down and tossed them away when her legs were completely free.  He looked at her from where he positioned himself, his chin hovering above her achy center.

“Maker, you’re beautiful.  You take my breath away.” His eyes lingered on hers for a moment before using his hands to lift her legs and prop them on his shoulders, opening her center to his gaze.  She felt that gaze like the heat from the Approach, burning her alive from the inside out.

~//~

Cullen felt his mouth water as he gazed at her moist folds, the sweet scent of her arousal in his nose.  He looked up at her again from between her toned legs and admired the flush on her cheeks, her dilated eyes, the way she chewed on her lower lip as she looked down at him. Holding her gaze, he leaned in and laid his tongue flat on her hidden pearl.  Her back arched and he groaned.  She tasted of honey, vanilla and sin, and he only wanted - needed - more.  He had never done this before.  The last time he had been with a woman had been when he had first arrived at Kinloch. It had just been a tryst of youthful lust sated in an empty classroom with a female templar that was older than him by a handful of years.  There had never been a driving need like with Tanwen to taste the hidden treasure between a woman’s legs.

He took his time getting to know what made which sounds come from her lush lips.  He dragged his tongue through her folds and over her center and she purred.  He flicked at her bud and she moaned.  When he latched onto her clit with his lips and hummed against her, she gave a shuddered gasp.

When he added a finger to his play, slowly pressing into her opening before pulling out, he felt her inner walls try to hold him inside her silken sheath.  She started rocking her hips along with his finger entering her, so Cullen wrapped his left arm around her thigh to place his hand on her belly to hold her hips still.  When they did, Cullen rewarded her with a second finger entering her, curling them as they did, feeling the ribbed flesh.  It was exactly where he remembered finding it in his dream.  This made her cry out and her eyes to fly wide open.  Cullen kissed and licked her clit in time with his fingers moving inside her, periodically curling his fingers upon exiting and rubbing the spot that had made her cry out from his attentions.  Her left hand was suddenly gripping his hair in a powerful hold and Cullen looked up to see her eyes burning into him as she panted for breath and massaged her breast with her free hand, pinching and rolling her nipple while watching him devour her between her legs as sweat broke out over her skin.

Her taste, her smell, the way she was looking at him from above while he consumed her below, made his manhood rock hard.  He had to calm himself down if he wanted to make this time with Tanwen, this defining moment in their relationship, last as long as possible. So he focused on duty rosters and training schedules while he pleasured his woman.

“C-Cullen, p-please!” Tanwen whimpered. “I’m so close! Please, I need you!”

Cullen hummed against her pearl as his fingers continued moving inside her.  As hard as he currently was, he would make sure she came at least once before joining her, knowing he may not last long once he was inside her walls that even now were soaking his lips and hand with her desire.

“Are you sure that is what you want?  I fear if I were to join you without first giving you pleasure, I wouldn’t last long in my current situation. And Maker, Tanwen, do I want to make sure I last for you.”

Cullen felt her inner walls clench his fingers at his words, drawing in and attempting to keep them there, but he just added a third as he licked her faster, sucked harder.

In no time, a climax rushed over her and she released his hair to bite into the meaty part of her hand, just below her thumb, to keep from crying out and alerting the soldiers to the activities.  Through her waves of pleasure, Cullen continued his ministrations, not stopping when she calmed.  He felt pride at making her fall over the edge of pleasure, and wanted her to experienced it again.

“Cullen!  I’m ready, I swear!”

He shook his head as he continued.  He looked back up at her and watched her left hand join her right at her breasts as she dug her heels into the small of his back, lifting her hips from his onslaught to gain relief, but he wasn’t having it.

Cullen rose upon his knees, his erection bouncing between them.  Not wanting to remove his fingers from her weeping slit, but temporarily needing both hands, he removed his fingers from her heat.  He licked them clean and they both moaned.

Cullen grabbed the back of her thighs with both hands and lifted them until her knees were near her breasts, placing her glistening core right before his eyes and went back in, ringing out another orgasm from her in no time.  She reached up between her legs and grabbed his head, dragging him forward into a bruising kiss as she fell over the edge of pleasure, pleasuring in her climax as her legs fell to the pallet next to him. Cullen collapsed into the cradle of her thighs.

“Please Cullen, I can’t take any more torture. I… I…”

“... never have to beg me, Tanwen.” He finished for her.

“Fy nghariad.” She whispered, holding onto his face as he removed his bottoms fully and was finally as bare as she.  He pulled from her hands to look at her as he positioned himself at her entrance.

“What did you say?” She rarely spoke her native tongue, so he was curious.

“Later, I promise. Right now, I need you.” She replied, grabbing his ass as he teased her, wetting the crown of his shaft with the moisture between her legs.  Cullen chuckled.

“All right.” Slowly, he entered her, regulating his breathing so he would last once he was finally engulfed by her, reciting the canticle of Transfigurations in his head.  Once his shaft passed her threshold, he draped his body over hers and continued his forward motion, only stopping when he had entered her to the hilt, sweat beading and trickling down his temples and back with his effort not to release.

He paused, his heart racing at the feel of her walls holding him in place with a vice grip.

“Tanwen,” he choked. “I need you to loosen your grip on me, or else this will be a very uneventful night.  You are a warrior and have a very strong grip, not just with your hands.”

She gave him a sheepish smile and he felt her grip on his shaft ease.  “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry.  Next time, you won’t have to hold back.  I am too close from giving you pleasure this time.”

His pace slow, Cullen began easing his hips back and forth, grinding them easily against hers in a circular motion.  He leaned on his left elbow as he moved within her and gently stroked her forehead, cheek, chin, neck, making his way down her body.  When his hand was at  her breast once more, he suckled both peaks before covering her completely with his body, his pace never changing.

“Maker, Tan.  You are like a glove.  The way you surround me is making not climaxing extraordinarily difficult.”

“That’s the idea!  I want you to finish, too.” She was panting again, her arms around his back, fingernails leaving trails in his skin as her hands moved to grip his ass again, using her muscular arms to make him move faster.  He tried to resist, he really did, but she was making it so damn difficult.

“I don’t think that will pose as an issue.”

“If you were waiting for me, you won’t wait long.” She gasped as he gave her a particularly powerful thrust.  “You keep hitting me just right and fill me perfectly.  I can feel another climax just beyond my reach.”

Cullen smirked and shifted until he was sitting on his knees again, his cock still buried deep in her sheath, and he spread her legs wide.  “Keep them like this.”

When she complied, he began rubbing at the bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs as he pistoned his hips again, watching where they were joined, with more powerful movements.  She reached above her head and gripped the edge of his cot, the strength of his thrusts causing her breasts to bounce with the force as he moved faster and faster.

Cullen felt her walls tighten around him once more and could feel his orgasm pooling at the base of his spine and shaft, wanting to burst forth, but he held it back with all his strength, wanting her to finish first.

“Fy nghariad, os gwelwch yn dda!” She moaned.  Cullen leaned forward on his knees to be eye to eye with her.

“You are strength and you are beauty.  The Maker blessed me when he send you to me  You. Are. Mine.” Cullen gave three hard thrusts, his seed nearly escaping as his words brought on Tanwen’s orgasm.  He covered her lips with his own as a ragged cry escaped her throat and into his. Her release more powerful than before. He swallowed the sound as he gave up holding back and let go, pulling out of her as his seed erupted from his shaft and letting it spurt onto her stomach and pool in her bellybutton.

With his seed went his strength, and he collapsed on top of her, panting and sweating like her.  After several minutes, Cullen removed his flaccid shaft and stood, going to his wash basin on shaky legs to wet a cloth to clean themselves.  He swiftly cleansed his skin, then washed the cloth and padded back over to Tanwen where she remained as he had left her, and he smiled.  There was a lazy grin on her face and her eyes were closed.  She looked sated beyond words and he felt his chest puff in pride before reminding himself he had spilled his seed on her belly as if she had been naught but a common whore.

When he stood next to her again, she opened her eyes a crack and reached down to dip two fingers into a gathering of semen on her stomach and then placed them both in her mouth.  She closed her eyes as she licked her fingers clean and Cullen swallowed the lump in his throat at the sight.

“Mmm… you taste delicious.  Eventually, you are going to let me taste you to completion.  Now was not that time and next time doesn’t look promising, but eventually.”

“I’m sorry, Tanwen.  I feel like I marked you like some rabid beast.”

She shook her head and opened her arms for him to join her as she opened her eyes fully.  “Think nothing of it.  I understand why you did it.  You are an honorable man and wouldn’t place a babe in a woman’s belly lest you were wed or promised to her.”

He nodded and sat down to begin cleaning her skin.  He could feel her gaze on him as he cleaned her belly and then between her legs.

“Cullen,” he looked up at his name. Tanwen pulled him down to lay next to her on his small cot.  “Don’t think on it. I am glad that you didn’t spill your seed inside me. I am in my fertile time and with everything going on with the Wardens, Venatori and Corypheus, I can’t afford to be with child right now.  So, thank you.  Someday I might relish the burn of your life-giving seed being sown, but not right now.” She took that moment to yawn widely.  “We need to rest, just for a little while.”

Cullen stretched out his arm to act as a pillow under her head and pulled his coverlet and furs up until their sweaty, naked bodies were no longer within view for the world to see.  In no time, soft snoring emerged from Tanwen.  She must have gone through a great deal since he saw her fall.  Once he knew she slept, he would leave her to rest.

Once deep breaths of slumber overcame her, he gently removed himself from his pallet so as not to disturb Tanwen. Cullen quickly pulled up his breeches, tunic and boots before casting one last glance at Tanwen to ensure she still slept.  When no move did she make, he grabbed his coat and exited his tent, blinking against the bright sun in surprise when he realized it was at its zenith.

He wandered to where he and Tanwen had shared their greeting kiss, overlooking the land below and stood, arms crossed over his chest and feet shoulders-width apart.  Her words from earlier still bounced around in his mind.  He had never thought he would be given the opportunity to love a woman like Tanwen, let alone have a family of his own.  But the thought of her belly swelling with his child made his chest tighten. He rather enjoyed the sight.

Cullen frowned as a memory replaced the images of Tanwen heavy with his child.  The nightmare that had visited him the morning Mia arrived, returned front and center.  He knew he shouldn’t worry; not only did she have powerful mages in her inner circle, but she also had some training as a templar. Tanwen would never succumb to the temptations of a demon and allow possession.  But what if the events of the nightmare came to pass because the little templar training wasn’t enough and her companions weren’t with her?  He would talk to Cassandra and see what she thought before confronting Tanwen.

In the nightmare, she had wanted a family of her own, a man who accepted her and her own home to look after.  He was capable of offering her all of those things. But Mia was right.  Tanwen needed her son.  When she had woken crying as they traveled to Honnleath, it was because of a nightmare involving her child.  Cullen knew she had them often and wondered if he could give her sweet dreams by inviting her family to Skyhold and requesting that they deliver Iuen to them.

Mia’s words rang true.  The inquisition was growing and was devoted to their Inquisitor.  Surely their armies and her companions would be enough to keep the boy safe within their walls.

It was worth a try.  He would have to draft several letters and decide the best way to convince Tanwen’s family it was needed. Or, perhaps he could enlist Josephine’s expertise when it came to noble interaction.  There recently had come to the attention of the Inquisition that there were  issues in desperate need of attention in Emprise du Lion, the Exalted Plains and the Emerald Graves.  Along with the need to protect the Empress from Corypheus.  Everyone would be busy, but none more so than the Inquisitor.  It would be a perfect time to contact her family and convince them to come to Skyhold.

Decision made, Cullen went in search of Josephine to requisition a letter requesting that Tanwen’s family come to Skyhold and bring Iuen with them.  When he found the ambassador and told her of the plan he was forming, her eyes lit up, obviously already knowing of Iuen before hand, and she began scribbling unknown things on that board of hers as she walked away with only an “It will be done, commander,” thrown over her shoulders.

“Make sure you keep me informed of developments, Josephine!” he called to her retreating back, but got no response.

Next, he sought out Cassandra.  When she saw him approach, she stood straighter and crossed her arms, obviously prepared to argue and he couldn’t blame her. The last few conversations had been of him stepping down as commander.

“Cassandra.  I was wondering if it might be possible to train Tanwen to be a seeker?  She has been trained in some of the Templar arts, so it should be easier.  If she were to be interested, she has the dedication and determination to do it.”

Her eyes widened in surprise.  “What brought this on?  Because of the Nightmare?”

Cullen started in surprise.  “How did you know about my nightmare?  I’ve told no one.”

Cassandra rolled her eyes.  “Not  _ your _ nightmare.   _ The  _ Nightmare.  The name of the demon controlling the Grey Wardens’ Calling, the general of Corypheus’ demon army we thwarted in the fade.”

“What do you mean, ‘in the fade.’?”

“Did Tanwen tell you nothing while sequestered in your tent?  I had assumed that was why…” She trailed off at the same time he felt a slight blush form on his cheeks.  She gave him a knowing smirk.  “I see.  Very little Inquisition conversation had been conducted in your tent in the hours you two were there.”

Cullen shook his head no, unable to form words.

“Very well.  If she wishes to begin training, I will teach her to be a seeker.”

He nodded in thanks before moving back to his tent.  He felt lighter after getting those two things taken care of.  Cullen moved inside and saw Tanwen hadn’t moved a bit.  When he grabbed his breastplate from the floor, he moved in close to make sure she was breathing.  He sighed in relief at the sight of her bare chest rising and falling.  As he donned his gear, his stomach growled angrily in hunger.  He quickly finished dressing, intent on getting some work done while there was still daylight, and hurried to where the evening meal was being prepared even though it wouldn’t be ready for hours yet.

He picked up some crusty bread, fruit and wine and took it back to his tent.  Cullen knew people were watching him, knew what had happened between the Inquisitor and himself, but he paid them no mind as he made his way back to his tent.  As soon as the flap had shut behind him, he went to his portable desk.

~//~


	17. A Night In the Commander's Quarters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not posting a chapter yesterday. One of my good friends got married and I had the honor of being in her wedding party. So I was partying from sun up (literally), to sun down! 
> 
> Here's a chapter, better late than never, right?

The Lady and the Templar chapter 17

Cullen was worried about the woman laying in his cot.

Tanwen slept like the dead for the rest of the day, and remained comatose all night and well into the next day after he himself rose for his duties.  If she hadn't woken him periodically through the night and rose panting and sweaty though the day from, he assumed, nightmares, Cullen would have suspected a spell had been cast, or demon possession, to cause her to slumber for so long.

When she finally woke, Tanwen quickly dressed and quit his tent as if the void was nipping at her heels.  Cullen couldn't help but wonder if he had done or said something that would cause this sort of reaction.  He thought back over the last day and the only things he could think of were when they had made love or the first time she had woken from a nightmare.

The former would explain her flight more so than the latter.  Had he been too rough?  Done something untoward?  She seemed to enjoy being with him. Of the few times he had been with a woman  _ sexually _ , he had never experienced as much pleasure as he had when he had been with Tanwen, but what if the words she had spoken had been just that? Words? Some of them had even been in her native tongue and he hadn’t understood.  Had she been asking him to stop?

No, he immediately decided.  Tanwen didn't say things she didn't mean.  Cullen felt the truth in what she said, that he could understand, to the marrow of his bones, so the problem had to lie with the nightmares she was having.  He knew what it felt like to have nightmares that constantly hounded your sleep.  While his were born of past terrors, hers were from understandable and deep-seated fear for her child’s safety, so his plan to bring Iuen to Skyhold was feeling more and more  _ right _ every time she woke in a cold sweat and trembling limbs.

Over the three weeks of travel after she and her team emerged from the rift at Adamant, whenever they stopped for the night, she would train hard with the men or focus on messages brought to her, often staying up into the wee hours of the morning - That was if she slept at all.  Her dedication and determination was increasing rapidly, and normally he would admire it.  But Tanwen was the love of his life and he hated seeing her push herself so hard.

Hopefully she would slow down once they got back to Skyhold.

~//~

Cullen sighed in relief and exhaustion when Skyhold's towers came into view before they made their way through New Haven at the base, then up the winding road to the gatehouse.

As they traveled from the Western Approach, Cullen had ridden next to Tanwen and had tried to engage her in conversation multiple times, but she only spoke of Inquisition matters at length and answered non-Inquisition queries with short replies and non-answers.  He was feeling emotionally drained from worry over Tanwen's silence. It almost felt as if she was pushing him away or had become disinterested.

When they reached the lower courtyard, instead of doing it herself as she normally did, she handed Selena's reins off to a soldier after she retrieved her pack and hurried off to the great hall above.

Cullen gripped the back of his neck as he watched her hasty retreat, before hopping off his horse and taking him to the stalls to rub him down and give him an apple he had saved from lunch.  As the steed munched, Cullen pressed his face into the horse's mane, threading his fingers through the long strands.  He was at a loss.  What else could he do for Tanwen to help her?  He knew war and mage hunting - caring for a woman that was not a family member was unpracticed territory to him.

"Go to her."

Cullen looked up to see Leliana walking towards him with Josephine; both women were guiding their mounts to their stalls. Anya Hawke was pulling up the rear.

"I want to, but it could take ages to find her.  Skyhold is a large keep."

Leliana tisked.  "She has gone to the Chantry. Give her some time.  Put your belongings in your quarters then go to her.  She is conversing with the Maker."

Cullen nodded and walked to the closest staircase that lead to his quarters.

~//~

"...I have faced armies with You as my shield, and though I bear scars beyond counting, nothing can break me except Your absence.  When I have lost all else, when my eyes fail me and the taste of blood fills my mouth, then in the pounding of my heart I hear the glory of Creation."

She was reciting Trials.  Did she think she was being tested by the Maker? What had she seen in her nightmares that frightened her so?  Had the change that had come over her, occurred once she had returned from the fade and he just hadn’t noticed it? Whatever she’d experienced, had shaken her wholly.

"Maker, though the darkness comes upon me, I shall embrace the Light.  I shall weather the storm, I shall endure.  What you have created, no one can tear asunder.  Through blinding mist, I climb a sheer cliff, the summit shrouded in fog, the base endlessly far beneath my feet, the Maker is the rock to which I cling.

"Maker, guide me, give me the strength to see this thing through.  For it is by your bidding that I take on this task that is set before me."

"The one who repents, who has faith, unshaken by the darkness of the world, she shall know True Peace."  He was looking at Tanwen when she turned her head to face him as she knelt before the altar in front of the statue of Andraste.  Cullen watched her look back to the statue before she stood and turned towards him.  In the view of the Inquisition, Tanwen seemed larger than life and a force to be reckoned with. Her strength and piousness matched by few as she battled against the darkness threatening to consume them.  Alone, she tried to put on a strong face, to hold her head high, but he could see how drained she was, how drawn.

Cullen walked up to her carefully, standing close to her for the first time in weeks with her actually being with him fully. "Tanwen,"

She looked up at him with a blank expression. "Cullen."

"Are you all right?" Tanwen stared at him as if deciding what to tell him.  "Please, tell me.  I have worried for you ever since we left Adamant.  Going into the fade has made the dreams worse, hasn't it?"

She wrapped her arms around her waist as if she felt she had to protect herself and looked at him before nodding.  Cullen sat down in one of the pews and motioned for her to sit next to him.  Tanwen sat and moved closer to Cullen, their thighs touching from hip to knee.

"What happened in the fade?"

She let out a shuddering breath.  Cullen wrapped his right arm around her shoulders and tugged her in until she laid her head on his shoulder and was silent.  He looked down at her, thinking she had fallen asleep, but saw that she was staring at the statue before them.  He gently squeezed her shoulder and she looked back up at him.

Over the next hour, Tanwen spoke of her journey through the Fade.  She spoke of the spirit masquerading as the Divine and how she had helped the party make its way through the fade, helped Tanwen regain the memories that had been stolen from her at the Temple of Sacred Ashes.  Anger infused her tone when she spoke of the Nightmare demon, general of Corypheus' army of demons, how it toyed with them, showing them their greatest fears. 

How the vision she had seen had been Iuen, covered in blood and accusing her of not caring, of not being in Ostwick when she was needed.

Tanwen told him what had happened at the Temple.  "I wasn't chosen by Andraste, the Maker, anyone.  I know the spirit said the Maker knew this would happen when he created Thedas, but I still can't help but feel like a fraud when people refer to me as the Herald of Andraste.  I am a Herald of dim byd, of Nothing.”

"That may be true, that Andraste didn't send you, but the spirit was right.  You were created with the purpose of guiding the Inquisition, directing southern Thedas past the threat Corypheus poses, and you are doing a stunning job." Cullen pressed a kiss to the top of Tanwen's head.  "I thank the Maker he did.  You have far more strength, compassion, and tact than anyone out there.  And you are most certainly not a fraud.  You may not be a Herald sent by Andraste, but you do the Maker's work and people look to you for hope that things will get better. People see your faith in the Maker and see how successful you are and it bolsters their own faith."

Tanwen sighed.  "How is it you always seem to know what to say?"

"I'm not the Commander of the Inquisition's forces for nothing." Cullen smirked, which turned into a full-fledged smile when he felt and then heard her chuckle.  Cullen watched her smile slowly fade as she continued.

"Some Grey Wardens were involved as well.  They helped Corypheus hold Justinia so he could use her as a sacrifice.  I want to blame them, but they were all desperate.  The Nightmare demon was what caused all the Wardens to hear the Calling.  They hurt so many people, delved into blood magic and demon summoning, because they were desperate and afraid and made mistakes."

"That's why you recruited them to the Inquisition."

She dipped her head. "Several of my companions disapproved.  Ok most of them disapproved, but hopefully they will see why I did it some day.  Everyone deserves a second chance - especially Grey Wardens." Tanwen looked up at him again.  "I saw where I escaped the fade.  The Divine, or rather the spirit of the Divine, watched me climb a wall as fade spiders chased me.  She helped me to the top then... sacrificed herself so I could escape through the rift at the Temple where I was found.  When she came to us to help, she ended up distracting the Nightmare at the end as we fought its subordinate by sacrificing herself again.  Solas, Cassandra and Cole made it through the rift before it blocked the path for Anya, Stroud and I. I... I had to choose between Stroud and Anya to stay behind so the rest of us could escape. 

"I would have rather they all left through the portal while I distracted the demon.  I would have closed the portal behind them then escaped to find another once it was safe - the anchor wasn’t working at the time, so I couldn’t create my own within the fade. But I wasn't given the option to chose myself, and Stroud died so we could live."

Cullen turned towards Tanwen on the wooden pew so he could envelope her in his arms. He knew that she understood sometimes leaders had to make tough choices, but that rarely made it easier on the one making them.

"I saw Stroud fall to the Nightmare.  It was turning to the rift when I jumped through and closed it.  I killed him." Her words were muffled in his mantle, but he could still hear the distress in her voice as she clung to him.  Cullen ran a gloved hand over her hair and simply held her.

"But you were able to save all of your companions and Hawke, so you were successful in that aspect.” Cullen sighed. “I know that this will sound unkind and disrespectful of Stroud’s memory, but I'm glad it was you that emerged from the fade. Call me greedy, but I felt lost when I saw you fall from the ledge, thinking you'd fallen to your death in the valley below."

Tanwen pulled away to look at him.  Something had formed in her eyes as she had leaned against him, but he couldn't decide what it could be.

"You are a better man than someone like me deserves."

Cullen scoffed at her words.  How could she say such a thing?  It was she who was better than he deserved.  He was about to tell her that she was wrong when a scout entered the Chapel, causing Cullen and Tanwen to spring apart on instinct - like two teens caught together by their arguing families. They both stood to face the woman.

"Sister Leliana has called for a meeting in the war room." She announced when Tanwen nodded her head to encourage her to deliver her message.  Cullen looked at Tanwen as she thanked the scout.

"I guess it's time to go back to the real world." She sighed when the other woman left and Cullen nodded.  When Tanwen started to leave, Cullen reached out to grasp her bicep gently.  She turned back to him in question.

"Next time something bothers you, no matter what, please come to me.  I want to help you, Tanwen." Cullen's other hand moved up to cup her jaw.  "In the days, months, years to come, you will always have my support, Tanwen.  I hope you know this."

Tanwen leaned into his gloved palm, gracing him with a small smile.  "That means a lot to me.  Let's get this meeting over with.  I feel like I need to bathe for a week."

As they both turned to exit the Chantry, Cullen placed his hands in his pockets and felt a leather cord. “Oh!” He had forgotten that he had removed the necklace from the box he had kept it in, then placed the coin in his pocket during the journey back from the Approach.

Tanwen stopped and turned to Cullen at his exclamation. “What’s the matter?”

Cullen simply lifted the necklace between them and watched Tanwen’s eyes grow wide.  Her hand shot to her neck where the coin had once lay and a fierce blush overcame her.

“How did you… What...where…?”

“One of the scouts found it in the debris under where you fell into the rift.  I am guessing it somehow fell off while you were falling.” 

“Yes.” When she paused, her eyes grew wide in realization. “It must have been what snapped off of me right before we fell into the rift.”

Cullen spun his finger in a circle to indicate she should turn around.  Tanwen just looked at him.  “Are you sure you can trust me with it?  After only a couple weeks I managed to lose something special to you.”

“It’s alright, Tan. My greatest treasure always seems to find her way back to me.”

Cullen kicked himself internally. He’d never spouted such saccharine words, but when a smile was added to her blush when she realized the meaning of his words, he couldn’t bring himself to take them back. When she finally turned as he had asked, he tied the cord and placed a kiss on the skin of the back of her neck, receiving gooseflesh in reply before turning her around to place a kiss on her lips. 

They left the chantry hand-in-hand for all the Inquisition to see.

~//~

"Come now, Bull.  I know that you can hit harder than that." Tanwen smirked, gripping her sword as she and Iron Bull circled each other in the training ring, surrounded by dozens of the keeps inhabitants. "When we were in the Western Approach, I saw you use your hammer to send a Venatori flying over a dune that was twice your height."

The Iron Bull returned her smirk, the action pulling at the scars on the left side of his face.  "They didn't block effectively like you do, Boss."

Bull swung his hammer and Tanwen lifted her sword to block before spinning to hit his side with the flat of her training blade.  As she was about to make contact, a searing pain reverberated through her cheek and jaw as her head whipped to the side.  Tanwen grunted in pain then chuckled.

"That's what I was looking for!  I hope you weren't holding back for little, ol' me!" Tanwen turned to those gathered.  "Strength is an asset we cannot take for granted in the battles ahead.  Corypheus won't and neither will his forces.  You cannot be afraid to strike your Venatori foe with everything you have.  But don’t forget to pace yourselves. We don't want you to be afraid to try your hardest and defend yourselves.  That is all." Tanwen waved them all off in dismissal and turned back to Bull. "Good fight, Bull.  That last hit was impressive.  I'll get you next time."

Bull smirked and shook his head.  "You can try if you like, Boss, but you will have to try harder, and jump higher, than that to get a hit on me.  By the way, you may want to clean that cut on your cheek.  You're bleeding all over."

Tanwen reached up to touch her cheek and winced at the lance of pain through her cheek.  She felt something sticky and wet on her cheek.  When she pulled her bare fingers back, they were painted crimson and she laughed.

"I think you're right.  It's getting dark anyway.  I'm starving after training all day.  I'll see you at the evening meal." Tanwen left Bull's side and hurried up to her suite. It had been almost a week since their return to Skyhold from Adamant and the Western Approach. A week since Cullen had found her praying in the Chantry, after saying prayers for all those lost in the battle at Adamant.  It had been ages since she had spent any time praying or simply spending time in the House of the Maker, feeling his presence in the ancient walls, the very air, because the Inquisition constantly kept her attentions. 

Anya had left shortly after their return, mentioning something about Grey Wardens, and Cullen’s family was still in residence.  Unfortunately, she hadn’t had a chance to spend as much time with his siblings as she would like, but what little time she had, it had been some of the most fun she had had in ages. 

One day, she had even gotten roped into a chess game with Mia as the rest of the Rutherford clan watched on, critiquing their game and talking over each other. It had taken hours, but she couldn’t beat Mia and had asked for a rematch sometime in the future. 

As she changed from the tunic she wore to train in and into a nicer shirt and over-corset, she thought about Iuen and how he had turned three years old while she had been in the Western Approach and, according to letters from her mother, was a terror like Tanwen had been when she was his age. Maker she missed that boy. She couldn’t wait to go back to Ostwick and reunite with him once more.  Perhaps she could ask Cullen if he would be interested in joining her and seeing her ancient familial home. Or a mission would pop up that would require her to travel to her family holdings.

Tanwen sighed and smiled when the visage of the Commander formed front and center in her mind. Back at Adamant Fortress, she had realized that she was in love with Cullen and, at the time, the thought had hit her suddenly and out of the blue. But when she thought about her feelings for the commander now, she realized that she had started falling for Cullen when he had given her his impassioned speech about the Inquisition back when they had been in Haven still.  At Adamant, she might have realized she was in love with him, but after he sat with her in the Chantry after their return to Skyhold, she knew without a shadow of a doubt that she loved the man with every fiber of her being and would likely love him until her dying breath.

Now, she just needed to figure out how to tell him.

When she went over to her washbasin that stood between her chest of drawers and one of the windows leading to a balcony, she gathered some of the tepid water in her cupped hands and splashed her face, flushing the wound on her cheek and making it sting.  Tanwen picked up the cloth hanging from the side of the stand holding the basin and gingerly wiped away the water, sweat and blood on her face and hands.  When she finished, Tanwen peered into the small mirror hanging on the wall to get a better look at the wound.  She frowned as she poked at the split flesh, then sighed, pressing the towel against it. 

"Looks like I'm going to have to visit the healer again.  I'm glad Cullen isn't repulsed by scars, because it looks like I'm might have another..." Tanwen trailed off in the middle of turning to finish changing her clothes when her eyes fell on her desk.

Sitting on top of the white oak surface, lay a large brown box that took up most of the newly uncovered surface.  She had spent much of the first few days back at Skyhold catching up on reports and requisitions.  Tanwen approached the box carefully.  Had it been there when she entered her room earlier? It likely had been and she just hadn't noticed it because she had been lost in thought.  It had to have arrived sometime during the day as she hadn't been back to her room since breaking her fast that morning.

Tanwen turned and went back to her bed, opening the top drawer of her side table and pulled out a small knife before returning to the box and approaching it from the side closest to her bed and the balcony door.

On the outside, it was a simple wooden box held shut with leather bands.  She lifted the edge of the package with the blade of her knife to feel the weight and look for a note or card of some kind, finding none under the box or on top.  The box itself, she decided, couldn't be considered heavy, but it definitely had some weight.

Switching the knife to her less dominant right hand, Tanwen unbuckled the leather holding the top down and cautiously opened it, said knife at the ready.  With a flick of her wrist, she opened the box and stood stunned as the lid clattered against the desktop behind it, before falling to the stone below.

Inside lay a luxurious fur of black streaked with lighter red and a red-brown.  Tanwen ran her fingers through the material and felt a familiar softness as it passed over her skin.  She placed her knife on the desk and reached in to lift the fur out of the box.

Thick, deep red fabric with lines of gold flowed to the floor - the fur wasn't the entire thing, simply the edge of the deep hood.  It was a cloak; one of the most beautiful she had ever seen in her life.  When she shook it to unfold it the rest of the way, a fluttering sound could be heard as something fell and landed on the floor.

Tanwen laid the cloak over her forearm and knelt down to pick up the folded parchment square.  It read:  _ To Tanwen, Happy Birthday. Yours, Cullen.  _ It was in his even, elegant script. No fancy words, long sentences or poetry. How had he known that her birthday was in a few short days? Leliana? She’d figure it out later. The note was short and to the point, just like him and she placed the note on her desk and held the cloak at arms length, allowing her eyes to take in the gift.` 

It was of a similar fashion to his own, with its gold thread designs along the edges and the fur, but this was more of a cloak than his own.

Tanwen swung it around her back and over her shoulders.  The deep red fabric with its golden thread designs was thick and warm, the right side having more fabric so she could close the two sides with her left hand.  The brooch that held the two sides was the Inquisition insignia made of Iron with costly gold inlays.  When she lifted the hood over her head, the black and red fur surrounded her face to keep the chill at bay.  Tanwen held the cloak close to her, reveling in the wonderful gift from Cullen.  Never had she received something so fine and meaningful.

No, that wasn't entirely true.  James had given her her beloved Iuen.  The cloak was of fine quality, that part was true beyond words, and the cloak had great meaning to her, but it wasn't the most meaningful.  Her hands trailed up and under the cloak to her collarbone where Cullen's coin rested, wrapped in a strong leather cord and bound to a stronger, costly chain to avoid losing it again, and she laid her hand over the warm metal.  His coin meant a great deal to her because it meant a great deal to him.  She meant it when she had promised to keep it safe, ignoring what happened at Adamant.  What could she give him that would have as much meaning? She had no item other than the portrait of Iuen, but he wouldn't take that and she couldn't part with it.

She looked about her cavernous room.  Perhaps... Would he be willing to live in her rooms? Tanwen pinched her lip as she thought about what she would be proposing.  One night of passion did not mean they should live together.  However, the more she thought about asking him to move into her room, the more it felt right.  If he were to sleep in her room, they would make their relationship official to the rest of the Inquisition, yes.  But also, she could be there for him if and when he woke from his nightmares, as would he if and when she had her own.

Tanwen decided she would think about it over the coming days, unless the topic came up.  Right now, she wanted to find him and thank him for the cloak.

Night had fully fallen between when she entered her room and when she emerged with her gift.  Tanwen hurried down the stairs of her tower, across the great hall where people were preparing for the evening meal, through the atrium and over the catwalk leading to Cullen's quarters, her new cloak flapping behind her at her pace.

When she reached the door to his office, she pressed her ear to the cold wood and heard him speaking on the other side, along with the clinking of chainmail and 'Yes, ser!''s.  He must be having a meeting with the nightwatch before their shift was to begin.

As quietly as she could, Tanwen entered Cullen's office and shut the door behind her, not wanting to interrupt the meeting.  She turned and leaned against the wall next to the door, pinching her lower lip between her left index finger and thumb, listening, waiting.

Cullen was a magnificent sight, standing there commanding his men with purpose and knowledge.  Tanwen felt a shiver course down her spine as he gave out instructions.

"Rylen's men will monitor the situation." He nodded at one of his soldiers, earning a handful of salutes.

"Yes, ser.  We will begin preparations at once." Cullen turned to the woman speaking at his right and handed her a piece of parchment from his desk, taking one in return.  His intense focus was on the report as he scanned it and handed it back.

"In the meantime, we'll send soldiers to..." His gaze finally found hers and he paused.  She smiled when she saw his eyes dilate and his voice deepen.  He liked seeing her in his gift. "Assist the relief effort.  That will be all."

Even as he pushed himself away from his desk, gaze never leaving hers, he received salutes and 'yes, ser''s from all the soldiers present before following them to the door to his office from where she had entered.  Cullen closed the portal behind the last person and leaned against it, releasing a heavy breath.

"There's always something more, isn't there?"

Tanwen smirked. "Wishing we were somewhere else?"

This earned her a chuckle from her lover. "I barely found the time to get away before." Cullen pushed away from the door and walked back to his desk with Tanwen close on his heels.

"The war won't last forever.  When it started, I hadn't considered much beyond our survival." He paused next to his desk and turned to face her.  "Things are different now."

Cullen's words rang with an ominous tone as she stood next to him, fueling her reply.  "What do you mean?"

"I find myself wondering what will happen after.  When this is over, I won't want to move on..." He was staring at her now, sapphire blue to honey gold, threading his gloved fingers through the hair at her left temple. "Not from you."

Tanwen's heart and breath hitched at his words, the look of sincerity in his eyes. The muscles in her chest seized when he fell back on uncertainty, casting his gaze aside and letting his hand fall, turning from her to lean over his desk top.

"But I... I don't know what you - that is, if you, um..."

She walked the two paces until she leaned her rear against the edge of his desk, facing him and forcing him to look at her again.  Tanwen leaned on her right as she reached up with her left hand to cup his stubbled jaw.

"Cullen, you aren't the only one. I want to be with you again and again.  I want to be with you through whatever may come. For however long you will have me. Do you think you really think that you have to ask?"

He returned her smile.  "No, I suppose not. I - "

When Cullen leaned in, Tanwen moved her hands to help lift herself more fully onto the desk, neither of them seeing the wine bottle sitting precariously close to the edge of the desk left there by a soldier.  Tanwen gasped when she felt the glass brush her fingers and sail over the edge of the desk before shattering on the floor next to them.  Both of them looked down at the mess before returning their gazes to each other.  Tanwen felt embarrassed for making such a mess and was about to offer to clean up her mess when Cullen surprised her.  Without warning, he smirked, placed a hand on her thigh and swept his free arm across his desk, disturbing the papers there and sending them flying across the floor.

When Cullen returned to her, it was to place both of his hands on her sides and lift her until she was more fully on top of his desk, before he began crawling up his desk and over her.  Tanwen scooted back until her entire body was being supported by the old desk, opening her thighs to offer him a cradle as he draped his body over hers, straddling one of her legs.  Cullen placed one hand at her temple and the other on her breast, giving it a squeeze at the same time he rolled his hips into her lower belly, the steel rod of his shaft pressing into her, making her moan.

"Maker, you're beautiful," Cullen murmured as he leaned in and ghosted his lips over her own.  "So many thoughts and images are flowing through my mind of you and the cloak.  Of you in  _ only _ the cloak."

Tanwen swallowed heavily, seeing the desire in his eyes, hearing it in his tone as it grew huskier in his arousal, her body heating to a fever pitch with every roll of his hips and clenching of the hand cupping her breast.  She leaned up into his hand, her hips beginning to rock in a timeless motion with Cullen's, one she was familiar with and one she was looking forward to becoming even more familiar with, with him.

Tanwen pushed herself into a nearly seated position, pushing on his shoulders until he was rolling over and she was straddling his hips, her own still rocking and moving along his hardened shaft.  She leaned back to look at him,  midnight eyes hooded, breathing fast.  She felt the burning in her belly move lower to pool between her legs as she looked down at him and remembered the last time they were together.  The passion, the heat... her skin tightened and flushed at the memory.

Cullen's hands went to her hips as she continued rolling them against his, the hard ridge of his cock rubbing just right, hitting her clit and making her moan.  Without breaking eye contact, Tanwen reached up and released the clasp of her cloak and cast the two sides from her shoulders.  As it was wrapped up in their legs and under their bodies, it flopped down and against the side of his desk, but they paid it no mind.  Cullen sat up and pushed her hair out of the way, attaching his lips to the pulse point on her neck as he removed his gloves and began tugging at where her tunic was tucked into her breeches under her corset.

She moved her hands up to thread her fingers through his well-kempt locks and ran her fingernails against his scalp gently as he nipped and bit at the skin of her neck.  When her shirt was free, Tanwen sat back slightly to allow him to pull the string of her corset to loosen the leather and then pull both of the offending articles of clothing free, sending them to the ground.  She could feel her nipples puckering when the rest of her skin was exposed to the cool air flowing through his office, but she didn't feel the cold.  Tanwen's hands returned to Cullen's head to direct the attention of his lips to her own.  He took her cue and melded them together in a bruising kiss that was hot and slippery.

As they kissed, Cullen's hands trailed up her sides, following every dip and curve, until his fingertips reached the bottom of her breasts.  He broke their kiss when he pushed heavy globes up with his hands to his hungry eyes.  Licking his lips, Cullen took a breast in each hand as if testing their weight, before gripping them firmly and massaging them, placing one peak between his lips, rolling it between tongue and teeth while he massaged the other before switching his attentions to the other.

Tanwen threw her head back, holding his head close to her chest in encouragement.  Before Cullen, she had never known her breasts could be so sensitive to another's touch. they had been sensitive while she had been pregnant with Iuen and after his birth, but this was different.  Or maybe they were so sensitive because it was Cullen touching them.  She wasn't sure and couldn't focus on it while his lips were around the peaks.

Cullen began licking his way down her sternum and she felt her stomach muscles clench and twitch as she leaned back. Tanwen had had enough.  She sat back up , with his help, and pulled his coat and tunic until it was completely removed and added to the growing pile on the floor.  They were both breathless  and hissed when their bare torsos came into contact with each other.  Tanwen pressed her hand against Cullen's pectoral until he was laying back against the desk once more before she dismounted to stand next to the desk.  Cullen watched her intently, as a predator would its prey, while she dressed down until she was in only her smalls.

"Commander, you have too many pieces of clothing on." Tanwen watched a blush form on his skin at her husky tone.  He just smirked and raised an eyebrow in challenge. It was like he was asking her what she would do about it.

She sauntered back to his desk where he lay, his manhood straining against the ties holding the front of his breeches together.  When she was close enough, Cullen lowered his hand to place it between her legs and nudged her smalls aside. He then slipped first one finger, then two, between her slick folds, without actually penetrating her sheath.  Tanwen rocked on his fingers hoping to coax him to enter her and ease the ache as she unlaced his breeches and lowered his smalls.  Tanwen was feeling herself get testy when he wouldn't help her, so she took him in her firm grip and began stroking him in time with her rocking and finally,  _ finally _ , he pressed his middle finger to her entrance and slipped the digit inside her waiting warmth.  His second finger joined shortly after and she slowed her stroking when he rubbed at the spot within her that turned her into a pool of jelly.

When she stopped stroking him, he stopped moving his fingers and she nearly went mad.  Even though he throbbed heavily in her hand, he stilled when she became overcome with sensation.

"You stop, I stop.  Please don't stop, Tanwen.  I really enjoy seeing you like this."

Tanwen began stroking him again, root to tip and back.  When he continued rubbing the ribbed flesh within her body, he added a third finger and circled her nub in time with his movements.

"Cullen," She released on a breath, feeling her climax growing as his hand moved within her.  She couldn't stand it anymore.

She stepped away just enough to let his hand fall to the side of his desk once more before removing her smalls and used her knee on the edge of the desk and flung her leg over his hips so she could resume her earlier position over his loins. Cullen's hands shot to her hips automatically, as if unable to help himself.

"Cullen, I need you." She whispered, taking his shaft in hand and rubbing the crown between her labia, coating his manhood with her desire.  When he released her hips to grasp at the edge of his breeches and smalls, Tanwen shook her head and positioned his cock at her entrance and lowered herself onto him agonizingly slow.  As aroused as she was, it was an easy glide and then she was seated on him to the hilt.  They both paused.  Tanwen leaned forward until her forehead was resting on his breastbone, both of them panting for breath.  It took everything in her not to pick up a furious pace that the desire running rampant through her called for.

When she lifted herself up, she saw he was staring at the ceiling above them as if in disbelief. Tanwen reached up a hand to cup the side of his face to bring his focus to her. When honey met sapphire once more, his hands cupping her ass, she began lifting herself up with her thighs until the crown was about to show before moving back down, her pace slow and torturous.  Cullen gripped her rear in an attempt to help her move faster, but her leg muscles were stronger than his arms and his will ended up being in vain. Minutes went by at this pace and by the look on Cullen's face, she could tell he didn't approve of her teasing.

Without warning, Cullen sat up and wrapped his arms about her waist as he turned to stand so she wouldn't fall.  He set her on her feet slowly, his shaft slipping from her heat but not from between her legs.  He gripped her shoulders and turned her to face his desk.

Cullen ran a hand up her spine from her tailbone to the back of her neck, pressing her torso to his desk as he used his clothed knee to move hers wider as he took himself in his free hand, stroking it and rubbing the crown against her folds from behind.

"Didn't your mother ever teach you it's unkind to tease, my darling Tanwen?" She turned her head to the side and bit her lip as she looked at him imploringly.  She wanted to giggle when he growled, but moaned when he thrust into her once more, as far as he could, before pulling back out slowly then slamming back home.  Each time, the desk creaked with the force and she wanted to groan at the heady feeling of his power and strength.

"Now...who's...teasing?" Cullen chuckled at her question in between thrusts and evened out his pace, the glides long and smooth within her silky walls. 

It wasn't long before his thrusts quickened as their climaxes neared.  Cullen lifted her right leg to prop on the desk so he could change the angle at which his manhood hit her from within.  Faster, faster, he moved, sweat beading on their skin at the pace.  Cullen wrapped his arm around her collar bone and dragged her to stand, his manhood still buried deep within her as he continued to plunge into her weeping core.  He moved one hand to her chin to tilt her head up and her ear closer to his lips as the other dug into the flesh of her hip.

"Come for me, Tanwen.  Let me feel you squeeze your inner muscles around me." He growled straight into her ear and Tanwen whimpered.  She loved it when he did that and felt her release hurdling towards her.

"Not without you, fy nghariad."

"I will not risk putting a babe in your belly.  Not yet." he finished with a lower tone turned growl.

Tanwen hummed.  "You don’t have to worry about impregnating me."

Cullen accepted her word and renewed his furious pace, pushing her back down on the desktop and replacing his hands at her hip in a bruising grip.  She would relish each one, seeing them as proof that she could cause the normally controlled Commander of the Inquisition's armies to release his self-control and completely lose his mind.

While he pistoned his hips, Tanwen snuck her hand between her legs to where they were joined and her clitoris was nestled within her folds. She was so close now, all she had to do was apply a light touch and a powerful climax washed over her, her inner muscles clenching so tight she thought she heard Cullen choke out a curse in surprise.  Tanwen bit down on her lip to stifle her cries so as not to alert the nightwatch on the battlements.

"Oh, Maker, Tanwen." She heard him say with a guttural tone as he found his own release, his thrusts slowing but not lacking in power.  She could feel his hot seed fill her womb.  The growl he released echoed about his chamber walls and it almost sounded like a lion was in the room with them.

Cullen thrust into her three more times, his seed completely emptying into her before he collapsed against her back, both breathing heavily and battling shaking limbs.  Cullen rested against her for several heartbeats before he raised himself off her with his hands, leaving several kisses against her back.

"Are you all right?  I fear I may have been too rough."

Tanwen gave him a lighthearted laugh.  "I'm a strong girl, Cullen.  You can't hurt me, I promise."

He just chuckled.  "All right." He paused, looking at her as if in serious thought. "Stay with me  tonight ."

"What will others' think, seeing me leave your office in the morning, disheveled and smelling of our mixed desires?" She answered his question with one of her own, a coy smile on her lips as he removed his flaccid member so they could both stand and face each other. All Tanwen could do was turn around and lean against his desk because her legs shook when she tried to stand.

"Likely with more rumors than ever before. Most of the barracks already think we have been rutting like rabbits since our first kiss.  Even more believe it now since our first time together after Adamant."

Tanwen chuckled, the sound cut short as her smile turned into a frown.  "I'm sorry about leaving that night, Cullen.  I... I don't..."

Cullen gathered her to his chest and laid his head on top of hers.  "Shh.  It's ok, Tan.  You came back and that's all that matters."

Tanwen clung to his arms for a moment before pulling away and smiling once more.  "I love it when you call me that. Let's gather our clothing and head to bed."

When they reached his bed at the top of the ladder, Tanwen climbed in and watched him remove his breeches, smalls and boots completely, his cock growing once more under her heated gaze.  She looked up at him with raised eyebrows.  Cullen shrugged.

"It does that when you look at me the way you are or look like you do." He waved his hand to imply all of her nakedness in that statement.

"But so soon?  I thought it took longer for men to recover."

He gave her a devilish smirk and she felt her desire reignite like flint to dry kindling.  "What can I say? You bring out the best and worst in me."

Tanwen patted the bed next to her and he crawled in next to her, then under the covers, settling himself between her legs.  She looked down her torso at him under the covers in surprise.

"Prepare yourself, Tanwen.  You are in for a very long night."

~//~

The sound of moaning woke her from one of the most restful sleeps she had had since leaving for the Conclave. When she turned over towards Cullen bleary-eyed, she saw him tossing his head back and forth and she shot up in bed, instantly awake.  Tanwen gently placed her hands on his shoulder and whispered soft words, trying to wake him slowly.

"No... leave me..." His eyes were rapidly moving under his lids and he raised his arms as if to defend himself from whatever was happening in his sleeping mind.

"Shh, Cullen.  I'm here, you are safe." She said louder, helping him wake.

"Leave me -" He woke with a start, sitting straight up in his bed and narrowly missed hitting her in the chin with his head.  Tanwen stumbled back and watched as he looked around to gather his bearings, separating dream and reality.  When he saw her, his hardened facial muscles softened and he relaxed back against his pillows once more and closed his eyes. She moved back to her previous position, looming over him.

"Bad dream?"

Cullen sighed.  "They always are.  Without Lyrium, they're worse." Cullen opened his eyes and looked at her, then turned on his side to face her.  "I didn't mean to worry you."

Tanwen smiled into the hand he placed on her cheek and returned the motion when she said, "You can let me worry a little. It’s what I do."

"All right," he managed to chuckle.  Tanwen closed her eyes and leaned forward until their foreheads met.  "You are... I have never felt anything like this."

Her heart thumped hard in her chest at his words, because she felt the same.  If they shared this feeling, perhaps they shared more.  It was as good a time as any to see if her theory was correct.  "Cullen, I love you.  You know that, right?"

She pulled away and opened her eyes to see his reaction and hear his response.

"I love you, too."

Tanwen grinned so wide, her cheeks hurt.  He loved her too!  Cullen Rutherford, the man who held the largest portion of her heart, next to Iuen, returned the love she felt for him.  And, by the look on his face, he must have felt the same way about her telling him she loved him too.

What a pair they made.

She leaned in to place a chaste kiss on his lips.  "Are you sure you are all right, fy nghariad?"

Cullen nodded up at her before laying back against the pillows. He lifted a hand to draw circles on the flesh of her thigh, sending tingles straight to her spine and up. “What does that mean?  You have said it a couple times both while awake and while sleeping.” 

She cast him a serene smile.  “It means ‘My Love’. At first it was a pet name, until I realize the truth in it.”

Tanwen was about to rise and dress for the day, but the way he was looking at her, all heat and desire, she felt compelled to lay back down at his side.  Slowly, he maneuvered her until she was faced away and he spooned behind her.  Cullen leaned in and inhaled deep at the skin of her neck and trailed his hand down her side, over her hip and into the valley between her legs, dipping between her folds to stroke her clit as he rolled his hips against her derriere and showed her how awake he truly was.

Tanwen leaned back against him, bowing her back to offer him a means of relieving his ache.  He took it by gripping her upper leg and lifting it high enough to enter her swiftly from behind, moans soon echoing about the room.

'What a way to start the morning...' was Tanwen's last thought before getting lost in their passions.

~//~


	18. Newcomers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to return to Val Royeaux to help Josephine in a dastardly plot. Blackwall has beat them there? And who is that at her coin purse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Da'len, din'dera is elvhen for “little one, be careful” or “take care”.

The Lady and the Templar chapter 18

"Inquisitor - Three individuals have been chosen and brought to Skyhold to teach you their crafts.  Lord Chancer, to teach you the Champion's Code; Breaker Thram, to teach you the way of the Reaver; and..." Cullen paused and swallowed, obviously disapproving of the third option. "And a gentleman who goes simply by Ser, to help you complete your Templar training."

That explained the look of discomfort on his features.

"Thank you.  I will speak to all three before making a decision.  In the meantime: Josephine, I have spoken with Leliana and have decided to go to Val Royeaux to visit a Tevinter merchant named Vicinius at his vacation villa near the docks.  I would like you to join me so that we can speak with the man you told me about, Comte Boisvert, and find out what he knows." Tanwen looked between all three.  "Since we attained an invitation to the Empress' Grand Masquerade while in the Approach, I would like the rest of you and two dozen of our senior scouts and soldiers to meet us at the Winter Palace once things are complete in Val Royeaux.  It can't take more than a week for us to complete our business in the Capitol, so you should depart for the Palace shortly after we leave. Which will be in two days.  Meeting adjourned."

With that, the three advisors bowed their heads as Tanwen turned to leave.  The moment she was past the door leading to Josephine's quarters, she heard the familiar beat of heavy footfalls coming up from behind her and she turned to face her pursuer with a smile.  The turn of her lips fell a fraction when she saw his down turned lips and furrowed brow.

"Walk with me?"

The gruff tone caught her off guard, but she followed him anyways.  They walked through the atrium and towards his office, then turned right towards the ramparts, barbican and the gate house, only stopping when they reached the spot on the ramparts where they had experienced their first kiss. She saw it as their spot.

"What’s the matter, Cullen?"

He shook his head.  "Almost every night since the Ferelden circle, I have been plagued with nightmares of what happened.  Of this you know.  After almost twenty years of going through the nightmares, I don't like them but I have learned to live with them.  Ever since you went to the Western Approach, I have had horrible dreams of you battling a powerful mage, or demon, or even Corypheus himself, and you were unable to defeat them because their magic overwhelmed you.  I have even dreamt of you being possessed by a demon of Desire."

She knew he didn't doubt her strength, but worried for her safety.  "So are you saying that you think I should train with Ser to finish becoming a Templar?"

"What? No!” He shouted accidentally. He looked around at the guard who turned towards him in question before looking back at Tanwen. “I respect those who chose that life, but that isn't what  _ I _ would choose for you.  I have a fourth specialization that would fit your background and current skill set without involving lyrium in any way."

"All right, Cullen, I'm listening.  What did you have in mind?"

He seemed unsure, as if he didn’t know if he should tell her or not. When he massaged the back of his neck and looked away, Tanwen crossed her arms over her breasts in expectation. "I... Talked to Cassandra while you slept after you emerged from the fade.  She agreed and, should you be interested, she would be willing to train you to be a Seeker.  It is by no means a suggestion, requirement, or something to be forced upon you," he hastened to add.  "Just another option you can choose from.  You already have training in focus and meditation.  Cassandra said it would be difficult, but possible to become a Seeker."

Tanwen stood there next to Cullen, wide eyed.  He wanted her to consider becoming a Seeker?  She walked over to the crenellations and stared down into the valley below. She had read about the Seekers when she was younger, thinking to join their ranks.  Seekers couldn't be possessed, were immune to mind control, and could cause the lyrium in someone's blood to catch fire.

The hard part would be the year she would need to take for fasting, prayer and separation from all distractions.  That would be, by far, the hardest part.  Being away from everyone for a year, by herself.  Then there was the part about becoming Tranquil until a spirit of faith came to her to break her tranquility and unlock her special ability.  That could take days, weeks… years.  It was also possible that the spirit would not come to her, then she would be stuck in the emotionless state of the Tranquil forever.

She turned back to Cullen, who had approached her. "I don't know, Cullen.  I am interested in undergoing the discipline, but it will require me to become Tranquil after spending a year fasting, praying and being isolated from everything and every _ one _ that could cause distraction. And you provide a  _ very  _ profound distraction in my life right now, which I willingly accept."

Cullen looked down between them and grabbed her hands, staring at them. Tanwen used a finger to lift his chin and refocus his gaze.  "I promise I will think about it and talk to Cassandra.  I will see if there is any part I can skip, since I more or less did the meditation part when training to be a Templar in Ostwick."

He looked deep into her eyes and she saw weariness.  Then he clasped the hand under his cheek with both of his and kissed her knuckles. "Thank you.  It means a lot to me and will bring me a small peace of mind while you are out fighting, knowing you won't get possessed.  Even if you don't begin your training until after Corypheus is defeated, it's a start."

Tanwen leaned forward until their foreheads met.  "You needn't worry about anything happening to me.  I have  _ so _ much to look forward to once Corypheus is gone. No demon of desire has any sway over me."

"I love you."

Tanwen shivered in delight at hearing the words rumble from his chest. "I love you. Now, don't we have work to get back to and an Inquisition to run?" She smiled cheekily at him when she pulled back to look at his face.  Tanwen felt her breath catch at the wolfish smirk on his lips as he looked down at her before releasing her hand, grasping her hips and pulling her close for a searing kiss.

Cullen left her there in a dreamy daze to go back to being the Commander and she, the Inquisitor.

~//~

"Who to take with me?" Tanwen mumbled under her breath as she wandered the castle the next morning.  She didn't know what to expect in the capitol, and wanted to bring a well-balanced team. Varric was already onboard, as well as Vivienne - which meant she needed a shield.  Cassandra came to mind first, but Tanwen had been carting her about quite often as of late and wanted to give the Seeker a break.  So that left Ser Blackwall.

Josephine would probably approve.  There was a rumor going around that she and the warden had shown interest in each other.

Tanwen frowned.  She approved of the interest, but when she had had a drink with him at his request the night before, some of his words concerned her.  Remorse colored his tone as he spoke of his childhood and regret when they talked of the grand tournament.  But there was something in the way that he worded things that felt wrong, and she wanted to figure it out, to help her Warden friend.

When she reached the barn where he preferred to linger while she wasn't using his shield, he was nowhere to be seen.  Figuring he was either wandering the castle or picking flowers for Josephine, Tanwen turned to leave but paused when she heard the flutter of parchment and saw something attached to the Griffin rocker he had been chiseling at for ages.  Upon closer inspection, he saw 'Lady Trevelyan' written at the top of the page.  Concern and foreboding filled her.  Had the Calling finally come to him despite his reassurances?  With a flick of her wrist she removed the paper from the toy.

"Why is Blackwall so interested in the Cyril Mornay gentleman?  Was he investigating the man Ser Mornay says was his captain?  The one who ordered him to kill the Callier family?"

"I do not know." Josephine replied as she rode next to Tanwen early the next morning.  After the discovery of the letter and report, Tanwen had gone to Leliana for more information, but got none, much to the Spymaster's chagrin.  So Tanwen had requested that she and Cullen accompany them to Val Royeaux before going to Iron Bull and asked him to join her party instead.  They had a very small window in which to reach the city, so they all had ridden out before dawn at a hurried clip, hoping to catch Blackwall before he reached the capitol.

Several days of hurried riding and little sleep followed before Tanwen and her party entered Val Royeaux's city center to see it packed with people all looking at the wooden gallows that held a permanent residence to one side of the area near the tower in the middle.

Tanwen gently pushed her way past the crowd gathered before the stage, the day echoing the feelings of those gathered: grey overcast skies, heavy with rain and likely to emit thunder and lightening. Finally, she reached the stage.  There, a man stood with a noose about his neck, staring at the ground with bleakness in his eyes. Tanwen turned to Leliana at her right and received a nod to her unanswered question.  That had to be Cyril Mornay.

"Cyril Mornay.  For your crimes against the Empire of Orlais... for the murders of General Vincent Callier, Lady Lorette Callier, their four children and their retainers..." Tanwen stood wide-eyed in shock at the bailiff's announcement. "You are sentenced to be hanged by the neck until dead.  Do you have anything to say in your defense?"

Mornay remained silent as it began raining.  It was as if the Maker cried for the man and the things of which he was being accused.

"Well, this looks grim," Varric murmured as a Chantry sister walked up the stairs to the platform to offer the man his last rites.

Vivienne looked around in disgust.  "Look at all these people.  I thought we were more civilized than this."

"Normally they likely are.  But when it comes to the death of a soldier who killed a noble family, they find no better entertainment." Cullen spat, crossing his arms and looking up at the scene with disgust.

"Proceed."

Tanwen watched soul-deep sadness cover the man's face as the executioner approached the lever that would lead to a short fall and hard stop.

"Stop!"  Everyone turned to the man who had shouted.  Tanwen watched Blackwall hurry up the stairs to intervene.

"A Grey Warden," the bailiff announced.  Nearly everyone around them gasped in surprise.  Some seemed outraged, likely thinking he was going to conscript the man instead of letting him swing.  His crimes made her sick, but the fact that these Orlesian nobles and high-end store owners found entertainment in another person's death, made her want to vomit.  Blackwall came to a stop next to Mornay and faced the crowd.

"This man is innocent of the crimes laid before him.  Orders were given, and he followed them like any good soldier." Blackwall turned to face the man.  "He should not die for that mistake!"

The bailiff approached him.  "Then find me the man who gave the orders."

Blackwall turned and found Tanwen in the crowd with an apologetic look in his eyes.  She and Varric were of one mind.

"Oh, shit."

She felt Cullen grip her upper arm as she surged forward.  "Blackwall!" she shouted as Cullen tried to pull her back.

"No.  I am not Blackwall." Tanwen stopped trying to pull away from Cullen's grip.  "I never  _ was _ Blackwall.  Warden Blackwall is dead, and has been for years.  I assumed his name to hide, like a coward, from who I really am."

"You, after all this time..." Mornay had the look of a man in disbelief and anger.  Blackwall turned back to him.

"It's over.  I'm done hiding." He looked back over the crowd.  "I gave the order.  The crime is mine."

Tanwen's hand flew to her mouth as Cullen released her.  She might very well lose her meal now. The crime Mornay was accused of was on the orders of a Thom Rainier, who had disappeared.  He had ordered the deaths of an entire family, as well as their servants.  If Blackwall was saying he gave the orders, that the crime belonged to him, then...

"I am Thom Rainier." He stood at attention, accepting of his fate.  She heard Josephine gasp at her side and Iron Bull growl behind them.  Tanwen blindly reached for Josephine's hand in support as she kept her other hand covering her mouth, still unsure as to whether her porridge would be staying in her belly.

The bailiff and the executioner lead Rainier off towards the dungeons.  When she was confident she wouldn't be sick, she turned to her companions and advisors as the crowd dissipated. Tanwen still held Josephine's hand and she could feel it trembling.

"Looks like we have a slight change of plans. Bull, Vivienne, Varric - head back to camp. Josephine," she turned to the Antivan woman. "Perhaps you should go as well.  We still have a day before we meet your contact. Leliana, find out anything you can about Ser Rainier.  Cullen and I have a captain to speak with."

A half hour and five gold crowns for a bribe later, Tanwen was standing before the man who had deceived them. She thought she was going to have to spend hours convincing him to tell her the truth, but he was an open book, obviously tired of guilt eating at him over what he commanded his men to do. She didn't think she could forgive him for the lives of the family his men took on his orders, but she would listen to him should he try to plead his case. He was her friend, after all.  He’d spilled his own blood for the Inquisition.  He deserved her listening to his side of the story.

He spoke of Blackwall, the real Blackwall,  like a child would of a Chevalier that they hero-worshiped, and seemed torn over the things his men went through for his cowardice.  He gave off the feeling of resignation of his fate, and that didn't sit well with her for some reason.  Many of his words echoed in her head as she left him, but none more so than his reply when she told him their men followed her because they believed their goals were just.

" _ They believe it because you tell them to." _

Was he right? Did they follow her because she told them to?  Or did they follow her because they thought she was right as the Inquisitor?  At the top of the stairs from the lower dungeon, Cullen awaited her.  "I have Leliana's report on Thom Rainier."

"Give me the overview," Tanwen reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose as she accepted the reports.

"It looks like our 'friend' was once a respected Captain in the Imperial Orlesian Army.  Before the Civil War, he turned, persuaded to assassinate one of Celene's biggest supporters.  He lead a group of fiercely loyal men on this mission, and told them nothing of it.  His men took the fall for him.  A few lucky ones, like Mornay, managed to escape."

"Thank you, Cullen.  This is helpful, or at least educational."

Cullen tipped his head.  "Don't blame yourself.  We all made this mistake.  What do we do now?" he ended with a sigh before continuing.

"Blackw... Rainier has accepted his fate, but you don't have to.  We have resources.  If he is released to us, you may pass judgment on him yourself once we return to Skyhold. Anyone would have difficulty connecting Blackwall to Thom Rainier. Even Leliana has a blind spot when it comes to Wardens."

Tanwen nodded in understanding, knowing of the friendship shared between the spymistress and Brienna Amell. She looked up at Cullen.  "If it were up to you, what would happen?"

Cullen's face scrunched in anger and disgust.  "What he did to the men under his command was unacceptable.  He betrayed their trust, betrayed ours, and I despise him for it. And yet, he fought as a Warden, joined the Inquisition, gave his blood for our cause.  The moment he shakes off his past, he turns around and owns up to it.  Why?"

"He wanted to change.  To prove he left his past behind, he had to face up to it."

"Saving Mornay the way he did took courage, I'll give him that.  But I can't tell you what to do."

Tanwen looked down in thought and pinched her lower lip.  She sighed as she looked up at him again.  "Have Rainier released into our custody."

"We must move quickly.  We can explore our options at camp. I'm sure Leliana is having a meeting with the Orlesian arm of her spy network, but as soon as she is done, we can have a council meeting in your tent.”

“I wish it was  _ our _ tent.  But I understand that appearances must be maintained.”

Cullen chuckled. "When we have him, we will send him back to Skyhold to await judgment.  We still have a ball to attend." Cullen smiled at her grimace and nodded, offering her his elbow to escort her from the dungeons.

“Cullen,” she murmured, looking straight ahead with furrowed brow.  He hummed in reply indicating she continue. “Do you think the people of the Inquisition follow me because they want to and believe in our cause? Or because they think they have to because I command them to?”

“Because they believe in our cause.” His reply was swift and sure, and it gave her hope. 

“How can you know?”

“Because  _ I _ believe. Even before there was an  _ us _ or even before our friendship really formed, I believed in the Inquisition’s cause. You simply reinforced and furthered belief and support.  You do remember that speech I gave the first time we talked together, don’t you?”  Tanwen chuckled.  Oh boy did she remember. “More and more people flock to our walls every day because they believe in what we are doing. They believe that we can stop this war and bring peace to the land.  Those who have been with us since Haven and have seen Corypheus believe in our cause because they know what that creature is capable of and want to help stop it and the Venatori in any way they can.  

“Do they also listen to your commands?  Of course. You have impeccable leadership and are compassionate about everyone, not just your companions. You are as wise as you are beautiful and that draws people. Does that mean that people will follow your orders blindly?  For most, yes.  But we all trust you to make decisions that wouldn’t clash with moral standings and do not endanger the lives of those within the Inquisition’s ranks.”

~//~

The next day dawned sooner than Tanwen had been ready for.  She had stayed up late, fretting over the future of her companion while seeing to Josephine and planning for the following day with her contact and all three of her advisors about going to the villa of the Tevinter merchant.

Luckily, the meeting with Josephine’s contact went well, despite the 'Comte' turning out to be an assassin from the House of Repose masquerading as the noble in order to confront Josephine because of the oddity of the contract set on her family. They discovered that the prominent guild of assassins had been hired in the middle of the previous Age, to target and eliminate anyone who tried to reinstate the Montilyet’s merchant business.  It didn't matter that the family that had signed the contract, the Du Paraquettes, had lost their noble status over sixty years prior when the noble line had died out.

Tanwen let the assassin go because she had no reason to kill him.  When they freed the real Comte from his antique closet, Tanwen suggested Josephine go to the markets with a soldier so they could find something for Tanwen and her advisors and companions to wear at the Winter Palace when everything was taken care of. Josephine smiled and left with the soldier, seemingly glad for the distraction.

Back at their camp that lay outside the city, Tanwen gathered her companions and moved to the docks to complete their second objective in the flamboyant city.

Calpernia and her Venatori had beat them there.

Inside the front door of the villa, it looked like any other she had been in.  The foyer was vast and decorated in expensive furniture and lavish hangings of mahogany and gold, ivory and red.  When Tanwen walked further into the house, she paused and motioned for her companions to do the same, because there was something missing in the air.

"Do you feel that?" She whispered to no one in particular.

"There is a charge in the air from magic." Vivienne said, removing her staff from its holster at the same time everyone else readied their weapons.

"Yeah.  I'd wager there are four humans upstairs.  One mage, three soldiers.  Likely Venatori - I smell spices from Tevinter." Iron Bull glared around the wide room, using his training as a former Ben-Hassrath agent to search for more clues.

"Venatori?" Varric frowned and tightened his grip on Bianca.  "Well, shit.  Looks like they beat us here."

Tanwen nodded.  "Be cautious.  There could be more, they might have laid booby-traps."

Iron Bull had been correct.  On the second floor of the home they found Venatori milling about the master bedroom at the end of a long hallway.

The Venatori in such small numbers didn't stand a chance.

"Inquisitor, I think I found something you might find intriguing." Tanwen turned from the bloody remains that were splattered against the far wall, likely their merchant Vicinius, and made her way past overturned furniture of the same quality and design of those downstairs, to where Vivienne stood looking over something in a corner.

"What is it?" She asked as she squatted next to it, but thought better of touching it until they had a better clue on what it was.

"I haven't the slightest idea. But it looks as if it was placed here on purpose, does it not?"

Tanwen accepted her reply before looking around and seeing a coin pouch on one of the dead Venatori.  She emptied the small bag of its contents and, turning it inside out to cover her gloved hand as added protection, picked up the crystal and three others scattered about that looked like it.

"Bull, Varric, could you take these to Leliana and tell her and Cullen what happened here? Vivienne and I have to meet Josephine for a … dress fitting," Tanwen groaned under her breath, but blushed when Vivienne looked at her with a scornful flare. The two males chuckled as they left the two women to go back to camp, while Tanwen and Vivienne went to find Josephine.

~//~

"Must I truly wear something fancy?  I had planned to wear the same as everyone else at the ball to show that we were united, that we are all one group, not individuals who want to display status."

Vivienne waved her off.  "But one must make a presence if one is to be respected by the gentry.  I was thinking of something in cream and gold.  Vibrant, like your hair, and cause for discussion, on top of showing status.  Plus, it would cheer up our darling ambassador."

'Maker, save me...' Tanwen thought to herself as they collected Josephine and was lead to Vivienne's seamstress.

~//~

Night was falling, Satina rising full and bright, by the time she had been allowed to leave the dressmaker.  Tanwen had never felt so stuffed and fluffed, poked and prodded, in her life. Just the thought made her shudder. She understood they just wanted to make her presentable for the ball in just under a fortnight, but she could look respectable in breeches just like the rest of them would.  After spending several hours tonight, and likely just as many tomorrow night, Josephine and Vivienne had been looking forward to dressing her like an expensive Orlesian doll.

Tanwen sighed as she entered the markets. They might want to torture her with corsets and lace, but they were still her friends and she wanted to do something for them.  She would take Vivienne and the rest of her companions to purchase items over time, but she wanted to shop for her advisors while she was in the large city with its many shop stalls.

As she was passing several stalls, she got an idea for Cullen.  When she reached a stall selling what she sought, she saw the stout woman, who had to be the patron, bustling about. 

"Madam!" Tanwen called as she came to a stop in front of the stall.  "Might I ask you a question about your wares?"

"Yes, milady?" The portly woman smiled kindly at her, sounding Ferelden, if she wasn't mistaken. Brunette curls with streaks of grey escaped from her bun at the crown of her head and softly swept her lined cheeks, creased from years of laughter and smiling. The plum gown she wore went nicely with her hair and her sky blue eyes.

"Well, you see, I have a... friend.  He works very hard and has been stressed, suffering from sleep deprivation and headaches.  Is there anything that will help him? Something that won’t be strongly scented?"

The woman scrunched her brow in thought before looking around her stock, rummaging through various bottles and small boxes.  "Ah ha!  There you are, you little devil."

Tanwen raised a brow at the woman's expression as she returned to Tanwen with a wide grin.  "Here you are, my lady.  Juniper is good for calming the mind, reducing stress. "

"That's perfect! Thank you!" Tanwen exclaimed as she grabbed her coin purse and pulled out the appropriate sum.  When Tanwen reached for the bottle, the older woman held on to her hands and looked her over for a moment with the eyes of a mother to many children, before releasing her hands. She held up a finger indicating she wanted Tanwen to wait, and went back to her wares.  When she returned, she had another small bottle in her hand.

"Free of charge, my lady." she said, placing them in Tanwen's upturned left hand after taking the coin for the first two bottles.  She pointed to the bottle marked Lavender.  "Lavender helps with almost everything.  It's soothing and can be used as a sedative.  It also helps with mood swings and headaches and restores balance.  Plus it smells very good."

Tanwen looked at her. "Mistress, you are too kind.  But I insist on paying you for both of them."

"Nonsense, my dear.  You are the Herald of Andraste and the leader of the Inquisition. It isn’t much, but I look at this as giving my contribution to the cause I think will save us all. Leaders have to be healthy if they are to lead a nation adequately." Tanwen’s eyes grew in surprise.  She never told the woman who she was, how did she know? The older woman smiled. “You needn’t look so surprised!  A beauty like yours coming to Val Royeaux isn’t a secret that this city can keep. Word of your heroism and hard work have reached us here, though many chose not to listen still. I, and my family, support you fully, Inquisitor.”

Tanwen wanted to correct her about being the Herald of Andraste, but she thought better of it and simply smiled.

"You have done wonderful and miraculous things, your worship.  We know you will succeed and bring our world the peace it needs." With one last squeeze of her arms, the lady turned and returned to her shop.

Tanwen slowly made down the long line of shops, thinking about the words the woman had said as she looked for something that would fit Leliana and Josephine respectfully. As she walked around, gazing at the various wares, she also watched those around her.  There were noble men and women in their fancy dress and gaudy baubles walking about with their noses in the air as if something foul smelling resided just below their nostrils. Human and Elven men and women dressed in liveries and rags scurried about, likely servants to said nobles, looking for items requested by their Lords or Ladies or simply shopping for the households evening meals. Her heart fell when her eyes caught on several people hidden in the shadows behind stalls and down alleyways, hands up and begging for coin.

She visited those people, offering to bring them into the Inquisition should they be interested.  Some looked at her with wide eyes, some with doubt and disbelief, as if asking themselves why a human or warrior would be inviting them to an organization like the Inquisition.  Those who believed her offer and were willing, she sent to the camp, telling them to 'tell the Qunari that Tanwen sent you.'

"There is plenty of stew to share." She told a old man she had found begging for coin.  His face lit up and he kissed the back of her hand before running off - his bare feet slapping against the cobbled stone and tile floor. She thought she heard him call her 'a blessing from the Maker', but she wasn't sure.

Tanwen smiled and turned back towards the market.  Several minutes later, she found a stall selling fine looking shoes.  A memory came to her then, of someone mentioning Leliana had once had a great love of fine shoes.

Her eyes scanned the table, seeing many loud and glittery shoes, but not seeing a pair that she thought Leliana would love.  As she turned to leave, she stopped when the waning sunlight caught and reflected off of a half hidden pair of boots she had missed.

White leather with a pillow stitch looked back at her.  Golden thread created whimsical patterns at the toes and around the heel, swirling around small citrine stones.  Gold lace lined the inside and up the back with small gold charms woven into the lace at the sides of the footwear.

The Sister may never truly have a reason to wear such an item, but hopefully she would appreciate the gesture.

One-hundred thirty crowns later, the shoes were wrapped, boxed and being delivered to her tent at camp.

As Tanwen moved along the aisle where the leather workers were, she found a man selling rapiers, dirks and daggers.  Seeing the fancy weaponry gave her an idea for Josephine.  When she walked up to the shopkeeper, he nearly dropped the blade he was placing in an intricate display.  His eyes grew wide and he gasped.  Ah, there was the reaction she was used to.

"My lady Inquisitor! My humble shop is honored and blessed by your presence! How may I serve, your Worship?" Tanwen watched him perform a fluttery bow, all arms and movement.  She really didn't like it when people bowed and scraped past a lowered head or bent at the waist.  No flapping arms, no bended knee.  Easy movements- that's it.  Like with the older woman selling the oils.  However, in Orlais, things were done differently, so she had to grin and bare it.

"My good ser, your blades look to be of fine style and quality!  Truly, I have seen no better artistry in all my travels around Thedas!" It was only a small lie.  Harritt made the finest blades she had ever encountered, but they were far from pretty, as they were meant for battle, rather than ornamentation.  The man blustered and blushed under his mask at her compliment. "I wonder though. Might I be able to commission a specific piece from you?  Something ornate and quite original."

"Of course, Your Worship!" The man puffed out his chest in pride.  "Anything your heart desires!"

"Would it be, kind ser, possible to make a half-bloomed rose of metal?  With a thin dagger sheathed in its stem?  You see, I have a very dear friend who absolutely abhors violence, but I want her to be able to defend herself should the need arise." She knew Josephine could protect herself just fine, but it never hurt to have a blade hidden somewhere on her desk or on her writing board.  She watched the man pale slightly when she added, "Oh and I need it within two days."

"Your Worship... that is quite a request.  I have never made such an intricate piece in so short a time."

Tanwen placed a put-out look on her face.  She didn't like manipulating people, but she was at a loss for anything else gift wise for her ambassador. "Will you be able to complete the commission?  Should I see other craftsmen who might be..."

"No!  No," the merchant hastily added in a quieter tone after his outburst.  "I said I had never done a piece like that before, not that I couldn't.  I will have it ready for you before you leave Val Royeaux."

Tanwen grinned and clasped hands with the man to seal their bargain, thanking the man before moving on.

When she reached a stall selling tunics and breeches with intricate embroidery throughout, she felt a slight tugging sensation at her left side where her coin purse rested.  With a flash of movement, she reached around and grabbed something small and soft. Gentling her grip, she looked down and into the brown eyes of a boy no older than eight years, an air of defiance in his thin face.  From her right and down a night-darkening alley, she heard a gasped "Benjamin!"

Casting her eyes, she saw a grown Elven woman clutching a small girl to her chest as she leaned forward to stand.  When she realized Tanwen was looking at her, she slinked back into the shadows, but Tanwen could still feel her intense gaze on her and the boy.  That could only mean that he was her son, and Tanwen's heart ached for missing her own son.  She turned back to the boy and knelt to eye level so he wouldn't have to strain his neck to look up at her and dropped his wrist.  Instead, she placed her hands on his shoulders to focus his gaze and to make sure he didn't run.

Big, brown eyes frowned at her in defiance, surrounded by eyebrows and hair of tanned leather with a dusting of blonde.  She looked at his ears and saw they looked rounded, like a human's.  Was the woman truly his mother?  Was he a half-elf?  Continuing her examination, other than being thin and wearing a dirty tunic and torn breeches, with no shoes, he seemed healthy.  Looking at his hands, she saw they were smooth and unmarked, as if he hadn't worked a day in his short life

Tanwen looked back up at the boy and smiled. "Benjamin, was it?  Such a strong name.  Is that your mother down there with your... sister?" The boy simply continued to stare at her.  It was the pursing of his lips and tensing of the muscles under her hands that told her that she was right and he was protecting his small family.  Tanwen's heart warmed more.  Such a brave boy, going so far as to pickpocket to likely provide for his mother and small sister.

"My name is Tanwen, Benjamin.  Are you hungry?  Is that why you tried to steal from me?  You know stealing is bad, right?" His small stomach took that moment to growl and Tanwen chuckled when the boy blushed.  She leaned in close to whisper in his ear. "Would you like to go get something to eat for you and your family?"

The boy was skeptical and tried to pull away from her.  She let him, holding her hands up in surrender, never losing her friendly demeanor.  "Alright, I'm sorry.  I just want to help you Benjamin. You and your family."

"How can we trust you?" His voice was small, as if he was afraid of speaking too loudly to her.

Tanwen looked away for a moment.  What could she do to gain his trust?  The coin from Cullen that dangled from a chain between her breasts and over her heart?  No, she would never use that as barter.  Her coin purse?  That was a possibility.  She had plenty of coin, but he could disappear with it and his family like frightened animals in the Hinterlands. Tanwen looked down at her hands in thought and she got an idea.  She reached into her satchel and pulled out some bread and salted meat, handing it to him.  He took it cautiously and held it to his chest like a mouse with a small wheel of cheese.

"Have you heard of the Inquisition?" Benjamin's face lit up and he nodded.

"It's lead by the Herald of Andraste!  She closed the hole in the sky.  She helps people and makes things better.  Mama says she is a blessing to Thedas.  I wanna see her mark!  But Mama says that will never happen." His face and shoulders fell. "She says no one pays attention to people like us."

"People like..." Tanwen sighed sadly.  "I don't know about being a blessing to Thedas, but she is trying very hard to defeat a very, very old Magister so she can make her world safe. Have you ever heard of a Magister before?"

He nodded with a scowl. "Do you know the Herald?  Are you with them? The Inquisition?" His eyes caught on the various Inquisition symbols on her armor and the long handle of her sword at her back.  Tanwen chuckled softly.

"You could say that.  Hey Benjamin, can you keep a secret?" She whispered and Benjamin  nodded.  Tanwen looked from side to side as if looking for eavesdroppers before removing the glove on her left hand, focusing on the mark to make it glow. Ben's brown eyes went wide once more, the green from the mark reflecting in his gaze.

"You're the Inquisitor?" 

Tanwen nodded, his smile growing.  "You wanted to see the mark.  Would you like to touch it?" She opened her hand fully in invitation, willing the mark to darken.

Still holding the bread and meat close, he leaned in and reached with a hand, only to pull back as if afraid.

"Don't worry.  It can’t hurt a young man as brave as you.  It only hurts demons and bad people." Gently, Ben ran his small fingers over the mark in her calloused palm many times before smiling at her.  "See? I won't hurt innocent people.  May I meet your mammen?  I want to help you and your family."

Ben grabbed her left hand with his right and lead her to the woman that had shouted his name when Tanwen had caught him trying to steal from her. When they were close, the boy released her hand and hurried the rest of the way to his mother huddled against the wall, her left side hidden from view, her small daughter held close.  When he tried to share the food Tanwen had given him with his mother, she shook her head and spoke softly to him in, what sounded like, Elven.  He paused, nodded, and turned his attention to his sister.  Meanwhile, the woman seemed to be sizing Tanwen up, judging her, looking for deception that might cause harm to her bairn.

Tanwen held up her hands to show the only weapon she had was at her back and slowly approached.  The way the elf looked at her held so much distrust.  She tensed like a frightened Fennec when Tanwen reached up to unbuckle her sword and place it between them as she knelt.  When she released it, Ben moved over to it in curiosity, running his fingers over the handle and guard.

"Da'len, din'dera."

Tanwen watched the boy flinch and pull his hand back, turning to her.  "But mama, she is the Inquisitor!  I've seen the mark on her hand!" He was back to being excited once more.

She lifted her ungloved left hand and showed her the glowing mark.  Like her son, the female's eyes grew wide, making their hazel color brighten.  When she turned her head more fully to Tanwen, she revealed a jagged, healing scar that ran the length of her face, from her left temple down to and through her upper lip.

Tanwen folded her hands in her lap and smiled softly at the woman.  "I am Tanwen Trevelyan."

"The Herald of Andraste!" Ben helped.

"Harrol!" His little sister chirped from her mam’s lap, getting caught up in her brother’s excitement.

Tanwen's smile became reluctant at the words the two young had exclaimed.  The woman's eyes widened even further then cast down to Tanwen's hands, looking for the anchor again.  The woman gasped and, after setting her daughter to the side, quickly moved to her knees and bowed low enough to nearly touch her forehead to the cobble she knelt on.

"Please forgive me and my children for any perceived rudeness or disrespect, your worship.  My son was wrong and will be punished as you see fit, as is your right."  The woman's Orlesian accent was heavy and Tanwen had to focus in order to understand because she spoke so fast.  She replaced her glove and leaned forward to gently lay her hands on the woman's shoulders.  She flinched back at Tanwen's touch and Tanwen let her hands fall back to her lap.

"I'm sorry.  You don't have to bow to me, Miss..."

The elf looked between Tanwen and her children.  Whatever had caused her to end up in Val Royeaux's back alleys, it was painfully apparent that it had been at the hand of a regular human or a noble, and had caused extreme mistrust in her.  Tanwen wasn't used to people not trusting her, but she could work with it.

"Pherra, your worship."

"Pherra," Tanwen smiled.  "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.  You have beautiful children, Pherra.  I have a son of my own.  He just turned two years old."

Tanwen watched Pherra's muscles relax, even though some suspicion remained.  "What is your daughter's name?"

"Aelia, your worship." Tanwen looked at the little girl. Hair a lighter shade of brown than that of her brothers, the child had eyes like her mothers and the beginning of the same square jawline as her mother as well, once she aged some more. When it was obvious no more information would be forthcoming, Tanwen sighed and faced Pherra.

"I know you used to work for a noble family. I can tell by the way you speak.  And it seems you worked in the household.  Is there some way I could convince you to join the Inquisition?  I hate seeing people living on the streets, especially families with young children.  You and your bairn would be cared for - we have a village below our stronghold if you wish to make a living crafting or baking, or what have you.  Or you could work in the castle.  I could use an assistant, if you were interested.  It would be up to you."

Pherra stared at Tanwen.  "What would you require in return for your kindness, my lady?  Employment is one thing, but surely you have some form of motive behind your words."

"Besides getting experienced individuals to help run a household or castle?  I am making sure people are safe and children are cared for during this trying time. I believe there is even a schoolhouse being built in New Haven, if you wished Benjamin and Aelia to be educated.  I am determined to see this war ended, but we need all the help we can get."

"I understand and appreciate your kindness, your Worship, but -"

Tanwen lifted a hand to pause her words.  "At least think about it?  I will be leaving in two days, once a bit of business is concluded.  Come to our camp outside the city, even if it is just for something to eat.  Tell them Tanwen sent you.  If you decide to join us, that's great.  If not, I understand."

With that, Tanwen smiled as she stood and picked up her weapon to sheath at her back before bowing to the woman and walking back towards the market to head back to camp.  She had a feeling that tomorrow was going to be a long, painful day during day two of dress fitting.

Tanwen groaned.

~//~

The next night, Tanwen smiled as she left the seamstress' establishment when she saw Cullen was waiting for her to escort her to the camp. Everyone would need to turn in early that night, for they would be leaving for Halamshiral on the morn to begin travel.

When they reached the camp, excitement overcame Tanwen when she saw Pherra and her children on either side of her, sequestered to the side of the camp, watching the many soldiers pass by - Pherra had worry in her eyes, but Benjamin and Aelia were watching passersby with awe.  Tanwen pulled away from Cullen and hurried over to the tall elven woman.

"Pherra!  I am so glad you decided to come!  Are you taking me up on my offer?" Pherra nodded and Tanwen clapped her hands and smiled. "Wonderful!  I promise, you won't regret it."

Tanwen felt Cullen move up beside her and she turned to look at him.  "Cullen, this is Pherra, Benjamin and Aelia.  I met them in Val Royeaux yesterday and invited them to join us."

Cullen bowed his head in greeting.  "It is a pleasure meeting you, Pherra.  I am Cullen Rutherford, Commander of the Inquisition's forces."

Pherra bowed her head, but Benjamin's open-mouthed gaze up at Cullen made Tanwen's smile grow.  Cullen seemed to take notice as well.  He knelt down so he could be eye-level with the boy like she had the day before.  "Benjamin, is it?  It's nice to meet you as well.  You look like a strong young man.  I bet you take excellent care of your mother and sister, don't you?"

Little Benjamin blinked furiously when Cullen spoke to him, then puffed his small chest with pride when Cullen called him strong. "If I don't protect them, who will?"

It was Cullen's froze, then blinked as he looked up at Tanwen at the same time she looked down at him with wide eyes. The boy sounded as she imagined Cullen had when he had decided to become a Templar to protect people as well.

"You seem adamant, young man.  Say, would you be interested in being my page?  I could teach you how to fight so you can protect your family.  Perhaps become a knight in a Kings guard some day?"

Benjamin grinned and turned to his mother.  Ever cautious, Pherra looked at her son then the two humans and back.  She nodded and Benjamin jumped up and down, clapping his hands in excitement. Cullen stood once more and straightened, laying his hands on the pommel of his sword and looked at the boy with a smile.

"Very well.  Benjamin of Val Royeaux, I, Commander Cullen Rutherford, hereby take you on as my page until such a time you decide to leave my service or are promoted to an advancing rank.  Do you accept?"

Benjamin's chest puffed out again. "I accept."

Cullen clapped the boy's shoulder.  "Then it is settled.  Tomorrow, before we leave for Halamshiral, we should see about getting you some boots.  Then perhaps some good clothes if we pass through a village as we travel."

"And I would like you to come with me as well, Pherra.  I may need your assistance in something and would like to see you properly clothed as well." When Pherra blushed and looked down and away, Tanwen began fretting. "I'm sorry!  Have I said something wrong?"

"No, my lady." She cast Cullen a side glance as he continued talking to Ben.  The elven woman seemed leery and Tanwen had the thought that she had bad experiences with men, or even human men in her past.  Had that experience lead her to living with her children on the cobbled streets of Val Royeaux? "It's nothing.  I shall join you tomorrow, if that is your wish."

Tanwen clapped her hands again and grinned.  "Wonderful!  Now, let us eat and be headed to bed.  We have several days of travel before us and we need rest."

~//~


	19. Halamshiral

Cullen was getting anxious.

When Tanwen had been in Val Royeaux with Josephine to confront an old noble family on Josephine's behalf, Cullen had received a raven from her family.

Cullen released a breath as he read the missive.  Her parents agreed to come to Skyhold and to bring Iuen with them. He felt excitement welling up inside him, just imagining the look of joy that would be on Tanwen's face when her son arrived. He still felt it as he rode beside her on their way to where their camp was being up outside Halamshiral for the masquerade ball. Tanwen’s family would be leaving shortly after the three day summit between the Empress, Duke Gaspard and ambassador Brialla to agree on peace in Orlais, and would likely take a month to arrive in Jader by boat.

There was a lot of tension surrounding the ball because of what Tanwen had learned while captured by the Envy demon at Theirinfal Redoubt.  It angered Cullen to no end that the noble’s did not heed the Inquisition's warnings on the Magister's plans, but as it was pointed out by both Leliana and Josephine, the Empress constantly had threats against her.  No one was taking this threat seriously despite finding evidence of it in the Templar castle. He was glad that Josephine had managed to get invitations to the ball, even though he would rather walk through the forests outside Skyhold in the middle of winter, in the same manner of which he was born, than get stuck in the middle of a country such as Orlais, but there was no helping it.  Tanwen needed to be there and she needed her advisors and inner circle to be there for her to back her up.

"After the business in Halamshiral is concluded, where will I be sent next?" Cullen heard her ask from his right and he turned his attention from his thoughts to the current conversation between the advisors and Tanwen.

"Emprise du Lion, the Emerald Graves and the Exalted Plains all have called for aid. Since they are all within a day's ride of each other, it is likely you will be able to cover all three in one trip."

"What is happening in those places?" She asked Josephine.

"Other than the three dragons occupying the area, soldiers in Emprise Du Lion report seeing an increased number of Red Templars. Leliana's scouts reported that the Red Templars have seized Suledin Keep as their headquarters and have begun using the nearby quarry as a site for the growth and harvest of red lyrium to possibly supply their forces. They have also made several raids on the nearby village of Sahrnia. We have been sent a request for aid by Mistress Poulin, an Orlesian noble who rules over the town and surrounding land."

"We have also been contacted by a 'Fairbanks', who says he has valuable information for the Inquisition from the Emerald Graves. In a missive he sent to us, he offers a trade: the information he has in exchange for the Inquisition’s help in eliminating a dangerous rebel band calling themselves the 'Freeman of the Dales.' There have been reported sightings of these rebels all over the Dales, where they have caused significant problems for Orlesian troops. Uprooting them could be a good move for us." Leliana added, taking over where Josephine left off. "First, let us see what this Fairbanks has to say. He is hiding out somewhere in the Emerald Graves. My spies report that he is well acquainted with the area and its terrain. He could prove a useful asset, if we choose to trust him."

Tanwen nodded and turned to Cullen.  "What about the Exalted Plains?"

"Seven hundred years ago the elven nation fell there. The elven army was defeated by the combined forces assembled for the Exalted march called by the Chantry, defending their land to the last breath. Then the settlement of Ville Montevelan was founded by one of the 'heroes' of the Exalted March, Sister Amity, and presided over by the allegedly elf-blooded Mayor Agur. Now, The Exalted Plains are a contested battlefield in Orlais' civil war . There are reports of dead bodies being possessed by spirits that emerge from the rifts that are scattered around the plains.  Also, the armies of Empress Celine and Duke Gaspard de Chalons have been fighting, but recently the fighting has stopped as an outbreak of undead has driven both armies back to their respective keeps."

"So, which do you suggest I go to first?" Tanwen was pinching her lip as she thought, looking as if she was weighing options.

"All three are important." Leliana said, "If the information that Fairbanks has is truly as valuable as it's been rumored, then we should go help him and collect on his trade."

"But the people of Emprise du Lion are suffering at the hands of the Red Templars." Josephine quipped, looking concerned.

"As are the elves and soldiers of the Plains at the hands of the undead there. Something fishy is going on and needs to be investigated as soon as possible." Cullen added.

"I will think on it, pray, and decide soon.  Right now, however, as we draw closer, we need to focus on what we will need to do to ensure the safety of the Empress.  We cannot allow Corypheus to cause Orlais to go into chaos."

Cullen and the other advisors nodded. "Now if you will excuse me, I need to check on some of our new additions gained in Val Royeaux."

Cullen watched Tanwen pull back and go to the elf woman with the two children.  She seemed drawn to them, and for good reason. She didn’t have to say it, but Cullen could tell that she identified with the woman, in however small manner.  Single mother, wanting to keep her family safe. The major difference was that Tanwen was lucky to be born to a noble family, while Pherra was not. Another possibility as to why Tanwen attached herself to the little family, beyond just being a good and caring person, was that in helping Pherra care for her children, Tanwen felt she likely was making up for being unable to care for her own son. Cullen smiled as he moved with his horse as it walked. She would get the opportunity to take care of Iuen again and soon.

"What are you planning, Curly?" Varric's voice jolted him from his thoughts as the dwarf rode up next to him. 

"I don't know what you mean, Dwarf." he replied, staring straight ahead.  He knew that his reply was incriminating to the rogue, but he didn't care.

Varric chuckled.  "Alright, alright, keep your secrets.  Just tell me:  Will it keep Mama happy?"

"Mama?" Had Tanwen told her companions about Iuen?  The last he had heard, she had only told her advisors.  Not that it was a problem if she had.  Even if she hadn't, they had likely learned from the soldiers and their rumor-spreading ways, cluck cluck clucking like hens in a henhouse.

"Yeah, the Inquisitor.  Gave her the nickname because she is like a mother to her inner circle and the people of the Inquisition." Cullen gave a noncommittal sound and Varric looked at him as if trying to decipher him.

"Don't bother, Varric.  I'm not telling you what I'm planning beyond, yes- it is for the Inquisitor. She has been working so hard for the Inquisition as of late, she deserves some form of reward, don't you think?"

"After what Cassandra and Solas said she went through in the fade, yes."

~//~

Three days later, they arrived at the camp they had sent when they left for Val Royeaux, near the gates of the Winter Palace. After a quick scan to ensure everything was secure, he dismounted from his horse and moved to assist Tanwen from Selena, letting her slide down his body and relishing in the feel of hers against his. He wanted to moan, feeling her hard form mold against his. Cullen missed having her in his arms or within arm's reach, and the sight of her wearing the cloak he had given her made things more difficult.  With the sight came memories of the last time they were together in his office, the heat, the passion, the whole experience was overwhelming to his senses even now as he thought about it.

He heard her gasp when her abdomen came in contact with his hardening member. "Cullen," she whispered, her cheeks flushing and her eyes dilating. All he wanted to do was dip his head down and taste her parted lips, lay her down on a pile of furs and make love to her all night.  But he knew he couldn't, because they were due at the palace in a short number of hours. And he wanted to spend hours going over every inch of her.  With his tongue and teeth.

"Tonight, my lady," his voice rumbled deeper than normal in his chest as he spoke straight into her ear. She nodded before pulling away and straightened her cloak and armor, the blush remaining. Tanwen turned her head when she heard the approach of Josephine, Vivienne and Leliana.

"Come now, Tanwen.  It's time to get you dressed for the ball."

"Is everything else ready?" Cullen asked watching the interaction between the women, feeling the tenseness in the air. "What's going on?"

Josephine sighed.  "Lady Vivienne and I wanted to have the Inquisitor in a beautiful gown for the ball.  As you know, we went to Vivienne’s seamstress while while we were in Val Royeaux and had the Inquisitor try on many dresses. By the second day of trying them on, Tanwen had had enough. I’m surprised she did not tell you, Commander. She threatened to - oh, how did you put it?" She turned to Tanwen.

"Nevermind what I said," Tanwen quickly replied, her blush intensifying. "I told you, Josephine:  Dresses are impractical for warriors like me.  Besides, I know that everyone else in the Inquisition that is attending won't be wearing dresses.  Why would I?  I know that you want me to stand out, but I think what I came up will be better.  I will be dressed, but still have the versatility of breeches.  Don't be sour, Josephine!  Everything will be fine!"

"I'm not being sour!  I just can't see what is so wrong with a dress for someone of your status."

"Leave it be, Josephine.  I have a feeling, knowing her background, she has never liked wearing dresses." Cullen interceded to keep the peace.  Not that he truly thought that fighting would erupt between the women before him.  Tanwen and Josephine were too diplomatic to come to blows over words.  'Plus, Tanwen could defeat Josephine in melee with no problem,' he added to himself with a pride-filled smile.

Josephine folded her arms under her breasts.  "Yes, well... There are still preparations to be made before the ball this evening.  If you will excuse me."  With a slight bow, Josephine wandered off.

During what remaining time they had left before they truly had to prepare for the ball, Cullen and Tanwen passed it quietly as they walked about the camp, followed distantly by Pherra and her children, checking on some of the newcomers being fitted for armor and swords and others helping in other ways.  Whatever it was that Tanwen had said to them all, it  had made them want to help because no one felt forced to be here.

There was a council meeting before the ball where they went over what would be expected during the festivities and Josephine and Leliana were already dressed and ready to go. Cullen worried for Tanwen when it came to the Grand Game.  She may be of noble birth, but in the small province of Ostwick, the Game was nearly non-existent, but she insisted that she would be fine.

"Well, you have put off getting dressed long enough, Tanwen.  Commander, meet us in the ballroom when they are ready to announce the Inquisition.  Tanwen will be walking in with the Duke tonight as a show of support."  Josephine walked to the opening of Tanwen's tent where they had conducted the meeting and held the flap open, staring pointedly at him. 

Cullen turned to Tanwen and bowed, staring at her for a moment before he left through the tent's flaps.  He paused outside the tent when he heard Leliana speak. "Now, Tanwen.  Let us get you ready, shall we?"

Leliana's words, while not meaning to be, rang ominous to all who heard.

~//~

Cullen tugged on the sash under his belt, then on the sleeves of his jacket.  "I need to have this jacket let out a little." he groused, tugging on the bottom of his jacket again.

"Cullen!" Josephine bit out from his right.  "Stop doing that.  You are making a fool of yourself."

"I feel like a fool in this getup." He grumbled, looking forward but being more subtle about his tugging as he listened to the chatter going on about the cavernous room.

When the chatter dimmed, he focused on the people, seeing them look towards the platform behind and above him.  Someone of import had arrived and was about to be announced.

"And now presenting: Grand Duke Gaspard de Challons.  And accompanying him, Lady Inquisitor Tanwen Trevelyan, daughter of Bann Owain Trevelyan of Ostwick."

Cullen felt his body tense at her arrival and turned his head slightly to watch the Duke escort Tanwen, her hand in the crook of his arm, down the stairs.  He felt his breath catch; If she wanted to catch people's attentions, then she certainly would succeed.

Standing with her back ramrod straight, her hand settled delicately on the Duke's forearm, Tanwen looked resplendent in a deep red corset with ornate golden clasps down the front from between her breasts to below the sash she wore.  A lacy jacket in a lighter red that had tiny gold embroidery throughout the piece covered her arms and shoulders and trailed to the floor behind her.  About her waist was a deep blue sash, much like his, that was draped over her left shoulder and pinned to her jacket with a brooch with the Inquisition emblem in gold. Cullen smirked when he saw her wearing black leather breeches and black knee-high boots.  She had come without a physical mask, unlike the other nobles in residence: intricate lines, swirls and leaves had been painted on her cheeks and forehead in black, red and gold.  Half of said mask covered by lengths of hair that had been left out of the curls Leliana, Josephine, Vivienne and Pherra had managed to create out of Tanwen's shoulder length wavy hair and piled up on the crown of her head.

When the two stood in front of Cullen and the other advisors, the Duke bowed while Tanwen gently grasped the side of her long coat as she would a gown and curtsied low before rising to see the Empress return their greeting.  Cullen watched those around them as they stared at Tanwen and the Duke during their descent to the dance floor and walk slowly across to where the Empress stood.  A sudden spike of jealousy shot through him.  He, Cullen, should be escorting her, not the Duke.  But Cullen pushed it back down.  He tried to ignore the lust in the eyes of many in attendance, both male and female, but it proved difficult.

"...Champion of the Blessed Andraste herself." There were many oohs and ahhs as they continued walking slowly, apparently in no hurry.

"Accompanying the Inquisitor:  The Iron Bull, leader of the famed mercenary company Bull's' Chargers.  As the name might imply.  Renowned author, Varric Tethras." The crier paused.  "Head of noble house Tethras, Deshyr of Kirkwall to the Dwarven Merchant's Guild.  And Lord Dorian Pavus, member of the Circle of Vyrantium, son of Lord Magister Halward Pavus of Asariel.

"Ser Cullen Stanton Rutherford of Honnleath, Commander of the forces of the Inquisition. Former Knight-Commander of Kirkwall." Cullen walked forward down the stairs and across the floor, feeling everyone's eyes on him.  He could practically feel the accusing stares as he passed, people wondering what had happened in Kirkwall and why he hadn't stopped the uprising before it started all this chaos.  Through all the negativity, he noticed that some of the Jesters were just standing around, coming off as odd to him.  He would have to save that for later.  "Lady Leliana.  Nightingale of the Imperial Court, veteran of the fifth Blight, seneschal of the Inquisition and Left Hand of the Divine.  And Lady Josephine Cherette Montilyet of Antiva City.  Ambassador of the Inquisition."

Only once the advisors were lined up behind the Inquisitor and the Duke, did the Empress address them.

"Cousin.  My dear sister." The Duke exclaimed as he paused before the Empress at the top of the stairs.

"Grand Duke." The Empress bowed slightly.  "We are always honored when your presence graces Our court."

"Don't waste my time with pleasantries, Celine.  We have business to conclude."

"We will meet for the negotiations after We have seen to Our other guests." Her tone made it clear that there would be no further arguments.  Cullen could see why she was able to sway the Council of Heralds into deciding to make her Empress.  She had a presence about her that could change from accommodating to powerful in the blink of an eye.  All four of them watched as Gaspard gave a ridiculous, flourishing bow that was all arms and turned heel.

Composing himself, the Duke departed up the stairs with only an "Inquisitor."

Everyone turned back to the Empress when she began speaking again.  "Lady Inquisitor, We welcome you to the Winter Palace.  Allow Us to present Our cousin, the Grand Duchess of Lydes.  Without whom this gathering would never have been possible."

The blonde woman next to the Empress gave a deep curtsy before standing once more.  She gave a forced smile to Tanwen. "What an unexpected pleasure.  I was not aware the Inquisition would be part of our festivities." She turned to leave.  "We will certainly speak later, Inquisitor."

Tanwen turned back to the Empress.  "Your arrival at court is like a cool wind on a summer's day." Her Majesty said, holding her hands steady before her, only moving slightly to float along with her words.

"Let us hope the breeze does not herald an oncoming storm," Tanwen curtsied again. Celine seemed to approve of her answer.

"Even the wisest mistake fair winds for foul.  We are at the mercy of the skies, Inquisitor." The Empress smiled at Tanwen.  "How do you find Halamshiral?"

"I have no words to suffice.  Halamshiral has many beauties and I couldn't do them justice."

Cullen heard Josephine release a breath from beside him as if she had been worried Tanwen would have said the wrong thing.  Her words seemed to please the monarch.  "Your modesty does you credit and speaks well for the Inquisition.  Feel free to enjoy the pleasures of the ballroom, Inquisitor.  We look forward to watching you dance."

He watched Tanwen give another deep curtsey as the other woman turned away before moving to the stairs that the Duke had walked up.  Cullen wandered off to the side of the ballroom to watch and listen to the crowds that milled about for anything that might hint at the danger that the Empress was in.. In no time, he was surrounded by men and women, all poking and prodding him, offering him compliments he didn't want and asking him questions he didn't need.

Andraste's mercy, he didn't even want to be here!  His hands clenched even as he crossed them over his chest, wishing to wrap them around the hilt of his sword and the straps of his shield.  He wanted to hit something, he wanted to...

He felt everything pause when he caught the sight of ruby curls out of the corner of his eye, feeling his chest warm at the familiarity of the color.  He almost missed a question asked as he sought her out again.

"Are you married, Commander?" The male asked, giving him a coy look that irritated him.

"Not yet, but I am... already taken." he replied.

"So... you're still single then?"

Cullen was now positive he was never meant for palace life.  He couldn't simper and flirt, he couldn't lie through his teeth just to get an advantage.  

He was glad for Dorian and Varric’s visits throughout the night, or else he might have ended up shouting at a noble. Especially Bull’s visits, though they were mostly silent, because most of the nobles that flocked around him were frightened away by Bull’s presence in both size and the fact that he was Qunari. 

This Grand Game was ridiculous and he was better off having nothing to do with it. It and the people around him made him want to shout.  Their crowding made him wonder if they had never seen a Ferelden man before, but thought better of it.  With as many times as he got asked to dance in a short amount of time, perhaps he was simply a novelty to these people because they had nothing better to do. Looking for a means of escape, he caught sight of Tanwen again at the back of the crowd;  a smirk on her red lips though she tried to hide it behind a demure hand.  She was enjoying this, the wench!  "Inquisitor!  Did you need something?"  _ Please? _

Cullen wanted to laugh when he directed their attentions to her, giving himself a break from the incessant questions.  Her eyes grew wide as people turned to chatter to her or walk off, not interested in her as they were him or just downright disapproving of her still being called the Herald of Andraste.  She walked closer to stand next to him as they stared beyond the crowd.  Cullen leaned in closer so as not to be overheard. 

"The sooner we track down this infiltrator, the better."

Tanwen smiled and gave him a discreet nod.  "Have you noticed anything out of the ordinary?"

He shook his head.  "I'll let you know once I do."

They watched the crowds for a time before she sighed.  "Do you have any advice for me? I could use all the help I can get right now. I feel so out of my element in all this fancy dress finery."

"Orlesian social events don't fall within my area of expertise either.  There are few here we can trust.  Be careful."

"Who do you think the Inquisition should support?"

"Gaspard's claim to the throne is fair.  Orlais needs someone capable of responding to the crisis at hand.  A military minded leader seems the best option." She seemed to accept his advice, but didn't seem convinced.  She focused on the crowd before them. The people in front of them were watching the Tanwen and himself while trying to act as if they weren't. 

Turning to face him, she held her hands before her and stood straighter.  "I don't suppose you'd save a dance for me at the end of the night?"

"No, thank you." He replied automatically, then kicked himself when her face fell slightly.

"Oh."

"No!  I didn't mean to - Maker's Breath!  I've answered that question so many times tonight I'm rejecting it automatically. I'm not one for dancing.  The Templars never attended balls."

"Nor have I, but for never having attended a ball, you've attracted quite a following.  Who are all these people?"

Though she smirked, her glossed lips shining in the candlelight, he could hear a small amount of hurt in her words at his instant rejection, though he tried to fix it.  He sighed.  "I don't know, but they won't leave me alone."

"Not enjoying the attention then?" She was teasing him now? Perhaps he was just imagining he had hurt her feelings?

"Hardly.  Anyways, yours -" He cleared his throat, lowering his voice so those around them couldn't hear.  "Yours is the only attention worth having." He smiled when his words received the desired reaction of cheeks rouging beneath her painted mask and a bashful smile gracing her lips.

"I... should be going.  I've been sent to speak with the Dowager about a dance." Cullen watched her leave, ignoring the nobles moving in around him where the inquisitor had vacated, all vying for his attention.

For the rest of the evening, between hearing word of fighting in the gardens and in the servant's quarters, Cullen fended off many nobles attempting to hand him contracts of marriage both obviously and discreetly.  All he wanted to do was toss them all into the nearest fire grate, but he knew that if Leliana caught word that he had done such a thing, she would have his hide. So, he accepted them graciously and tucked them into his pockets, which were quickly filling with requests.

Cullen also awaited Tanwen's return from whatever the evening had her doing.  He wanted to speak to her about sending those guards to ask him about her battle with Corypheus’ dragon.  He was sure she had reason, it was just beyond his reasoning.  Gasps and twittering gossips echoed about, everyone around moving to the bannisters as a waltz began.  Looking below, Cullen saw Tanwen dancing with the Duchess, but they were obviously deep in conversation.  Tanwen danced like a leaf on the wind, the train of her coat draped over her arm even as she played the part of the man in the dance, yet he was transfixed by the whole event until she dipped the Duchess low to the ground when the dance ended.

"You'll be the talk of the Court for months!" Josephine hurried over to Tanwen when she reached the top of the stairs off the Ballroom floor.  "We should take you dancing more often."

Tanwen smiled.  "It's a relief to do something other than fight demons and horrors, or paperwork." Cullen chuckled under his breath. 

"You still face demons and horrors.  These ones are simply better dressed," Josephine replied as Leliana joined the three of them.

"You were  _ dancing _ with Duchess Florianne?" She asked, seemingly in shock.

"More importantly, what happened in the servants' quarters? I heard there was fighting." Cullen moved closer, noticing interested ears and gazes of the men and women around them.

"I hope you have good news.  It appears the peace talks are crumbling."

Tanwen turned to Josephine.  "The Grand Duchess tried to convince me Gaspard is the traitor, but I'm not sure I buy it."

"Florianne and her brother are thick as thieves, but she would give him up in an instant to save herself." Tanwen crossed her arms, looking deep in thought at Leliana's words.

"Then... the attack on the Empress  _ will _ happen tonight." Cullen sighed.

Josephine shook her head.  "Warning Celine is pointless.  She needs these talks to succeed, and to flee would admit defeat."

"Then perhaps we should let her die." Cullen's, Josephine's and Tanwen's eyes all grew wide at Leliana’s suggestion. 

"I thought we were here to  _ stop _ the assassination."

"Listen to me carefully, Inquisitor.  What Corypheus wants is chaos.  Even with Celine alive, that could still happen.  To foil his plan, the Empire must remain strong.  This evening,  _ someone _ must emerge victorious."

As much as he might wish otherwise, Cullen couldn't help but agree with Leliana's observation.  "And it doesn't need to be Celine," he turned from Leliana to Tanwen. "She's right."

Josephine seemed beside herself.  "Do you even realize what it is you are suggesting, Leliana?"

"Sometimes the best path is not the easiest one." She spoke with experience in her tone.  Memories of seeing her standing with Brianna Amell, separated by a magical barrier in the Circle of Ferelden during the horrific time when Uldred ruled, flashed before Cullen's eyes.  He gulped and forcefully pushed the memories back. For a split second, Tanwen's eyes grew concerned before she got back on track.

She wasn't convinced.  "You're asking me to decide what's best for Orlais?"

"It's more than that.  Whoever controls the Imperial throne will affect all of Thedas." He explained.

"You cannot stop Corypheus without a decision.  You must support someone, or all is lost."

Cullen could see that Tanwen wanted to roll her eyes as if to say 'Oh, is that all?'

"Then we should support Celine.  She is the rightful ruler.  Why would we say otherwise?"

"Because she lead Orlais to this point.  I say Gaspard, provided his sister is wrong about him." Cullen said, countering Josephine's approach.

"I would suggest Briala.  She could bring true peace, not only to the Empire but also it's elves."

"This is, however, your decision, Inquisitor.  Not ours." Cullen spoke over Leliana, turning everyone's attention to Tanwen.

Tanwen stared blankly at Josephine for a moment before focusing again.  "We came here to save Celine.  We should continue our mission."

"Then you must not only save her life, but also her Empire."

"That means giving her a victory over Gaspard and Briala."

Cullen watched Tanwen look from Leliana to Josephine in turn, feeling like she might be getting overwhelmed.  "If there truly is proof Gaspard's in league with Corypheus.  That would be a start."

Leliana picked up on his line of thought. "What did Duchess Florianne tell you?"

"She said Gaspard's mercenary captain is in the Royal wing.  That he knows about the assassination plans."

Cullen could feel apprehension boiling in his gut at the mention of the captain.  "Which could be a trap."

"Or a lead.  Either way, you should search the private quarters in that wing for clues." Josephine added.

"Then get me access," Tanwen said to Josephine before turning to face Cullen.  "In the meantime, get your soldiers into position."

He lowered his head in acknowledgement. "At once.” With meaning, he grabbed her hand and added under his breath, “Be careful, Tanwen."

Tanwen smiled, nodded, and disappeared into the depths of the castle.

Cullen didn't see her again for some time, but heard of more fighting out in one of the courtyards.  When he did see Tanwen, she out of her finery and in her full armor and weaponry, staring stonily across the ballroom at someone he couldn't see from behind a pillar.  When she turned to where he had been standing, he saw she was splattered with blood. Ignoring the comment about his hair and eyes given to him by one noble or another, he pushed past them to hurry over to her. Was she injured? This simple diplomatic mission was becoming more and more dangerous and he worried for her safety, so he was glad to see she was safe.

"Thank the Maker you're back! Are you alright? The Empress will begin her speech soon.  What should we do?"

She moved closer to Cullen, grimacing slightly when she inhaled and likely smelled the cloying perfumes that covered his own scent from the nobles that had surrounded him the entire night. Tanwen rubbed her nose to ward off the smell. "The Grand Duchess is the assassin, Cullen. Don't let her anywhere near the Empress."

Cullen looked at Tanwen in surprise and confusion. "The Duchess?" He set his facial features, hiding the surprise once more with a nod of his head.  "At once, Inquisitor."

~//~

Tanwen watched Cullen turn and discreetly summon two nearby Inquisition guard as he moved to tell the other advisors of the discovery and get his men into position as quickly as possible.  As she was walking down the side of the room after Cullen, looking into the crowds below, the presenter from the beginning of the evening stepped forward.

"Let all gathered attend!  Her Imperial Majesty will now address the court."  The man bowed and backed away, making way for Celine to approach the railing.

"Lords and ladies, as a nation we mourn our sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, friends and lovers claimed by war.  The sky is torn open, our Divine is dead, and many fear the end of all things comes upon us.  Orlais must stand as a bastion, a bulwark behind which all Thedas may take shelter.  So has it stood for a thousand years, so shall it ever stand!"

Tanwen walked faster when she saw the Duchess approach the Empress.  "This would not have been possible without the efforts of many.  Dear cousin, please step forward."

"Grand Duchess, stand down!" Tanwen shouted, withdrawing a dagger from her boot and pushing people out of her way as she ran forward.  Luckily, there were soldiers closer than she was, but she flinched slightly as she ran when she saw a soldier push the Empress out of the way and not so gently.  She would deal with whatever backlash that might rise from the action, once the Empress was safe.

Before she could reach the Duchess, Florianne pulled out a small knife from a hidden sheath at her back, stabbing the soldier at her back in the stomach. In quick succession and with the elegant movements of a practiced rogue, she slew two more of Tanwen's soldiers.  She felt their loss in her heart, but couldn't dwell on it now. She let her determination grow. She had to get to the Duchess.

"Now!" Florianne shouted.  Out of the corner of her eye, Tanwen saw the jesters that had been standing around all night, move towards her soldiers that stood on the ballroom floor, taking them out with expert precision.

' _ No!' _ She thought to herself, focusing back on the Duchess with growing anger.  _ ‘Cullen will take care of them.’ _

"For Corypheus!  Kill them all!" She commanded before turning towards the balcony overlooking the front gardens.

"Cullen! Protect the people!" Tanwen shouted down to the Commander as he fought below before chasing after the Duchess.

"Yes, Inquisitor!" She heard him reply as she followed the assassin over the railing, feeling Dorian, Bull and Varric close on her tail.

The four of them hurried past a gate after her, flinching slightly when they heard the metal screech when it was closed and locked behind them.  Tanwen turned back to the gardens before her, seeing the Duchess standing on top of the three tiered fountain in the center of the courtyard.  "Come back to the ball, Florianne.  I thought that you wanted to dance again!"

Florianne looked down her nose at them as Tanwen and her companions approached.  With a flourish, she ripped her gown from her body and let it flutter to the bottom tier of the fountain, revealing skin-tight rogue's armor.  She bent down and retrieved a bow, a quiver full of arrows and two daggers from the top tier on which she stood.

Throwing a smoke bomb, she disappeared in a plume of smoke.  Tanwen tried to track her, but the noble woman was good.  If it weren't for the hair on the back of her neck rising, she surely would have gotten stabbed in the back by the rogue when she reappeared a second later.

"Bull! Knock her guard down." Tanwen called as she ran toward their opponent. "Varric, see if you can't old her in place."

Flinging her hand in the air, Tanwen created a rift above the blonde before leaping forward to attack her with her two-handed sword.  The Duchess managed to break free when the rift dissipated, creating another curtain of smoke to disappear with.

Everyone looked around, but it was Dorian who finally found her.  "Leaving so soon, your Grace?" He turned to Tanwen.  "Be careful, she's up on the wall and has her bow out."

"Dorian, Varric, knock her down!"

Florianne repeated her hit and run tactic twice more, meeting them near the fountain.  While watching her movements, they had to deal with Venatori, which contributed to times when Tanwen lost sight of the Duchess.

Tanwen finally figured out her method and was ready.  When she got knocked from the wall this time, moving to the center of the courtyard, she lunged with her sword, impaling the woman before her when she reappeared.

The rogue gave a surprised, wet gasp, looking down at the sword buried to the hilt in her torso.  When she fell to her knees, Tanwen released her sword but didn't move away.  She stared down at the traitor in disgust.

"This is...not the end.  You will fail.  Corypheus will...conquer you all." With her dying breath, Tanwen felt herself get pulled back as the Duchess' body exploded, along with Tanwen's sword.

Tanwen turned to Dorian, whom had pulled her to safety.  "Terribly sorry about what happened to the Duchess.  I remembered that, near the beginning of the battle, I cast a Walking Bomb spell on her, just in case something bad happened.  So, when she died, I knew this would happen, so I quickly whisked you to safety."

She just rolled her eyes and smiled before wrapping her arms around the Tevinter male's shoulders. "My hero!" She exclaimed dramatically, the back of her hand on her forehead as she pretended to swoon.  Everyone laughed as they made their way back to the ballroom, stopping by the fountain to wipe off the blood and viscera accumulated on their persons from the Venatori.

Back inside the palace, Tanwen was beckoned to go to a balcony off of the ballroom to wait for the Empress, Briala, and Gaspard.

"Your sister attempted regicide in front of the entire court, Gaspard." Briala spat as they came to a stop in front of her.

"You're the spymaster.  If anyone knew this atrocity was coming, it was you."

"You don't deny your involvement?"

"I do deny it!" Gaspard growled, glaring at the elf.  "I knew nothing of Florianne's plans!  But you... you  _ knew _ it all and did nothing!"

Briala tisked.  "I don't know which is better:  That you think I'm all-seeing or that you're trying so hard to play innocent and failing."

"Enough!" Celine shouted over the two bickering adults.  "We will not bicker while Tevinter plots against our nation! For the safety of the Empire, I will have answers."

Tanwen turned to Gaspard.  "Your captain tells me you spent all night sneaking mercenaries into the Palace, Gaspard.  You intended to attack."

"And where did your troops come from, Inquisitor?  If sneaking men into the palace is damning, then we are both damned."

"My men were sneaking nowhere.  We offered them as a complimentary guard for the palace and was accepted." If she told them the real reason, that she had seen plans to kill Celine at Therinfal Redoubt, they would never believe her. Orlais thrived on The Grand Game.  Everyone was trying to kill everyone; The Empress was no exception. "I also found your knife on the dead body of a Council of Heralds emissary in the Palace."

"The council will not overlook such a horrendous crime, cousin." Celine pointed out.

The older man scoffed.  "It would be a horrendous crime, if it were true.  But I have done no such thing."

"By all means, continue to protest your innocence, Gaspard.  We find this performance endlessly fascinating." Tanwen barely caught herself from chuckling at Celine's words.

"His own mercenary captain will confirm that Gaspard brought hired thugs into the palace for an attack."

"So much for your Chevalier honor, cousin."  Gaspard remained silent.

"We've all heard enough to damn the Grand Duke." Tanwen looked at all three in turn.

The Empress nodded.  "Thank you, Inquisitor." She turned to Gaspard.  "There can be no doubt of your treason, Gaspard."

"No. It seems there cannot."  The Duke turned his head to glare at Tanwen.  She returned his look with a deadpan gaze of her own.

Celine straightened and stood imperiously, her arms before her as she had earlier in the night, looking at Gaspard.  "In light of overwhelming evidence, We have no choice but to declare you an enemy of the Empire.  You are hereby sentenced to death."

Tanwen wanted to say something, suggest that they simply send him to a deserted island where he couldn’t come back from and cause trouble. But he would likely do everything in his power to return and that wasn’t a good thing, so she remained silent as the Empress' guard gathered behind the Duke and took him in hand. 

"Long live the Empire." he growled before he was taken away to the dungeons to await his execution. Tanwen didn't approve of his being executed, he had conspired with his sister against Empress Celine,  but there was nothing she could do now.

Once he was gone, Celine turned back to Tanwen.  "Thank you, Inquisitor.  For all your efforts  tonight .  I owe you my life, and Orlais owes you its future."

Inside the palace once more, Tanwen walked side by side with the Empress as she moved to the railing overlooking the ball and her guests.  "You have done a service for the Empire never to be forgotten, my friend.  This peace is your doing.  You truly are the instrument of Andraste.  Orlais will never forget your part in this.  Nor will I."

Celine turned to the court. "Lords and Ladies of the court," She called, bringing the din of voices to silence.  Tanwen stood back two paces, as was per decorum as the Empress spoke.  "The evil war which has plagued us is at an end.  The Orlesian Empire is whole again!"

Those in attendance cheered at her words.  "Those who drove us into war for selfish gain have been dealt with as traitors.  Gaspard de Challons is guilty of treason.  He is no longer Our cousin, and shall never again hold title or lands in Orlais.  We have lost enough.  No more!  Now we can move forward to healing and restoration."

Celine motioned for Tanwen to walk forward with an extending of hand.  "In our hour of need, the Inquisition has faced these dangers beside Us.  It is the honor of Orlais to stand with Andraste's Herald to end this crisis.  And in ages to come, our children and grandchildren can say that we left them in a brighter world."

The Empress turned to Tanwen.  "Will you address the court, my friend?"

Tanwen turned to the assembled crowd.  "Ending the war was the first step.  Our final goal must be peace for all Thedas."

"Well said, Inquisitor.  We of the court must use our resources.  Not every battle is won on the battlefield." Celine smiled brightly as she looked over the nobles.  "But that is for  tomorrow !   Tonight , feast, my friends, enjoy our victory.  There will be many more to come!"

With a deep bow, no longer worrying about propriety necessary in her formal wear, to the Empress, Tanwen turned to return to the balcony from which they had come, suddenly finding herself in need of some fresh air. After everything that had gone on tonight, she finally found some time for herself to breathe.  When she heard the sound of clicking heels, she should have known it wouldn’t have lasted long.

"The Orlesian nobility make drunken toasts to your victory, and yet you are not present to hear them?"

Tanwen turned her head at Morrigan's appearance.  Despite Leliana's words of warning earlier in the night, Tanwen had sought out the woman and found an ally.  She had killed a Venatori thought to be making an attempt on the Empress' life and had found a key to the upper rooms, which Morrigan had then given her.

Morrigan sauntered up until she stood next to Tanwen at the railing.  "Do you tire so quickly of their congratulations, Inquisitor?  'Tis most fickle, after all your efforts on their behalf."

Tanwen smiled tiredly.  "There's plenty of opportunity for that later. It’s hardly even midnight.  I just wanted some air."

"I had no wish to interrupt your breathing, only to bring news. By Imperial decree, I have been named liaison to the Inquisition." Morrigan looked over the lake beyond the gardens from their spot on the balcony.  "Celine wishes to offer you any and all aid - including mine. Congratulations."

"Well, welcome aboard!  Who am I to naysay an Empress' wishes."

Morrigan bowed her head. "I shall meet you at Skyhold."

Tanwen watched her leave, noticing Cullen standing to the side of the doorway.  She smiled, glad to see him healthy and whole after the battle in the ballroom. Cullen's gaze was drawn by Morrigan as she passed, a flash of recognition in his eyes before he turned to focus on Tanwen.  She turned back to the railing, leaning on her elbows for support, feeling Cullen's approaching warmth as he came to lean against the stone wall beside her.  She felt his warmth all the way through her armor and into her skin and relished in it.

"Here you are.  Everyone's been looking for you.  Things have calmed down for the moment." He shifted his torso to lean on one arm so he could bring his free hand to reach up and turn her face with a gentle hand along her jaw.  "Are you alright?"

Tanwen smiled again and leaned against his appendage for a moment.  "I'm just worn out.   Tonight has been... very long."

"For all of us.  I'm glad it's over." He dropped his hand and leaned back further on one arm to see her clearly. By the look on his face, she could tell he saw her deep set exhaustion. He placed a hand on her bicep and gave it a light squeeze and she lifted a hand and returned his grip before he lowered his hand again. "I know it's foolish, but I was worried for you  tonight ."

Cullen turned his head back to the double doors leading to the ballroom and Tanwen heard the orchestra begin a new song amid laughter.  He smiled and looked at her again.  "I may never get another chance like this, so I must ask."

Tanwen watched him push off the railing, following him with her gaze as he turned back to her in a low bow, one hand outstretched as a nobleman would a noblewoman looking to court her. To say she was surprised would have been an understatement, especially after his reaction to her requesting he save her a dance earlier in the night.

"May I have this dance, my lady?"

Tanwen placed her hand in his and smiled. "Of course!  But I thought you didn't dance?" She curtsied the best she could in full armor and leathers. 

Cullen chuckled as he pulled her into a slow turn around the balcony.  Just beyond the double doors, she could see Dorian and the Iron Bull dancing a slow turn to the music as well.  "For you, I'll try." He whispered directly into her ear.  Tanwen leaned her head forward to rest on his shoulder and closed her eyes as they enjoyed the dance in the glow of the full moon, the night birds calling, lightening bugs twinkling as they floated along on a breeze, and crickets chirping just adding to the moment.  Tanwen sighed happily, falling even further under his spell, never wanting to be found.

~//~


	20. The Plains and an Elf Called Delani

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Dales. Once the renowned home of the elves, now mostly torn asunder by wars fought by humans. But Tanwen wants to set it right and make it peaceful once more, with the help of a fiery Dalish elf named Delani.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Delani Lavellan, mentioned later in the chapter, is Elcapitan18’s Inquisitor in her fic, To The Void and Back. It’s here on AO3 and everyone should definitely read it. If you like my story-writing, then you will love hers because it’s 1000x better!
> 
> ElCapitan18's profile: http://archiveofourown.org/users/ElCapitan18  
> To The Void And Back: http://archiveofourown.org/works/2730239
> 
> Sidenote: I am SOOOOOO sorry for missing last Saturday. I am also working on a crossfic called Part of Your World, involving the Dragon Age Universe and the Mass Effect Universe with Merrin Trevelyan and Kaidan Alenko as the stars. Hopefully I will have at least the first chapter ready in time for the chapter of The Lady and the Templar that I have planned, but we will see. Please let me know if you are interested in my crossfic! I am so excited for it myself!!
> 
> -Rogues

The Lady and the Templar chapter 20 - A Newcomer Has Emerged

"Have you seen Cullen?"

Tanwen watched Varric look up from his own paperwork, only to see him shake his head. "He's likely still in his quarters.  You know he gets this way before you go off and leave him behind."

Normally, she would have some kind of reply for the dwarf, but on the eve of their journey to the infamous Dales, Tanwen had worries she wished to speak to her Commander about that couldn't wait until the next war room meeting.  With a tilt of her head in thanks for his information, Tanwen excused herself from her friend's presence and hurried off to Cullen's quarters. She knocked twice and waited, albeit impatiently, for his gruff reply for her to enter.  When she walked in, Cullen looked up from his desk where he was giving commands to Jim.  His smile that seemed to always form when he saw her, fell at the look of deep concentration and concern on her face.

"Take this to Leliana and ask her to look it over before sending it to her scouts in the area." Cullen mumbled, handing the other man a rolled up piece of parchment before dismissing him.  He followed Jim to the door Tanwen stood in, reaching to clasp her hand to move her out of the doorway so Jim could leave, and guided her over to his desk.  When they reached it, he clasped both sides of her hips and lifted her to sit on only edge with no papers on it to be swept aside or disheveled.  Cullen moved to stand between her legs, his hands still at her sides. "What's the matter, love?"

"I've just spent the majority of the day reading up on the Dales, particularly the Exalted Plains.  I never really realized how bloody the last eight ages have been for the elves in the Exalted Plains.  The library in the rookery didn't go into much historic detail, which is understandable.  To some scholars, the plight of the elves was insignificant, barely worth mentioning amidst the  _ glorious _ details of the Empire and all the things the Chantry did.

"So I checked the vault library, with Dorian's help, and found books that described things as if from the elves point of view.  There were even descriptions of some battles and other historical events that most history books either gloss over or ignore completely.  I hate that the more popular historic accounting is usually written by the victor." Tanwen had to keep herself from pouting like a small child.  She loved reading, especially about history, but when it came to elven history, she didn't know what to believe and rare were the books that were authored by sympathizers or even elven scribes themselves.  She released a heavy breath. "Also, I'm sure you've seen the disturbing reports of even more spirits from the rifts popping up around the Plains that are possessing the recently dead from the Civil War.  It means that we will not only have to worry about demons materializing around rifts and Freemen that are causing problems for our troops, but there will be an increased number of dead walking about."

Cullen reached a hand up to cup the back of her neck to pull her forehead to his breastplate and she gripped his sides. "It's nothing you haven't faced a hundred times before.  Are you worried for some reason?"

"With such varied accounts of what happened, I feel so unprepared.  I'm also getting tired.  It feels as if it's just been one battle after another.  Even our trip to the Winter Palace was fraught with danger.  I'm looking forward to the day that Corypheus is no longer an issue - when I don't have to worry about rifts and Nightmares having a chance to come through into this world.  I'm looking forward to the day I don't have to leave you behind to go into danger, when I can just stay in your bed and wile away the day without a care. But I'm complaining -"

"No you aren't.  Out of everyone in the Inquisition, you are the one with the most reason to express discontent." Cullen tilted her chin with his index finger to look at him, placing a lingering kiss on her lips. "That you focus on getting things done, are determined to do so, and don't lock yourself away or complain about your hardships to anyone who will listen, makes you a more remarkable woman than I can say. Now, it's getting late and you have an early morning -"

Tanwen reached up to clasp either side of his neck and met Cullen half way with a deep kiss, leaning back slightly to bring him closer as memories of the last time they were in this position on his desk flashed past her closed eyelids.  She felt her body heat up like a flash fire and was the first to pull away but didn't release his neck.

"Take me to bed, Cullen."

She watched as a shiver surged through his body and a moan emerge from deep within his chest, almost like a growl.  Tanwen chuckled and slid out from in front of him and hurried to the ladder.  When she got to the top and close to his bed, she turned to see if he was behind her, only to find that he had been closer than she had expected.  With an 'oomph', he tackled her to his bed, laying his full weight on her and attaching his lips to the scar on her neck left by the darkspawn magister, nibbling and licking.  Tanwen sighed and smiled, placing a hand on his shoulder with her right hand and pushing him over until he was on his back.  She quickly straddled his loins, looking down at him with a serene smile, her gaze heading up as he massaged her thighs, inching his way closer to the ties in her breeches so he could get to her wet core beneath.

Tanwen reached for both of his hands with both of hers and pulled them up to clasp before her heart. She stared at him from above for several moments before whispering low but clear, "Move in with me."

Cullen's eyes widened in shock, looking as if he hadn't heard her right. "What did you say?"

Heat infused her cheeks.  She had been thinking about it, thinking about asking him to live in her quarters, but something always kept her from asking him. "I want you to live with me, in my quarters, Cullen."

"Why?"

This wasn't going at all as she had envisioned in her head.  When she had thought about asking him during her travels, she had asked him calmly to move in with her, as she had, and he instantly had said yes, as if she had asked him to marry her.  In reality, though she had been clear and calm, she had practically demanded he live with her, leading to his confusion.

"Well, for one, we wouldn't have to worry about interruptions.  And two, there are no holes in the roof over my bed."

Cullen looked past her and to the roof above, seeing Satina passing lazily overhead with stars twinkling around her like diamonds.  "I rather like the holes."

"Why?  You deserve better than a worn and torn roof in a near shambling tower."

He chuckled, his eyes still above, giving off an air of disbelief, as if he didn't believe her words and that he deserved to be where he was.  Tanwen lifted a hand to his chin to refocus his gaze on her.  "Why do you like the holes in your roof?  Don't you get snowed on?  Rain?  I'm surprised you haven't gotten sick yet."

"The holes in the roof allow more of a breeze to blow through than the windows alone.  After the things that happened in Ferelden's circle, I can't stand to be in a room with closed windows and doors for too long.  It becomes suffocating and stifling.  And besides, if I did decide to live in your quarters with you, you would end up getting less sleep than you already do because I would continuously wake you up and you don't need that."

Tanwen's grip tightened on his chin, causing his lips to pucker, and she looked down at him with a raised eyebrow. "Cullen Stanton Rutherford, you stop right there. I appreciate that you are so worried for my sleep schedule, but I want to be there for you when you wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night.  To hold you when the nightmares get bad.  No one should be alone when they wake from something like what constantly rouses you from the deep depths of sleep.  That is another perk of you living in my room and sharing my bed.  You won't get trapped in your nightmares and maybe, in time, it will help them disappear completely.  Until then, if you still need a breeze, I have two double doors leading to balconies at the highest point in the keep.  The breeze is unrivaled and if you are worried about me getting cold, I will have a strong, capable, loving, wonderful, ex-Templar sharing my bed and keeping me warm."

He gently pulled his face away from her hand and stared up at her, as if trying to think of an argument.  She watched a muscle tick in his jaw as he chewed over his options and she felt herself getting upset.  Would living with her be so bad?  She thought she had laid out her argument adequately, she -

"Okay."

Now it was Tanwen's turn to look down at him with widened eyes even as a smile formed on his scarred lips. "You will?" This earned her a nod.

She beamed down at him, leaning down until their torsos touched completely and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him close even as he continued massaging her thighs.  Tanwen pulled back just a moment before moving in to kiss him hungrily, feeling Cullen's hands move from her thighs to grip her ass and give the twin globes a squeeze before trailing his fingers to press against her core through her breeches and smalls.

"How about we celebrate by one last night together in this room?"  Cullen growled. When she nodded, he flipped them over again so that she was on the bottom and kissed his way down her torso, parting her tunic to nip at the tops of her breasts above her breast band before licking and nipping the skin of her stomach and lower.

"I had assumed that's why we were up here." She moaned when he reached his destination between her thighs.

~//~

The next day, when Tanwen readied to leave before dawn with Cassandra and bleary-eyed Solas and Varric in tow, she leaned down from Selena to touch her forehead to Cullen's as had become a welcome and common occurrence for them.

"I'll miss you," she whispered on a sigh.

"And I you. You are in good hands and as determined as you are, you will sweep across the Dales like a storm and make Emprise du Lion, the Emerald Graves and the Exalted Plains safe in no time.  When you get back, a much needed rest will be in order."

Tanwen gave Cullen a humorless chuckle at his words.  "At least until we get word of Corypheus' next move."

"You have severely hobbled him in the path he has created, Tanwen.  It will give you some time to relax, I promise."

She pulled back slightly and looked into his golden eyes, seeing the determination there that matched his words along with the lingering desire from the night before and the love that was always there in both their eyes.

"Rwy'n garu di.  I love you." She added when a look of confusion at her words formed.  He smiled when she translated what she had said.

"I love you.  I will see you again in no time."

~//~

Whatever she had expected in the Plains, it hadn't been this.

Demons, bodies and spirits possessing corpses were more common than she had imagined and the land was scorched, lending a horrible acrid smell to the air.  Monuments were everywhere dedicated to different people, groups and places, none of which were to the elves of the Plains.

There was so much to do in the region, Tanwen wasn't sure where to start.

Just beyond the Inquisition’s foothold camp in the Plains, a Chevalier was battling with a group of demons valiantly, but losing.  Tanwen and her companions hurried to help him.  When the Rage demon and shades had been defeated, the man, Rosselin, explained that he and his men had been trying for weeks to retake the western and eastern ramparts outside Fort Revasan from the undead. They’d had no success, so Tanwen and her companions went to the pit where the bodies of the dead had been tossed and, after defeating the Arcane Horror guarding it, set the corpses aflame to avoid more walking dead.

After they blew the horn signaling to the Orlesian army that the rampart was clear of dead, they went back to Rosselin. Out of the corner of her eye as they spoke, Tanwen saw elves with bows watching them in the distance.  Tanwen politely excused them from the Chevalier when he finished and went over to the elves.

As they approached, the elves turned and walked further into the forest behind them and Tanwen felt compelled to follow. When they walked between the naturally created walls of stone, it was like walking into another world compared to the one they had just left.

Lush, green trees and grass grew in the dirt, moss and ferns sprouting all over the rock.  There was an air of magic that couldn't be denied in this oasis on the Plains.  As they continued, they found statues of men with bows, looking oddly like Solas, and owls.  There were statues of a wolf and archways from old buildings.  It felt like they had stepped back in time and it was absolutely fascinating. Many times, Tanwen had to forcibly remind herself to close her mouth.

At the sound of fighting, Tanwen focused and looked around to find the elves she had been following, before becoming distracted with the scenery around them, had begun fighting risen corpses. When they drew closer, Tanwen jumped into the air to bring her new sword down with all her strength, using the rune on the blade to cause the ground to crack and flames to burst forth, catching the dried skin of the corpses on fire and making quick work of them as her companions engaged the remaining enemies.

"The dead should stay dead, wouldn't you say, friend?" One of the elves panted when the battle was over.

"I couldn't agree more.  There seems to be a lot of trouble in these parts." Tanwen moved closer to the elf that spoke with a smile on her face to assure them that she and her group meant no harm.

"That's putting it mildly.  The war has stopped, but now the dead are walking. Funny, though, I've been watching these undead and they seem...focused on the shem armies." Tanwen's eyebrows disappeared into the lengths of hair covering her forehead. Focused?  Why? "It's as if... well, why wouldn't someone want to kill humans, huh?  Still... poor fools."

She could see his point, what with elven history with humans, but still, she kept her guard high.  "Are you Dalish then?"

"Of course.  You would have little experience with the People.  Yes, we are Dalish. We've been camped for weeks in the fields to the west. The war between the Lions made passage through the Dirth difficult.  Damaged some of our aravels. If you find the clan, tell Keeper Hawen I will continue the hunt, and perhaps find a safer route through the Plains."

"You're awfully friendly for a Dalish.  I had heard that the Dalish were aloof and mistrustful of strangers.  You seem different." Tanwen relaxed a bit more. The elf was trusting her with the location of his clan encampment, she could show some trust of her own by being less tense.

"Well, don't tell the Keeper." The male elf chuckled then sighed.  "I love my people, but they keep the old wounds raw. I don't know.  Perhaps I feel it's just time to... forgive."

"That's admirable.It’s past time that humans to ask for said forgiveness of the elves as well, though not many would agree with me. We all need to work together right now to fight a larger enemy than any seen before."

The two talked for a short time before Tanwen bid her elven friend a farewell and moved west towards where the man, she discovered was named Olafin, had pointed. 

An hour of walking later, they came across a river, on other side which lay a circle of large wooden wagons painted red and topped by large white sails, with elves walking amongst them.  This must be the elven camp Olafin spoke of.  Past the shallow river, they cautiously approached the camp, watched by all of the elves in the vicinity. When an older male approached them, Tanwen got the impression that this was the Keeper Hawen that Olafin told them to talk to.

"Keeper Hawen?"

He nodded. "I am.  These are not good times to come unbidden before the People. Especially here, where we remember the destruction of our home at the hands of humans. My patience is thin with all that has befallen.  Perhaps you should be on your way."

"I met your hunter, Olafin, just east of here in some ruins.  He said I could come here to lend you my aid. I am Tanwen Trevelyan of the Inquisition. If I might ask, what has befallen your clan?"

The male looked at her skeptically for a moment before sighing. "The Orlesian war has hindered our progress through the Dirth. The armies cause rockslides.  They dig ditches that trip the Halla and destroy the aravels, making passage impossible. Precisely when the clan needs him most, my First, Taven, defies my wishes and mounts an excursion to the Emerald Graves. And now, I've learned that the grounds of Var Bellanaris are infested by angry spirits from the Beyond. I have sent a hunter, but I have heard nothing from her and she has not returned.  I worry for her safety."

"If it would help your people, I would be honored to assist you, Keeper." Tanwen bent at the waist to show her respect to the elder before her. When she looked up, it appeared that he appreciated her act of supplication. 

"My clan and I would be deeply grateful, if you could. Be mindful of the resting places of our dead.  Var Bellanaris is sacred ground." Tanwen nodded. After a moment's hesitation, she heeded her curiosity.

"Keeper Hawen, I have one question before we leave for Var Bellanaris.  Why do elves call this plain 'The Dirth'?"

The older male seemed surprised at her curiosity. "When the People settled here, we called it Dirthavaren - The Promise.  For the Dales were promised to us, by Andraste. It's still the Dirth to us, even if shemlen give it a name that recalls our destruction."

Tanwen bowed her head to the Keeper before leading her companions to where the Keeper had marked on their map the location of the burial grounds. Luckily, it wasn't far and they made it there in good time.

When they entered the burial grounds, Tanwen noticed Solas frown. "There should be protective spells here to give the dead peace.  Something or someone has broken them, which is attracting the demons we were sent to defeat."

"Then we will cleanse the ground after we defeat the demons. That should be an easy enough task, yes?"

"Mama, it seems someone has beat us here." Varric tilted his head towards the back of the enclosure and Tanwen followed his gaze.  Towards the back, near a door of ancient make, a slight woman with hair the color of blood, was battling demons.

"Come on, let's help her." She said as she unsheathed her greatsword and hurried over to the woman.

Sword drawn and ready for battle, Tanwen lept into a the fray with a mighty swing of her blade. The whir of her sword cutting through air was stopped by the sound of it burying into twisted flesh and sinewy muscle. Nearly cut through its middle, the shade turned on Tanwen with an unholy screech, claws drawn and thirsty for blood. 

She yanked her blade from the beast and used it to block the Shade’s attack, before ducking away from the second swipe of its claws. With a forward lunge, the tip of her sword sank into the Shade, plunging deep into its belly until the sharpened blade was buried to the hilt. An upward wrench of the hilt tore through bone and muscle. Blood blacker than tar, and smelled just as bad, poured from the gaping hole and the nightmare collapsed at her feet. 

A surprised sound came from Tanwen as an unseen force pushed her from behind. She stumbled and turned to find a wraith floating some distance away. It was a cloud of green, a memory of the fade, a creature with the poor judgment of attacking her. She snarled at the accursed creature and met it in combat, lifting her sword to deflect the bolt of energy it flung at her to slow her strides. 

It had taken time for Tanwen to get used to fighting wraiths. Misty as their forms were, at first, she had expected her blade to flow right through their opaque bodies. When her blows made impact with a semi-solid opponent she’d been surprised. Now, many months later, she knew its every weakness and made quick work of the wispy silhouette. 

With another adversary down, Tanwen turned to find the next. She was met with narrowed sea green eyes. The elf woman that stood several yards across from her was short, made smaller by her stance; crouched low for battle. Her upper lip curled back into a snarl and her motions were quick as lightning as she reached for the knives strapped to her thigh, and flung them in Tanwen’s direction just as Cassandra exclaimed, “Behind you!”

Tanwen felt the air shift beside her ear, a hiss of wind that displaced her hair as the blades flung past her. There was a squelching sound that filled her ears as the throwing knives sunk into the sickly flesh of the terror demon that had materialized behind her and was towering behind her. The half second of surprise was all she needed before re-engaging the battle at hand. Tanwen spun, sword firmly gripped in hand, and cut the demon down.

As one, they finished off the few foes that remained. The rage demon and the few wraiths left fell quickly with the addition of the elven rogues daggers to the fight. Once the final screeching fog of green faded into the ether, and with no rift to close, Tanwen turned to address the elf they’d assisted. 

She was reminded of her earlier observation of the elf’s small height when Tanwen stood in front of the other woman. The elf stood as tall as Tanwen’s bosom, and had to tilt her head back in order to maintain Tanwen’s gaze. She was a peculiar show of red in its variants. Her hair was deep auburn, reminiscent of blood in its color. Skin dark like copper and was smattered by freckles. Crimson branches sprouted from the bridge of her nose, across her brow, and were also displayed on her cheekbones and down her chin. 

Thick auburn eyebrows were furrowed over sea green eyes, the contrast in color making her gaze all the more piercing and bright. Full lips were pulled into a thin line as she regarded Tanwen, and her expression was tight with distrust. Even after saving her from demons, the elf didn’t trust Tanwen or her companions. 

Tanwen supposed she could understand. 

“Are you the Inquisition?” The elf asked, green eyes sharp as they moved from Tanwen to inspect the others. 

“We are.  I am Tanwen Trevelyan.” Tanwen sheathed her sword and held up her hands to show no sign of aggression towards the female before her. When she calmed, Tanwen extended her hand out in greeting. “Are you the hunter that Keeper Hawen asked us to search for in Var Bellanaris?”

Crimson eyebrows shot up with the elf’s surprise. “The Keeper sent you?” When Tanwen nodded in confirmation the other woman rolled her eyes and sighed. “Of course he did. The man worries more than a new mother.”

She put her daggers away and offered Tanwen her hand. “You may call me Delani Lavellan, if you wish.” The corner of her mouth curled a bit as she added, “Thank you for your assistance back there. It was much appreciated.”

Tanwen smiled.  “It was my pleasure. Have you any clue as to what might have caused the protection spells on this area to fall?  What might be causing the demons to spawn?  There is no rift near by that I can tell, and I doubt that they are being drawn solely by the residue left by millennia of magic in this place. It feels like there is something more. What do you know of the area, Serah?”

The expression that unfolded over Delani’s features was curious as she regarded Tanwen. She gave her a once over before meeting her gaze again, an eyebrow arched as she looked Tanwen in the eyes. “It’s elven custom to blame shemlan whenever possible, so if I had to venture a guess at the cause of this mess…” she let the sentence hang there a moment before her smile grew. 

Delani’s shoulders bounced with her shrug. “Honestly, I’m probably not the best resource for information on the area. I’m just visiting myself. My clan stays primarily in the Free Marches. I came south because,” she cut herself off with a shake of her head. “Keeper Hawen can answer your questions far better than I can. And, after you saved my hide, I’m sure he’d be willing to help.”

“I see.” Tanwen turned to Solas. “Do you have any ideas how we can cleanse the area?”

Solas cast his gaze around the circle of ancient arched stone, taking in the trees that were some of the largest she had seen, guarding the sacred burial plots at its roots. “Var Bellanaris, it means ‘Our Eternity’. It is an ancient place, filled with ancient spirits. When whatever spell protecting this place was brought down, likely during one of the many battles that have occurred here, the magic that had been here for time untold drew nearby spirits and demons, thus defiling this place.  Perhaps there is something within the tomb beyond the door? An object that acted like a casting stone or a ward? Some kind of foci for the spell.”

The group walked over to the large, ornate double doors. As Tanwen reached for the door, she pulled short, staring up at the doors. A line of language she could only guess as being an ancient form of elvish was carved into the stone above the door. “I… don’t think we should go in until after we talk to the Keeper. It doesn’t feel right.”

Solas seemed to approve. “Perhaps there is a key within a chest nearby? Or maybe some clue?”

“Look no further,” said Delani as she pulled the thin rope from under her armor to reveal a key. She ripped the string from her neck and held it out for Tanwen to take. “Consider it a token of my gratitude.”

Tanwen’s eyes went wide. “How did you… why did you…?” She shook her head before reaching for the key and taking it in hand.  “Nevermind. Rogue.  I thank you, serah.”

She turned to the rest of her group.  “Let’s get this taken care of, with caution, so we can get back to the Keeper.  The Exalted Plains is quite large and there are a lot of things we have yet to do.”

Despite the grandeur of the door and the area before it, inside the grotto was less than impressive, but no less amazing that something of such age would last so long in such a volatile portion of Thedas. Tanwen and Cassandra both lit torches as they wandered into the cavernous space, Tanwen taking point while Cassandra pulled up the rear.  

Everywhere around them, they could hear the sound of water droplets landing on the ground from the vegetation above the grotto bouncing off of the stone all around them. Tanwen inhaled deeply, taking in the sweet earthy tones of damp dirt and moss, as well as the smell of slightly burnt flesh. Her brows furrowed.  If Delani had had the only key and the door had been locked, why would there be that particular smell?

“Take caution.” Tanwen murmured as she withdrew her sword before ascending the stairs along the left side of the room. 

Up on the landing, Tanwen peered into the room beyond, seeing stone caskets that were surrounded by vases and boxes, some of which seemed to be filled with items likely to have been owned by the deceased, and more highly designed than the ones in the previous room.  Those resting eternally in this room must have been of higher status than the others.  At the far end of the room, she saw what appeared to be a mausoleum, with torches lit on either side and a large urn in front of the door.

“If this was the place where the spell was cast to protect Var Bellanaris, then this is where the disturbance had to be to bring it down.” Tanwen held her torch up high so that she could get a closer glimpse of the urn before her.  Nothing seemed fantastic about it other than cracks and moss gathered by age.  Solas joined her, leaning in close to the container.

“It is likely that the spell was cast with the vase as its foci. When looters found a way in and disturbed the urn, it cancelled the spell, thus allowing the demons to gather.  Particularly once rifts began forming in the vicinity.”

“Is there any way we can fix it?  Bring the wards back up? Burial grounds are sacred, no matter what race they belong to.”  Tanwen felt Delani’s and Solas’s approval as she watched the male elf open the lid and look inside but leaving the items be.  Within and along the wall of the urn closest to the door of the mausoleum, a line of runes had been etched into the clay. She remembered seeing runes carved into walls before, but had needed veilfire to see them. These were created by hand, not magic, so someone could see them with the naked eye.

“It is possible, but I would need time to examine the markings to decipher what was used.”

Tanwen was so focused on the task, curious about the writing, that it took Delani calling out to everyone to bring her attention back to the present.

“As fascinating as all of this is, we have visitors.”

When Tanwen looked up, she found that the two torches on either side of the mausoleum had gone out on their own.  Turning to face the female elf, she nearly dropped the torch into a puddle of water in shock. 

More dead were rising, as well as an Arcane Horror that had likely been wandering about before, but when they disturbed the urn, had forced its attention to the main room. Tanwen re-lit the sconces with her torch before she reached back for her blade. “Focus on the Horror,” she shouted before throwing herself into battle. 

The demon’s long and gangly hands started to move in a circular motion and Tanwen could feel an energy building. It was casting a spell and she needed to disrupt it before that accumulating power was released on her and her companions. A loud and booming roar filled the room as she charged the demon down and brought her two handed blade up in a powerful backhand swing. 

It was enough to stagger the creature and, with the addition of Solas’s magic, kept it down for a moment longer. Long enough for Tanwen to spin with her blade, a whirlwind of deadly motion that hacked through the demon’s middle and chopped through bone. The creature’s only acknowledgement of her attack was a haunting groan. It lifted its hands and Tanwen hurried to bury her blade into its middle but, just as she lunged, the creature vanished from before her and she tumbled to the floor. 

At the feeling of a sudden and powerful pain in her shoulder when she stood, Tanwen glanced down to find an arrow buried in her pauldron. She snarled as she used her sword to cut off the fletching and ripped it out of her armor, tip first, and looked around the room to find undead archers aiming at her team. Refocusing on where the Arcane Horror had reappeared, Tanwen shouted for someone to deal with the archers and threw herself back into the fight and ignoring the pain. 

“On it,” Delani replied before falling back and rounding the room to pick off the undead. 

Assured that the elf could handle their archer foes, Tanwen turned her attention to the Horror and gave Cassandra a sideways glance. The other woman caught her gaze and they both nodded in unison. They stormed the Arcane Horror, blades drawn, the Seeker’s shield high, and caught the demon before it could let loose a barrage of spirit bolts upon them. 

The five of them moved like a synchronized force. Even the elven rogue fell into step with their seemingly choreographed fight. When Tanwen swung her sword, Varric launched a series of bolts of his own. The Horror swiped and Tanwen ducked out of the way, just as Cassandra slashed her blade across its chest; all while Solas released a string of powerful spells. 

Once the undead were returned to their permanently deceased state, Delani joined Tanwen and Cassandra in fighting the Horror. The three of them were a flurry of blades, a dance of side steps and evading turns. Delani’s skill with her daggers was undeniable as she flurried her attacks, a constant blur of motion as each quick strike slashed at the horror and brought down its defenses so that Tanwen and Cassandra could finish it off. 

In the end the demon fell with a ghostly howl, collapsing onto the stone before disintegrating into an otherworldly light. With their opponents dead, the silence that joined them was a welcome change from undead groans and demonic cries. Tanwen put away her sword and the others took the cue to sheath their weapons as well. 

The rogue elf, her voice chipper and edged with sarcasm, looked around at them all. “You lot sure know how to have a good time.” To Tanwen she asked, “How often does this sort of thing happen to you?”

Tanwen sighed and scratched the back of her neck as she smiled at the female elf. “Every day it feels like. But that was easy in comparison. I mean, there was the breach to close, Therinfal Redoubt cleared…”

“An Empress to save,” Delani added for her with an impish shrug. “Word gets around, even to the Dalish.”

“I’m seeing this now.” Tanwen nodded her head towards the entrance while still looking at the other woman.  “Let’s get back to the clan, shall we?  The Keeper needs to know what happened here.”

~//~

“Josephine, have we heard any more word from Tanwen’s family?” Cullen asked as he marched into the Antivan woman’s office.

“Yes.  They cast off from Ostwick day before last.  I have one of my best ships with them.  They should be landing in Jader about the same time that Tanwen and her company return from their trip to the Dales.”

Cullen nodded.  “Good. I shall see to the preparations for her parent’s room and any retainers they bring with them.  Should we put them in the rooms near the rookery? They are still under construction, but we can put a priority on them, yes? Better yet, I will fix them up myself.  I find it difficult these days to sleep.”

“Is it because she isn’t here?” Cullen nodded. “Perhaps if you slept in her room while she was gone?  It might help and I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.”

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve thought about it and…” He stopped himself just short of telling Josephine what Tanwen had asked him to do and he agreed to. Why though?  People were going to find out anyways.  They had found out about the two of them being together the day after their first kiss on the ramparts. “And she asked me to move into her quarters, so I will be doing that as well.  Not that I have much to move up into her room.”

“She did?  Well!  It’s about time! Should I send for a larger bed?  Tanwen’s is rather small.”

“No, it’s fine.  Tanwen’s bed is perfect.” And it really was.  When he had found himself in her room months ago, it was simple but elegant, and big enough for two people to be comfortable and close and he prefered it that way.

Cullen walked from Josephine’s office to his own, watching over the soldiers in training as he crossed the catwalk. Inside, he found Leliana leaning against his desk with her arms crossed over her chest. “Leliana? Is there something you need?”

“Not at the moment.  I came here to check on you. I’ve seen the light on in your office and pacing the ramparts at night.  You cannot sleep, can you?  Is it because of the Lyrium?”

“Not as much now as it used to. My night pacing starts when the Inquisitor leaves for wherever we send her.” Cullen looked around his office to see if there was anything he wanted to take with him to Tanwen’s chambers - he still intended to keep his office for official business.  Seeing nothing, he moved to the ladder leading up to his quarters.  He could feel Leliana’s eyes on him as he climbed up to his room.

“What are you looking for, Commander?”

Cullen cast his gaze about his quarters, only seeing a few nicknacks and a handful of books he decided to take with him.  As he went to the small table next to his bed, he picked up a book he had been reading by candlelight. “Necessities. Tanwen has invited me to move into her quarters.”

He listened to the silence of the tower from his words with a slight curl of his lips.  It wasn’t often someone could render the Sister speechless.  Cullen looked around once more, his eyes catching on a pile of reports on his bed and a spare sword he kept next to his bed at all times and collected those as well. The sword had been that way ever since the events of the Ferelden Circle.  Even in Kirkwall.  His roommate, Samson, had often asked and teased Cullen for his need to keep a weapon near by even whilst they slept.  Samson never would have understood.  Even though he still suffered nightmares, knowing he had a weapon near by, even at a secure hold like Skyhold, helped.

He gathered other various odds and ends, noting how few items he carried in his arms.  He wished he could be surprised, but being a Templar for most of his life had groomed him to living frugal and bare - at least when it came to material possessions.  Cullen shrugged and, using an old wooden box he found in a decaying corner of his room, managed to carry his items down the ladder to his office.  When his feet touched the ground, he looked over to where Leliana stood. 

“You are moving into the Inquisitor’s quarters?”  Cullen nodded as a toothy grin bloomed.  Leliana looked at him from under her hood, smiled and clapped him on the shoulder.  “I am happy for you two, I truly am.  But don’t you think it’s a bit too soon?”

“It’s been months, and never have I felt this way about another person.  I don’t believe that I ever will.  Tanwen is an amazing, powerful, caring woman, and I’ve been blessed by the Maker to have her in my life.  So, while it may seem early, it feels right.  Also, we never know what the future holds, and after being in the Templars for most of my life, I don’t want to miss a thing.”

Leliana crossed her arms and nodded.  “That is a familiar feeling throughout all of Thedas over the past decade, is it not?”  She followed Cullen when he exited his office.

They passed two soldiers walking along the bridge connecting Cullen’s quarters and the atrium.  Cullen could feel their gazes on him as he carried the box next to Leliana.  He could imagine that it looked as if he had been let go from his position as Commander, or even that he was being escorted to the dungeons because he had been arrested.

Cullen felt his cheeks burn but kept his head held high as they passed through Solas’ atrium, hearing people murmuring above him, hearing words like ‘dungeon’ and ‘shackles’, before he and Leliana passed into the great hall.  He swallowed a lump in his throat before continuing into the hall and walked towards Tanwen’s rooms.  Halfway to the door in question, he suddenly didn’t feel Leliana’s presence behind him.  When he turned, the woman was nowhere in sight.  Cullen turned and hurried towards Tanwen’s door and to safety.

When he made it through the doorway and shut the door, he leaned back against the heavy wooden surface and released a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He looked around the tower he now found himself in, seeing the stairs follow along the outer wall and up with new eyes. Before, he hadn’t really paid attention to his surroundings, usually because his nose was in a report or he was single-minded in his goal to speak with the Inquisitor. Now, he realized that the long tower steps to her main rooms, past a medium-sized side room that would be good for Iuen, were in almost the same state as his own quarters. She had never mentioned disrepair to her stairs before.  He would bring it up with the other advisors about fixing them up.  If Iuen was going to be staying in the bedroom in the tower, especially for Tanwen’s own safety, then it needed to be safe.

When he opened the door to her main rooms, he paused after he closed the door and closed his eyes, then opened them back up, sure that this was no dream. Never in his life had he imagined he might be living with a woman that wasn’t family, with the woman he loved.

“CULLEN STANTON RUTHERFORD!”

Cullen jumped at the sound of his name being screeched through the closed door behind him.  He stepped forward two paces in time to avoid being assaulted by the heavy oak door as it was flung open, revealing Mia with her arms crossed and jaw clenched as her eyes flashed.  When she stepped through the door, she was followed by Pherra and her daughter who hurried past the siblings towards the main room with a bucket and clean bedlinens. Cullen watched them pass before turning back to Mia, who was now tapping her foot in impatience along with her crossed arms.

“Is there something I can help you with, Mia?”

“I just heard a rumor about you and what you are doing, Cullen.”  

Cullen stood there, staring at her, trying to hide any hint of emotion. “And?”

“Have you lost your mind?  I like the Inquisitor, I do.  But she is nobility!  It isn’t proper to reside with a nobleman’s daughter when you are both unwed.”

“I haven’t forgotten, Mia.  While she may still be nobility by blood, she is now of a higher status than her Bann father.  Maker, she is second only to the Divine in the Chantry! Right now, without a Divine being declared, that means there’s no one higher in all of the Chantry than Tanwen.”

“That just makes it worse.  Since the Inquisition is called upon by the Divine, or in this case, her Left and Right Hands, that means Tanw- the Inquisitor is officially part of the Chantry.  There are rules about fraternization…”

“She is not a Sister or a Mother, in regards to the Chantry.  She does have a son, if you will recall.  The Inquisition also operates outside the rules and diction of the Chantry. The only contact with them that we have is through the Divine, when she was still living. It will be the same when a new Divine is chosen, likely by Tanwen.  No Mother, Sister, or Brother has the authority to guide the Inquisition to their will. Only Tanwen’s and whichever candidate for Divine she chooses.”

Mia frowned at him.  “But that still leaves her as having a noble background, Cullen.  She must be used to certain etiquette and rules when it comes to living with someone of the opposite gender.”

Cullen wanted to clench and unclench his hands to calm the rising tide of his anger.  As it was, he could only grip the box tightly with his gloved hands. “While of noble blood Tanwen may be, she is closer to being a Templar in temperament and skill than a noblewoman within the Grand Game.  Most times, she eschews many of the things expected of her and her noble status.  She holds no interest in gentry intrigue.  She would, in fact, rather spend time training with the soldiers or working in New Haven, if given the time.”  He could feel himself breathing hard as he frowned at Mia, trying to catch his breath.  Maker’s Breath, he hadn’t been irritated with Mia like this since they had been small children.  But this, moving into Tan’s room, felt right and he would defend his decision.

Mia looked up at him with wide eyes at his outburst.  After a moment, she collected herself.  “I see.  Before you do move into her rooms, do you at least intend to ask her father for her hand in marriage, since you are, I assume, sleeping with her and planning to live with her under one roof in other than a professional manner?”

Without so much as a pause, Cullen replied. “I do.”

Cullen stood rooted to the step he was on in shock at his words, while his sister seemed pleased with his answer.  “Might I ask when?”

He shifted the box in his hands to one side so he could scratch the back of his neck again.  “Likely, the only time I will meet him.  Of course, I wouldn’t ask while traveling: I want to get to know her parents first. But it would be before they leave Skyhold for Ostwick once more.”

Mia nodded her approval.  “Very well.  You’re forgiven.  I suppose I should leave you to your goal and search for Rosie.”

With that, Mia turned on her heel and disappeared back through the door she opened.  Cullen stood there a moment, still in shock.  He hadn’t really thought about marrying Tanwen before.  Apparently, it had been an unconscious thought and decision.  He had known he wanted to spend the rest of his days with Tanwen, couldn’t imagine being with anyone else now that he had met her and fallen in love with her, but marriage was something else entirely.  Pledging one’s heart and soul before the Maker was huge, and the thought of doing such a thing with her made him realize how much he wanted it.

And if Tanwen didn’t?  That was fine with him as well. She might not want to be tied to a man who might one day lose his memories, or even his life, to his lyrium withdrawal. So long as, when the business with Corypheus was over, he got to fall asleep and wake up with her in his arms, he’d consider it a life well lived. 

As he climbed the rest of the stairs, Pherra and Aelia passed with a quick nod.  Inside Tanwen’s -  _ their _ \- room, Cullen looked at it with different eyes as he had with the stairs leading up. He closed his eyes to block his view of her room. When he took in her scent of lavender and vanilla, an image of himself sitting at the desk in the corner, doing paperwork for the Inquisition while Tanwen read as she lounged on their bed, her belly softly swollen with his child, formed behind his eyelids.  A small boy that looked like Tan was playing with wooden toy soldiers on a rug before the fire.

Cullen shook the daydream from his mind.  “One step at a time, Rutherford.” He mumbled to himself before placing his box on the table in front of the sette. He would let her decide where to put his meager possessions, to integrate him into her personal life behind closed doors as she had in public.

He leisurely walked over to the bed, smelling her vanilla and lavender scent getting stronger the closer he got to her bed despite Pherra having just changed the sheets.  Perhaps they washed her sheets and then hung them to dry with little bundles of vanilla bean and sprigs of lavender?  It was hard to say.  Lavender and vanilla were both exotic materials and thus costly.

Cullen sat down on Tanwen’s bed and tipped over until his head fell onto a pillow, breathing deep of its scent.  He knew he should get up - he had rooms to have cleaned and organized for her parents and their retainers, as well as training to oversee.  Cullen yawned and got comfortable on top of the coverlets.

He’d get up in a couple minutes.

~//~

“The Inquisitor hasn’t slept in days, has she?”

Tanwen had heard this and other questions in regards to her health and or sleeping schedule more times than she could count.  But she paid them no mind as she guided her three companions and the newcomer, efficiently through the rest of the Plains.  She knew that the soldiers and her companions were waiting for an answer as to her sudden change, but her focus wouldn’t allow it.

_ -Two days prior- _

_ They had been working on completing one of the many quests from Keeper Hawen near the Dalish camp when Tanwen saw a glint shine out of the corner of her eye. Looking up, she noticed an occularum had been erected on top of one of the many decrepit archways stacked on top of each other to create a wall, facing yet another statue of a wolf. _

_ “That’s… Fen’Harel, yes?” Tanwen turned to Delani.  She knew Solas would have been more than happy to answer her question, but she wanted to get to know the dalish woman and made sure to ask as many questions as she could.  As they climbed to the occularum, she awaited Delani’s answer. _

_ The elven woman’s sea-green eyes widened at Tanwen’s question.  She seemed impressed that Tanwen knew the name of one of the elven Creators.  Looking towards the statue in question, she shook her head and smiled. “The Wolf may represent Fen’Harel, but not every wolf statue you see is honorific of the trickster.” She nodded Tanwen’s attention back to the wolf carved of the white stone, she continued. _

_ “Most throughout the Plains represent the Wolf guardians that fought along side our warriors in the Dales.  This is one such statue.” _

_ Tanwen wanted to ask more questions as she scanned the terrain with the crystal-eyed skull, but her attention was drawn, for an inexplicable reason, to a blue makeshift tent below. _

\- Present day - 

Looking back now, she wished she had ignored the curiosity that had pulled her to look within the darkened confines of the blue cloth shell.

Inside, she had found a typical camping setup with a chest topped by a plank of wood to create a table.  Two bedrolls were laid out on the grass with candles scattered about and burned low. One would think it had been just an abandoned romantic camp site.

Except for the skeletons.

There were two bodies, one of them larger than the other.  The larger still wore bits of leather armor while the smaller looked to have the makings of a dress remaining on its fragile bones. Humans. When Tanwen had moved to flip the embracing skeletons onto their backs to prepare for a proper burial, Tanwen froze and felt everything in her body, including her heart, stop moving.  When the female skeleton had settled on its back with a rattle, Tanwen had found a smaller skeleton under her, still clutching a tatty, brown bear with splotches of darker brown.

Without warning, Tanwen was seeing a small body with mahogany hair and deep blue eyes dressed in Ostwickan clothing laying there instead of a dry skeleton.

Not normally one with a weak constitution, it took everyone outside the tent, other than Delani, by surprise when Tanwen hurried from the tent to crouch behind a large rock.  She braced her hand on the stone for support as her stomach evacuated its contents.

Several minutes of heaving then passed before she felt a hand set gently on her back.

"Pretty strong reaction from a woman who's seen the effects of war first hand."  Even for as soft as her voice had been, Tanwen had still managed to hear Delani's comment over her convulsions.  Tanwen had wanted to reply, but her gag reflex wouldn't stop long enough.  Thankfully, Varric had come to her rescue, his tone more solemn than she could ever remember hearing.

"We don't see many kids caught up in the battles we fight, Scarlet."

"I see," Delani had murmured in reply after pausing, likely in reaction to the nickname Varric had dubbed her.  "It's not something one gets used to. I can assure you of that much."

Tanwen could remember imagining Varric nodding to her comment.  "But you see, Mama has a more...intimate reason.  Her reaction making sense, if you think about it."

She had heard shuffling of grass and clothing as her heaving eased, thank the Maker.  After a few moments of silence, Varric had continued since Delani had made no sound of understanding. "I'm sure the reason the Inquisitor reacted to the sight of the child's skeleton is because she, herself, is a mother.  I am willing to bet good crowns that when she saw the body, she actually saw her own son."

He hadn't been wrong. When she turned her head to the side as she wiped the sick from her lips, she saw Delani nod.  Her arms were crossed over her leather jerkin, her crimson brows turned down deep with sympathy over her vibrant eyes, red lips pressed into a hard line.

When Tanwen continued turning her head, she saw it had been Cassandra's hand on her back in comfort as she had crouched next to Tanwen. Delani had been standing next to the shieldmaiden. When Cassandra raised an eyebrow in silent question as to if she was okay, Tanwen nodded and stood.  She'd walked to the tent, entered and grabbed the blood-soaked bear, placing it in her pack.

She touched the cloth toy through the flaps of her pack now as they trekked to the Dalish camp one last time to inquire about the young man, Loranil, who wished to join the Inquisition, before the bulk of the Inquisition left to move on to their next destination in Emprise du Lion.

Tanwen would sleep - she was no fool.  The longer she didn't, the sloppier she would get and the more likely for injury.  But that wouldn't slow her renewed determination to see this world safe once more so no more families died together or were torn asunder.

~//~


	21. Emprise Du Lion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In Welsh, “Tad” is Father and “Mam” is Mother.
> 
> Just so you know…If you want to know more about Merrin, I will be posting the prologue to her story, essentially a crossover between Dragon Age and Mass Effect, soon! Also, sorry for the short short chapter! It’s building to something good :D And I want to apologize for being late on uploading yet again. I usually do this while I'm at work and yesterday, the power was out in parts of the facility as they prepare to finish an expansion, which meant that the internet was down. I hope you can forgive me and comments are always welcome!

“Have you sent an update to the advisors, Inquisitor?”

Tanwen lifted her gaze to see Cassandra standing, arms crossed, in the opening of her tent.  Flurries took the opportunity of the open tent flaps to scurry inside and scatter about the mat that was set up on the floor of Tanwen’s temporary living space.

She waved the Seeker inside so that she would close the opening to keep the snow out and the heat from her small fire pit in. “I just finished, actually.  I’m sure they are likely upset because I haven’t sent as many correspondences or reports as I should, but I’m just focused on getting these things done, weakening Corypheus as fast and absolute as possible.  He’s caused enough trouble for two ages and needs to be stopped.  I’m sure they understand.”

Cassandra nodded.  “I just received word from Leliana, who told me that Cullen has moved into your chambers.”

This caused Tanwen to smile for the first time since they had first entered the Exalted Plains, even through the Emerald Graves. Her cheeks warmed from happiness at the news.  When she had asked him, Tanwen thought it would be likely that he would wait until she had returned from the Dales, but she was glad that he hadn’t.  “I’m glad.  Perhaps now he will find sleep not so elusive.”

“What brought on his moving into your quarters?”

“I love him and want him in my life as more than an occasional meeting. He deserves so much better than that.  I thought this would be the next step.”

“I imagine it likely took a bit of convincing on your part?”

Wavy ruby hair swung forward over Tanwen’s shoulders to frame her face when she nodded.  “It took a little bit, but I must have convinced him for sure if Leliana told you that he had moved into my quarters.”

A soft smile formed on the usually hard plains of her friend’s face.  After the fiasco with Hawke, then finding out about Cassandra’s enjoyment of love stories because of her excitement over Varric’s ‘Swords and Shields’, Tanwen knew Cassandra had a romantic side.

“I’m happy for you two.  Before you joined the Inquisition, I had not seen him happy; he really hadn’t had much to give it to him.  But once you two became close, a profound change overcame him and I approve.”

Tanwen smiled again as she watched her friend turn and leave the tent.  She turned back to her report and gave it one more look over before signing it and sealing it when the ink dried.  When she grabbed her fur cloak and went outside to go to the village to try to talk some sense into Mistress Poulin again, she saw a blond man with the Orlesian lion emblazoned across his breastplate walking towards her with purpose and gave a courtly bow when he stopped before her. Tanwen could feel her companions gathering behind her, likely as curious as she was.

“Michel de Chevin at your service, your Worship.  I saw the Inquisition banners from afar.  Never expected to see the Herald of Andraste herself.”

Tanwen raised an eyebrow when he announced himself and crossed her arms.  Through the years, she had heard stories from the Orlesian capitol, and his name sounded familiar. “Michel de Chevin? I have heard your story.  You were disgraced and banished from Orlesian court for treachery, weren’t you?”

He shifted uncomfortably in the snow before sighing.  “There’s much more than that, but it ends the same.  What does it matter?  Despite all, I have a strong arm, a stout heart, and I still serve Orlais.” The passion behind his words was definitely admirable, but treason and treachery were serious things and could not be taken lightly.

“Are you here so you can guard Sahrnia’s people?”

“As much as I can, although this was not my original intention.” He paused, as if unsure of what he wanted to say or how to say it.  “I hunt a demon, your Worship.  This one calls itself ‘Imshael’ and has settled within Suledin Keep, up in the hills.  Imshael is free because I made a mistake.  I will see him destroyed. Now that the Inquisition is here, perhaps the red Templars who guard the keep can be routed.  All I need is a chance.”

Tanwen wanted to groan.  They were already preparing to clear the region of red Templars, so that wasn’t a problem. But now there was a demon in the mix - a named one at that?  That meant it was probably very old and potentially very powerful.  If she was to do this, she was going to need as much information she could get from Chevin, unable to tell the Orlesian no.  With a wave of her hand, he continued his story.

“Imshael is a demon of desire, more cunning than anything I have encountered… And I have played the Game.  The demon has roamed the land for some time.  If anything, he will have grown in power.  Why he is  _ here _ , in Emprise du Lion, however, is anyone’s guess.” Michel shrugged.  “Perhaps he has gained the cooperation of the red Templars, or vice versa.”

Tanwen tensed.  If the red Templars and this powerful desire demon, Imshael, had truly joined forces… Well, the idea wasn’t proving favorable in her eyes. More information was needed.  “Please, continue.”

According to Michel, Suledin Keep, the crumbling elven ruins that dominated the portion of Emprise du Lion that they were staying in, had been serving as a base of sorts for a while now. Add to that what Tanwen had learned from Mistress Poulin when they had first arrived, the red Templars had taken over the quarry, giving the older woman coin and supplies to help the remaining civilians of her small village.  Now, Michel explained that the demon he pursued was within the infested keep.  But he wouldn’t go alone, and Tanwen was glad.  While one man would be able to sneak in, if he got caught before reaching the demon, he would almost assuredly die.  Though, even if he did manage to reach the desire demon unscathed, he would still die at the hands of the monster within.  Or worse, become possessed by it.

No, a group like the Inquisition was needed. They had the power and the numbers.  Perhaps, if they removed the demon, they would weaken the Templars there.  It was worth a try.  

“Michel? Would you be willing to consider joining the Inquisition?  We always have need of men like you, especially in the days and months to come.  We can help each other.  You can help me with your expertise in battle, and I can help you with retaining your honor.”

“No.  Not until Imshael is defeated.” Tanwen had not expected his reaction, but she understood and admired his determination.

“Very well, you have a deal.” She looked at Michel, a smirk forming on her lips.

“Very well indeed.  I shall take my leave and meet you at Suledin Keep as I am sure you have much to do in the area, your Worship.”

~//~

When they had entered Emprise du Lion originally, they had known to expect an increased number of red Templars.  But three days into their hunt, Tanwen was feeling as if they had fought more Templars in those three days than in most of the areas they had been to since the faction had revealed itself at Therinfal Redoubt.

The worst had been in the quarry that the Templars had purchased from Sahrnia’s leader. Just the thought of what they had seen there, brought on because of Poulin, made Tanwen angry and upset.  She knew that the woman had meant well, putting the needs of the many over the needs of the few, but that didn’t make it right in her eyes.

As Tanwen and her companions had made their way to where Poulin had marked on the map where her family’s quarry was, they had found villagers from Sahrnia in metal cages on their way to the quarry.  Not all of them were living.  Within the quarry itself, they found more villagers, but they were too late and had already been turned into slaves, or worse. Statues of red lyrium in the shape of humans littered the walls of the quarry, some still holding pickaxes as if in mid-swing.

Anger akin to what she felt in Crestwood began coiling in her belly as she looked at the people still living that were scattered about the stone walls of the quarry mining the poisonous red mineral.  She let it fuel her movements, backing up her taunting shouts as she battled the lieutenants and their soldiers.  Leaders who failed their people, angered her completely and this seemed to be a common occurrence in Ferelden and southern Orlais.  It made her miss the organized structure of leadership in the Free Marches because they weren’t ruled by monarchies that had thousands to worry about rather than smaller provinces. 

When the last stained Templar was slain, Tanwen prayed to the Maker that she was a better guide and leader to those of New Haven and the Inquisition than some of the leaders she had encountered. Blackwall’s words of the soldiers following her because she tells them to sounded in her ears, and she prayed they remained untrue.

After the quarry was cleared and the villagers were on their way back to their homes, Tanwen diverted her team towards an ancient elven ruin near the edge of Emprise du Lion. The even older keep was talked about in a journal they had found next to the bodies of elves. It appeared that they had unfortunately lost their lives to the harsh climate of the area near an old Grey Warden outpost.  She almost felt guilty for the detour, but hoped that her friends wanted a break from the red Templars as much as she did.

The Cradle of Sulevin had been fascinating to Tanwen.  Not only had there been a puzzle to complete, which was a welcomed change from the constant fighting, but whenever a revenant materialized when they lit veilfire torches as part of the puzzle, the dark creatures dropped a piece of an ancient weapon.  Both Solas and Delani seemed as fascinated by it as she was, mumbling something about an ancient elven blade from Dalish legend.  That only increased Tanwen’s interest more.  When they left the Cradle, they went straight back to camp so that she could send the pieces off to Dagna at Skyhold.  Surely the Arcanist could put it back together again.

“Inquisitor!” Tanwen turned her head at the summon and saw a scout hurrying towards her through the camp.  When he reached her, she nodded her head to give him permission to speak.  “Michel de Chevin, the man Scout Harding told us to watch after he interacted with you in Sahrnia, is battling red Templars at the front gate of Suledin Keep.”

“That fool!  I told him that we would help and he said that he would wait.  He should have known we would help with the quarry first since more people were in danger there than at the keep. His pride will get him killed!” Tanwen growled as she buckled her sword harness back on and sheathed her sword.  Passing through the camp, she saw her companions all gathered around the fire: Delani and Solas seemed deep in conversation about Maker-knew-what, Varric was doing paperwork of some kind on one of the benches, and Cassandra was standing with her arms crossed, keeping an eye on the camp.  When Tanwen stopped next to the fire, all eyes turned to her.  “It looks like Michel de Chevin wasn’t keen on waiting. We need to go save him from his impatience and pride.”

An hour of trudging through deep snow off the beaten path later, they reached the base of the ancient fortress and saw Michel de Chevin battling a Templar guard, horror and knight.  The group hurried forward to assist him, finishing off the Templars with practiced ease.

Tanwen approached Michel after the battle, wiping off her blade and sheathing it at her back once more. “Michel, what in the Maker’s name were you thinking?!  I know you have a driving need to defeat the demon, I understand that feeling intimately.  But you cannot do it alone! I told you we would help, but the people of Sahrnia needed help more.  You need numbers on your side and you know it!”

Michel simply stood taller, throwing his shoulders back even as he clasped at a wound he had attained during the skirmish.  Tanwen sighed and let her frown fall from her lips.  “Are you alright at least?”

“I have bad news, Herald.” He finally said, ignoring her question. “Your efforts against the red Templars have not gone unnoticed.  Imshael knows we’re here.  He’s sent red Templars after me, and a pack of shades descends now upon Sahrnia.  The people are defenseless - I must return without delay!  It’s upon you now to destroy Imshael.”

Without another word, Michel pushed past Tanwen and her companions at a limping gait, hurrying back in the direction of the village.  She wanted to point out that there were still Inquisition soldiers in the village, but he was too far away in no time. She ran a gloved hand down her face with a heavy exhale.

Tanwen turned from the blond man’s retreating back to look up at the imposing keep before them, and then turned to Delani.  “How bad could it be?  We’ve already fought more red Templars than I thought possible.”

“I wouldn’t get your hopes up, Inquisitor.” The woman replied.  “It  _ is  _ the demon’s base after all.”

The warrior gave the keep another glance before looking straight ahead.  “Let’s get this over with then.”

~//~

Giants.  Why did it have to be giants?

‘At least they don’t have a dragon.’ Her breath fogged before her parched lips when she huffed at the thought. Giants weren’t new to her or her team - they had fought many in the Western Approach while chasing red Templars there.  But that didn’t mean they were by any means easy. They had been fighting their way up to the top of the keep for several hours, battling wave after wave of Templars and two giants that the Templars had tried feeding red lyrium.

When they finally did reach the top of the snow-covered fortress, they found a lone man standing before the largest crystal of red Lyrium Tanwen had ever seen. At first, they thought it was someone who had been in the keep and had gotten trapped by the invading Templars, but he looked too calm, too serene, with all the chaos around them.

The human male was non-descript in appearence, yet there was something about him that drew her to him - as if she somehow knew that he could grant her every desire.  Could this be the demon that Michel warned them about? She couldn’t be sure.  Tanwen had never encountered a desire demon in all her travels.  This had to be Imshale, but the man looked so… human.

Only Solas and Cassandra seemed unaffected, she noticed through the growing haze in her mind.  The Seeker, she could understand. Cassandra had an amazing sense of self and belief. Also, Seeker’s couldn’t become influenced or possessed by demons.  Nothing could faze her. But Solas? Sure, they had helped him when he had told her that his friend, Wisdom, had been turned into a demon, but did demons truly have no sway over him?

The man smiled at them when they stopped before him. “Ah, the hero arrives.  But is it hero?  Or murderer?  It’s so hard to tell sometimes.”

His words caused the fog in Tanwen’s head to clear enough for thought.  She wasn’t a murderer!  People may see her as a hero, she certainly hadn’t corrected them, but she was no murderer. The Templars that they had killed had attacked her first.

“You must be the demon they call Imshael.”

Imshael frowned, his flat brown eyes flashed black at her words.  He cleared his throat and replaced the smile on his face. “I prefer Choice Spirit.”

Tanwen looked over at Delani when she heard the flame-haired elf scoff.  “Spirit. Demon. Whatever else you are, you’re about to be dead.”

Imshael stared at her for a moment, before casting his gaze around to Tanwen’s other companions, his eyes lighting in recognition and mischief.  “Wait. Wait. Wait.   _ These  _ are your friends?  They seem very violent.  It’s worrying.  True to my name, I will show you that you have a choice.  It doesn’t always have to end in blood.”

Tanwen sized him up.  She knew better than to make deals with demons, to even listen to their words, but if it meant less fighting, then it couldn’t hurt to at least listen, right? “Talk.”

“It rarely hurts to listen.  Trust is another matter.”

The demon looked at Solas a moment, casting his gaze up and down as if studying a puzzle before turning to Tanwen.  

“It’s simple.  We don’t fight, and I grant you power.  Shower you with riches.  Or maybe virgins.  Your pick.”  Tanwen tensed when the demon stepped forward until he was nearly toe to toe, and stared deep into her eyes, blue to black, locking her in place. A small alarm began sounding in her head, but she had no control over her body. He wasn’t trying to possess her, was he? She couldn’t let that happen!  “Or perhaps, I could give you… your son.  Tie your lover to you for eternity?  Anything your heart desires would be yours.  After that, we all live happily ever after.  Well, not all of us.  But who’s counting?”

Iuen in her arms once more?  Cullen by her side forever?  Only one was truly tempting to her.  ‘No!’ Tanwen shook her head slowly, unable to do more. She would not listen to the demon.

After everything she had gone through for close to a year now to make life safe for her baby boy again, all the pain and suffering, she was close to having him with her again by her own means. And she absolutely refused to imprison Cullen like that.  He had already been through hell at the hands of demons and mages.  If he was to be with her for the rest of her life, it would be because he chose to.  Not because he was forced against his will by the powers of a demon.

Tanwen looked at the demon with a frown and managed to reach up and grab hilt of her sword, hearing a collective sigh of relief when she seemed to break his hold over her.  It must have taken longer than she realized for her to process his offer. “No.  You die, demon.”

“Oh, for the love of… Choice. Spirit.” He growled, the sound growing deeper. With a heavy pop, the area became shrouded in a sickly sweet smoke, causing everyone to cough and gag. “If you won’t be smart, be afraid.”

Everyone looked around frantically as the smoke cleared, seeing a Fear demon floating before them for a fraction of a second before it faded, the sound of skittering and wailing echoing off the courtyard walls.

~//~

Cullen stood and stretched his back from where he’d been working.  Over the past week, ever since he had received an update from Tanwen when she and her companions, including a female elf named Delani Lavellan, had arrived in Emprise du Lion, he had been focused more intently on getting the rooms for her parents and one of Tanwen’s tower rooms for Iuen ready.  He wanted everything to be perfect for the parents of the woman he loved.  First impressions were the most important, and with her family being nobility, this was even more so.  He couldn’t say he hadn’t learned something from Mia’s lectures.

He scanned the room that was to be Iuen’s once more before he turned to leave.  The troops needed training and he had eschewed his duty to work on the rooms personally, casting them off on his senior soldiers and the Iron Bull.  Now he simply had to await the day that her family stated they would be arriving, he would go to Jader to retrieve them and bring them back to Skyhold, hopefully before Tanwen returned.  Oh, the look of surprise and happiness on her face would be set inside his brain for years to come and he could feel his excitement growing.

When Cullen reached for the handle of the door and opened it, it was to see Jim standing on the other side with a closed fist raised to knock on the door.  Jim jumped in surprise before pulling nervously at the cloth around his neck.

“Well?”  Cullen was a patient man, but this young man seemed to always find ways of breaking past that patience.  Silently, the scout handed him a letter.  Cullen waved Jim off and turned the square envelope of expensive parchment over in his hands. He paled slightly at the sight of the Trevelyan coat of arms pressed into the dark wax seal.

Carefully, Cullen opened the envelope and pulled the letter out, quickly scanning the short message.  His eyes widened in shock as he reached the bottom, reading it two more times in case he had misread its words.

Cullen lifted a hand to drag it down his face as he crushed the letter in his hand.

“Maker’s breath, they’re already there.”

~//~

“Tanwen, are you alright?”

Tanwen panted as she stood over Imshael’s lifeless corpse and watch it glow green and return to the Fade. Another battle over, another foe slain, but was she really one step closer to seeing Iuen again? What if this would go on forever and she never got to see him again? Had she killed her one hope of seeing her son ever again? Tanwen wanted to weep.  She should have thought about the repercussions more, weighed all of the options.

But that wasn’t like her.  Demons belonged in the Fade, not in the living world. With Imshael gone, the region was safe once more and trade could resume, helping Sahrnia and her people to rebuild and repopulate, possibly even recreate commerce. No.  Killing the demon - Choice Spirit - had been the right thing to do.

“I… I don’t know yet.” She rubbed her eyes, feeling tired all of a sudden.  “I… need some time. I want you four to rest and refresh. We will leave for Skyhold tomorrow morning, early.”

As she moved towards the circle of tents that had been erected for Tanwen and her inner circle at the very top of the keep, she felt eyes on her back, following her movements, but she shrugged it off.  After dropping off her sword in her tent, she moved to the half wall lining the top of the tower and stopped next to a statue of a monstrous creature, like one from myth living deep in the oceans for thousands of years or more. Tanwen lost herself to the view of the valley below, trying hard not to think about the decision she had made to kill the demon and just appreciate the view.

“You made the right decision, Inquisitor.”

Tanwen didn’t jump at the sudden presence of Solas when he stopped at her elbow.  “How can you be so sure? What if this battle with Corypheus never ends and I die in battle without ever seeing my family again. I don’t know if I can handle that.  I’ve been working so long to make this world safe again, but what if it’s all for naught?”

“You are strong.  Not just in strength of body, but strength of will. That demon saw you as a prize among prizes and would have used you to accomplish its ends, growing more and more powerful. It needed to die and we did that.” Tanwen turned to the elvhen mage. “I’m not one for consoling words, Inquisitor, but I believe that you will get Thedas through this.  If it would help, I know that you enjoy hearing stories of things and people I have seen in my journey’s through the Fade.  Would you like one now?”

“I don’t know if now is the time, Solas.”

He smiled softly and gripped his staff as he looked from her to the scenery before them.  “Recently, as I slept, I came across a dreaming child. He was happy, remembering times not so  long ago when he and his mam would spend their days playing with toys or exploring the keep of his grandfather's.  He enjoyed the feel of her bright hair in his tiny hands, the constant uptilt of her lips as she smiled down at him; he would giggle when she tossed him in the air before catching him and spinning him around. The boy is excited because he has so much to tell his mam and can’t wait until she returns home so he can share it.”

Tanwen looked at Solas in surprise. “Are you… did you see Iuen? How long have you known?”

Solas chuckled. “Your inner circle has known almost since Haven, Inquisitor. Leliana is good at keeping secrets, but was more than willing to share about your child since she wanted us to keep an eye on you for the good of the Inquisition. We all understand why you have said nothing, most of us even admire you for it. And it explains much about how you have chosen to take on the Inquisition’s foundation and journey.”

She stared at him for a moment with surprise still flowing through her. “In the Exalted Plains, I had wondered how Varric knew about Iuen when we… when I… Anyways… but now it all makes sense. Thank you, Solas. I appreciate you telling me this.”

Solas nodded his head and moved away from the edge of the building, leaving Tanwen to her thoughts.

~//~


	22. The Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen's plans have finally come to fruition and it's time to escort Tanwen's family to Skyhold. But the trip was more than he bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so that you know, I headcannon that Theodsian pregnancies past 10-11 months instead of our 9. Just in case you were unsure :)

Lady and the Templar chapter 22 - The Arrival.

**_~ 1 week earlier ~_ **

Cullen had never quite experienced this combination of excitement, nervousness and anxiousness. He, along with half a dozen Inquisition soldiers, were making their way towards Jader to retrieve the Inquisitor’s family from where their ship landed. It was taking longer than planned because a sudden spring snow storm came up from out of nowhere and bogged them down for two days in its intensity. He wanted to make a good first impression for her parents and nature was battling him fiercely.

On the third day, he and his soldiers finally made it to the gates outside the port town and the men set up camp as steely clouds gathered above them while Cullen went to the only inn within the port city.

He stood before the heavy wooden door, staring at it and swallowed heavily, feeling his nervousness slide down his throat and settle in his stomach like a lead weight. Tanwen never went into any description about what her parents looked like - how would he know?  When he had written to her parents, they hadn’t really discussed what they would do to identify each other, so he hoped he looked enough of the part of Commander that they would come to him.

With a long exhale, Cullen straightened his coat and cloak, then pushed on the door and entered the cozy great room as the clouds above released their contents upon the people of the fishing village.

Inside the room, about the size of Tanwen- his and Tanwen’s room, there was tables with chairs scattered about with a portly woman, with frizzing grey hair trailing down her back, was bustling about serving those who had chosen to stay here for the night or just to get out of the storm they saw coming.  Along one wall was a massive stone hearth that warmed the entire room.  On the opposite wall, was an older man standing behind a table that had stools under it, a large book open and on top of a stand, and three giant kegs behind it.  Next to the ale kegs were shelves of a various and sundry of bottles, likely that of a heftier brew than simple ale.

A massive chandelier made of ram horns hung from the ceiling, lending light to that given off by the fireplace. On the opposite side of the door, there was a second floor with a balcony that looked out over the rest of the room that likely led off to rooms, directly over another set of rooms on the first floor. He hadn’t seen an inn of it’s like in many years - since leaving for Kirkwall from Kinloch hold.

“May I help you, Ser?”  

Cullen’s head snapped to the side at being addressed. Before him stood the older woman he had seen hurrying from table to table.  She handed him a tankard of drink, likely to help warm himself, but he graciously declined.

“I thank you, my lady, but I am here to inquire about a group of guests that might have arrived here within the last few days.”

“Aye?  And what would their names be?” She asked as she moved towards the book on the table.

“Trevelyan, madam.” Cullen walked up next to her as she looked at the book, dragging her finger down a list of names in the large tome. When it stopped next to an elegantly written line, likely by the Bann himself, she looked to Cullen and smiled.

“Were they a fancy lot? With a smart coat of arms on the armor of their men?”  Cullen nodded and smiled, noticing the woman’s eyes widened ever so slightly. She hastily cleared her throat and smiled again before gently pushing past him to look over the patrons in the room.  When her head turned towards the eating area under the second floor balcony, she turned back to him.  “There they are, ser.  At the long table in the back.”

“Thank you, my lady.”

“Will you be needing a room, ser?”

Cullen shook his head. “No, I am camping with my men outside the city.  But I thank you.”

He took a moment to run his fingers through his hair and straighten his coat and cloak again, before moving towards where the woman had indicated.  When he approached the table, there was an older man with grey hair at his temples sitting at the head of the table. That must be her father.  Immediately, Cullen moved to the end of the table where he could address the nobleman from a proper distance.

“My Lord Trevelyan?” Cullen saluted him by placing a closed fist over his racing heart and bending slightly at the waist as was proper, only looking up when he heard Tanwen’s father acknowledge him.

“That is who I am.  Might I ask who you are, young man?”

Cullen straightened and stood tall and proud despite his shaking hands.  “I am Cullen Rutherford, my lord.  Commander of the Inquisition’s army and war advisor to your daughter, our Inquisitor, Tanwen Trevelyan.”

He heard a gasp come from his right. When Cullen looked, he saw an older woman with flame red hair and streaks of grey with the same heart-shaped face as Tanwen. The likeliness made his chest ache for his love. “My Lady Trevelyan. My Lord Trevelyan, it is an honor to meet you both.  I apologize for my tardiness.  My men and I got caught on the side of the mountain in an early spring snowstorm as we traveled to Jader. We left as soon as I received your letter saying that you were here.”  Cullen bowed again in deference.  He clenched his hands around the pommel of his sword to keep their shaking from being too noticeable.

“It’s quite alright, Ser Rutherford. Please, sit.  We were just having our evening meal.” When Cullen looked up, he saw Lord Trevelyan wave his hand at the chair before him.  Cullen accepted it with a nod and sat.

“Thank you, my lord.” When he looked up, it was to scan the table from right to left. To his right was Tanwen’s mother, Lady Trevelyan.  She was a timeless beauty, her face unlined except for laugh lines around her eyes and cheeks. Tanwen definitely favored her mother, not just in her heart-shaped face, but also her high cheekbones and willowy neck.  Even their smiles were the same, he noticed when she graced him with one of her own, seeing similar dimples.  

Her father, however, only shared one thing. His eyes were a dark piercing blue, just like Tanwen’s.  His dark hair may have gone grey with age, but his strong square jaw and wide shoulders lent him an imposing figure that had likely helped him rule Ostwick for as long as he had.

They must have seen him studying the group, because as he moved to the next person, Lady Trevelyan gave introductions. “Ser Rutherford, this is our youngest son, Arryn Trevelyan. He was a Templar, with his older brother Rhys, until recently when they both escaped the Ostwick Circle after it fell to mage rebellion. They had a cousin in the circle as well, the Knight-Captain, but we have not heard of what happened to poor, sweet Merrin.”

Cullen’s gaze focused on the Templar, his attention instantly drawn by the fall of another circle and a survivor.  “Has it really? Tanw- Inquisitor Trevelyan will be most upset by the news.  How did it happen? When?”

Arryn shrugged in his leathers.  Cullen could see Templar insignia embossed on pieces of his armor like he himself had on his vambraces. “It feels like ages have passed, but it hasn’t even been a year. I’m not sure why nothing has reached the Inquisition. Perhaps it is because everyone assumed that the circle fell when the College of Magi was dissolved?” He turned to his mother. “You said nothing to Tanwen about it?”

Lady Illios shook her head. “It never came up in our few letters and since you and your brother were safe, I didn’t feel the need to concern her with it. She has so much on her plate as it is, with her being the Inquisitor.  Nations are looking to her for advice. With her spymaster, one would assume that she would already know if a circle fell after all of the others.”

Arryn sighed and turned back to Cullen. “None of our charges really gave any indication they truly felt oppressed.  There were Templars, at times, that would treat them poorly, but Knight-Commander Johnnes, along with his second-in-command and our cousin, Merrin, explained how harmony was kept in the circle and they could either change or transfer to another circle.  Some stayed and changed their ways, others left because they saw mages as less than human.

“When The Gallows fell, some mages that managed to flee the chaos made it to our circle.  They were angry… violent…” Arryn frowned.  “Their leader - I can’t recall his name now - he silently sewed discontent within the mages who had grown up in the circle at Ostwick over the course of a few short months.  Mages that we had seen grow up, become friends with, cared for, were now looking at us with distrust and side-glances of anger and hatred.  We never found out what they had been told by the new mages because everyone was so tightlipped due to their sudden lack of trust.”

Arryn cleared his throat after a pause to regain his composure. “When the tower fell, Rhys, myself and a handful of other Templars gathered the youngest of the mages, those who had yet to complete their harrowing, and what senior enchanters were still supportive of the Templars and how things had been run, and we secretly stole away into the maze where the phylacteries were kept.  We wanted to take Merrin as well, but the first Templars that died during the overtaking had been Knight-Commander Johnnes and some of the higher ranking Knights and we feared she had been taken as well, if not killed. As we ran around finding people, we never found her body, so we remained hopeful.

“We were all stuck down there for a week or two, I believe.  Luckily for us, there was a food store down there since it was always cold.  We knew the food wouldn’t last, so one day Rhys and I decided it was time to go, so we went out ahead of everyone else we had gathered to see what had happened to our home as we began our escape.”

“What you saw was the thing of nightmares, wasn’t it?” Cullen murmured, interrupting Tanwen’s brother.  He bowed his head in apology, to which Arryn simply raised his hand.

“Nightmares of the worst quality, and I’d rather not go into detail, if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind at all.  I was a Templar once as well.  My first circle was Kinloch Hold in Ferelden.” Cullen watched Arryn’s eyes grow wide.  “So you need not worry about me asking details of your circle’s fall if you do not ask me of mine.”

Arryn nodded in acceptance. “Me, my brother and those we protected, all escaped with Merrin’s help.  She was still alive after so long, though definitely looking worse for ware.  As we passed her before she followed us out, she was fighting the mage. When we reached the front door of the Circle, I saw her put an arrow between his eyes. From a distance, I saw that she was clutching her stomach and that her armor had been pierced. We offered to help, but she told all of us to run, and with Knight-Commander Johnnes dead, that made Merrin our Commander and we had to follow her orders.

“Rhy and I made it home in one piece with the mages in tow.   By the time we had arranged circles for them to go to that still stood, news of the end of the war had finally reached our corner of the Free Marches.  By then, the lack of lyrium had already begun affecting us.”

Cullen nodded in understanding.  “I have been through what you and your brother have experienced.”

“Does it get easier?  We went through a fever we never thought would break.  Our bodies hurt and shake all the time.  And the thirst for lyrium…”

“You have gone through the hardest part, but it won’t get easier quickly.  I have been battling for almost two years and I still feel the effects more than I’d like.  Though I have improved greatly because of the Inquisitor’s help, support and friendship.”

“Friendship?  With commoners?  That seems very unbecoming of a lady.” Cullen turned to the man who spoke.  He was sitting next to Arryn, but didn’t look of familial relations to Tanwen.

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

The immaculately dressed male became incensed at Cullen’s words, lifting his perfect nose in the air to sniff, scrunching it as if he smelled something truly foul.  The other man reached up and straightened his jacket under his cloak, sitting up straighter and taller.  

“I’m sorry, Commander Cullen.” Lady Illios spoke up, moving a hand in greeting from one man to the other. “This is Lord James of Markham. He’s…”

“The Inquisitor’s fiancée.” Cullen felt his insides go cold and stiff.  This was the man who had been engaged to be wed to Tanwen.  The man who had impregnated her then left her before being an honorable man and wedding the woman he had created a child with.

James eyed Cullen at his reaction. “Yes, well, you seem informed about the Lady Trevelyan’s past.”

“I am on her council of advisors. If she didn’t tell us outright, our spymaster informed us of things that might influence or harm the Inquisition in our goals.”  Ilios placed her hand gently on his vambrace to draw his attention from the nobleman. He heard the man huff at his lack of apology and Cullen smiled at the woman before him.

“Please, I wish to hear of my daughter.  Is she well?  Of the letters we have exchanged, little has actually been said of her wellbeing. I know she keeps information from her mother for my own good, as I do her, but I wish to know the truth. Particularly if any nobleman has caught her interest during her travels.”

Cullen nodded. “All is well, my lady. The Inquisitor is a busy woman, but she is well indeed. Her determination to see the Tevinter Magister defeated is matched by few. All because she wants to make the world safe for everyone, primarily her son.”

“But is she happy with the life she has created for herself?”

“I believe so, my lady.  She has not given any indication to say otherwise.”

“I cannot believe she would find happiness amongst savages.  But my surprise arrival will resolve her misery.”

“I assure you, my lord.  She is quite happy as she is.” Cullen did all he could not to clench his hands or show any reaction that might give away anything more than a friend concerned for another.  James simply waved him off and turned to her father.

“I believe that we should leave for Skyhold on the morn.  The sooner we arrive at the castle, the better.  I’ve had enough of all this rain since we left Kirkwall. How far from the keep are we, Commander?”

“When my men and I rode through, a heavy storm was sitting over the road between Jader and Skyhold.  It could take two days or more to return. Unless the Maker grants us good weather, then only a day or so.” James sighed at Cullen’s reply.

“Very well.” He stood, showing Cullen how much taller than him the noble was. When he stretched, his cape drew back over his shoulders and revealed a tight doublet pulling from his breeches. James seemed to be in better physical and mental shape than he was - on top of being a nobleman - he was a near perfect match for the woman he loved more than life itself. Perfect white teeth, a dashing smile. Cullen hated him immediately, but then kicked himself for it. “I am going to turn in for the night so that we may start early in the morning and hopefully leave during a good window in the storm.”

Everyone at the table watched the other man move down the hall towards the back where their suite of rooms lay. Cullen watched him until he disappeared, finally breathing when he was gone.

“Don’t mind him, Commander. I know my daughter - she has set her heart on you and it will not be swayed.  James lost her trust when he abandoned her before their wedding.” Lady Trevelyan smiled at him gently, a look he recognized because he had seen it several times from Tanwen.

“Thank you, my lady. I must ask: Where is Iuen?”

Lady Trevelyan smiled again. “He is asleep in our bed.  The journey has been trying on him since he has traveled little in his short life.  But I know that he is eager to see his mam again.  He has talked of little else when I mentioned coming to Ferelden to see her again.”

Cullen felt his chest warm at the thought that he had been the one to bring this to being. He couldn’t wait to see Tanwen’s glowing face when she saw her son again.

~//~

The next day was far from ideal in temperament and weather.

When Cullen woke before dawn, the storm that they had encountered on the mountain had made its way down to the valley and over the bay, sending down driving rain and sleet and Cullen knew that they were going nowhere this day.

After spending time with his men to insure they were well in this horrid weather, Cullen left the encampment to go to the inn. Inside, he was greeted by Lord Owain, Lady Ilios, and little Iuen.

Cullen spent a large portion of the rainy day visiting with her family, getting to know them and telling them about himself in return. He was grateful when they did not ask him about Kinloch Hold or the Gallows in Kirkwall, but was more than willing to talk of his siblings and the life he had had since joining the Inquisition. 

Tanwen’s son was an amazing little boy.  So smart for being two years old, he spoke with Cullen in nearly complete sentences and was so friendly. He reminded him of Tanwen so much he couldn’t wait to escort them all back to Skyhold. 

The child brought story books for Cullen to read to him and wooden toy soldiers to play with, all while sitting in his lap. When he was summoned to the camp for business, Iuen insisted on following him despite his grandparents wishes that he stay inside. So instead, the Lord and Lady Trevelyan, along with Arryn, joined him outside with Iuen during a short break in the storm as Cullen read reports from Skyhold and from Tanwen. 

Iuen watched intently as he gave lessons to Benjamin as well. Cullen was quite proud of the older boy and how much he had progressed in such a short amount of time.  Benjamin was becoming quite the proficient page, though he hadn’t real need for one. He could tell that the boy was eager to prove himself so that he could move up in the world.

The next day dawned clear and blue with only a hint of the storm from the day before on the horizon of the sea, beyond the muddy roads.  As they climbed further into the mountains, they had to slow down often because the carriage would get stuck in one mud hole or another. Several times, they were commanded to stop so that James could rest.  Every time this happened, Cullen rolled his eyes, earning a chuckle from Tanwen’s mother and brother, and a slight twitch of his lips from her father, showing his approval.

Once, while James slumbered, snoring loudly against a far window, Lady Ilios summoned Cullen to the side of the carriage and he pulled back on his reins so that he could ride as close as he could.

“Tell me of your relationship with Tanwen, Commander. I know that you are close, you and my daughter, but I didn’t want to say anything while James was awake.”

“She is an amazing woman, Lady Ilios. I thank the Maker everyday for blessing me with that which I have done naught to deserve. I… I love her, madam. I do not deserve her, but I will do everything in my power to make her happy until the day I die.” Cullen murmured sincerely. He turned to Tanwen’s father. “I know that I have not known you long, my Lord.  But your daughter means more to me than all of Thedas. I have no lands and no title beyond Commander of the Inquisition’s armies, but she chose me to be in her life regardless. If it would please you, ser and madam, I would wish to ask you for her hand in marriage. I want to wait for the time to be right, but wanted to ask your permission first.”

“And just when would the time be right, Commander?” Cullen shivered at his orotund voice.  “We know little of what has been going on on the other side of the Waking Sea.  Who is this Tevinter Magister who threatens the safety of Thedas? The thing that threatens the Chantry and everything and everyone tied to it, threatens the Maker’s faithful? How do you know his claims are true?”

“To be honest, my lord? He is a monstrous creature that gives off an air of being ancient in mind and body. He has a following of massive proportions that expands daily. Recently, however, Tanwen thwarted his attempts to use the Grey Warden mages to create a demon army from the Fade. I know it seems fantastic, but I swear to the Maker, as a former Templar and a man of faith, that what I tell you is true.

“As for when the time will be right? I hope that it will be soon, but I want to be able to give her the ceremony of her dreams. I cannot say for sure when, because there is much yet to do still to defeat Corypheus and I have a feeling that it will only escalate as the days go on. I leave it to her as to the when.  I would wait forever if that was what she wanted. All I want is for her to be in my life.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Cullen thought he saw Tanwen’s mother clutch her chest and smile, but he was focused on Tanwen’s father, not breaking eye contact to show him just how serious he was. They remained as such for several moments before he gave Cullen the same small smile from before and a nod of his head. When Ilios clapped with happiness, James woke with a start and looked around.  When he saw Cullen riding along-side the carriage, he jostled the carriage around as he switched with Tanwen’s mother, who started playing with Iuen.

Cullen had a bad feeling from the moment James opened his mouth. “So tell me, Commander. Has Tanwen been seen courting any of the nobles I’m sure have been visiting the Inquisition? I suppose it doesn’t matter.  All of those notes she sent me after my son was born were of her begging my return because she missed me so. How our one night together was magical and passionate.” James leaned closer to Cullen so he could speak quieter and still be heard. “Her sexual appetite was insatiable, you know. Enjoying every moment I held her down and pounded into her, asking for it to be harder, faster.  Have you ever been with a woman like that?” 

He looked at Cullen as he rode next to the carriage. “Being with the Chantry from a young age, probably not. Let me tell you: Never have I been with someone so...giving.”

Cullen rode next to the carriage as James spoke and he could feel his hands clenching tighter and tighter around the leather reins in his hands.  For nearly an hour, the nobleman went on and on about the night he shared with Tanwen and how it was the best time he had ever had, yet making her out to being some kind of whore. The images he created with his narration caused Cullen’s stomach to turn unpleasantly, nearly leading to the evacuation of its contents while astride his horse. Cullen swallowed the bile threatening to rise in his throat.  He wanted to say something, anything, to put the man in his place for insulting the Inquisitor.

“Enough!” Cullen finally snapped.  “I will not hear you verbally demean and insult Tanwen in such a manner. She deserves naught but the utmost respect and admiration for everything that she has done for Thedas, whether you have heard of it or not. You will show her the proper respect, as you would expect from others. Your Lordship.” Cullen nodded to the man before riding to the front of the short line of soldiers and next to Benjamin.

Images of Tanwen and James naked, their bodies entwined in passion, assaulted his brain, overtaking his thoughts. He shuddered when those images turned more violent than bed play should ever be, in Cullen’s opinion, as James had described in detail.

They stopped for the night less than ten miles from New Haven, earlier than Cullen would have wanted, because of James again. He tried to explain to the man how close they were, that they could be there in a matter of hours, but he wouldn’t have it.  So Cullen and his men set up camp and started a fire. As they were all eating their evening meal, James stood with a goblet in hand, commanding everyone’s attention. Iuen ran over to Cullen’s side to sit as they both listened to him speak of support and his marriage to Tanwen. He sounded like a politician running for a position of higher power than that which he was born to. Cullen was quick to tune him out, lest he punch the man in his perfect teeth. 

He turned to Iuen instead and leaned against the trunk of a tree, spending quite a while entertaining the child, which was a task he found himself enjoying.  He had never really spent much time with children of Iuen’s age. By the time the young magelings came to the towers he had been in, they were much older. 

Several hours of playing later, Lord James already abed after his extensive toast, Iuen climbed up into Cullen’s lap and laid his head on the fur covering his shoulder. He yawned wide, showing a mouth full of tiny teeth, before nuzzling the fur mantle to get comfortable.  One of the boy’s little hands even reached up to grip at the strands as he fell asleep. Cullen froze as Iuen settled in for sleep, unsure as to what to do.  

He looked around quickly, but saw no one was coming to his rescue. So he wrapped his arms around the two year old and gently rocked him as Cullen remembered seeing his own mother do when Rosalie had been a babe. To further ensure the child slumbered, Cullen hummed a chantry hymn that his mother and father had sung to him and his siblings to lull them to sleep. He sighed happily when Iuen’s small body sagged in slumber.

It was oddly comforting and relaxing to have a child in his arms, depending on and trusting him to keep them safe. Cullen must have dozed a bit himself, because in a blink, Lady Ilios was standing before him, preparing to take Iuen from his arms to sleep in his own bed.

“My lady, I apologize.  I did not realize that I had dozed off.” Cullen sputtered fretted over his uniform as he stood. Lady Ilios chuckled. 

“It’s alright, my boy.  It’s easy to do with this one. You needn’t worry so much about your appearance around me either.  I’ve found my children in worse states around our home. Especially Tanwen.”

“What was she like as a child, my lady?” Cullen followed the older woman as she sat down on a stool closer to her tent and he stood before her with his hands clasped over the pommel of his sword.

“Tanwen was a wild child growing up, only having her brothers around for a few short years before they went to join the Templars or even when they were given leave to come home. After they left, she wanted to be a warrior like them, so she took up swordplay with the guards.  She eventually bested them and decided she, too, would become a Templar.  

“She trained with them for years, slowly working her way to where she would be allowed to take her vows.  But she was never granted permission and I believe that was because of my husband. Particularly when the Lord of Markham, may the Maker bless his peace, decided to rein in his only son and have him marry Tanwen.” Lady Ilios sighed. “When Gowain and Saia announced they were expecting their second child, our eldest son held a party, like he had with his first born. Tanwen hadn’t stayed, stating she was exhausted from the day’s training and retired.  Hours later, and well into his cups, James went above-stairs.

“Tanwen calmed after that day.  At first, I thought it was because she had decided to make the most of her marriage to James.  But shortly after he disappeared, we found out that she was with child and the change in her began making sense.” She chuckled. “The things she found herself eating with this one was rather comical. Things she wouldn’t normally eat before, she was now craving the most. Particularly pickled herring.  We couldn’t keep enough of it in the estate.”

Cullen smiled at the affection the woman before him held for her daughter and was warmed by it. They were both silent for a time as they watched Iuen slumber against his grandmother’s bosom.

“Commander?” He focused on Lady Ilios once more at her summons. “Do you truly love my daughter? You asked for her hand in marriage, but do you truly plan to go through with it?”

Cullen nodded.  “I do, my lady. She means more to me than anything in this world or the next. Her happiness is mine. I’d marry her right now if she wished it.  I cannot imagine seeing myself with anyone else for the rest of my days. If she were to become pregnant with my child, the only way I would ever leave her side was if the Maker decided it was my time to go.” She hadn’t asked him the last part, but he could tell she thought about it. And he spoke the truth. He wasn’t one for mixed or pretty words, which was why The Grand Game was beyond him.

Tanwen’s mother grinned and stood, shifting the still sleeping Iuen to one hip to embrace Cullen. He froze, caught off guard by the hug by the Lady of Ostwick.  Realizing he hadn’t moved, he wrapped an arm around her waist and gave her an awkward hug. While in his embrace, Tanwen’s mother leaned up until she was on her tiptoes and next to his ear and whispered, “You have my approval and that of my husbands.”

He pulled back and looked at her with shock that turned to happiness. “Thank you, my Lady! I swear, you will not regret giving me this chance.”

“Come with me.” She smiled up at him before moving around Cullen towards her tent.  He stood outside the tent with Arryn while she and Iuen went inside.

Arryn leaned in. “I’m glad my sister chose you over that toad, James. He is a power hungry tyrant and will only cause my little sister pain. And not just emotional.”  Both men watched James pass by, looking smug, before disappearing behind a tree. “Cullen? May I call you that? Would it be alright if I ride next to you in the morning? I wish to get to know you better since you have been helping my sister in her endeavour.”

Both men watched James stiffen a moment as he passed by after relieving himself, before huffing and returned to his tent. When he was gone, both chuckled under their breaths. “I would be honored, Arryn.”

They engaged in light conversation until Lady Ilios re-emerged from the tent, sans Iuen, carrying a small wood and lacquer box. “This is a ring passed from mother to daughter for generations in my family through our intended.  And now it is my turn to pass it on to the man who wishes to marry my daughter with all his heart. I had planned on giving it to James to give to Tanwen, but something inside me told me not to, and I am glad that I listened. It would have been a mistake of astronomical proportions if I had not.”

She lifted the small box up to Cullen and he took it in hand. It was of fine make and weighed more than it looked. The size of his palm, the wood was lacquered dark with a delicate gold inlay on the lid and clasp holding it shut.  On the cover, it had a shield with a hare bounding around a stock of wheat. Lady Ilios’ familial coat of arms. As carefully as he could, he opened the clasp and lifted the lid.  Inside, held by fine burgundy velvet, was a surprisingly simple ring of ancient design. 

A soft gold band wrapped around a large, rough cut sapphire, encasing it, crisscrossing over the top and around the bottom like a cage for a bird.  It was the same color as Tanwen’s eyes.

“My lady, this is beautiful.”

“And very old.  I wore it at my wedding as did my mother and grandmother before her. As the generations have gone on, we have begun keeping it in its box for safety for our children and grandchildren, substituting it for more sturdy jewelry.  This ring is purely symbolism now and I know she will keep it well.” Cullen nodded and placed the box protectively in a pocket behind his breastplate. 

As they all went their separate ways for bed, Cullen remained awake for some time, thinking of various ways he could ask Tanwen to be his bride, falling asleep with a smile on his face.

But the smile didn’t last.

When Cullen woke the next morning, it was to horrible dreams of watching James and Tanwen from afar, forgotten in their wedded bliss, then watching them together in the throws of passion turned violent. James slapped her and choked her as he thrust into her, yet there was nothing that Cullen could do.  His body wouldn’t do as he commanded and move.  It felt as if he was attached to the ground with rusted iron shackles.

He woke panting and sweating, thinking his mood ruined for the rest of the day for sure. He was surprised, however when it was improved on when he was summoned to the side of the carriage and spent a time with Lady Ilios, asking more questions about him and his work within the Inquisition. 

But like with most good things, it came to an end when he overheard James boasting to anyone who would listen as he rode next to Arryn.

“Don’t worry about him, Commander.  If Tanwen has come into her own like mother says, if her heart is truly yours as I believe, then she will have no tolerance for the man any longer.” Cullen appreciated Arryn’s words, but they did little to unsour his mood as the approached New Haven. “Not that she had much to begin with, from what I have heard. He claims to be her fiancée still, but he hasn’t been since he left her the one and only time.” 

As they crested a ridge and Cullen saw New Haven in the distance, he sent a runner ahead to announce their approach. 

“I didn’t realize that there was a village below the keep.  What is it called?”

“New Haven, Tanwen’s idea. We ran out of room quickly within the castle’s bailey, so those who chose to join the Inquisition started camping in the valley below and eventually, building homes. I think Tanwen chose to name it after the village called Haven in which we started the Inquisition. To honor those who died when Corypheus attacked the village. New Haven continues to grow daily.”

“That’s impressive for such a short amount of time. What do Orlais and Ferelden think of you residing on their borders?”  

Cullen just shrugged. “I deal with war and the training of our troops.  That is a question for our esteemed ambassador, Josephine Montilyet.”

In no time, the caravan was winding its way up the small mountain that held part of the gate, taking the switchbacks in stride due to the danger. He managed to exhale when the carriage joined them on the bridge and they began crossing. When they reached the portcullis, he looked through the raising iron gate and felt his pulse jump with excitement, quickly followed by nervousness.

Cullen hoped Tanwen liked his surprise.

~//~

“Josephine? Where’s Cullen?  No one seems to be able to tell me.” Tanwen crossed her arms   
and looked down at her friend as she sat writing a letter.  “And what is with all the hustle and bustle?  Are we expecting a King Alistair or Empress Celine?  It’s even more chaotic than normal.  And more clean.”

Josephine looked up and smiled at Tanwen from her high-back chair.  “Cullen has gone to retrieve some foreign dignitaries who have landed in Jader.  Now, I know he wouldn’t normally do such a thing, but he was requested specifically.”

Tanwen let her arms fall to her side.  “I see.  Why was he requested? When will he return to Skyhold? I’ve been back for a week.”

“I would say sometime tomorrow, weather permitting. I was told by Leliana that a large storm was assaulting the side of the mountain leading to Jader and he was likely waylaid both ways.”

“Who are these dignitaries?”

Tanwen watched Josephine’s smile tighten the barest amount.  “They are a group of Banns from several city-states in the Free Marches that wish to see the Inquisition before deciding if they wish to pledge gold or soldiers to our cause. Anyways, shouldn’t you be completing paperwork from your visit to the Dales?  You could show Lady Delani around the keep or New Haven since she has officially joined the Inquisition.”

“I already have.  She is with Blackwall right now.  They seem to have taken an instant liking to each other.” She countered.

“Very well.” Josephine seemed momentarily put out by the information, but continued.  “You will also have to work with Cassandra to train with the troops since Cullen isn’t here currently. Also, a baker has arrived and wishes to set up a small shop in New Haven.  I thought you might wish to welcome him and his family or even help them start building their storefront and home.”

Josephine’s earlier words finally sunk in about what Banns were to be arriving. “Wait a second, did you say…?”

Josephine rose from her chair and was next to Tanwen in the blink of an eye. “I have much to do, Inquisitor.  I must ask you to leave now.”

Tanwen was so caught off guard by Josephine’s change of attitude, that she let the other woman usher her out the door, pushing Tanwen out into the great hall.  She stumbled a moment at being unceremoniously ejected from Josephine’s office before she turned at the sound of the door slamming behind her and the lock being engaged.  

She frowned at the door.  What was it about these Marcher Banns that Josephine wouldn’t tell her?  Was it that her father would be here?  No, Owain was getting too old for traveling long distances.  Was it Gowain then?  Likely - but then why wouldn't Josephine simply tell her? Perhaps they weren’t attending because something had happened at the estate that was keeping them from coming? Memories from the fade assaulted her then and her heartbeat and breathing increased as images of Iuen injured, bleeding and talking about the estate being attacked flashed past her vision.

Surely Leliana had spies up in her home province and, Maker-forbid should anything happen, they would inform her at once. She hoped.

As she walked towards the training grounds, Tanwen was thankful that they were being visited by the Banns of the Free Marches and not Lords. She had had more than enough experience with the lofty nobility to last her a life time.  At least with Banns, she had better experiences with, since her father was one himself.

And why would Cullen, her army Commander, be escorting Banns from the Free Marches to Skyhold?  Was there hostilities between here and the coast that she didn’t know about?  Because she knew that he didn’t sail to Kirkwall to retrieve them.  He hated sea travel.

In the past, they had entertained nobles of every station.  She wasn’t positive, but she didn’t think he had escorted any of them to Skyhold.  Perhaps she should seek out Cullen’s sister, Mia.

When Tanwen found the older woman, the blonde was just as tightlipped and evasive as Josephine on Cullen’s mysterious journey.  Mia was even able to distract Tanwen for a while with a game of chess that ended with Tanwen tipping her king, losing by a pawn and a rook.

Giving up on her missing Commander for the time being, Tanwen went to her rooms for the evening to complete backlogged paperwork for resources and agents acquired in the Dales.

~//~

The next morning, Tanwen woke with a start at the sound of a knock on her door with a half-written reply stuck to her cheek that she had been writing the night before.  By the time the scout had arrived at the top of the stairs, the paper was on her desk and she was straightening her leather corset.

“Yes?”

The female scout smirked, trying her hardest not to chuckle. When Tanwen raised an eyebrow in question, the scout reached up to her own face with one hand to rub at her right cheek, obviously intending for Tanwen to do the same.  When she did, her hand pulled back with black ink smudged there and heat infused her cheeks at the sight.  Tanwen raised her chin and crossed her arms over her breasts, waiting for the scout to state her business.

The scout cleared her throat.  “My Lady Herald, Sister Leliana requested I inform you that the Commander has just reached the outskirts of New Haven and will be arriving back in Skyhold within the next hour.”

“Thank you.”

Tanwen felt her excitement rise as she hurried to gather the tan ensemble that she wore when she was newly arrived to Skyhold and when they received important guests then rushed down to the bathhouse, summoning Pherra in the process.  Tanwen made quick work of her bath and, with Pherra’s help braiding her hair, she was dressed once more and down in the lower courtyard of Skyhold’s bailey in time to see the portcullis begin raised as Cullen, followed shortly by Pherra’s son Benjamin, rode their horses across the bridge and under the gate.

Tanwen, Pherra and Aelia, who was clutching at her mother’s skirts, came to a stop at the bottom of the second set of stairs where Cullen had worked before moving to his tower.  The sound of heavy iron dragging along more iron grated and whined, the sound echoing off the walls of the bailey.  Beyond the rising gate, Cullen and Ben were passing through the gatehouse now, followed by a single four-horse drawn carriage with half a dozen men in front and a half dozen men behind. The dozen in front she recognized because of the Inquisition’s symbol emblazoned on their chest plates, but she couldn’t see the livery on the soldiers on the back to see who had requested Cullen’s escort.

When they were closer, Tanwen could see Cullen was troubled by something in the crease of his brow and the heavy turn of his lips.  She stood straighter, feet shoulders-width apart, hands clasped behind her back - she needed to make a good impression on these Banns for Josephine.  She could play the Game when she had to, but she normally left diplomacies to her Ambassador.

Cullen stopped his steed far enough inside the keep to make room for the carriage, horses, and the dozen guardsmen in light armor behind him within Skyholds walls, then dismounted and handed his reins to Ben after the boy got off of his own horse.  Why had so few guards gone with him? Why had so few joined?  Where were the standards for the families?  Tanwen had so many questions that she dearly hoped would be answered soon. Perhaps they arrived one at a time?

Her Commander looked up and, when he saw her, walked over to her with long strides and a small smile on his lips that didn’t reach his golden eyes.  When he reached her, he grasped her left hand and placed a chaste kiss on her knuckles before moving to stand on Pherra’s other side like a sentry. She was about to ask him what was wrong, when sounds from the carriage drew her attention from his odd behavior.

When the door of the carriage opened, Tanwen walked closer, anxious to see if she knew the mysterious Bann exiting the carriage first, eager to greet them to Skyhold.  A tall man with wide shoulders and a heavy cloak with a fur mantle stepped out first. He kept his back to Tanwen as he reached back in with another hand.

“My Lord, I welcome you to Skyhold.  I - “ Tanwen stopped short when the man turned at her voice.  Dark hair waved to his shoulders with streaks of grey at his temples. Dark blue eyes that could see straight through you stared back at her with an angular jaw that always seemed permanently clenched. The man was dressed in Free Marcher noble fashion that fit exquisitely, leading down to a trim waist and scuffed leather boots.  His face seemed more wrinkled than before, but she knew this particular Bann well, and the memory of the last time she saw him ached.

“ _ Tad _ ?”

A woman in a forest green gown grasped her father’s outstretched hand and descended from the carriage. Straight hair of fiery red, streaked with grey, turned to Tanwen at the sound of her voice and she could feel tears prickling behind her eyelids when their eyes met, blue to brown.

“ _ Mam _ ?”

Owain turned back to his wife and carefully helped Illios fully from the carriage.  Small of stature, her mother gave off a sense of frailty.  But after bringing four rambunctious children into the world, and assisting in the care of a second generation of Trevelyans, she was far from it.  Her brown eyes sparkled and her high rosy cheeks glowed in her heart shaped face when she caught sight of Tanwen.  The younger woman quickly rushed forward, her mother meeting her halfway in a tight embrace.  They stayed like that for many moments and Tanwen inhaled her mother’s subtle, sweet,  _ familiar _ scent, feeling calm and like she was back home in Ostwick once more.  After a time, Owain walked up behind Ilios and Tanwen and she moved to hug him as well.

“ _ Oh father, mother, how I have missed you _ !” Tanwen mumbled into her father’s jacket in her native tongue, pulling back to look from her father to her mother.

“ _ My darling daughter.  No words can express the joy of seeing you once more, knowing you are well in person. _ ” Hearing her mother reply in Ostwicker was something she thought she would never hear again.  Movement behind her parents caught her attention and when she looked behind them, it was to see Arryn standing there before the carriage door, his shoulder-length dark hair blowing majestically in the breeze blowing around the bailey in his light leather armor.

Tanwen squealed in excitement and hurried around her parents to jump into the outstretched arms of her older brother and best friend, uncaring of decorum.

Arryn caught her in midair and swung her around like she weighed nothing.  “ _ Surprise, little sister _ .” His deep, whispered voice sent a chill of longing through her.  Out of all her siblings, Arryn was the brother she had missed the most.  Being born closer together as they had been, a bond had been born between them as she grew up.

“What are you doing here, Arryn?” She asked, reverting to Ferelden’s dialect.

“The Ostwick circle has fallen.”

Tanwen’s eyes went wide.  “Why have I not heard of this? When? Where is Rhys?  What of our cousin, Merrin?”

Arryn sighed. “Last we saw her, she was standing over the dead body of the mage that instigated the fall, allowing Rhys and I to escape with a handful of others. She was injured from battle with the mage instigator, as well as torture, we think. I hope she made her way towards Kirkwall so that she could be somewhere safe. We wanted to bring her with us to Ostwick, but she commanded us to run. Rhys is back at home with Gowain, Saia and their bairn.  I chose to travel with Mother and Father because, well…”

“MAMA!”

Tanwen tensed, her eyes gone wide at the cry of a small boy in the direction of the carriage.  She pulled away from her brother slowly, as if in a trance, and felt herself begin shaking when she saw a toddler crawling out of the carriage backwards down the steps.  She walked around Arryn and moved two paces towards the vehicle before collapsing to her knees, ignorant to the mud that was covering her legs.  She heard rushed footsteps behind her in the earth before a body came to stand behind her, but she only had eyes for the child before her.

“Iuen…?”

When Iuen reached the ground, he ran to her as fast as his chubby little two year old legs could carry him, launching himself into his mam’s arms.  She felt her entire body shaking as she cushioned his landing to her breast and wrapped her arms around the boy as they nearly fell backward and on to her back.

This had to be a dream.  She had to be still in the Fade at Adamant, or maybe Imshael got his disgusting claws into her during the battle somehow and was making her see that which she desired most in the world.  Tanwen waited with Iuen hugging her for several moments to see if anything showed to be a clue to prove this wasn’t real.  When nothing came, tears she had been holding back since seeing her parents and her brother began falling.

“Iuen, my boy! My sweet boy!” She was sobbing now, she knew she was making a show, but she was holding her child in her arms and close to her heart after so long.  She could feel him in her arms.  Her wish had come true!

Tanwen felt a hand grip her shoulder and she turned her face away from Iuen to look up at the person and smiled when she saw it was Cullen.  “Cullen, I… did you do this?  Was this why you weren’t here when I returned from the Dales?”

Cullen gave her a blinding smile as he helped her to stand, Iuen and all.  “You deserve to be happy, Tanwen.  And to be able to get a full night’s sleep.  Hopefully this will do both.”

“Oh, Cullen.  I love…”

Tanwen stopped at the sound of a throat being cleared and looked back to the carriage, instantly feeling dread create a rock in her stomach and her skin cooling. She shifted Iuen to her hip and held him close, protectively, as she stood and cupped the back of Iuen’s head to her shoulder.

“James.  What are you doing here with my family?”  She tried to remain neutral, her tone even, but she couldn’t quite keep her emotions from her words.  James - the man she had once been arranged to marry.  The father of her son.  He was here, standing before her with his dark hair and even darker eyes, with a height that surpassed her own.  There could only be one reason that she could think of as to why her parents had brought him with them all the way from Ostwick. That one reason caused her stomach to turn angrily.

He looked at her, the breeze in the bailey blowing wisps of his hair into his eyes and he pushed it away, looking angry before turning back to her with a wide grin that was all teeth.  “I am here to wed you, Tanwen.  As I should have on Summerday 9:38.”

~//~


	23. Unwanted Guest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost and just to be on the safe side, I'm putting in a TW for attack and abuse. If anyone thinks I should change/modify the TW, let me know privately and I will change it. And as a heads up, a certain part of a conversation between Tanwen and Cullen a little ways into the chapter will seem a bit archaic, but that is mostly because I see the DAU as being set in the Medieval ages and their views were quite different than our more modern ideals.
> 
> Also... James is a dick! :D And Delani makes another appearance, thanks to the lovely and talented Elcapitan18. Seriously, y'all. You have to check out her story here on AO3 called To The Void and Back. Her Cullavellan is spectacular!
> 
> P.S: I'm running out of backlogged chapters, so I might be slower on uploading. Please don't leave! I won't forget this story, I promise! Tanwen's cousin Merrin and her adventures in the Mass Effect Universe are taking over my life...

Lady and the Templar chapter 23 - Unwanted guest

“What did you say?”  _ Surely I’m hearing things _ .  Her previous passing thought that this was some vivid, demon-induced dream-turned-nightmare was seeming more and more plausible.  James couldn’t have said…

“I wish to marry you, Tanwen.  I still care about you and want to get to know you once more, be a part of my son’s life. My heir’s life.  A lot has changed since the last time I saw you. You have changed a lot.   _ I _ have changed a lot.”

Tanwen studied James through narrowed eyes as she turned slightly to protect her son.  After Iuen was born, she had sent several missives to James, telling him of his heir.  But by the time she had left for the conclave, almost a year after Iuen’s birth, she had received no word or acknowledgement from the man before her.  She looked him over as she hugged Iuen close and backed up until she could feel Cullen’s firm body at her back and relaxed slightly knowing he was there.

James hadn’t changed, physically, in almost three years. His mahogany hair was still stylishly coiffed, nose and jaw still chiseled and strong, lashes thick and cheekbones high.  He was still just as immaculately dressed as before. He always seemed as if he had just returned from an expensive shopping trip to Orlais.  Iuen almost looked like James’ younger double with the same colored hair, strong nose and cheeks, but the boy had her heart shaped face and sapphire eyes.

“Why do you still wish to wed me?  You disappeared before our wedding. That in itself was a pretty big indicator that you, in fact, did  _ not  _ want to marry me. When your son was born,  I sent you missive after missive about him - you could have come back of your own free will; I didn’t want my parents to force you to return, but you never came back.  What has changed?” Oh, she had an inkling as to his sudden desire to be part of her son’s life - and it wasn’t because of Iuen. Tanwen prayed to the Maker that it wasn’t true.

James stared at her intently, his jaw muscles twitching as he clenched his jaw.  She watched his muscles tense and release.  His involuntary bodily actions were telling. Something else was going on and she would have to get Leliana on it if she wasn’t already, just to see if her hunches were correct.

Her former fiancé suddenly smiled, all bright white teeth again.  “Might we speak of these rather  _ private _ matters in your office, my lady?”

Tanwen nodded, but before she could lead him there, Cullen gripped her shoulder. When she looked at him, Cullen was staring at James with his jaw clenched. “Perhaps our guests would like to freshen up after their lengthy journey, Inquisitor? It’s been a long couple weeks.  I prepared room for your parents, brother and son, but I am sure we can find  _ proper  _ accommodations for his lordship.”

Arryn stepped forward, his eyes pulling from where he had been staring behind Tanwen.  “If it helps, I would be more than willing to stay in the barracks with the soldiers, if it would make things easier.”

“Pherra, would you please escort my brother to the Templars tower and see if Knight-Commander Delrin has a spare bed?”  Tanwen turned her head to Pherra as she asked and saw the elven woman blushing as she bowed her head to Tanwen’s request.  She looked back at Arryn, who was looking at the elven woman, and raised an eyebrow. If the situation hadn’t been so tense, she would have smiled.  Was Pherra blushing because of Arryn? Was her brother interested in Pherra? Once things had calmed down again, she might have to play matchmaker.

When she refocused from watching Pherra and Arryn’s retreating backs as they moved to the Templar tower, it was to see that Cullen had summoned Jim and was instructing him to take her parents and James to the prepared rooms, wherever they were.

When they left with Jim, after promising to see her parents at the evening meal and planning a meeting with James in her quarters in an hour, Tanwen turned to Cullen, shifting Iuen to her other hip.

“Cullen… what you have done for me - “ She trailed off, unable to form adequate words to express the gambit of emotions she was experiencing at that moment, putting the problem with James to the back of her mind for the next hour.  She felt a tug on some stray wisps of hair and turned her head to Iuen.  The young boy tugged on her hair again then nuzzled her cheek. Tanwen smiled at him and felt like crying again.

“Come on, Tanwen.  Let’s go to Iuen’s chamber. Then we can go to our own.”

Tanwen turned from Iuen back to Cullen and smiled.  “ _ Our _ chamber.  I like the sound of that.”

Together, the three of them went up the tower to where Iuen’s room was just down the stairs from their own. What she saw when Cullen opened the door made her jaw drop.

Oak shelves stained dark brown, lined the walls, scattered with toys, stuffed animals and, periodically, clutches of books held up by carved bookends in the shapes of griffins, lions and horses.  A rocking horse surrounded by wooden building blocks stood sentry on a finely woven rug in the center of the floor with a long, tall chest in the background that had the word ‘Toys’ carved into the side.

Under a tall window towards the back lay a small bed with a feather filled mattress and pillow covered by a quilt embroidered with stars, constellations and both of Thedas’ moons.

“Maker’s breath!” Tanwen breathed as she set a squirming Iuen down on the floor to start playing with the toys.  Tanwen walked through the door in a daze before sinking down onto the small bed, followed closely by Cullen.

“I can see he approves of his room, but does his mother?”

She could hear the uncertainty in his tone and she felt a laugh bubble up from her chest, coming out strangled and slightly maniacal.  “Cullen, you have done so much, I don’t even know what to say.  No words I could ever dream of stringing together could ever suffice.  You brought my family to Skyhold, my son to me, fixed up rooms for everyone, all without my finding out.

“I know James must be a slight snag in your plans - I had hopes never to set eyes on him again after the last time I saw him, if truth be told.” Tanwen turned her upper body to face her lover, grabbing and holding both of his hands with her own.  “But we will get past this hurdle and send him back to Markham. Hopefully sooner rather than later.”

Cullen lifted a gloved hand to cup one of Tanwen’s cheeks and she leaned into the gesture, rubbing her cheek into his palm, smiling and feeling his warmth seeping through his glove and into her skin.  Maker, how she had missed him.

“Maker help me, but I don’t believe I have seen this serene or content of a smile form on your lips before.  I am ensorcelled by your beauty and gladly so.” Cullen leaned in to touch foreheads with her before kissing her lips.  When he pulled back, Tanwen slapped Cullen playfully and he chuckled.  Both adults turned back to watching the toddler play with the blocks on the floor.

“How did you put this all together?”   
  
“I had a little help from your companions that stayed behind. Particularly Blackwall, or rather Rainier. He was insistent on helping. My guess would be that he knew he was going to end up owning up to his mistakes and wanted to get a head start.”

Silence encompassed the pair as they watched Iuen move on to the rocking horse, until Tanwen decided to break the silence.  “Did James seem odd to you?”

“I don’t know the man, Tan.  I don’t know what is normal to be honest.”

“Then why were you frowning as you entered the bailey?”

Cullen frowned again.  “When we were journeying from Jader, your mother summoned me to ride alongside the carriage so that she could speak to me.  She asked me questions about you mostly. Then she asked about me and my job in the Inquisition.  She asked me about my family, my views on various topics.  She seemed to want to know me.” Cullen lit up a moment at her mother’s acceptance and Tanwen couldn’t help but smile.

“After she had asked all of her questions, your mother returned her focus to Iuen. Then James took over asking questions.  I thought he would ask about you, and I wasn’t wrong - not completely.  Instead of asking about you and how you have changed since he had last seen you, he asked about the Inquisition’s power and wealth, about your influence and who it affected.  When I told him about all the good we have done and the following we have gathered since the conclave, a worrisome glimmer formed in his eyes.  When he mentioned that he was glad that the marriage contract hadn’t been nullified and that marrying you had become even more fortuitous, it took everything I had to go along with the conversation.”

“Mother must not have told him of our relationship, because I most assuredly told her. Not too many details, I swear!” Tanwen threw her hands up in surrender, sending him a cheeky smile when a shocked look crossed his face and his skin paled slightly. When his color returned, he continued.

“I wanted to make a good impression on your parents, Tan.  I still do.  But when he started talking about the night you shared together, I had to ride to the front of the entourage or else I would likely have broken his nose.  The disrespect and vulgar descriptions he had started telling me, as he would have a good friend, just made me angrier and angrier.”

Tanwen squeezed his hand in support. “I am glad you didn’t hit him.  Not because I think he looks good with teeth in his mouth or a straight nose, mind you.  He would, by far, look better with bruises right now.  While I may not consider myself as part of the Ton, he definitely does and would likely have found a way to punish you if you had. You may be the Commander of the Inquisition’s army, but you are still of lower birth in his eyes. To him, it would be his right to punish you. I refuse to let him discipline you for any seen slights.”

“He already is punishing me with his talk of marrying you and the disrespect he showed you as we traveled to Skyhold.”

Tanwen paused, had she heard him right?  “What?”

“I just told you.  He was rude when he spoke of you, called you easy and…”

She shook her head. “I don’t care about that, Cullen.  His talk of marrying me upset you?”

“Of course it did!” Cullen slouched and rubbed the back of his neck with a heavy sigh before dragging his hand down the side and letting it flop into his lap.  “If he finds a way to go through with his plans of marrying you, Tanwen, it means that I cannot.”

She felt her eyes go wide in surprise.  They’d never spoken of it before, because they were so busy - their relationship too new.  She had even thought, after James had left her, that she would likely never marry. Not because she wanted to only marry the Lord of Markham, but because she was quickly leaving the age range most men wanted to marry. Now? “You truly want to marry me?”

She received a nod and a shrug in return.  “Someday.  After Corypheus has been defeated. Once things have calmed down, and - umf!”

Tanwen grasped both sides of the face belonging to the man she loved more than life itself, the man who wanted to marry her some day, and kissed him deeply. Cullen froze in surprise for a moment before relaxing into the kiss. When she pulled away, Tanwen leaned in once more to whisper in his ear.  “When the time is right, Cullen Stanton Rutherford, I would gladly take the vows that would bind our lives together as one before the Maker forever.”

Cullen wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, ignoring his chest plate.  “Is that a promise?”

Tanwen felt a broad smile form on her lips as she looked at him. “It’s a promise.”

A similar smile formed on Cullen’s lips and Tanwen watched as he reached under his breastplate and pulled out an extremely familiar box.  She felt her jaw drop.  “Cullen, how did you…?”

“Your mother gave it to me in secret as we traveled from Jader.  I know it won’t be used now, but I want to pass it on to you as a solemn promise that we will be married one day. I just wish I had something for you to wear outwardly to show this promise.”

Tanwen quickly reached under the neck of her tunic and pulled out the coin he had given her that was wrapped lightly, but securely, in leather and hung by a chain of silverite. “This will be the outward symbol.  A sign that I have been claimed by Commander Cullen Rutherford of the Inquisition forces.”

A low rumble of approval was accompanied by a wide grin as Cullen stood with Tanwen in his arms, his golden eyes full of heat and want that did not quite cover some lingering upset.  She knew that look, knew what was to come, welcomed it even and could feel her body quickening, but she looked over at Iuen and the longing to never separate from her son became stronger than her arousal.  What if this really was a dream set upon her by Imshael?  She’d lose Iuen all over again and she just couldn’t handle that. Her ardor instantly dampened.

“Cullen, I…”

He sighed low and slow and she knew that he understood her hesitation, despite the upset growing in his eyes, now with anger.  He opened his mouth to reply when a gentle, even knock sounded from the door.

“Come in.” They said at the same time. When the door opened, Pherra and Aelia entered.

“My lady?  Your guests have been suitably seen to and settled, including your brother.  Lord James has requested a bottle of your finest wine be brought to your office; I was sent to inquire what wine should be retrieved from the cellar. Is there…” Pherra finally lifted her head and saw Cullen and Tanwen embracing intimately.  She gave a small gasp and turned.  “My lady! I apologize for intruding. Would you like me to watch over Master Iuen for you so that you and the Commander can, ahem, reacquaint?”

Cullen’s grip on Tanwen tightened to an almost painful level, speaking to the woman before Tanwen could.  “Thank you, Pherra, yes.”

Without waiting for a reply, Cullen picked her up and threw Tanwen over his shoulder before he continued up the stairs of the tower to the room they shared, but had yet to be able to exercise the ability.

“But Cullen…!”

“Iuen isn’t going anywhere. I need you by yourself right now.”

Tanwen wanted to struggle against his hold as he carted her up the stairs to their room, but his iron grip held her tight. “Cullen!  What’s going on with you?  First, you put all this work into bringing Iuen here, now you’re carting me off after so short a time? What’s going on with you?  Put me down! You’re acting like a bloody Nug hurder.”

When they reached the top of the stairs, it took him two strides to reach his destination. When he was a few short feet from the bed, Cullen tossed Tanwen onto the coverlet.  She quickly scurried to the other side and quickly got back off and turned to face him, panting at the effort to hold in her anger at how he had just treated her. It wasn’t like him! 

“What in the Maker’s name is going on?!” She all but shouted at him. Cullen had turned from the bed, from her, and was looking down, rubbing at the back of his neck. Tanwen calmed her breathing and her tone as she stared at the black fur of his coat trailing down his back.  Something was bothering him, was still bothering him, and she wanted to know what it was so that she could fix it. Then she could go back to Iuen’s room. She approached his back, laying a hand on one of his hips from behind. “Cullen, fy nghariad, what’s the matter?”

She felt him tense before taking a couple deep breaths. When he turned his head to her to look at her over his shoulder, she saw concern, upset, and even fear. 

“I...I’m sorry, Tan. That wasn’t me. That was… Iuen’s father will be here shortly. I  _ needed  _ to spend time alone with you before facing him.”

Tanwen moved around to face him, her hand remaining on his hip but trailing along his waist as she moved. He didn’t look at her when she was before him, so she lifted her other hand to tilt his head up to look at her. 

Brows furrowed, Cullen kept his eyes cast aside, yet Tanwen thought she saw a flush on his cheeks. “Cullen, look at me. Please, look at me.”

Cullen lifted his eyes, but nothing in his gaze changed. 

“What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry.  I know I shouldn’t be so rough and I know I should have left you with Iuen. But his words while we traveled, about the night you both shared,  his words and actions down in the bailey - the wine request - it’s all too much to take. It feels like he’s trying to take you away from me and I… I can’t…”

Tanwen’s heart broke for Cullen when his voice cracked and trailed off at the end. She lifted both of her hands to wrap around his neck to embrace him, sighing happily when he wrapped his arms around her in return, holding her tightly to his body. “Cullen, you don’t need to worry about him. I ended our arrangement when he left and everything was cancelled when he wasn’t there on Summerday for the wedding. He holds no appeal for me, only revulsion. I am no more bound to him than you are the Templars. Besides, what I feel for you far surpasses how little I felt for him. And the sex he and I had? It was the worst experience of my life. 

“Back then, I only let him court me because of our parents and their agreements.” Tanwen paused. “Ok, there **_was_** some attraction between he and I, but then again, I was a rather promiscuous woman before Iuen. I thought he and I were to marry, so I tolerated his physical attentions. Once he left, I knew the Maker had other plans for me. He was sending me to you, not to be leashed to that… that… _nobleman._ ”

She felt Cullen chuckle into her neck at the way she made the word sound like an insult, and a shiver went down her spine at the feel of his warm lips resting on the skin of her neck. She threaded her fingers through his soft hair and turned her lips to his ear. “I promised, willingly and without hesitation or force, that I would be with you forever. It’s a promise I fully intend to keep.”

Cullen pulled away and she saw that he had calmed. He was smiling at her once more when he lifted a hand to her cheek again, rubbing his thumb on her cheek. “You deserve so much better than me, Tanwen. So much more than a farmer’s son or an old Templar.”

She frowned. They’d had this discussion before and she was growing tired of it. “Cullen Stanton Rutherford, you listen to me and you listen good. As your Inquisitor, lover and the woman who loves you, _ I will tell you what I do and do not want and or deserve _ . There is no better man than you in the whole of Thedas and I will not hear you say that sentence again, do you understand me?”

Cullen stared at her intently before he replied with a powerful kiss that took her breath away. When he picked her up without ending the kiss, she was ready.  She could feel heat coursing through her body to settle in her core. Cullen walked her backwards and put her back on the bed, only releasing their lip lock to set her down on the soft surface. 

This time, she didn’t scurry to get off the bed, but she did prop herself on her elbows to look at him as he looked down at her, all warmth and passion. When he joined her on the bed, she moved back towards the middle of the bed so she could cradle his hips between her legs, feeling the rigid line of his manhood nestled in the vee of her thighs. 

Earlier, he had been brash and forceful because he thought he didn’t stand a chance against the lofty Lord of Markham, thinking he would lose her even though she had promised herself to him. It was obvious that he had intended on claiming her in the short time they had alone before James’ arrival, but it would have been tainted with feelings other than the love and desire they shared. Now, they could proceed without the darker emotions floating around in the air around them.

Tanwen looked up at him as he loomed over her, his eyes moving rapidly over her face as if trying to commit her features to memory. A deep growl rumbled from his chest as he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.  As one, they deepened their kiss, Tanwen opening to him as Cullen slid his tongue past her teeth and consumed her, breathed her in as if it was what he needed to survive, as if her lips were his sustenance and he was starving.

She was having issue with catching her breath herself, desperate as his kisses were becoming. When he moved his kisses to her jaw and neck, she panted, relishing in the feeling of his warm lips and teeth on her warmer skin. Her breasts ached with every nip and bite of his teeth on the skin of her neck and collarbone, feeling her nipples pearl under her breast band.

Tanwen turned her head towards him when Cullen sat up and kneeled between her legs, reaching down to rip open her shirt, sending the brass buttons flying.  Tanwen moaned and arched her back when he gripped the edge of her breast band and pulled the top down, releasing her breasts to the cool air of the room.  His pupils dilated and he licked his lips as he gazed at her breasts, their tips hard.

Cullen tugged his gloves off with his teeth and Tanwen felt her body flame at the sight of his teeth, imagining them on parts of her body other than her neck and jaw. His calloused hands felt glorious on the sensitive skin of her breasts when he massaged one while taking the nipple of her lonely breast between his lips, rolling it back and forth between his teeth before moving to the other one. Tanwen threaded her fingers through his hair again, holding tight onto the strands as he trailed the kisses down over her belly, moving his hands to hold onto her hips, keeping her unruly lower body still.   _ When had that started? _

He pulled away completely before reaching the edge of her leggings and pulling them and her small clothes half way down her thighs then pushing her legs up to her chest. When he descended on her core, she moaned.

Tanwen had to grip the covers on either side of her hips so she had something to hold on to when he dragged his tongue from one end of her slit to the other, laving her clit before sucking on it. She gasped when he held her legs with one hand while pressing a digit to her entrance with the other.  She moaned again when he applied a second finger, thrusting it in and dragging it out with curled fingers past the spot within her that elicited the most response.  When a third was added, the movement increasing, it took everything she had not to come. Her body was on fire with her arousal. She had been without him for forever, it had seemed.  When she finished, she wanted it to be with him buried deep within her body, hard and fast.

She  _ did _ whimper when Cullen pulled away and stood once more, loosening the ties on the front of his breeches and releasing his engorged shaft.  He pushed her legs to her chest once more as he kneeled on the bed, running the head of his cock across her opening, whetting the tip with her arousal. 

When Cullen finally thrust into her, only stopping when he could go no further, they both paused to catch their breath.  The feel of him inside her once more was always better than the last. 

Just as with the kiss, it started out slow: in and out, gentle strokes increasing their passions. Tanwen felt her heart beat increase with his paces, her legs forced together causing his shaft to stroke the sides of her inner walls and creating a feeling she had never felt before that took her breath away. Tanwen wrapped her arms around her knees, allowing Cullen to grip her hips and pull her towards him at the edge of the bed, increasing his pace and force to his thrusts when he stood on the ground. She tilted her legs to the side so she could see him, watching Cullen move, feeling herself grow closer to climax with his even and smooth movements. The way his hips snapped back and forth with a purpose, how he lifted his coat and tunic to see where they were connected past their clothing, the panting that filled the room - it aroused her more and more and she could feel her climax roaring towards her like a herd of raging brontos.

“Cullen.” She panted, releasing her legs and reaching for him to pull him down into a kiss, his movements not even slowing. Moments later, she screamed into his lips and dampening the sound as she came, seeing stars twinkle before her eyes at the power behind her climax. When the feeling passed, she collapsed against the bed and watched Cullen move over her with a look of deep concentration, his fingers digging into her skin. It wasn’t long before he was reaching his own release and she could feel his seed flowing into her. 

Tanwen looked up at his sweat streaked face, touching it lovingly as she traced a trail of sweat as it made its way from his brow down the side of his temple before dripping onto her. She felt, intensely, as he pulled away completely from her and kept his eyes on hers as he tucked his softening shaft back into his smalls and breeches.  Tanwen flushed at the smirk that graced his lips, feeling her belly tremble.

Ever the gentleman, Cullen reached to her to help her stand and retrieved a clean tunic from her wardrobe until her formal wear could be repaired from his hurried disrobing. When he returned, he sat next to her while she put the clean shirt on and wrapped her corset around her torso. After he helped Tanwen lace and tighten her leather corset, they faced each other on the bed and Cullen clasped her hands in his and squeezed them.

“That was wonderful, Cullen. I’m glad that the air was cleared first.” He nodded, looking at their clasped hands. Tanwen cupped his cheek and he looked up once more.  “I promise, Cullen.  Everything will be fine. You’ll see.”

“Tanwen, I…”

~//~

It had been a week already and Delani still hadn't explored Skyhold to its entirety. The fortress was a grand thing, its integrity and enormity fabled throughout all of Thedas; especially since the Inquisition had taken up residence within its walls. Word had even reached her clan in the Free Marches, but Delani never thought she'd get the opportunity to see it for herself. 

Now here she was, a companion to the Inquisitor herself and a part of her inner circle. It was a position she would never have thought possible, but also one with the promise of resulting in the most good for her people. In their short time together Delani had learned that Tanwen cared about the needs of the less fortunate, even about the injustices committed against elves. If befriending the Inquisitor and serving the Inquisition helped her people then it was her duty to do her part. 

It didn't matter if the Inquisition was a Chantry founded organization. She would be serving Tanwen, not the Chantry. Though Delani doubted that her clan would be able to discern the difference. 

She'd set out to tell Tanwen as much. After the time they'd spent traveling together, she'd come to respect and admire Tanwen a great deal. Delani wanted to be honest with the Inquisitor, and open about her purpose in staying with her. If they were to be friends then there could be no secrets between them. And Delani sincerely hoped that they could be friends. 

Climbing the steps into the Great Hall, Delani started in the direction she'd seen Tanwen go, accompanied by a man she'd overheard others refer to as Commander Cullen.  After a quick stop at Varric's writing desk, so that the dwarf could point her in the right direction to the Inquisitor's chambers, she was on her way once more. 

The doorway beside the Inquisitor's throne led up a flight of stairs, which Delani climbed with silent steps. Varric had warned her that Tanwen and the Commander would likely want privacy for the next few hours, but she'd seen a child in Tanwen's arms when they'd made for their private quarters. Surely she'd have time to speak with Tanwen before the two got properly reacquainted. 

As Delani came up on the landing she heard a child's laughter and was drawn to the noise. The door beside the landing was cracked open, the soft sound of a woman's voice leaked through the opening as she responded to the small laugh. Recognizing that the voice didn't belong to Tanwen brought Delani's curiosity to new heights. 

She approached the door with soundless strides and loosely gripped the doorknob, pushing it open ever so slightly as to get a better peek inside. Her eyes widened at the sight of the nursery within. The love and devotion that had gone into its creation was evident at a glance. She'd never seen a human nursery, and she doubted that she'd find another like this one. 

A surprised, " _ Mamae _ ," brought attention to the elf across the room with a human boy in her arms and girl hiding behind her skirts. She was a beautiful woman with guarded hazel eyes, brown hair that was braided away from her face, and the warm features of a loving mother. A scar marked her from the temple to her upper lip that did little to diminish her beauty. 

Delani had met Pherra upon her arrival to Skyhold and had seen the elf only a few times after that. Working under the Inquisitor kept her understandably busy, more so now with the arrival of Tanwen's family and son. They hadn't spoken enough to know each other, or for her to trust Delani, which is why she took no insult from the suspicious gleam in her hazel eyes. 

"Miss Lavellan," Pherra said, turning to face her fully. “Did you need something?”

Absently she corrected the other woman. “Just Delani, Pherra. Why stand on formality when I’ve none to speak of.”

Delani looked around the nursery, noting the stuffed animals and book lined shelves. With a shake of her head, she finally answered, “I was hoping to speak with Tanwen.” When she returned her focus onto Pherra the other elf’s eyebrow was quirked and Delani amended, “The Inquisitor.”

Pherra inspected her closely for a beat before she supplied, “Lady Trevelyan and the Commander are in their private quarters. It would be ill-advised to disturb them at present.”

An amused huff escaped through her nose. “I bet.” Delani’s attention moved to the child in Pherra’s arms and a grin unraveled over her mouth. Already knowing the answer to her question, she needlessly wondered, “Is this her son?”

The boy in Pherra’s arms was watching Delani intently, at the sight of her smile one of his own cracked over his mouth. Little white teeth sparkled and a laugh bubbled out of him when Delani wrinkled her nose and made a face at the boy. 

“Iuen,” Pherra provided and the child’s gaze snapped to her at the sound of his name. 

“Well met, Master Iuen,” Delani said with an exaggerated bow, neither knowing nor caring if she was doing it right. Her theatrics earned her another laugh from the boy, who then demanded Pherra to set him down. 

As Iuen wobbled over to Delani, she acknowledged the little girl still hiding behind Pherra’s skirts, clutching the fabric tightly as she peered around her mother’s thigh to steal a glimpse at Delani before hiding again. 

Smiling softly, Delani nodded in the girl’s direction and asked, “And the little lady?”

Pherra’s hand went to the girl’s head where she stroked her hair without forcing her to come out of hiding. “My daughter, Aelia.”

She squatted down so that she was more level with Iuen and smiled at the boy. Delani felt his fine hair and, at his responding grin, she felt warmth spread through her chest until it had all but consumed her. Just like that she was ensnared by his charms, a slave to that smile. He was a little lord indeed. 

To Iuen she asked, “Could you bring me those blocks, Master Iuen?” and gestured to the stacked cubes in the corner of the room next to a box marked “Toys.”

“Blocks!” Iuen shouted, delighted that they were about to play a game. 

As Iuen busied himself with picking up a block and bringing it over to Delani one by one, Delani eased onto her backside and peered up at Pherra. Offering the woman a friendly smile she stated, “I’d like to stay a while, if it’s all the same to you.”

Looking suddenly uncomfortable with Delani’s presence, Pherra tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and pressed her lips together into a disapproving line. “Lady Trevelyan and Commander Cullen requested that I watch Iuen. I mean no offense, Miss Lavellan, but I don’t know you well enough to leave you with him.”

“Delani,” she corrected again before clarifying her meaning. “I’m not suggesting that you leave me alone with him, Pherra; only that we watch him together.”

Surprise took her expression and Pherra gave her a doubtful look. “You’ve experience with children?”

She nodded, her answer interrupted by a laugh when Iuen had all of the blocks finally moved in front of Delani and plopped down so that he could start stacking them. Delani picked a block up off the ground and handed it to Iuen who took the block and shouted, “I give block!” before holding it out for her to take again. 

“Even a Dalish Hunt Master has to spend time watching the children every now and again.”

“So you have no children of your own?”

Delani shook her head. “Much to my mother’s disappointment.”

The silence that joined them was interrupted by Iuen talking to himself as he placed one block on top of the other until he had a tower to knock over. Pherra considered for a minute before relenting with a sigh and nodding her agreement. 

Pleased to have her approval, Delani smiled and said, “Iuen and I are going to build a castle.” Raising her voice a decibel, she added, “If Aelia would like to be the princess of our castle, she is more than welcome to join us.” 

Pherra smiled when her daughter hid further behind her. There was approval in her hazel eyes as she moved to join Delani and Iuen on the floor, forcing her daughter out into the open who immediately huddled to Pherra’s side. 

Delani noticed the round shape of Aelia’s ears and tilted her head a bit. Her father was human. Curiosity got the better of her and she spoke before she could think to carefully phrase her question. “Is her father with the Inquisition as well?”

The other woman’s expression tightened and her hazel eyes hardened. The topic of Aelia’s father was not up for discussion, least of all with Delani. 

“Or we can just focus on building our castle,” Delani suggested, hoping to banish the awkwardness that had joined them. 

Glad as she was that Iuen had taken right to her, Delani knew that it would take longer for Aelia to come out of her shell. Whatever Pherra’s little family had been through before joining the Inquisition hadn’t yet been forgotten. Yet Delani was determined to hear the little girl’s laugh join Iuen’s as they played. 

All it had taken was meeting the boy for Delani to forget why she’d come in the first place. Whatever she needed to say to Tanwen could wait until they were done. For now all Delani cared about was seeing his smile and hearing his laugh. 

~//~

“Lady Tanwen?”

Both adults’ heads snapped to the side at the sound of a heavy knock on the door at the bottom of the stairs, then a loud creak as it opened slowly. Tanwen felt like groaning.  She didn’t want to go through with this meeting, but knew that it would have happened eventually. 

“Talk to Leliana.  See if she knows anything about what James has been up to these last couple years.  His sudden, unexplained arrival is rather suspicious and, after what you told me earlier about the trip from Jader, I really don’t think that it’s Iuen and I that he’s truly after. But we need proof. If he is making a grab for power, then I want him gone. We don’t need that kind of conflict in the Inquisition.”

Cullen stared at her for another moment before both stood.  Tanwen moved towards her desk and leaned against the edge while Cullen made his way to the stairs, meeting James at the top of the stairs to their room. She watched Cullen give a respective bow of his head before hurrying down the stairs.  While James watched her Commander hurry down the stairs, Tanwen quickly made sure her hair wasn’t messy and her clothes were straight, before the other man turned his gaze towards her and raised an eyebrow, as if expecting an explanation as to why Cullen had been in her quarters. She didn’t do it to look nice for James; She didn’t want him asking too many personal questions pertaining to her disheveled look.

_ ‘Maker, give me strength.’ _ Tanwen crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a cool look. “How have you been, James?  It’s been almost three years.”

He gave her a bright smile that, in the past, would have and had caught her attention.  Now, after seeing Cullen’s, there was no comparison.  She could see his for how fake it truly was.  _ ‘Definitely up to something.’ _ She thought to herself.  His approach was slow and casual, a bottle of the Inquisition’s best wine in one hand, two goblets in the other.

“I’m sorry for the pewter goblets, this was the best the kitchens had.”  Tanwen clenched her hidden hands at his words. He was from a rich family, used to crystal glasses and fine wines, but this was the Inquisition.  This was her family, and he had insulted it with his words and tone. 

“Then you should have brought your own.”

He didn’t seem to notice the defense in her voice, or didn’t care how his words upset her.  “I have missed you, my dear.  I have thought of little else than you. You bewitched me with your beauty and your grace all those years ago. Just as you are doing now.”

Tanwen scoffed. “As my friend Cassandra likes to say, ‘Bullshit.’ I have never been a lady who wears frilly dresses and fine silks. Even back then, I wore nice tunics and breeches.  I was a warrior then like I am now. You never approved of my training in swordplay with the Templars. Also, if you missed me as you claim, thought of little else, why did you never return, hmm? After we had sex, you hightailed it and ran back to your  _ tad _ in Markham.”

His lips thinned as he poured wine in both goblets, handing one to her.  Tanwen nodded her head but simply held the cup as she stared him down. She didn’t know him anymore, didn’t trust him, so she was drinking nothing he handed to her. “You’ve grown more confident, my Lady. It is very becoming.”

“Quit your petty compliments and answer my questions.” James gave a dramatic sigh and turned towards the darkened fireplace across from her bed. Pherra would likely be arriving within the hour to light the fireplace for the night, and she would rather James not set his sights on the other woman.  Tanwen knew he would think that he could get something out of her that she did not wish to give.

“I can see how much you have changed in a short time. Confidence rolls off you in waves.  You are thinner than before, but you are still beautiful to me.” She bristled.  She wanted no one but Cullen to call her beautiful in such a way. When Cullen said it, it was with desire in his eyes and it caused her heart fluttered and her desires to quicken.  When James said it in the same way, she felt as cold as she had while making her way through knee-high snow from Haven until she caught up with the surviving Inquisition members

“Why didn’t you come back? You broke the marriage contract that our father’s signed. I sent you missive after missive after Iuen was born, and yet you still remained absent.” Tanwen stood and set her goblet down, the liquid within untouched, feeling anger flowing through her steadily as she walked towards James. “And now, just because you suddenly want to be part of our lives, you think that I will just let you?  No.  I gave you ample time to return before.  When you didn’t return by the time Summerday arrived, the contract became null and void. We held a feast to celebrate the holiday, I kept my dowry, and any trade agreements or business arrangements between our fathers was cancelled. I have moved on, James.  You should do so as well.”

He looked at her with a look that rivaled her own when he first arrived. James finished his goblet of wine and set the empty cup on the mantle before turning towards her. When he stood before her, he clasped her hands in his and held them over his heart. “How can I, when I still have feelings for you?  How can I when you have given me an heir?  My father has passed, Lady Tanwen.  You know that that means I need Iuen to live with me and learn the ways of ruling Markham.  I want you both to come with me so we can be a family.”

Tanwen ripped her hands from his and stood taller.  He might have almost a head over her in height, but she was the leader of the Inquisition.  She would not be cowed by someone such as James. Even if he was a lord in the Free Marches.  “You should have thought about that two and a half years ago. You have had more than ample time to sow your oats within other fields, as I am sure you have done.”

“You’re wrong,” he shook his head, closing the distance between them again to wrap his arms about her waist. She struggled slightly, but James held strong. “It has only been you.  And now it will be you and Iuen. The boy is smart as a whip for his young age, smart like his mother. He’s turning out to be as handsome as his father as well! I just want you both back in my life, and I think you do as well. Can’t you feel the attraction that still sparks between us? I do.”

She felt nothing but revulsion for the man with his arms around her, and she was about to tell him as much when he bent his head down and crashed his lips upon her own. With her mouth open to speak, he took that as acceptance and thrust his tongue past her lips.  She felt sick - his kiss was too wet, his lips too soft and her mind began screaming  _ ‘WRONG!! _ ’.

Tanwen bit his tongue and when he pulled back with a curse, she pushed him back with half of her strength, sending the weaker man stumbling back.  When he straightened, a trickle of blood was moving down from the corner of his mouth and he looked shocked.  At first. After he recovered from the surprise, a dark grin formed followed by an equally dark chuckle deep in his chest.

“You’re powerful for a woman, Tanwen. Even more so than before and I like it!  But you aren’t stronger than I am.”  

She watched him hunch down and launch himself at her, as if to catch her off guard.  But she was ready and easily sidestepped him a moment before he would have made contact. 

James tumbled but recovered. “Just give in, Tanwen. You were promiscuous back then and I doubt that has changed. You’ve probably been with half the men in your garrison downstairs by now, why are you fighting your desire for me? Not that I am complaining.  I am rather enjoying this.  The more you avoid me, the more I want you. The more I want to sink my cock into your giving heat over and over until you scream my name. I was gentle with you before, more caring, but that was because I was courting you. Except for the sex. That was just how I like it - and you were  _ very _ accepting. I don’t have to court you now, but I will so that I can show you the benefits of having a lord for a husband.”

When he attacked again, Tanwen caught him by the shoulder, hooking her elbow under his armpit, and whirled him in an arch, slamming him to the stone floor beneath them. She didn’t want to permanently injure him, so she still used little of her strength.  He looked up at her with shock filled desire. “By the Maker!  How could I ever have left you if I knew you were this strong?”

James grabbed her arm tight to pull her down to attempt another kiss, but Tanwen pulled away easily and stared down at him with murder in her eyes. “Don’t you EVER touch me like that again, you pig. I am the Inquisitor, a woman high above your station, a woman spoken for and you have NO right to touch me.” 

When he rose again, Tanwen thought she heard the door downstairs open, which distracted her.  The next thing she knew, James was pushing her up against the wall next to the hearth, thrusting one of his knees between her legs to pin her there and wrapped a large hand around her neck to hold her against the hard stone. Tanwen instantly wrapped her own hands around his wrist, squeezing as tight as she could, but the man before her didn’t seem to feel it. 

Before she could try to call out to whoever was ascending the stairs to her and Cullen’s room past his hand squeezing her larynx, James was shoving his tongue down her throat once more. Tanwen struggled, but from the position he had her in and the growing lack of oxygen, she couldn’t gain any leverage or means of forcing him off of her because her strength was waning.  When James pulled back once more, he leaned in to whisper in her ear, “When I put another babe in your belly, then you will  _ have _ to marry me. You wouldn’t want the scandal of having  _ another  _ child out of wedlock, would you?  _ Inquisitor. _ ”

Tanwen was going to be sick.  He was planning on… no.  She would never let that happen.  She was about to use all of her strength to pull away and beat him to a bloody pulp, when the sound of a loud growl echoed about her room.

“Get your hands off of her!” A male voice shouted before James was ripped off of her and Tanwen collapsed to the ground, coughing and forcing air back into her lungs.  When she looked up, Cullen had returned and had James on the ground and was pulling back a closed fist to punch him in the face. Once, twice, three times was all it took to knock the not-so-nobleman out. 

Tanwen heaved for breath from the unexpected effort of slinging a thirteen stone male over her shoulder then almost having the life choked out of her. Again. 

As she stared over at the unconscious male, she heard hurried footsteps from below. Tanwen watched as Delani and Pherra, carrying Iuen and Aelia crested the staircase and stopped in shock. 

Cullen made sure that James would not be getting up for a time before moving over to Tanwen to help her stand once more and wrapped her in his strong, capable arms.  “Are you alright? What did he do to you?”

“He attacked and kissed me without my permission, as I’m sure you saw when you pulled him off of me.” Tanwen looked up at Cullen. She didn’t want him to worry by giving him more details, but she also didn’t want to lie to him.  His dark blond brows were high on his forehead in surprise. 

‘ _ No more secrets.’  _

Her own words from all those months ago echoed through her mind. “He... may have also implied that I was sleeping with the men in the garrison and that I was still loose and easy and that I would willingly welcome him back into my bed.  I simply showed him how wrong he was.  He has an even more violent appetite in bed than I realized. He also said that he was going to...put a babe in my belly so that I would have to marry him. He was going to… he was planning to… because I would never allow him near me that way...”

Cullen pulled away as his head shot back down to cast an angry look at the man at their feet.  Tanwen could see his body shaking as he attempted to keep from causing even more bodily harm than a simple broken nose. She cupped his jaw opposite her to turn his head back towards her to calm him, feeling his chest heaving in anger.  “It’s okay, Cullen. I’m fine.  You know I’ve been hurt worse than that. You don’t have to worry about him attacking me again.  I won’t allow it to happen again.  I didn’t even want it to happen the first time.”

“I know, but that isn’t all of what I’m worried about. You may be the Inquisitor and above such titles, but he is still a Lord of the Free Marches ton, and is allowed a certain amount of respect, even from you. What if he tries to press charges? It’s your word against his as to whether it was an attack or not and some courts might take his word over yours - male over female.”

She frowned slightly at his words. “Cullen, I am not some lowly lady whose word can’t hold a candle to that of a mighty Lords.  I am the leader of the Inquisition.  The only person I answer to is the Maker and the Divine in matters of the court.  They will take my word over his, I am sure. I even have the Empress of Orlais on my side. If he were to try something because of my treatment of him in defense of myself from his attack, or even something against you for protecting me, there will be no rock he can hide under that I cannot find him. I have Josie and Leliana on my side as well.  They could both ruin him, if they had a mind to.”

Cullen turned back to the man on the floor, causing Tanwen’s hand on his chin to drop back to her side. “I talked to Leliana while you were in your ‘meeting’ and she has already sent scouts to find out more about what James has been up to. In the meantime, what would you have me do with him now? He attacked the leader of the Inquisition.  Would you have me put him in the dungeon?” Tanwen could hear the eagerness in his voice at the idea of clapping the nobleman in irons and leaving him in the dungeon to rot.  She had to admit that the idea had its appeal.

Tanwen sighed and looked at the man below as well. Part of her wanted to keep peace between the Inquisition and the Lord of Markham, not only for the Inquisition’s sake, but also for Josephine’s.  If she threw him in her dungeon, while she had a feeling Josie would approve, she wouldn’t be happy with it completely because of the possible political backlash James could cause. Josephine would be upset enough with her that they had injured him. Peace would mean that he would have to stay out of the dungeons. 

Tanwen sighed and turned towards the stairs with Cullen beside her, smiling when she saw Delani and Iuen walk forward. Iuen reached out for her and Delani lifted her son so that Tanwen could pick him up before the younger elf moved back towards Pherra. Tanwen nuzzled Iuen’s cheek affectionately. “No.  Have some men take him back to his room, then have the surgeon go to his room and tend to his wounds. He didn’t do anything threatening or harmful to the Inquisition.  But if he tries it again, there will be  consequences.”

Cullen turned to face Tanwen when the others left their room. “You scared me, Tan.  I heard a commotion from outside Iuen’s room after I spoke with Leliana and hurried to our room to help. I’m glad that I was able to get here in time before he severely injured you. You are the strongest woman I know and that, given time, you would have handled him on your own, but the thought of him putting his hands on you in any fashion… A rage like I’ve never known overcame me and I became uncontrolable of my own actions.”

Her heart warmed at his words.   _ Her protector _ . “Thank you, Cullen.”

Cullen wrapped an arm around Tanwen’s shoulders and placed a kiss on her temple. “I’ll always protect you, love.”

Tanwen chuckled.

~//~


	24. On the Road again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time has come to continue the Inquisition's journey to defeat Corypheus and bring peace to Thedas once more, this time intel is sending Tanwen to the Hissing Wastes - a place not unlike the Western Approach. 'Maker, give me strength to survive these horrid conditions.' But leaving now makes Tanwen uneasy because James is within Skyhold's walls and she doesn't know what he will do while she is away and she trusts him less than a gunlock. Thank the Maker Cullen tends to remain at the castle and can keep an eye on Iuen, along with Delani, Pherra, Arryn... everyone who is loyal to her, if she is truthful with herself. However, unease still fills her with the Lord skulking about the castle, watching her every move.
> 
> Cullen is, for obvious reasons, still upset over the events of the previous night and, as he and Tanwen are walking from Skyhold to explore New Haven below, he shows her how much her safety means to him and does his best to erase the other man's touch, his lips, from the woman he loves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sugnwr ceiliog = cock sucker, according to google translate.
> 
> WARNING: NSFW incoming, so if you are at work, save this chapter for when you get home! Wouldn't want anyone to get in trouble!
> 
> *Comes out from hiding*
> 
> Hello everyone! I can't believe it's been so long since I updated this fic last. I am so sorry! To you, the reader. To Tanwen, to Cullen, to Iuen... I am so ashamed for not keeping up better! I hope to change that in the near future.
> 
> I plan to strive to juggle multiple fandoms like some of my favorite authors on Tumblr, which means that I will be working more on The Lady and the Templar, Part of Your World, and Your Smile. The first one, obviously, is Dragon Age Inquisition. The second is a crossover between Dragon Age Inquisition with an OC named Merrin Trevelyan (mentioned in a previous chapter here) being swept off her feet in the Mass Effect Universe by a suave and sexy Biotic named Kaidan Alenko (You can read it here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/7812613 ). The third is a purely Mass Effect universe fic involving my Sentinal/Ruthless/Earthborn Jamie Shepard and Kaidan Alenko (If you like this story, you might like Your Smile) Found here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/7574377 !
> 
> Enjoy! And I will try not to be as absent as I have been. Thank you for sticking around! 
> 
> <3 Rogues

**_~ The next day ~_ **

“The Hissing Wastes?” 

Leliana nodded.  “My scouts have reported an increased number of Venatori camped out there, as well as unexplored ruins, possibly of Dwarven origin.”

Cullen watched Tanwen frown and pinch her lower lip in thought. “And these ruins?  They’re on the surface? That can’t be.  Dwarves avoid the surface and cast out any who have seen the sky outside their mountain homes. There has to be another explanation. What else can you tell me?”

“Not much, I’m afraid.  My people were only able to stay a short time because the area is also infested with vicious wildlife. Normally, I would have had them stay, but what good is a scout for retrieving information if they are dead? No, I am having them stay at the base camp we have created until you arrive.”

“But this can wait for the time being.  We have a foothold in the area and I can send more men to secure it in the interim.” Cullen looked at Tanwen.  She had stayed up late in Iuen’s room after James’ attack, only coming to bed a couple hours before dawn.  After what had happened yesterday, even though she was able to defend herself and he arrived just in time, Cullen was still concerned for her safety. James had lost his trust forever, and - he hoped - Tanwen’s as well. 

He wanted to have two guards following Tanwen around the castle while she was in Skyhold, but he knew that she would insist it wasn’t needed, and Cullen begrudgingly agreed.  It was James that needed to have guard on him, following him about to make sure he stayed out of trouble. 

Ever since he had heard James speaking of Tanwen on the return trip from Jader, whenever he was left to his own thoughts, his words echoed about his mind as the memories from his past had when his Lyrium withdrawal got bad. Oft times worse, but always causing nausea to bubble up from his stomach. “We have more immediate issues to deal with.”

“Such as?”

“Cullen, don’t.”

Cullen glanced at Tanwen, seeing anger and determination in her eyes, before he turned to Josephine. “Lord James attacked Tanwen in her quarters last night under the pretense of having a peaceful meeting.”  Josephine gasped at the news and looked at Tanwen for confirmation. The Inquisitor placed her hands on her hips and looked at Cullen with displeasure but turned to Josephine and nodded. He knew that she was determined to take care of him herself, but she needn’t do such a thing. That is what she had the three of them for.

“What happened, Inquisitor?”

“He tried to kiss me without my permission, then went on to assume that I would also share his bed.  He got rather… physical.”

“What would you have us to do about him?”

“Really, it’s fine. He barely put a hand on me. Besides, Cullen likely scared him half to death when he rescued me. His pride is likely in shambles along with his crooked nose.” She turned to Leliana.  “But I would like someone to watch him in secret, possibly pose as a maid?  Someone he wouldn’t pay attention to, seeing as he is a high born human male used to having people being underfoot and taking care of things, to see what he is up to. I find it odd that he suddenly wants me back and to know his child.”

“From what I have heard, I believe it is because you have more power than he, and by marrying you, he would then have access to that power as well.”

“It makes sense and, unfortunately, I already assumed as much, but hoped I was wrong. I would come with an added bonus of already having bore him a son and heir. I would like to find out whether or not he has other children by other women in the Free Marches. All I know for sure is that I want him gone.”

“Inquisi… Tanwen,” Josephine amended at the raised eyebrow from Tanwen. “By law, he has the right to make a request to take Iuen back with him as his heir if Iuen is his only child or one of many. Even more so if Iuen is the eldest.  Now, if he is not the eldest, that is a point in your favor.”   
  


“I have already sent word to my people in Markham and hope to hear back from them soon.” 

Cullen watched Tanwen look from Josephine to Leliana and back with a smile. “Thank you.  What would I do without you two?”

“Pray to the Maker you never have to find out.”

For the next two hours, they worked to finalize plans for Tanwen to take Cole, Iron Bull and Dorian to the Hissing Wastes in two weeks time, along with seventy five Inquisition soldiers. They also spoke of what was discovered about the crystals Tanwen and her group found in the home of the slave trader in Val Royeaux. 

“Thom Rainier is still in the dungeon, awaiting trial.” Cullen reminded Tanwen when the room had gone quiet. “His fate should be decided before you leave for the Wastes, Tanwen.”

Tanwen nodded and rubbed her eyes tiredly. “I agree.  He is our friend and, while I do not approve of what he did in his past, he does not deserve to remain in the dungeons like a caged animal without first judging him.”

When they finished, Cullen looked out the window and over the valley behind the keep.  The sun was well over head and working its way towards the horizon. He was about to open his mouth to mention as such when he heard Tanwen’s stomach growl loudly, reminding him that he had let her sleep past the morning meal because she had stayed in her son’s room until well into the night.

“Come on, Tanwen.  Let’s get you something to eat.  Why don’t you get Iuen and I will go to the kitchen to gather a picnic lunch to eat in the garden?” Cullen wrapped his arm around her waist as they left the War Room.  When they emerged from Josephine’s office into the great hall, Tanwen gave him a kiss on the lips and moved to the door that lead to their personal quarters and to where Pherra was watching Iuen while the leaders were in the meeting. 

He’d been there when they had asked Delani if she would like to watch Iuen with Pherra, but the elven woman had chosen to go explore the castle some more. 

Cullen turned around and went back through the door they just exited but, instead of going back to Josephine’s office, he went down the stairs he took when he had discovered Tanwen and Dorian in the vault library, taking the door next to the library to get to the kitchens.

When Cullen went back up to the great hall to meet with Tanwen, he watched her exit the door leading to their rooms with Delani at her side.  Tanwen was holding Iuen to her left hip and playing with his hands with her right - a carefree smile on her face as she laughed when Iuen studied her hand with a smile of his own. He couldn’t hear what was being said, but Delani was speaking with Tanwen quickly, seeming to be upset over something. Tanwen sighed and paused to turn to the elf to say something in reply. Whatever was said seemed to mollify the other woman and the flame-haired newcomer moved towards the front door of the great hall. 

Without moving, Tanwen went back to playing with Iuen; a grin forming on her lips once more.  She obviously hadn’t seen Cullen standing across the hall. It warmed his heart to see her so happy. And to know that he had a hand in that happiness? He felt like he was on top of the world. Like he could conquer anything if she would but smile at him just like that.

“Cul!” Iuen called with a smile full of tiny teeth, lifting his hands towards the older man when the child saw him near Varric’s table. He began walking towards the two and Tanwen turned her attention from her child to him as he approached. 

“It would seem he has learned another word,” Tanwen chuckled.  She shifted Iuen to her other hip to be between the two adults so Iuen could run his small hands through the fur of Cullen’s coat. They walked through the door next to the mason, Gatsi, to reach the gardens.

“Was that my name?” When Tanwen nodded, Cullen was flabbergasted. He had known the boy for barely even a week, interacted with him for less than half that time, and he had already started to pick up on his name?  He remembered Tanwen speaking of how smart the child was, but he had assumed that it was because she was his mother and lauding their children was what parents did. If the boy was already starting to try to say his name, it just proved her words true. “Maker’s breath.”

She smirked at his breathy tone. “I told you, didn’t I? He already knows how to say ‘Mother’,‘Grandmother’, ‘Grandfather’ and ‘Uncle’ in my native tongue as well as in yours. I’m willing to bet you a picnic dinner under the stars that he will be saying your name completely in two days.”

Cullen chuckled. He wasn’t normally one for betting, but he would make an exception for this. “Alright, you’re on. I say a week til he is saying my name.  If I win, we have a portrait artist come to Skyhold and create a painting of you.  Small, of course. So Iuen and I have something to look at while you are away at the Hissing Wastes.”

Tanwen smiled and both shifted their loads before holding out hands to shake on their bet. “It’s a bet.”

When they reached a bench that lay in a nice sunny spot in the gardens, Cullen set the basket down and then sat next to it, opening it as Tanwen and Iuen sat down on the other side. They watched the people milling about the garden as they ate bits of chicken and a loaf of crusty bread with a canteen of ale and apples. It was nice, spending time like this with Tanwen and her son. 

At one point, Iuen even worked his way out of his mother’s arms and over to Cullen’s, climbing up into Cullen’s lap with a slice of apple in-hand. Cullen smiled at the boy and then Tanwen.  This moment felt right… felt good.  He wanted this to be permanent, to last longer, but they both had responsibilities to take care of.  After the war was over, after Corypheus was defeated, then he could bask in this feeling without worry.

Cullen’s attention caught when Tanwen tensed as she bit into a dark red apple. “Tan?  What’s wrong?”

“Something feels off, like someone is watching us. I know what you’re going to say.  I know we are always being watched, but this feels different.  Wrong. I don’t like it.”

He cast his gaze around the enclosure, not seeing anything out of the ordinary, but he could understand what she was talking about.  Focusing on it now, Cullen felt a dark, intense gaze on them from somewhere nearby and it concerned him greatly. “Let’s go back inside. There is much to do before you go to the Wastes.”

~//~

The feeling she got from the garden went on for two more days.

It was unnerving, to say the least. She couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. Tanwen thought about asking Leliana, but whoever it was, she didn’t want to tip them off that anything was wrong.

She felt the same gaze all thru Thom’s trial.

Even while she trained in the ring with Iron Bull, Dorian and Cole, the dark gaze still bored into her back. She was so distracted by this feeling, she didn’t see it coming when Cole knocked her legs out from under her with a sweep of his own.

“Darkness surrounds like a mist of shadows, longing, planning, determined to take what is his.” Cole helped her up from the dusty ground, murmuring under his breath. His sad eyes gazed back at her unseeing. “He is bad.”

“Who is bad, Cole?” Cole pointed to the top of the stairs leading to the great hall, but all Tanwen saw was dark leather boots as the person went inside. “Is that the person that has been watching me so intently?” The spirit nodded and stepped to the side to allow Cullen to step up to her.

“Are you alright?”

She nodded. “That feeling.  It’s still there. I’m going to stop training early and go check on Iuen.”

“Would you like me to go with you?”

Tanwen shook her head. “It’s all right.  Thank you Cullen, but your men need you down here. It won’t take long.”

When she headed towards the stairs, Tanwen heard Cullen call to Delani, but not what he said.  As she made her way up the stairs to the great hall, she turned and looked at Delani when the she-elf joined her climb. 

“Did Cullen ask you to go with me?”

The shorter woman nodded. A frown took her features when Delani looked at Tanwen. "He seems worried." There was a question in her tone.

Tanwen scratched the back of her neck. “It may be something, or it may be nothing. We will just have to figure it out when we get to Iuen’s room.”

With an upward glance at Tanwen, Delani reminded her, "You're the Inquisitor. It's never nothing."

In the great hall, the two women crossed to the dias where the Inquisitor’s chair sat, waiting for her to sit in it to cast judgement.  A left turn and they were climbing more stairs.  At the first landing, Tanwen paused outside Iuen’s door, seeing it was ajar. An ominous feeling washed over her as they stood there. 

Tanwen threw her shoulders back and pushed the door open all the way.  The solid oak banged against the stone wall behind it, startling the two inhabitants inside.

“Tanwen!  I’m so glad that you have joined us. We need some familial bonding time.” James smiled, but she saw that the action didn’t come close to reaching his eyes. 

“Where is Pherra?” Tanwen asked, her eyes landing on Iuen.  Her son looked upset and angry, but not scared. That alone saved the man’s scaly hide.

“I sent her elsewhere.”    
  
“Where?  Did you hurt her? I swear, James, if you harmed a single hair on her head…”

“Relax, Tanwen.  The elf is fine.” His gaze moved to the elf standing beside her. Tanwen followed his gaze, seeing that Delani was observing their conversation with guarded curiosity. “Though we should discuss family matters in private. Wait outside until you are summoned.”

Tanwen turned in time to watch sea green eyes flash with insult. “Sure,” was Delani’s curt reply before her eyes sharpened with anger and disgust. “Right after you sit on the sharp end of my dagger.”

James sneered at Delani’s words. “If you wanted some family time, why did you not come to me before going to Iuen’s room? And don’t say you wanted to get to know our son. You had plenty of time while traveling from Ostwick to Skyhold to spend time with him. As well as before while I’ve been here.”

“But never alone. Besides, I have a future to look forward to with you.”

Tanwen’s jaw clenched to keep it from falling to the floor in surprise at his insanity. “You are daft!  I told you last night when you tried to kiss me that I am spoken for.”

“By whom?” He scoffed. “The Inquisition’s Commander? Please, Tanwen, I know you. I saw you two together in the great hall. He is just a passing fancy for your overly lustful urges. You wouldn’t stoop so low for anything even remotely serious. The man has no title other than Commander.  He was a Templar, and a farmer’s son before that.”

“How do you know all this?”

“Markham may be far away from Skyhold, my dear, but we are far from ignorant of the dealings in the south. When I heard that you had survived the Temple of Sacred Ashes, I wanted to go to you then, but that was around the same time Father died and I was named Lord of Markham.” He smiled at her as if expecting her to swoon at his title, but all she felt was a chill go down her spine. “I was finally able to go to Ostwick to inquire about your wellbeing when your parents received the letter from Commander Rutherford and I had to see you. Herald of Andraste? Inquisitor? I had heard rumors from the capitol, but they were fantastic to say the least.

“Tanwen, you know it and I know it.  Even if you did nullify the agreement between our fathers, I still care for you and want to marry you.  No one will ever be better suited for you than I. Why can’t you see that?”

“James, what in the Maker’s name makes you think you can just waltz in here making grandiose claims?  _ You  _ were the one that nullified the agreement between our families when you spirited off back to Markham. I tried to include you in Iuen’s life before and after he was born.  You didn’t give two shites about him or me.  To me, you were nothing then and you are nothing now, so stop pushing your lordship on those who do not care.” She shook her head when he tried to speak, frowning.  “And after what you did to me last night?  What you almost did? No. There is  _ nothing,  _ and will always be  _ nothing, _ between you and I from now on. You are tolerated here at Skyhold because you are Iuen’s father. And that is the one thing that I cannot change.”

James stood, bringing Iuen with him, propping the toddler on his hip.  “You are no better, you hypocrite. You left for the Conclave at the Temple of Sacred Ashes when he was barely a year old, and never returned.  Instead of trying harder to return to Ostwick, you were shacking up with the help.”

She felt like she had to pick her jaw up from the floor again. When she felt Delani step forward, her hand shot out automatically to stop the other woman. “One: I had no choice about going to the Conclave. Father made me the diplomat for the family at the Conclave as an intermediary, a neutral party, since we have ties to the Chantry. Two: I have been working my arse off to make this world safe for Iuen again.  I have been sending monthly sums to help support Iuen’s care while I have been away.  I have sent gifts and missives both to my parents and to him to read in the future so he would know and understand what I was doing and why I wasn’t there for almost two years of his life. And as for shacking up with the help? Well isn’t that just the pot calling the kettle black?”  

Tanwen growled and her voice continued to rise. “What have you done, hmm? Not a single bloody thing, you  _ sugnwr ceiliog _ ! No coin, no gifts, no letters.  Nothing. I bet, while you were up in Markham after your precious father died, you were using your new wealth to sleep with all the whores in your city.  How many of them have you planted your seed with?  All the while, you already had at least one child that you wanted nothing to do with.”

She took a moment to calm her breathing so she could be rational. Calm achieved, she walked over to James and took Iuen from him, hugging the child to her breast and feeling Iuen’s arms wrap snugly around her neck followed by a nuzzle from the toddler. 

“James, I will be leaving for the Hissing Wastes in just over a week.  When I come back, I would like for you to be gone from my keep.  Until then, get to know  _ my  _ child, but you will not be alone. I will have Commander Cullen assign you a personal guard in the interim. And when you leave, you will be taking no one and nothing with you that you did not arrive with.”

“You can’t…!”

“I want you to leave on somewhat amicable terms for the good of my son, so I will not command your physical removal if you happen to still be here when I return. Should he, in the future, decide he wants to know you, then I will pay for his visit to Markham myself.  I will pay to send you back to Markham on a fine ship from Jader for when you leave.  But once you leave, you will never step foot in this keep again. Do I make myself clear?” She stared at him stonily in his silence, awaiting his reply. When he made none, she repeated, “Do. I. Make myself. Clear?  I can and will exercise the full extent of my power as Inquisitor should you not comply with my request.”

She could see the wheels turning in his head as he thought of how to get past her words to get what he wanted, but after some time had passed and nothing was spoken, he reluctantly nodded.

“I understand, your worship.” He growled with no small amount of venom and spit.

“Good.”  Tanwen said, then turned at the sound of hurried footfalls on stone.  Cullen entered Iuen’s room, slightly out of breath.

“Inquisitor, are you alright? People in the great hall said there was shouting.”

“Yes, everything is well.  Thank you, Commander.” She smiled before turning back to the other male. “Now, I believe our guest has somewhere else to be?”

Tanwen and Delani both watched as James passed, stopping in front of Cullen. Both men stood straighter as they faced off, like two alpha male wolves vying for leadership of a pack.  James was quite a bit taller than Cullen, but the Commander had a good thirty pounds of muscle weight on the other man. 

James huffed. “Low bred, Dog Lord scum. You think that you can marry a lady such as Tanwen, but you will never be of her caliber.  Even if you are the Commander of the Inquisition’s armies,  _ I _ am the only one in all of Thedas that is good enough for her, and I  _ will _ have her.” James spat on the floor at Cullen’s boots before glaring at Tanwen once more and exiting the room in a flurry of movement.

The four of them followed James down the stairs and to the great hall, watching as James went to the door next to Varric’s haunt to go to his room near the rookery. Tanwen sighed when Cullen went to his soldiers that stood on either side of the large doors leading outside.

“He’s going to cause trouble isn’t he, Delani?”

The elf was still beside her and was still glaring at the door James had just walked through when she answered. Delani looked up at Tanwen and her green eyes burned with anger.  "He caused trouble when he arrived determined to marry you. Now he's a problem because he attacked you for no reason." Muttering almost to herself, she finished, "I've just the solution for this particular problem."

Tanwen eyed the fiery red head at her murmured tone. “Delani?”

Her replying shrug was accompanied by an innocent, "What?" The smile that crawled across Delani's mouth did little to reinforce that innocence. "I am but your humble servant, Inquisitor Trevelyan. And a problem solver."

Her glare returned when she refocused on the door beside Varric's desk. Intent on her target, she said, "At your order,  _ lethallan _ ."

“You need not worry, Lady Lavellan.  I will have soldiers escort his carriage to the edge of the village with strict orders that they watch whatever vehicle he is in, whether it be boat or carriage, until they can no longer see it when he decides to return to Markham.” Cullen replied as he walked back to the two women, over hearing the end of her sentence.

Tanwen continued gazing at Delani.  The wheels were still turning and she had a feeling that Delani was coming up with a thousand and one ways the human male could die if allowed. “Delani, it would do no good if the man died. He is a lord and there could and would be heavy repercussions if he died so close to Skyhold. Also, the man needs to survive.  I want Iuen to be able to know his biological father when he gets older if he so chooses.  Do you understand, my friend?”

An expression resembling a pout turned Delani's features at Cullen's revelation and deepened with Tanwen's request. She made a displeased huff at Cullen before looking up at Tanwen again. "Fine. But you know where to find me if ever you change your mind."

“With Thom, I would assume?” Tanwen smirked.

Delani smiled and shrugged before wandering away, throwing a “Who knows!” over her shoulder.

~//~

“Let’s go for a walk, just the two of us.”

Tanwen looked up at him from where he stood before her desk where she had been working on finalizing some paperwork for her trip to the Hissing Wastes and the Temple of Dumat the next day. The storm from the night before had waned and the spring sunlight was shining. With everything that had been going on over the past week, Cullen wanted some time alone with her, away from the castle. Away from James. 

“I’d like that,” She smiled at him and he felt his chest warm in its glow. When she put down her quill, she continued. “But what about Iuen? Who will watch him? I gave Pherra leave to spend time with Arryn today and my parents are exploring the village.  My father mentioned offering to supply the gold to pay for a chantry in the village, can you believe it!”

Cullen nodded. “I do. I have already spoken with Miss Lavellan and she offered her services, along with Rainier’s, to watch Iuen while we are gone.”

“Truly?”

“Yes.  Miss Lavellan seemed beyond eager to spend more time with Iuen. I am sure you’ve noticed that he has more wooden figurines of animals in his room?  That is her doing, as well as Rainiers.”

Tanwen’s smile fell as she looked down at the mountain of papers weighing her desk down. “Come on, Tan.  It’s a beautiful day, it’s the  _ day of your birth _ . Let’s just be Tanwen and Cullen for a little while.”

She looked up at him in surprise. “You remembered?”

“Of course I did.  I did send you your cloak after all as an early gift. It was several months early, but I thought it would take longer to get here from the Anderfels than it did.”  Cullen moved to the settee where said cloak lay and picked it up, opening it so that he could put it on her shoulders. He smiled when she laughed, rose from her chair and walked over to where he stood. When she was standing before him, she turned around and he put it on her shoulders. When Tanwen turned back to face Cullen, he helped her pin it shut over her right shoulder, then pulled the hood up with both hands, using the fur to pull her close for a kiss. Cullen pulled away and smiled. “Let’s get out of here. I’m sure there is a safe passage out of the castle and into the valley.”

“I think Delani said something about there being a door under the balcony in the Undercroft that leads out.”

~//~

“I love how the village looks in the snow.” Tanwen murmured as they walked down one of the side roads outside the village. The path had been long, but the cave they had walked through had been warm and she had had to walk close to Cullen less they have to walk single file.  

Without warning, Cullen gripped her upper arm and dragged her into the forest to their right and pushed her up against a tree as gently as he could with such a forceful action. When she watched him look around the large tree trunk, she whispered, “What’s the matter?”

“I didn’t want your parents to see us.”

Tanwen wanted to laugh. She did smile widely at him. “Cullen, we are full grown adults.  Not children and certainly not horny teenagers. Just horny. Why wouldn’t you want them to see us together? They know about our relationship.”

“It’s not that,” he replied, still peeking around the tree. “I just don’t want them to see us when I do this…”

She was about to ask him what he was doing, when he turned back to her, gripped both sides of her head and planted his lips on her own.  She began to gasp in surprise at his approach, so he took advantage of the moment and thrust his tongue into her mouth, kissing her fiercely. Just like all the times before, his kisses took her breath away and she reveled in its heat. 

More teeth, more tongue. With each applied measure, she could feel her body quickening and she moaned. She gasped past their connected lips when he wrapped his arms around her waist to lift her up to wrap her legs around his waist before pushing her back against the tree again.

When Tanwen opened her eyes and looked around as she gasped for breath, Cullen’s lips trailing down her chin to her neck as he began thrusting against her, she saw snowflakes falling from the tree and picking up a stray beam of sunlight on their icy surfaces, causing them to twinkle against the darker backdrop of the line of trees behind them. Tanwen wrapped her arms tightly around Cullen’s neck as he lapped and sucked at one side of her neck before nuzzling her chin so he could reach the other side.

Tanwen rocked her hips against his, feeling the ridge of his manhood sliding against her smalls that were moist with desire. 

“Cullen,” Tanwen breathed as he gently bit her ear and rolled his hips into her simultaneously. The rigid edge of his shaft hit her clit just right to send a wave of pleasure through her and to pool in the juncture between her legs.

Unable to take it anymore, Tanwen lifted a gloved hand to her lips and removed it with her teeth. She dropped her glove between them and reached down to unlace his breeches so she could release his erection from its confines. She immediately grasped his shaft and stroked him in long, fluid motions. She saw a shiver at the sudden frigid breeze on his nether regions flow through him, but it was quickly remedied by the friction she created with her hand along his length. With his free hand, he placed his hand between them and cupped her mound through her breeches and small clothes. She knew that he could feel her heat radiating through the leather and smalls and knew, if she didn’t have her leathers on, he would be able to feel how wet her smalls were getting. She could already smell the musky scent of her own arousal floating in the air between them, mixing with his own.

Without letting go of his shaft, but requiring he remove his hand, Tanwen lowered her legs again and removed her boots so he could untie her own breeches, then reach through to stroke her clit through her small clothes. She whimpered and gripped his shoulder with her free hand at the feel of his deft fingers circling, teasing her, bringing her closer and closer to climax. She moved as close to him as she could, then buried her head in his neck, licking his skin and tasting the salt of his sweat, smelling his natural scent of elderflower and oak moss and wanting to draw him closer and within. Without warning, he pushed past her small clothes and inserted one finger into her heat.  

Though it had been less than a week since their interlude before her meeting with James, it had been a long time before that since she last felt his touch. She had missed him while she had been gone from Skyhold so much that her inner walls grasped onto his calloused finger now, offering a tight grip on his digits as he slowly moved them within her, curling his finger to rub against the flesh along the top of her canal, the sensation he created causing her legs to shake.

He gently added a second finger, Tanwen could feel herself dripping with desire for him as she gripped his fingers with her inner muscles, never her hand on his shaft. Tanwen looked into his eyes and was surprised to see no small amount of wonder in his gaze, even as he increased the pace of his fingers. She hoped that she would remember to ask him what caused such a look when they finished  With the speed of which he was thrusting his fingers into her, it was apparent that he wanted her to come before he entered her. As he thrust his fingers into her, he used the heel of his palm to rub against her pearl. It wasn’t long before a keening wail erupted from her throat as she came all over his hand.

After she calmed, he brought his fingers up and Tanwen released his manhood to grasp his fingers with both hands to bring them to her lips. Tanwen licked her own desire off his fingers, treating it like she was enjoying her favorite dessert.  She laved his fingers with her tongue, eyes closed and humming her pleasure, making sure to remove every drop from his skin. When she opened her eyes once more, it was to see dilated eyes and his shaft twitch.

When she finished, she released his fingers and smiled at him like a cat who found a bowl of cream. With a growl as sweat trickled down his temple, he pushed her breeches and small clothes down then removed them completely from one leg, and used both hands to heft her back into his arms and clasp her ankles at the small of his back. With one quick motion, he sheathed himself in her heat all the way to the hilt and they both moaned. Tanwen once again wrapped her arms around his neck, over his shoulders, and pulled him as close as she could as he began to slowly move within her. When he was almost completely out of her heat, he thrust back in, grunting.

“Cullen!” She groaned as she bit down on her lower lip, her breaths short.  Four of his thrusts in and she could already feel the flutters of her desire mounting again. “Please! Faster!”

Cullen panted as he continued his slow withdrawal followed by hard thrust, dictating his own pace.  In the back of her mind, where coherent thoughts were currently residing, she felt a dim thought of gladness that she had worn her cloak and the leather jacket of her armor on to protect her back from the rough bark of the tree he was thrusting into her against. When she used one arm to cradle his head against her neck, he licked her skin before lightly biting right over the scar she had received in her first battle with Corypheus. He sucked on the skin right below it until he knew it would leave a mark. He could feel his release gathering in the base of his spine, his sack drawing close to his body, seeking release.

“Come for me, Tanwen.” Cullen panted, using one of his hands to apply pressure to her clit, rubbing it mercilessly. When he felt her walls clasping around him and she leaned forward to scream her peak into the furs of his cloak, he let go and increased his pace until he followed her in her climax, growling her name as he continued riding out their release.

It was a while before they had both calmed enough to make conscious thought.  Tanwen carefully released her fingers from his hair, gently combing her fingers through it to put it back to rights from where she had fisted it. With a moan from both, Cullen moved from her and set his clothing back to right, replacing his flaccid member back in his small clothes and tying his breeches shut once more. Then he helped Tanwen dress, picking up her leathers and smalls from the ground and shaking off the snow that had fallen on them. She looked at him expectantly when she watched him put her smalls under his breastplate. Shaking his head and smiling, he knelt before her, holding her breeches so she could step into them, and looked up.  Face flushed and eyes sparkling, she had yet to calm her breathing completely. She looked sated and happy, and pride filled him- he felt powerful for bringing this ethereal creature the ultimate pleasure.

When they were both presentable once more, disregarding the fact she would now be walking back to Skyhold without smalls, he held her close in an embrace.  Her head lay against his breastplate, her arms around his neck while his cheek rested on top of her red hair and his arms circled around her, surrounding her. He smiled as they just stood there, enveloped in each other in their own little world.

**Author's Note:**

> Tanwen was a character I usually went with the religious option with when in conversations. If that bothers you, I will take no offence if you choose not to read it.
> 
> Also, I have a headcannon that has Ostwick as being similar to Wales. So Tanwen's name, her family's first names, are all Welsh names I got from a friend who lives in Wales.
> 
> And lastly, This work is beta'd by the wonderful ElCapitan18 and Whitespireblackcity. Elcapitan18 (http://archiveofourown.org/users/ElCapitan18) has a profile here on AO3 and everyone should check her out!!!


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